Wasted

The car ride over to the man’s house was more silent than ever. I don’t think it’s been this quiet since we got Sam. The silence was deafening. I hated it. I couldn’t wait to get away from it. To get away from Dean.

The man let us in after we introduced ourselves as rangers. We said we wanted to talk to him about the night he was attacked.

“Look, rangers, I don’t know why you’re asking me about this.” He said, with a cigarette in his mouth. “I was a kid. That was forty-six years ago. My parents got mauled by a-”

“Grizzly?” Sam interrupted. “That’s what attacked them?” Shaw took a draw out of his cigarette and nodded.

“The other people that went missing that year, too? Were they bear attacks?” Why was he grilling this guy so hard? The man couldn’t answer. “What about all the people that went missing this year? Same thing?” I stepped in front of Dean and sat in a chair next to Shaw.

“Mr. Shaw,” I started. “if we knew what we were dealing with, we might be able to stop it.” Shaw stared at me for a moment before shaking his head.

“I seriously doubt it. It wouldn’t make a difference.” He put out his cigarette. “You wouldn’t believe me. no one ever did.”

“Trust me, sir, I believe in a lot of things.” I said, sincerely. “What did you see?” Shaw thought.

“N-nothing. I mean, it moved too fast.” He stumbled for words. “I couldn’t see it. It was a roar. I’d never heard anything like it before.”

“It came at night?” Sam asked. Shaw nodded in response. “Got inside your tent?” Shaw shook his head.

“Our cabin. I was asleep in front of the fireplace when it came in. there was no window smah or door broken in. The thing unlocked the friggin’ door. Do you know of a bear that could so something like that? Thing didn’t even wake up me. Not until I heard my parents scream.” Shaw recalled.

“Did it kill then?” I asked, earning a head shake from the man.

“I dragged them into the night.” Shaw shook his head not believing even what he was saying. “Why did It leave me? I’ve been asking myself ever since.” Shaw’s hand went to his collar. “Did leave me this though.” He pulled his shirt down a little. Three claw marks were scarred clear across his chest. “There is something evil back in those woods. It was some sort of demon.” I nodded.

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Shaw. We’ll see ourselves out.” I said, standing up. the old man grabbed my arm to stop me. The boys stepped forward, but I saw Shaw wasn’t going to do anything to hurt me, so I held my hand up and they stood back.

“You really think you can catch the damn thing?” I nodded.

“Catch it and kill it.” I promised. We let ourselves out of his house and returned to the car silently. I didn’t say anything. I only stared out the windows. Dean and Sam bounced ideas off of each other.

“Spirits and demons don’t need to unlock doors.” Dean stated. “If they want inside they just go through the walls.”

“Okay…” Sam started, “so, it’s probably something else. Something corporeal.” Well, at least he got something outta that college education.

“Corporeal? Excuse me, professor.” Dean joked. I shook my head at him, but didn’t say anything.

“Shut up. So what do you think?” Dean let out a breath, thinking.

“The claws. The speed that it moves. The thing could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog. We’re talking about a creature, and it’s corporeal. Which means we kill it.” Sam nodded.

“What about you, Ken?” Sam asked, turning in his seat to face me. I didn’t look away from the window.

“I don’t know. I just wanna kill the damn thing.” No one said anything after that and Sam turned back around. Dean drove to the next motel. We got out and stood at the trunk to make a bag for tomorrow’s adventure. Dean grabbed an empty duffel bag for us to put the stuff in. I helped load a few things in it. Sam stood back though and didn’t help.

“I’ve been thinking…” He started. “I don’t think we can let that Haley girl go out there.” Frankly, I agreed, only to keep Dean away from her. But I did see her side and knew she wouldn’t listen to us.

“Oh, yeah?” Dena questioned. “What exactly are we gonna tell her? That she can’t go into the woods because of a big scary monster?” I sighed, grabbed my bag of clothes, and turned to lean against the car to watch them fight.

“Yeah.” Sam stated and I laughed. He only moved to glare at me.

“No offense, Sam, but I don’t think she’ll believe us, let alone listen.” Dean looked from me to Sam.

“Her brother is missing. You heard her. She won’t sit this one out. Now if we go with her, we can protect her, and keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend.” Dean picked up the duffel and I pushed myself off the car.

“Is find Dad not enough?” Sam slammed the compartment and then the trunk. “Now we gotta babysit, too?” I noticed Dean glare at Sam. “What?” Sam questioned. Dan shook his head at his brother.

“Nothing.” He responded. Dean threw the bag to Sam and walked towards the lobby to get us a room. Sam and I stared after him.

“What do you think about Haley going?” I looked to him but his eyes were still pointed in Dean’s direction.

“I think she reminds me a lot of Dean, unfortunately. She just wants to find her brother and she’ll do anything and go anywhere to do it. Even if it means risking her own life.” I sighed. “Even if we told her what was out there, I’d bet she’d still go. Just like Dean would.” Sam nodded, but still didn’t face me.

“Are you really gonna take off?” I sighed again.

“I think so.” I said, sadly. “I think it’s for the best.” Sam finally turned to face me. “I don’t want to. But Dean is so over-protective. I couldn’t even comfort that Ben kid without Dean saying I was trying to get in his pants.” Sam shook his head, smiling. “What?”

“You wanna try again? With the truth this time.” I shook my head, trying to hide my nervousness.

“Th-that is the truth.”

“Ken, you’re stuttering.”

“N-no, I’m n-not.” I was. I knew it. I bit my lip.

“You wanna know what I think?’ I didn’t answer, but he continued anyway. “I think that you’re just as protective of him. Except in the case of you and Dean, it’s not just protectiveness. It’s jealousy.” I shook my head.

“Jealous? I’m not jealous of Dean.” I stated, defiantly.

“No, but you were jealous of Haley.” I scoffed. “You said so yourself, McKenly. You want more with Dean than what you have.”

“I never said that.” I heard a bush rustle and jumped. I looked around but figured it was only a squirrel.

“Maybe not directly, but you implied it.” I shook my head. “You’re leaving because you’re scared. You’re running away.”

“So what if I am?!” I shouted at him. “It’s terrible! I didn’t even realize it until you said something this morning. And then we met Haley and I saw how he was with her. How he was being flirty and especially nice to her. Then I thought back to every single time where I was in the next motel room while he was in another with some chick he’d picked up. I remembered how I felt and it made complete sense. I felt like shit. I was just tossed aside.” I breathed. “And then, just because I’m a girl, he thinks that I’m completely incompetent. Like I need him to take care of me and fight my battles.” Sam only stared at me, his face full of regret from ever starting this conversation. “So yeah. Forgive me if I have to get away from him. I don’t wanna hurt anymore.”

“Ken, I’m-”

“Don’t apologize, Sam.” I took a deep breath so that I would start crying. “I’m really okay. I think I just need a little time away from Dean so that I can woman up and focus on myself. Dean and I have just been too close lately and it’s starting to get away from us. I never should have let myself think I had a chance.” I admitted. Sam just looked at me and I knew he was sorry.

“Will you come back?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.” I said.

“I think you will.” I looked at him and smiled. “There’s a saying: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I shook my head at him.

“Never believe that sorta thing. The people who came up with it, didn’t know what we know.” I turned my head to see Dean coming back. He stopped in front of us, looking as if he didn’t know what to say.

“I – uh, I got us a room.” He said, after a minute, holding up a key. I nodded. Sam looked at me and back to Dean. Sam laughed and picked a leaf out of Dean’s hair.

“Did you get into a fight with a tree?” he asked his brother. Dean saw the leaf and took it from Sam quickly.

“Uh, no. a tree must have been hanging too low.” He stumbled for an answer. His eyes darted to me. “Can we talk?” he said, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. I shook my head.

“I don’t have anything else to say to you.” I said. “And frankly, I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit anymore.” There was a thick silence until Sam asked Dean for the key. Sam took the key and I followed him to the room, Dean held back. “Sam?” I asked, in a hushed tone. “Can I share a bed with you? I promise I won’t cuddle or anything.” Sam put an arm around my shoulders.

“’Course, Ken.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch about you coming along.” He squeezed my shoulders.

“Don’t worry about it.” He used the hand that wasn’t around my shoulders to unlock the door. We got in and I instantly went to the shower and change. Before I started the shower, I could hear Dean and Sam whispering. I decided not to listen and turned on the shower. I relaxed, thinking that pretty soon I wouldn’t have to worry about anything the boys were talking about. I took a long hot shower and came out into the main room to see Sam sitting on our bed, tying his shoes. Dean was sitting at the table leafing through his father’s journal. I went over to Sam and laid down on the side of the bed furthest from the other one, facing away from it. Sam stood up and stretched out. “I’m gonna hit the vending machine. You want anything?”

“I’m good.” Dean said. I only shook my head.

“Alright, then. You try not to kill each other.” He quickly left, leaving me alone with Dean, something I definitely did not want. I especially didn’t want him to talk to me, but, of course, he did.

“I know you can hear me.” I didn’t answer. “I know you don’t wanna talk to me so just listen.” I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him, but part of me wanted to know what he was going to say. “I’m sorry for what I said. And you should take that seriously because I don’t apologize for just anything. Because you are right. You can take care of yourself. best damn shot I’ve ever seen… Well, besides me.” Of course you would ruin the apology. “but I want to protect you. just like I do with Sam. Because it’s just like you said: we’re a family.” He cleared his throat. “If you leave, I’ll go crazy. I won’t know if you’re safe or even alive. We’ve always been together. There really hasn’t been a second of our lives since the fire that we’ve been separated. I don’t think I’ll know how to function without you.” he laughed. My eyes were burning from the tears but I ignored them. I wanted more than anything to just act like I haven’t heard him. Only I couldn’t bring myself to. I turned over to face him. He was still sitting at the table, but the journal was closed. I looked at him for a moment, neither of us made a sound. Instead I moved the sheets out of the way for him. He smirked and came over to the bed. I felt my heart jump when he shed his pants leaving him in boxers. He laid next to me in the bed and I curled up to him. His arms went around me and he kissed the top of my head. “Don’t leave, McKenly. You’re my best friend.” I sighed.

“And that’s why I have to go.” Dean’s arm stiffened and tightened around me. I didn’t fight him, instead I continued to talk. “I don’t think that I wanna be just your best friend. I think I want more. But I don’t need that kind of weakness. I don’t need that sort of distraction and neither do you. You can’t work to your full ability when you’re worrying about me and I can’t either. So I’ll go away for a while.” Dean didn’t say anything, but I knew he agreed with me. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, he needed my head to be on straight. Dean didn’t need anyone to worry about him, well, because he’s Dean. He’s a superhero. He’s the one that does all the saving.

I fell asleep quickly and didn’t even hear when Sam came in from his snack run. I really did sleep best when I had Dean there to make sure that I was okay. It put my mind at ease from everything that was really out there. We awoke early the next morning and piled into the car with giant cups of coffee. We drove as far as we could into the woods before we hit the car that Haley and her search party had. I downed the rest of my coffee quickly and we got out of the car at the same time. I grabbed the duffel bag we had packed last night.

“You guys got room for three more?” Dean asked.

“What you want to come with us?” Haley asked.

“Who are these guys?” some guy I’ve never seen before asked.

“Apparently, this is all the park service could muster up for the search and rescue. Roy, this is Dean, Sam and McKenly.” She turned to us. “Roy’s the guy that I hired to help us find Tommy.” I looked passed Roy and noticed Ben was throwing on a backpack. I knew that Haley would be going, but I kind of hoped that she wouldn’t bring the kid along, too. Sam and I headed up to go talk to Ben.

“You’re rangers?” Roy asked. Dean nodded.

“That’s right.”

“And you’re hiking out in biker boots and jeans?” Haley asked.

“Well, sweetheart, I don’t do shorts.”

“He doesn’t!” I called. “It’s his knees. They’re creepy lookin’.” I smirked, back at Dean. He held a hand up to me as if to show Haley that it was truth. Dean walked past her to join me and Sam.

“What, you think this is funny?” Roy asked. “It’s dangerous back country out here. Her brother might be hurt.” Sam and I looked to Dean.

“Believe me, I know how dangerous this could get. We just wanna help her find Tommy and that’s all.” Dean said, calmly. We all took off towards Blackwater Ridge. I was hiking alongside Ben. Dean and Roy were talking and Sam and Haley followed close behind them.

“Roy, you said you did a little hunting.”

“Yeah, more than a little.”

“Really?” I questioned. “What’d you hunt?” He looked back to me.

“Mostly buck, sometimes bear.” Dean passed Roy to get ahead.

“Tell me, uh, Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?” Roy grabs Dean’s arm and I stop behind them almost running into Dean. My heart was pounding. I didn’t know what was going on. “Whatcha doin’, Roy?” Roy grabbed a nearby stick and slams it into the ground. A bear trap went off snapping the stick. That stick was almost Dean’s foot. Haley looked annoyed. Oh, no. I thought.

“You should watch where you’re stepping… Ranger.” Roy stressed. Roy dropped what was left of the stick and took the lead again. We all continued on but Ben got ahead of me and I lagged back in front of Haley and Dean, trying to listen in on their conversation.

“You didn’t pack any provisions. You guy are carrying a duffel bag. You’re not rangers.” She stated. She wasn’t asking a question. She had figured us out. “So, who the hell are you?” Haley and Dean had stopped and I stopped with them only a few yards in front of them. Dean looked to me and urged me to follow Roy, but I didn’t want to so I stood my ground.

“Sam and I are brothers. McKenly’s our best friend. We’re all looking for my father. He might be our here, but we don’t really know. I just figured that you and me, we’re in the same boat.” I looked at the ground, trying not to stare or get upset about this conversation. Just a few short days until the case is closed and I can go off on my own.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that from the start?”

“I’m telling you now.” Dean smiled. “’Sides, that’s probably one of the very few times I’ve ever been honest with a woman… Ever.” I recalled last night and remembered that he was actually being honest to me then. Guess he really did like her. “So we okay?” She didn’t answer right away. She seemed to be mulling it over in her head.

“Yeah, okay.”

“And what do you mean I didn’t pack provisions?” Dean took a bag of peanut M&Ms out of his jacket pocket and caught up to me, holding the bag out for me to take some. I smiled lightly, not really feeling all that happy. But I guess it was a good thing. Maybe that would help me to get over my feelings for him.