How to Love

Early the next morning, I realized that I should have taken Jake’s advice. I woke up at eight-thirty with a pounding headache, despite the preemptive hangover cure food from the night before. I would have given anything to go back to bed for another two or three hours, but I willed myself to start my day. I headed into the bathroom for some aspirin and water, downing a few of those before heading back to my room to make my bed and grab a change of clothes. I took a fast shower, got dressed, threw some makeup on, and headed into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. My dad was sitting in his usual seat at the head of the table, sipping a cup of coffee and reading the paper. I went over to kiss his cheek. “Morning, Dad.”

“Oh, hey,” he greeted. “I didn’t think you were here. Your car wasn’t in the parking lot. I figured you spent that night at Alexander’s.”

“That was my original plan,” I told him, grabbing a bowl and my box of Rice Krispies from the cabinets. “The party wasn’t that great, so I got a ride back. I’ll see if Alexander and Ryan will bring my car back later.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.” He was silent as I made my way to the seat opposite him at the table. “So the party sucked?”

I shrugged. “It didn’t quite suck. I didn’t really know anyone. I probably would have had more fun if I knew more people.”

“No one was indecent towards you, were they?” he asked. He’d actually looked up from the paper to look me in the eyes and address me.

I shook my head and lied. “Nope.” He didn’t need to know about the incident with Pervert Paul. “Everyone was nice enough.”

Dad looked at me for a beat longer than he normally would have, though he didn’t ask me anything else about it. Instead, he turned the conversation towards business, about the only thing we could actually have a full conversation about anymore. “Did you get any responses about the doorman position yet? I need someone for this afternoon.”

“I know,” I assured him. “And I found someone. His name’s Jake. He’ll be here around one-thirty.”

“Good,” Dad nodded. “Thank you for finding someone so quickly.” He rolled his eyes a little bit. “I just hope that this one’s up to your standards.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “But this one doesn’t have a unibrow, so we’re off to a good start.”

Dad actually smiled a little, something he rarely did since Mom died. “I’m gonna go get the Lincoln washed for the funeral tomorrow. I’ll be back in about an hour.” He slid the paper over to me and grabbed his coffee cup, placing it in the sink before grabbing his coat and keys and heading out.

I finished my bowl of cereal and took a quick read through the paper, allowing myself to do the word search before heading into the office. I spent the next few hours answering phones and working on the holy cards so that they would be ready before the viewing. I also spent a little time downstairs cleaning the foyer and big chapel, making sure they looked immaculate. I had just finished putting the holy cards out when I noticed Jake’s car roll into the parking lot. He got out, wearing a nice fitted black suit, with a white dress shirt and traditional black tie. I had to admit, he looked damn good.

He let himself in, taking a look at the foyer. He glanced at the stairs living up to the living quarters, looking uncomfortable.

“They’re just stairs,” I called over to him. “They’re not gonna bite.”

“Oh, hey Veronica,” Jake greeted, breaking out into a smile. “I didn’t see you over there.”

“I noticed,” I said, walking over to join him by the stairs. “Nice suit, by the way.”

“Are you being sarcastic or is that an actual compliment?” Jake asked. “I can never tell with you.”

“That was actually me being nice,” I replied. “It happens on occasion. Just don’t get used to it.” I gestured towards the stairs. “Come on. Let’s get you filled in on the way things work here.” He followed me up the stairs and through the accordion doors, allowing me to lead him down the hallway and into the office. Dad was standing by the window, flipping through one of the manila folders. “Hey Dad.”

“Oh, hey,” he turned to face us. “I assume this is our new guy?”

I nodded and Jake immediately went to shake Dad’s hand. “Jake Damon.”

“Michael Polanski,” Dad introduced himself, meeting Jake’s grip with his own.

“Nice to meet you, Sir,” Jake said.

“You too,” Dad nodded. “Nice to have you working here.” He tilted his head in my direction. “Just be careful around her. She’s notorious for ensuring short employments.”

Jake smiled awkwardly. “I’ll be sure to do that.”

“Well, I apologize for this short introduction, but I’d better get downstairs before the family gets here,” Dad said. “Veronica will fill you in on everything you need to do. I’ll see you downstairs again in a little while.” He left and headed down, leaving Jake and I alone.

“So like I told you already,” I started, “you have a very complicated job, holding the door open for people and then closing it behind them. Smart guy like you, though, I think you can handle it.”

“Gee, I hope so,” Jake scoffed with an eye roll. “Anything else?”

“Just make sure you greet people,” I told him. “Acknowledge that they’re there. Be friendly. Make small talk, if necessary. Also, typically you’ll have to wear a name tag when you work, but I didn’t have time to get you one for today on such short notice, so I’ll have one for you next time.”

“Sounds good,” Jake nodded along.

“We’ll usually ask you to come about half an hour before the start of the visitation since sometimes the immediate family arrives early,” I continued. “But don’t worry; you’ll be paid for that time. Also, when you work a visitation, you’ll have to fill out one of these little forms.” I plucked one off the top of the filing cabinet in order to demonstrate. “Just write your name at the top, mark what you’re supposed to be getting paid for – in your case it’s ‘viewing and one-hour cleaning’ – write your times down, date it, and write the family’s name down at the bottom. It’s easy. Then just leave it on my desk and I’ll get it into the computer so I can pay you.”

“What are all these other jobs?” Jake asked.

“Just some other jobs. You get paid thirty dollars for being a pall bearer,” I answered. “That’s when you help carry the casket out to the hearse. The body dressing pays twenty dollars, and that’s when you’d help my dad get a body dressed for a funeral. Body dressing with casketing is twenty-five dollars, which is essentially the same thing except that you help him get the body into the casket. Morning funeral help is thirty dollars, and that’s pretty much like working the door and helping with odds and ends. Doctor runs are when you take a death certificate to a doctor’s office to get it signed, and those are fifteen dollars.”

“That’s not too bad at all,” Jake raised his eyebrows in interest. “Would I be able to do any of that?”

“Most likely, if you’re interested,” I said “You’ll get paid every Friday. I usually have the check ready by noon, but in rare instances when I’m extremely busy, they won’t be ready until probably two.”

“Money for the weekends,” he commented, smiling. “Excellent.”

“Oh, and I know that working the door gets boring after a while, or you might get tired of standing around, so I don’t mind if you take a break every now and then,” I added. “I’ve worked the door on many occasions, I know how it gets. So feel free to come up and hang out in the kitchen or get a glass of water or whatever, but don’t leave the door unattended for more than ten minutes, and don’t take a break, like, every twenty minutes. You can ask the last doorman why that didn’t work out so well. Although today’s viewing is small, and it’s two two-hour shifts with two hours in between, so I don’t imagine it’ll be too strenuous.”

“No, I don’t imagine it will be,” Jake agreed. “What about the cleaning?”

“I’ll make you a checklist and show you exactly what needs to be done when the family leaves,” I told him. “Again, it’s not rocket science. I’m not looking for you to give the whole place and top to bottom scrub down or anything. It’s just a small surface clean.”

“Will I be able to put my vacuum skills to good use?” he asked coyly.

“Yes,” I semi-laughed. “We’ll see if they’re as brag-worthy as you say they are.”

“Oh, they are,” Jake ensured me. He glanced at his watch. “Well, it’s about one forty-five. Guess I should be going downstairs, huh?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It looks like some of the family’s coming early. Good luck.”

“Yeah, hopefully I won’t slam the door in anyone’s face,” Jake joked and waved before heading downstairs. “See ya.”

I waved back and I heard him head down the hall, shutting the accordion doors behind him when he made his way to the stairs. I spent the next few hours answering the phones while my dad was downstairs with the family, while also playing a few games of Mahjong and Solitaire in the meantime. Slightly before four, I decided that I could probably call Alexander about getting my car back. He didn’t pick up the first few times I called, but on my third or fourth try, he finally answered.

“What do you want?” he asked in a tired voice.

“You sound like shit,” I commented. “Party too hard last night, dancing queen?”

He inhaled deeply. “Yes. And remind me never to drink that much – or dance – ever again.”

“Yeah, you’ll be singing a different tune on your birthday next week,” I brushed him off. “Anyway, it’s probably a bad time, but I need my car back.”

He groaned loudly. “I can’t even get out of bed. How am I supposed to drive your car back?”

“Talent and precision,” I answered.

“Can’t you just fucking call Matt about it?” Alexander asked. There was some mumbling in the background, and he then added, “Yeah, call Matt. Ryan said he could drive over and he’ll follow Matt to the FH so he’ll have a ride back to his car.”

“I’ll call Matt about it and let you know,” I said. “Make sure you’ve got your phone volume turned all the way up.”

“God, I hate you,” he moaned before hanging up. I laughed a little and then dialed Matt, who unlike Alexander, answered on the first try.

“Well, if it’s not my favorite sister,” Matt greeted.

“I Goddamn better be your only sister,” I joked. “Anyway, I need a favor.”

“Of course you do,” Matt said. I could practically hear him roll his eyes. “What is it?”

“Can you drive to Alexander’s and pick up my car?” I requested. “Ryan said he’ll follow you and drive you back.”

“I’m happy to do that,” Matt agreed easily. “But you’ve gotta do me a favor, too.”

“I’m not shaving the back of your neck again,” I responded. “You’ve got a girlfriend trying to become a licensed cosmetologist. That’s her job.”

“No, not that,” Matt said. “I want you to tell Dad about the baby.”

I groaned, slumping in my chair. “Aw, come on, Matt. You’ve gotta be kidding me. That’s not even close to fair. You retrieving my car doesn’t warrant me telling dad that you and Liz are expecting.”

“Please, Veronica?” Matt begged. “I’m already on thin ice with the guy after the whole college thing. He’s gonna kill me if I tell him.” Matt had pleaded with my dad to go away to college a few years prior, and my dad had relented and helped him out with tuition and also paid for his classes and the majority of his text books. About two years in, Matt decided that college was not the place for him, and he dropped out. “If you tell him, he won’t freak out as much.”

“Yeah, right,” I rolled my eyes. “He’s still gonna be pissed, whether I tell him or you do.”

“Yeah, but if you tell him, I’m not gonna have to be there to see it,” Matt reminded me. Seeing Dad lose his temper was never a pretty sight. He was a very even-tempered guy, and it generally took a lot to rile him up. Dad was a quiet type of mad, and you could evaluate his anger level based on how low his voice got. His lips also tended to slowly disappear, like he was involuntarily trying to swallow them in order to keep from blowing up. In seventeen years, I’d only witnessed him get extremely pissed a handful of times, none of them at me, thankfully. The last time I’d seen him boil over was probably when Alexander had decided to change his major, thus dropping several of the classes that Dad had paid for, and that had been back in early November. I couldn’t really blame Dad on that one, though. “Please, Veronica? It’s easier if you tell him. You can do no wrong in his eyes.”

“That’s not true,” I disagreed. “He got pissed the other day when I fired Joey and Tabby.”

“That’s because you have the tolerance of a gnat,” Matt quipped. “But did you get reprimanded? You did not. He just told you to find someone else to do the job.”

“I don’t get in trouble any less than you guys do,” I tried again.

“Oh, you don’t? Example time!” Matt chirped. “I decided to drop out of college at twenty. He threw a fit. You decided to drop out of high school at sixteen. He didn’t even bat an eye. Alexander dropped a couple of classes. Dad read him the riot act. You got a D in that math class you took last semester and told Dad you’d have to retake it. He didn’t even get mad and just told you to try harder next time.”

“You’re wrong on a couple of things,” I corrected. “You decided to drop out without telling him, and he spent tons of money to send you away. Public school was free, and I asked him. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, he just needed the help around here and I don’t think he knew how to say no. Alexander just up and changed his major, and again, Dad paid for those classes. As far as the math class I took, I’d never taken Algebra II, so I had no idea what was going on, and we were super busy for a few months at the funeral home. Plus, I’ve never gotten a D in my life, and I did fine in everything else.”

“I think of it as favoritism,” Matt seemed to shrug. “But anyway, will you do it? Otherwise, you’re gonna be without your car.”

I sighed, finally relenting. “Yeah, fine, I’ll do it. Goddamnit.”

“That’s the sister I know and love,” Matt said. “Is there a viewing going on right now?”

“It ends at four and it’s starting again at six,” I told him.

“Perfect time frame,” Matt replied. “See you in half an hour.”

I hung up on him and tried to concentrate on something else, but I found myself losing at Mahjong and Solitaire, so I gave up and ventured out into the kitchen to find Jake sitting at the kitchen table with my dad, who was actually laughing. Full-heartedly. I hadn’t heard that in what seemed like forever.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

Jake was also laughing pretty hard, so I had to wait until one of them finally calmed down enough to tell me. Dad was the first one to chill out and answer. “We were just talking about this one gentleman that was here.” He started to laugh a little again. “He had his pants way up over his stomach and Jake was saying that he looked like Captain High-Pants.” They both burst into hysterics again and didn’t stop again for another minute or so. I laughed along since I found the comment mildly funny, though since I hadn’t been there for the initial joke, I couldn’t appreciate it as much as they evidently did. Still though, I continued smiling. It was nice to see my dad laugh and enjoy himself again. It was too bad that the news I’d have to deliver to him would change all that.