So Long and Goodnight...

The first four periods went by unbelievably slow but you didn't mind.

Anything was better than being home.

You didn't know what you were going to do after school.

It was Friday and the last thing you wanted to do was stay home for the weekend.

You knew that much.

You were scared to death of your father but you would never admit it.

Another piece of "daddy's" unmatched wisdom:

"Fear is weakness."

"Pain is weakness."

"Tears are weakness."

You were surprised he hadn't told you breathing was weakness yet.

Everything you did, everything you were, everything you stood for represented weakness in his eyes.

But you didn't care.

You realized a long time ago that no matter what you did you would never be good enough for him.

You would never make him proud, so you just stopped trying.

When you finally got to lunch, you didn't even try to sit with the guys.

You figured they hated you so you went over to where Autumn, Brooke, and Raven sat.

Their books were there so they were probably up getting their food.

You already knew what would be on their trays.

Pizza for Autumn and Raven, and for Brooke, the same as always ...salad.

She was a hardcore vegetarian and animal lover, a member of PETA, and had been involved in many school wide protests of dissection in the classroom, just like Mikey.

You plopped down in one of the chairs that surrounded the circular table, laid your head down and waited for your three friends.

A few minutes later you heard someone sit down to the right of you.

You weren't quite sure who it was but you knew it wasn't Autumn, Brooke, or Raven.

They ALWAYS sat on the left side of the table.

You lifted your head to see Bob who had his elbows on the table and his chin resting on his fists.

You just sighed and laid your head back down.

There were about two minutes of extremely awkward silence before Bob caved in.

"Helena, We're sorry," he said, turning his blue-eyed gaze on you.

You lifted your head and stared at him for a couple of seconds.

"You mean you."

"Huh?"

"You're the only person I see sitting here so how can "we" be sorry?"

"I may be one person apologizing for the actions of five but, trust me, we all agree that we were total dicks to you this morning. We shouldn't have been like that. We have no excuse for the way we treated you. We were just hurt that you thought you had to hide something like that from us. We're your brothers, Lana. We ALWAYS will be and you know you can tell us ANYTHING. Shit, you could tell us you smoke pot and we'd totally understand."

You gasped and whipped your head around to look at him.

"How did you find out about the pot?"

Bobs eyes got big and he stared at you with shock. "What!?"

"Just kidding," you said with a smile.

Bob relaxed and turned to face straight ahead.

He turned to look at you and said:

"It's just that bruise that hurts, right? It's not your whole arm?"

"No. It's just the bruise." You answered, confused by the sudden change of subject.

Then all of a sudden Bob turned to you again and punched you in the upper arm.

"Ow!" you said with a laugh.
"You whore. What was that for?"
As if you didn't know.

"Don't ever do that again," he said and laughed.
"I almost believed you."

You turned your head to look at him and raised your eyebrow.

"Bob, don't lie."

"I'm not lying. I never believed you for a second."

You put your fist to your mouth and turned your head to the side.

"Liar," you said between fake coughs.

When he didn't say anything to you, you turned back to him.

He was smiling.

"BOB!" you heard somebody yell from across the room.

You both turned to see who it was.

It was Frank.

The other three were staring at you blankly.

Bob sighed. "Well I guess I gotta go. I don't do "girl talk" anyway."

Just as he said that, Autumn, Raven, and Brooke sat down at the table in their usual places with their usual lunches. You had to admit ...you had very predictable friends.

"Hey loser," you heard Raven say to you.

You knew she was just joking.

"Hey freak," you said back.
"Autumn, Brooke, how ya doin'?"

"I'm good," Brooke said cheerfully.

She was the happiest punk you'd ever met.

"I'm alright ...I guess," Autumn said tiredly.

"Hey Bob." all three said in unison.

"Hey guys. Listen I'd really love to stay and chat because I know I haven't seen you guys in forever, but I really have to go."

"Aw, why," Raven said sounding disappointed.

"BOB," Frank shouted, more forcefully this time.

"That's why. See you guys later, I promise," he said as he jogged off toward the table the guys were sitting at.

"So ...what was that all about," Autumn asked, curiously, breaking the silence that had settled over the table in the wake of Bobs hasty departure.

You opened your mouth to answer but Raven, as was her natural impulse, butted in with her own question.

"And why are you here?"

You snapped your mouth shut and turned your head to glare at her.

"Thanks, Rave. I feel welcome," you said sarcastically.

"Well, you usually sit with them," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the guys' table.

"Yeah, well ...they're kinda mad at me."

"Why," Autumn asked.

"It's a long story," you said trying to dodge the same bullet you took this morning.

"It's a long lunch period," she said, her dark brown eyes telling you that if you didn't tell her she was liable to get up and punch you in the face.

You sighed. "You're just gonna blow it all out of proportion."

You were starting to make her angry and it showed.

"Helena, if you don't fucking tell me right now, I swear to god, I'll hurt you."

You figured it would be harder for you to explain everything to them and you were tired of trying to justify your fathers' actions so you were going to let them draw their own conclusions.

You rolled up the sleeve of Frank's sweater and held out your arm.

As you looked around at the stunned and angry faces of your three friends, you could feel the tension building.

"It was your fucking dad, wasn't it?" Raven said, venom dripping from every syllable.

"Yeah," you sighed.

Everyone was silent for a long time.

It wasn't that they didn't care.

They cared a lot about you.

You knew that.

It was just that there was nothing to say at a time like that.

"Guy's," you said when you finally decided to break the silence.
"I showed you for two reasons, okay? One: I trust you and I expect you not to tell ANYONE. No teachers, no guidance counselors, or any other people, no matter what, got it?"

They all agreed after a lot of hesitation and debate.

"And two," you continued, "I didn't want you to hate me for being so weak ...like the guys do."

A sudden voice from behind you startled you but you were extremely happy to hear it.

"Kay, my turn," Gerard said.
"One: none of us could ever hate you even if we tried. And two: you're not weak ...you're probably one of the strongest people I know."

All the guys were with Gerard and they were all smiling at you as if to confirm what Gerard had said.

"Yeah, we just hate to see you hurt, Lana," Ray said
"And ever since ..."
he trailed off.

"Ever since they died," you finished for him, referring to your sister and mother.

"Yeah. Ever since then your dads been ten times worse than he was before."

"Only because I'm home more," you said.

Gerard smiled. "That's another reason we came over here," he said slipping an arm around your neck.

"We're all staying at my house for the weekend a-"

"Oh, I'm sure your parents are thrilled," you joked.

"Full to the brim with joy. It's practically oozing out of them," Gerard said sarcastically.
"But anyway we're going to a concert and we "just happen" to have one extra ticket."

Your eyes got wide. "Who," you asked.

"You'll see," Gerard said slyly as he walked away.

Everyone left except for Mikey who stayed behind and dropped into the chair Bob had sat in earlier.

"Hey, Lana?"

"Yeah?"

"Look. I just wanted to apologize for this morning when I poked you. I don't why the hell I did that. It was mean, and stupid, and I-"

"Mikey," you interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"I forgave you a long time ago."

He smiled and hugged you.

You both said goodbye to each other.

He said goodbye to the girls and left.

You noticed Brooke was in a trance and you snapped your fingers to pull her out of it.

"Huh?"

"Uh, Brooke. You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," she answered shyly. Then it dawned on you.

"You like him, don't you?"

"What!? Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Mikey."

She just looked down and poked through her salad a little.

When she looked back up, she was wearing the biggest smile you'd ever seen on her and she was blushing.