So Long and Goodnight...

Gerard’s P.O.V.

As soon as I met her eyes, my heart stopped beating, my breath caught in my throat, and every ounce of blood in my veins turned to ice in an instant. Before I could even remind myself that there was no possible way in Hell or anywhere else that this was really her (because she was as dead as the ground beneath my feet), my eyes began to fill with tears and my legs became very weak.

I just barely managed to stay standing.

As I stared at her, not knowing what to say or if I should say anything at all, her eyes filled with tears too, which quickly spilled over onto her smooth, pale cheeks.

Neither of us said anything for what seemed like an eternity but finally her lips parted and she spoke so softly that I could’ve only imagined I heard her gut-wrenchingly familiar voice.

“Gerard…” she stated. She didn’t have to ask if it was really me. She knew. I wanted to say the name that kept pinballing through my head. I wanted to scream it over and over again and never stop but …I was scared. I was so afraid that at the very mention of her name, she would turn to mist and dissolve in front of my eyes …so instead I touched a very shaky hand to my lips and muffled a sob as my tears spilled over and formed matching waterfalls down both sides of my face.

She slowly raised herself off the ground using the fence behind her for support, neither of us taking our eyes off each other for a second.

Shaking despite the comfortable temperature of the palm tree scented California night air around us, she reached out a slender hand to touch my arm and I involuntarily took an unsure step backwards.

The look of hurt that registered on her face as her black nails just barely brushed my tattered leather jacket broke what was left of my heart and I regretted it but I was so mind-fucked and I had no idea what to believe. What I was seeing, as real as it seemed to me, could not be the truth …no matter how desperately I wanted to embrace it.

“No,” I whispered through my tear stained lips. “This …this isn’t …you’re not…” I dropped to my knees and covered my face with my hands as a terrifying thought finally occurred to me. “Oh my God. I’m going crazy.”

I heard two light footsteps and knew that thegirl ghost was standing in front of me.

“No Gerard,” she whispered softly as she kneeled before me and wrapped her pale, icy hands around my wrists and gently pulled them away from my face though I kept my eyes closed for fear of what I would see in front of me. “You’re not crazy. I know this whole situation is but you’re not. Gee, it’s me. I swear it’s really me …It’s …Helena.”

As soon as the name escaped her lips it was like an electric current shot through my body and I inhaled sharply, unaware (until then) that I had been holding my breath. My hands, now at my sides, were covered by hers and suddenly, she didn’t seem quite as cold as she had before. But how could this be? My Helena was …dead. So how could she possibly be here before me now?

I slowly opened my eyes and found myself gazing into her crystal blue ones and was filled with a sense of calm that I hadn’t experienced since exactly five years ago on the night that I said goodbye to Helena on my porch …though I never imagined that I was saying goodbye to her for such a long time.

“But,” I whispered shakily, my eyes still spilling over. In my heart a vicious battle was being fought between doubt and belief and I had no idea which side was right …but I was rooting for belief.

I blinked a few tears from my eyes and tried to speak again. It was hard to accomplish but she understood and tightened her grip on my hands to let me feel that she was flesh and bone, not a ghost from beyond the grave. “I don’t understand how this can be. You were … We thought that you …”

“Died?” she finished for me as another wave of grief crashed over me.

I nodded.

“Well …to be perfectly honest …I was pretty sure I had too for a couple minutes. But I didn’t and I know that it wasn’t right to let you all think that I did but you have to understand that I had to. I have good reasons and I swear I’ll tell you everything just please …please don’t hate me, Gerard.” She was sobbing now and without a second thought I pulled her against my chest and wrapped my arms around her breathing in the familiar scent of her hair as if it were cocaine (which I suddenly realized I wasn’t craving anymore).

I held her close as I whispered into her ear. “Listen to me. No matter where you go or what you do, there is nothing that you or anyone else could ever do to make me come even close to hating you.” And without even thinking, I just let the words pour out of my mouth, the words that I wished for so long I could’ve had the chance to say to her. “I love you, Helena. I’ve always loved you.”

Shocked and taken off guard, she pulled back from me a bit but not enough to let our arms slip from around one another. She gazed into my eyes as her own glittered like polished gems and as fresh tears slipped from them, she said the words that had haunted my dreams since the day she’d left.

“I love you too, Gerard.” She smiled and let a small laugh escape her throat. “But you already knew that didn’t you?” I smiled for the first time in five years and then her lips crashed into mine and we tasted the salt of each others tears and as we wrapped our arms even tighter around one another, all doubt was cast from my heart. I knew that she was real and she was here. My Helena had come back to me and, finally, all was right with the world. I had everything I’d ever needed wrapped tightly in my arms and I was never going to let her go again.