Wasted

That night neither of us got any sleep, especially Sam. Every time I woke up through the night, I saw him sitting on his bed. He had his dad’s journal still in his lap, trying to make sense of it. I would tell him to go to sleep. He would grumble in response. And Dean would pull me back under the covers. But now it’s been a little over a week since the fire. California was far behind in our rearview mirror. I was sitting in the front, following a map so we knew where we were headed. Sam jerked in the backseat and I saw him wake up. He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes.

“You okay?” Dean asked, generally considered for his brother. I smiled at his sensitivity. Sam looking in the mirror and back to out the window.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Dean nodded. I knew he didn’t believe it.

“Another nightmare?” I asked, face still in the map. Sam didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to. Dean and I already knew the answer to that.

“You wanna drive for a while?” I smiled at his gesture. Sam laughed.

“Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that.” Dean shrugged.

“Just thought that you might want to. Never mind then.” He said.

“Look, guys, you’re worried about me. I get it, and thank you. Really, but I’m perfectly okay.” I looked back at him. I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me. “Ken, I’m fine.” I gave him a look saying that we’d talk later. He nodded and took the map from me. “Alright. Where are we?” he asked.

“We are just outside of Grand Junction.” Sam folded the Colorado map to show the coordinates we were given.

“You know what? Maybe we shouldn’t have left Stanford so soon.” I knew that was coming.

“Sam, we dug around there for a week.” I told him. “We swept the place clean and we couldn’t find anything. If you wanna find the thing that killed Jessica-”

“We gotta find Dad first, I know.” Sam interrupted.

“John, disappearing, and then this son of a bitch coming back after twenty years…” I trailed off. “This doesn’t just happen.” I said to the two of them. Dean looked at me for a second.

“Dad will have the answers. He will know what to do.” Sam looked at the map.

“Guys, it’s weird. These coordinates he left us. Blackwater Ridge.” I looked at him, with my eyebrows furrowed. “There’s nothing there. It’s just woods.” I asked for the map back and he returned it. “Why would Dad send us to the middle of nowhere?” I shrugged.

“Maybe the gig is in the middle of nowhere.” I suggested. About three hours later we pulled up to a ranger station of the Lost Creek National Forest. There was a three-dimensional model of the entire forest. I leaned over to look at it. “Whoa.” I said, Dean came up behind me.

“No kidding.” Sam came over to us and looked for himself.

“It looks like Blackwater Ridge is confined to this area here.” He said. “It’s cut off by these canyons, terrain, forests, and gold and silver mines.” Dean got bored with all of Sam’s forest talk. He went over to a framed photo of a man with a bear.

“Dude, check out the size of this friggin bear.” Sam and I looked at each other and shook our heads. I rolled my eyes at Dean, but we joined him.

“There are also a dozen or more grizzlies in that area.” Sam responded. “It’s no nature hike, that’s for sure. I heard footsteps behind us and turned to see a ranger. The boys didn’t hear him so when he spoke they were startled.

“You boys aren’t planning on goin gout near Blackwater Ridge by any chance?” I shook my head.

“No, sir. We’re environmental study majors from UC Boulder, just working on a paper for our class.” Sam laughed a little bit at my cover. Dean smiles, probably proud.

“Recycle, man.” Dean said. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Bull.” The ranger said. I laughed.

“Excuse me?” Dean met my eyes, but didn’t move.

“You are friends of that Haley girl, aren’t ya?” Dean thought about it looking at me. I shrugged slightly.

“Yes, yes, we are, Ranger…Wilkinson.”

“I will tell you exactly what I told her.” Ranger said. “Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying that he would be out there until the twenty-forth. You can’t file a missing person’s if his whereabouts are known.” Dean nodded his head, agreeing. “You tell that girl to quit worrying. I’m sure that her brother’s just fine.”

“We will.” I said.

“Well, that Haley girl’s quite a pistol, huh?” it took everything that I could muster not to shoot him a glare. “Actually, what would help us convince her is if I could show her a copy of that permit. You know, so we could show her when her brother’s return date is.” The ranger eyed Dean and then look to me. I sighed.

“It would set her mind at ease.” I said, going along with his stupid plan, even though I didn’t want to. I knew exactly what he would be looking for with her. The ranger nodded to me.

“I’ll be right back.” The ranger said as he went to make a copy. He left the three of us alone in an awkward silence. I took a look at Dean and saw the look on his face. As soon as I the ranger mentioned a girl I knew he’d weasel his way in somehow I rolled my eyes and stalked out of the station and to the car. I leaned against it and ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t understand how Dean could hear female and go running. It was frustrating. What was worse is that I was letting it get to me. It never had before. He was my best friend. It was hard for me to be mad at him. He’s just been really pig-headed. A minute later, Sam followed me out on his own, leaving Dean to wait for the copy. He joined me, leaning against the car.

“How you doin’, Sam?” I asked him. He smiled and shook his head.

“I’m fine. But I didn’t come out here to talk about me.” I looked to him, confused. “What’s going on with you and Dean?” I furrowed my brow.

“W-what are you talking about?” he smiled at my lie. “There isn’t anything going on.”

“Come on, Ken. You know what I’m talking about. I mean, the whispering, the hand-holding, the… he thought. “…sleeping together without sleeping together. I have never seen Dean do that.” He said. I blushed and bit my lip. I did not want to discuss my relationship with Dean. Especially when I didn’t know what our relationship was.

“We just comfort each other, Sam. It’s nothing more than that.” He looked at me, but I kept my gaze forward. “It’s really hard out here, Sam. Half the time I’m wishing I have a stable home and the other half I’m loving what I do. And then our parents gone. Your dad missing. We cheer each other up.”

“You don’t get that annoyed at a guy talking about girls unless you want more than what you have.” He said. I looked at him. “You wish you had more.” I noticed that he didn’t pose it as a question. How could he know that if I didn’t even know that? My eye flashed to the station when I heard the door close. I felt an involuntary smile form on my lips when I saw him smiling. Sam bumped with his hip and I grumbled at him.

“If you say one word, I will feed you to whatever we come across next.” I said pointing my finger into his chest. He slid away from me with his hands in the air. “When did you get so smart?” Dean walked over to us, looking between us, confused. He shook it off, holding up the permit.

“Got it.” Dean said. “Let’s go find her.” I could tell he was a little excited. I shook my head and tried not to let it get to me. Sam looked to me, smiled, and looked at Dean again.

“Are you, uh, looking for a hook-up or something?” he asked Dean. My eyes went wide when the question clicked in my brain.

“What do you mean?”

“The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let’s go find Dad. This girl doesn’t know anything we wouldn’t. we really don’t need to talk to her. Unless…” He trailed off and I glared at him. Sam walked around to the other side of the car, ignoring my stare. I decided to choose the backseat.

“No.” He said, quickly avoiding my eyes in the rearview, something he’s never done. “I don’t know. Maybe we should know what we’re walking into before we walk into it?” There was a silence as we gathered into the car. “Since when are you all ‘shoot first, ask questions later,’ anyway?” Sam shrugged.

“Since now.” He responded, turning his head to look at me. Dean caught this and looked at me through the rearview mirror. He looked confused. As I looked from his back to Sam I shrugged, now avoiding him. He shook his head and drove away from the ranger station and to the address on the camping permit. When we arrived at the Collins’ house, Sam and Dean walked to the door and I followed behind them. Dean knocked and we waited patiently until Haley opened the door. Dean smiled and I did my best not to roll my eye.

“You must be Haley Collins.” Dean inferred. “I’m Dean, this is Sam and McKenly. We’re uh…” I rolled my eyes and stepped forward.

“We’re rangers with the Park Service. Ranger Wilkinson sent us over. We’re here to ask you a few questions about your brother, Tommy.” I said, confidently. Haley hesitated though.

“Let me see some ID.” She ordered. I nodded and reached into my jacket pocket. I pulled out a green colored ID with too small print and a fake name. I showed it to her through the screen. Haley looked at it and back to the boys behind me. Dean showed a charming smile and I had an urge to punch him. Haley reached to open the door. “Come on in.” she said.

“Thanks.” Dean smiled. I bit my tongue. Once Dean was inside, Haley leaned around me to see outside.

“Is that your car?” she asked, noticing the Impala. Dean turned to face her.

“Yeah.” I kept my gaze on Haley while Sam’s moved to the Impala.

“Nice car.” She said. She led Dean, Sam and I into the kitchen where another boy was sitting on a laptop. Dean mouthed something to Sam when Haley had her back turned, but I didn’t catch it. I figured it was something about Haley, so I decided to get back to the case.

“So if Tommy’s not due back for a while, how do you know that there’s something wrong?” Haley came in with a bowl in her hand, placing it in front of the boy.

“He checks in everyday by cell.” She said, simply. “He emails, photos, stupid little videos… Now we haven’t heard anything in over three days now.” I nodded.

“Maybe he can’t get any cell reception.” She smiled at my digging.

“He’s got a satellite phone, too.”

“Maybe he’s having too much fun. Forgot to check in.” Dean suggested. I sighed. The other boy turned to face him.

“He wouldn’t do that.” He said to Dean. Dean eyed him until the boy looked away. Haley put another plate of food on the table.

“Our parents are gone.” Haley said. “It’s only me, Tommy and Ben now. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other.” She put her hands on Ben’s shoulders.

“Can I see the pictures he sent you?” Sam asked her. Haley nodded, leading Sam to the computer. I sat down next to Ben. Dean and Sam gathered around the computer.

“Is that the last time you’ve heard from your brother?” I asked him. He nodded. I could tell that he was upset about his missing brother. I put my hand over his. He stopped moving around on his computer. “We’re gonna do all that we can to find your brother.” He looked up at me and nodded. I felt eyes on me but I didn’t bother to look who it was, but the feeling went away when Dean spoke.

“We’ll find your brother. We’re heading out to Blackwater Ridge first thing in the morning.”

“Maybe we’ll see you there.” We all turned to Haley. “I can’t just sit around here anymore. So I hired a guy. I’m heading out in the morning, and I’m gonna find Tommy myself.”

“Haley, I’m not so su-” I started but Dean interrupted me.

“I think I know how you feel.” Him and I had a stare down until Sam spoke to Haley.

“Hey, do you mind forwarding these to me?” he asked. She nodded and moved back over to the computer to do so.

~

Later, the three of us went to a bar to score some money playing pool and get a beer. I needed one that’s for sure. We sat down at a table and Sam pulls out John’s journal. I groaned at the sight, really only wanting to relax and get so drunk. I grabbed my beer and took a long swig of it.

“So, Blackwater Ridge doesn’t get a lot of traffic. Local campers, mostly. But still, this past April, two hikers went missing out there. They were never found.” I shook my head and slammed my bottle on the table.

“Sam, please. Do we have to do this? Now?” I begged. “I need, like, eight drinks.” Sam smiled and shook his head, but continued anyway.

“Then in 1982, eight different people vanished all within a year. The police are blaming on a grizzly attack.” I finished my first beer quickly.

“Ah, but it never is.” He pulled out a bunch of newspaper clippings, followed by his laptop.

“Of course not. Because it happened before in 1959 and 1938.” Sam opened his laptop to one of the videos that Haley gave us of Tommy. “Every twenty-three years. Like clockwork.”

“This is looking more like our kinda thing every second.” Dean told Sam. I scoffed. No shit. I thought. Why else would your dad give us these coordinates.

“Just wait. This is one of the videos from Haley. Check this out.” Sam clicked through a few frames of it. Dean leaned in to see, but I was too busy with the last of my second beer.

“Do it again.” Dean ordered. He did. “McKenly, look at this.” He pulled the laptop over to me and clicked through the frames. I rolled my eyes at him ordering me around. But I watched anyway.

“What is it?” I asked. Sam shrugged.

“I don’t know. But that’s three frames. A fraction of a second. Whatever it is, its fast.”

“Well, it’s our kinda thing.” I said, asking for another beer. Dean eyed me and opened his mouth to speak but Sam closed his laptop and spoke first.

“One more thing.” He said, putting a newspaper down in between us. “In ’59, one of the campers survived. He was just a kid. Barely crawled out alive.” Dean picked up the paper.

“Is there a name?” Sam nodded. “Alright, we’ll check him out. Work on finding an address.” He looked to me again. “Ken, don’t you think that you should slow down.” I shook my head.

“Hell, no! I earned this money. If I wanna spend it, I can.” Dean groaned, stood up and took my drink from me. “Hey! That’s mine!” Dean shook his head.

“Not anymore.” He said, simply. He grabbed my arm and put me over his shoulder.

“Put me down, Dean!” I said, hitting his back. Someone came over and asked up if everything was okay. Dean made an excuse.

“Sorry about her. It’s my girlfriend. She had a little too much to drink. I’m gonna get her home.”

“I’ve hardly had anything to drink!” I shouted at him. I tried to look at Sam. “Sam?” I saw him show a smile.

“Seriously, Ken. You’ve got a problem. I groaned, fighting Dean as he carried me out of the bar and to the car. He set me down. Sam had stayed back in the bar.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked him.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? You’re giving me the cold shoulder. You’re drinking more than usual. You’re-”

“What’s your point, Dean?” I demanded glaring at him. He sighed.

“I saw you hold that kid’s hand.” I rolled my eyes.

“I was comforting him.” I stressed. “His brother is missing. If you can remember. I’ve done the same for you ever since John disappeared. And he is just that, Dean. A kid. You seemed to be making eyes at the girl anyway.” I yelled at him. I stopped to breathe. He just looked at me with his big green eyes. I sighed. “What would you care anyway?” He looked away.

“You know, believe it or not, I care about you, Ken.” I scoffed. “I sleep in the same bed at you because I care about you. you think that I do that for me?” I didn’t answer. “I don’t want you to be scared or have bad dreams. When I got to that house back in Jericho, and I saw you passed out…” He shook his head, unable to find the right words to say. “I don’t know. I’m just very protective of you.”

“I don’t need to be protected.” I said, between my teeth. “I may be a year younger than you, but I know just as much as you. I grew up just as fast as you did. I can take care of myself.”

“Then why are you still here?” He said, angrily. I was really taken aback by this. I took a step away from him and fought the tears that were stinging my eyes. His hard face didn’t change. “Why are you here if you don’t want to be protected and taken care of?” I bit my lip.

“Because you, Sam and John are all that I have. My voice cracked when I spoke through the tears. Finally, his face softened. “We’re a family, Dean.” I shook my head at him. “I thought that mean something to you.” The tears were only slowly falling but I was more angry now. Dean opened his mouth to speak, but then the bar’s door closed and we turned to see Sam coming out. I dried my tears on the sleeve of my jacket before he joined us.

“I found the guy’s address.” He said, standing between us. He looked between us. Dean’s eyes were on mine, but I looked away from both of them. No one answered, so I moved to the passenger side of the car. As I moved I spoke out loud.

“After this case, you won’t have to protect me anymore. I’ll get out of your way” I got in the back seat and stared out the window, crossing my arms over my chest.

“What did you do?” Sam asked Dean. Dean didn’t say anything. He only got in the car, quietly and started it.