How to Love

“Will you knock that shit off?” Matt was cursing at Alexander as Dad and I walked up to the entrance of Stancato’s. They were both smoking, but as soon as Matt noticed us, he stomped his out and gestured for Alexander to do the same.

“I’m sorry!” Alexander exclaimed. “My body’s not used to all this health food yet. They’re protein farts.”

“Yeah, well, my nose isn’t used to your ass, so hold it in,” Matt rolled his eyes and faced away from him. “Hey Dad. Taking good care of my sister?”

“More like she’s taking good care of me,” Dad scoffed.

We all greeted each other and wished Alexander a happy birthday before heading inside. The hostess sat us at our usual round table in the corner and told us to help ourselves to the Italian buffet, their Tuesday special. Dad and Alexander went up first to grab their food while Matt and I opted to stay at the table and wait for them.

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize again about asking you to tell Dad about the baby,” Matt said after a few moments of silence. “It wasn’t cool. I should’ve just sacked up and told him myself.”

“It’s fine,” I shrugged him off. “No use worrying about it now. It’s done, it’s over with, he knows. Everyone’s alive. How’d Liz’s parents take the news?”

“Her mom was happy, I think,” Matt replied. “I don’t think her dad was all that surprised.” That didn’t shock me since Liz’s mom had given birth to Liz’s older sister Georgeann when she was pretty young herself, and Georgeann had given birth to her daughter around the same age Liz’s mom had Georgeann. It was almost expected that Liz would have a kid fairly early on in her life. But like Dad had said, at least she and Matt weren’t sixteen and in high school; they were adults.

“What are the two of you gonna do?” I asked.

Matt sighed and leaned back. “I don’t know. Right now we’re trying to figure out where we’re gonna live, and I’m trying to look around for another job. One step at a time, you know?” I nodded and he grabbed my arm and pulled me up when Dad and Alexander sat back down. “Come on, let’s go grab some pasta before Zander goes back and eats it all.”

Matt and I moved through the line together, grabbing plates and piling noodles on before drowning them in sauce. “How’s your gas station guy?” he asked as we made our way back to the table.

I laughed at his nickname for Jake. “He’s fine. He’s doing a good job so far.” I pulled my chair out and sat down, cutting into my spaghetti once I was situated.

“Who, Jake?” Dad asked with his mouth full. I nodded in response. “He’s a good kid. I like him.”

“Who’s Jake?” Alexander questioned, frowning. He was also still chewing while he spoke, a habit I wished they both would break. “Why was I not made aware of any Jakes?”

“He’s the new door guy,” Dad answered.

“He took me home from Clay’s party that night we were all over there,” I added. “Matt’s met him. There’s no need to get your hackles up there, dude.” I cleared my throat, desperate for a subject change. “Anyway, what are your plans for the big two-one this evening?”

“Matt and I are gonna meet up with some friends downtown and go to the casino,” Alexander responded. Dad looked like he wanted to say something but Alexander shut him down right away. “I’m gonna play the nickel slots for the free drinks and to check out the women. I’m not gonna blow all my money at the poker table, for Christ’s sake.”

Dad threw his hands up in defense. “I wasn’t gonna say anything. Just have fun and don’t be stupid. That’s all I was gonna tell you.”

“Right,” Alexander deadpanned. “Okay. I will. Don’t worry.” He continued to eat mostly in silence, as did the rest of us. After a few moments, Matt leaned over and tapped my shoulder, gesturing towards the door. “Isn’t that Gas Station Guy?”

I glanced towards the entrance and sure enough, Jake was standing there with a little old lady, helping carry her oxygen tank.

“Hey Jake!” Matt called over to him, obnoxiously loud. I hated going out to eat with Matt half of the time because there was always a good chance that he’d make a scene of some sort, just as he was doing now. He started to shamelessly wave like a crazy person to try to get his attention.

Jake’s eyes shifted around the room as he tried to locate the person screaming his name like a rabid fan-girl. He finally spotted Matt and waved back, saying something to the old lady he was with – I assumed it was his grandmother – before guiding her over to our table to talk to us. “Hey, how’s it going?” He extended a hand to Alexander. “I don’t think we’ve officially met. I’m Jake, and this is my grandmother, Marianne.”

We all introduced ourselves and then Dad invited them to join us for dinner since we had some extra room at the table. I wasn’t really expecting them to say yes, but the next thing I knew, Jake was setting his grandma up in the spot next to my dad before he took a seat in between his grandmother and me. “So we meet again.”

“It appears so,” I sighed, pretending to be put out by this fact. In fact, I was pretty excited. I’d had a trying day with the Andrea thing, and Jake usually provided a stress-free encounter. “At this point, I’m starting to think you’re stalking me.”

“Or you’re stalking me,” Jake smirked. “I mean, I can see why. I’m pretty cool, you know.”

“I’d say egotistical,” I scoffed. “And usually you’re the one that walks in after me, not the other way around.”

“Well, either way, I don’t think either one of us is going anywhere,” Jake shrugged. “Study buddies for life and all that. Except that now I’m gonna go leave to grab some food.” He turned towards Marianne. “Grandma, what do you want me to get you? Rigatoni?”

“I’ll just have some soup,” she answered quietly, shaking her head. “I’m not that hungry.”

“Okay then,” Jake nodded. “I’ll grab that and be right back.” He glanced down at the oxygen tank and gave her a joking smile. “Don’t go running off on me now.”

Marianne snorted. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” Jake laughed as he walked away, and then Marianne turned to me. “So you’re the famous Veronica.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked, chuckling nervously.

She smiled kindly. “It’s a good thing. Jake’s got nothing but nice things to say about you. He said you were pretty, but he really underplayed that.” I smiled and shifted awkwardly in my seat. I never did quite learn how to take a compliment. Marianne smiled again, but this time apologetically. “I’m sorry honey; I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. But tell me something, though. Are you the one who gave Jake that book?”

I nodded. “Yes, I was. He said he needed it for his English class.”

“How did you get him to actually read it, though?” she asked. “He took me to a doctor’s appointment earlier today and when I came out into the waiting room when I was done, he was reading! Imagine my surprise; I haven’t seen that kid read anything in roughly ten years. If he wasn’t so smart, I’d think he was illiterate.”

I started to express my shock, but then Jake interrupted when he brought Marianne her soup. “Who’s illiterate?”

“Apparently you,” I quipped. “And apparently you’re also rude for interrupting.”

Marianne had to stifle her laughter after she saw the look of fake hurt on Jake’s face. “Sheesh. Glad to see you two are getting along so well, even if you are ganging up on me. I trust you’ll trade embarrassing stories about me while I’m gone, though. Just do me a favor Gram, and don’t tell her the one about the hose.”

“Well, now I have to know the story about the hose,” I insisted when Jake was a safe distance away.

Marianne was laughing again, but pulled it together to tell me the story. “When he was a little boy, he spent the night at my house one evening. When I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t find Jake anywhere in the house, so assumed he’d just gone outside to play. A few minutes go by, and the next thing I know, I get a call from my neighbor asking me if I was aware of what my grandson was doing and told me to go check my front yard. I went outside and there’s Jake, buck naked, laughing wildly and spraying cars with my watering hose as they go by. I didn’t know whether to burst into hysterics or whack that child.”

The more I thought about the story and the more I tried to picture the scene, the harder I laughed. Marianne was also cracking up, but when we noticed Jake walk back to the table and sat down, we tried to calm ourselves down, and for the most part we were successful, save for the smirks on both of our faces. Jake looked between us a few times and then sighed like he was deflating. “You told her the hose story, didn’t you?”

That sent us off laughing again, and then everyone at the table wanted to know what we were laughing about, so Marianne retold the story, much to Jake’s dismay. He was a good sport about it, but he seemed determined to get a similar embarrassing story about me out of my family. “Come on, there’s gotta be something. You can’t go through your whole childhood without a mortifying hose story.”

Dad looked like he was trying to think of a good story, but then Matt interjected. “Wait, I thought of one. Tell the one about the tail.”

“Oh lord,” Dad looked partially shamed by this memory as well, but went on to explain it anyway. “When Veronica was about two, I forgot to lock the door and she walked in the bathroom at the exact moment I was getting out of the shower, and I didn’t have time to cover myself with a towel. She just pointed between my legs and asked so innocently, ‘Daddy, what’s that?’ I’m not about to tell my two year old about male genitalia, so I told her that that was my tail, and was kind of like, ‘Okay,’ and went on with her business and it was fine. Then I took her to the grocery store later that day and when we were in line, she just suddenly turned around in line and said to the woman behind us really loudly, ‘Hey lady, my dad’s got a tail.’ If there was ever a moment that I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole, it was that one because you could tell from the look on that woman’s face that she knew exactly what Veronica meant.”

By the time he was done, the whole table was laughing, myself included. Dad was also chuckling to himself, though he was slightly red from reliving the embarrassment.

“That’s not really embarrassing for her, though,” Jake commented when everyone had calmed down, elbowing me. “Got any more stories?”

“I hardly think it’s fair that we hear two of mine if we’ve only heard one of yours,” I argued. I couldn’t think of any particularly humiliating events that my family would know, but I didn’t want the wheels turning in my brothers’ heads any longer. I looked past Jake to Marianne. “Do you have any more about Jake?”

“Why don’t we just quit while we’re ahead and leave it at that?” Dad interjected, coming to both our rescues. “I’m sure there will be plenty of other times to harass one another.”

We continued to talk around the table, but the subject of embarrassing moments never came up again. Instead, Matt told a lot of tales about the crazies that sometimes came into his work which continued to make us laugh. He and Jake got along really well, which I had to admit I was pretty pleased about. I was expecting there to be a certain level of tension there because of his older brother status, but conversation came easily between them without Matt giving him the grand inquisition. Eventually, they started talking about weekend plans. “Liz and I are gonna go midnight bowling on Saturday night. You should bring Veronica. We can double date.”

“Let me check with the boss,” Jake said and turned to me. “Are there any viewings Saturday?”

“Nope,” I shook my head. “Nothing until next Monday.”

“Well, do you wanna go bowling with Matt, Liz, and my lovely, lovely self?” he asked, fluttering his eyelashes girlishly, which made me laugh. “I can add another lovely to my description if it’ll convince you.” He knocked his knee against mine under the table.

“Sure, it sounds fun,” I agreed. I hadn’t gone bowling in probably almost two years, partially because I was terrible at it and partially because I rarely had anyone to go with.

“And are you willing to call it a date, or are we still non-date dating?” Jake asked. “Inquiring minds would like to know.” He knocked his knee against mine again, but instead of moving it, he just left it there, touching mine.

I hesitated a moment, but smiled in spite of myself before answering. “I guess we can call it a date.” Actually saying the words out loud felt nice, and they seemed to just roll off the tongue.

“Good!” Matt interrupted. “Because we are not calling it a non-date double date. One, that’s stupid, and two, I’m in a relationship, Goddamnit. Liz and I go on dates. Therefore you two are going on a date with us. End of story.”

“Yes, sir,” I saluted sarcastically. “Since when are you in charge of my personal life?”

“When you made me your secretary,” Matt replied with a shrug. “It comes with the territory. But it’s settled then? We’ll all go out and go bowling on Saturday?”

Jake nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

“Cool,” Matt said. “We can all meet at Yorktown Lanes at eleven forty-five. Maybe we could grab some food or something after, too.”

“I’m in,” I said enthusiastically. Hopefully this date would go better than our first non-date date, where I’d basically called Jake a liar, only to make myself look like a jealous idiot.

“Why am I not invited?” Alexander asked, looking somewhat hurt. We hadn’t even been aware that he was listening.

“You can come if you bring a date, dude,” Matt told him. “It’s exclusively a date thing. Are you seeing anyone? I think not.”

“Tell that to the two girls that always come over for hot tub parties,” Alexander defended himself.

“Yeah, they come for the hot tub,” I reminded him. “And besides, they both have boyfriends, and one of them is your ex, and the other is Ryan’s ex. Someone’s gonna kick your ass one of these days, and I’m gonna laugh. I don't know how many times I've warned you about that.”

Matt chuckled and Jake joined him half-heartedly.

“Well, maybe you’ll meet someone at the casino tonight,” Matt suggested, trying to be helpful. “And then you can bring her. Or him.”

“I’m not gay,” Alexander barked, irritated.

Matt threw his hands up in defense. “I didn’t say you were. I’m just not discriminating here.”

“You’re going to the casino tonight?” Jake asked, trying to break the mounting tension between Alexander and Matt.

“Yeah,” Alexander answered, seemingly calming down immediately. “Today’s my birthday, so we figured we’d have a night out on the town.”

“Oh, happy birthday,” Jake told him. “I take it it’s the big twenty-one if that’s where you’re headed off to.”

“Yeah,” Alexander repeated with a nod.

“I hit that last week,” Jake said. “Pretty cool, I’ve gotta say. You never have to worry about getting carded again.”

“Amen,” Alexander said. “That’s probably what I’m most excited about.”

After a little while as we were wrapping things up, Dad and I decided to give Alexander our birthday gifts. Dad slid him an envelope with five hundred dollars in it “for school,” though we both knew he’d probably blow it on something stupid. I’d decided to get Alexander an Amazon gift card so that he could buy whatever he wanted, since I had no idea what to get him, as usual. He appreciated both of these things, and thanked Matt in advance for his night on the town, since Matt was paying for everything as his gift.

“I didn’t know it was your birthday, so I’m a little unprepared,” Jake said, feigning embarrassment. He reached across the table and handed Alexander his leftover food. “Feel free to help yourself to that as your present.”

We all laughed, and Alexander happily ate Jake’s rigatoni, thankful for more carbs to burn at the gym. After a few more minutes, Jake glanced down at his grandmother’s oxygen tank and announced that they’d better get going. We all said good-bye and said it was nice meeting each other, and on his way out, Jake winked at me. “See you tomorrow, study buddy.”

“Study buddy?” Matt repeated when he was out the door. “Are you in the Goddamn third grade?”

Dad paid the check after a few more minutes and we headed out to our cars, bidding each other good-bye. Dad and I waved after Alexander and Matt as they pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street. We made our way to Dad’s car and geared up to go home.

“That was a nice surprise,” Dad commented while we waited for the car to warm up. “Marianne’s a really sweet woman.”

“I liked her,” I agreed, nodding.

“Easy to see where Jake gets his charm from,” Dad added. I looked up and met his sideways glance. “He really is a nice guy, Veronica.”

“I know,” I said.

“There’s not that many of them out there,” he said.

I scoffed and repeated myself. “I know. Trust me, I could testify to that.” I finally met his eyes. “Something you wanna say there, Dad?”

He shrugged casually. “I’m just saying don’t let a good opportunity pass you by, that’s all.”