I Need Change, and Change Needs Me

It's been a year since I found out I couldn't have kids. You probably think that Travis and I would be happier than ever and in love. We seemed so happy.

I thought so, too. The longest we can tolerate each other is 2 days. I have never been so stressed out in my life. It really sucks when every time you get on the internet you have to deal with constant emails and messages claiming that your boyfriend wants to be with them. Especially when most of the time he is laying right next to you. I've seen screen shots of conversations and pictures with him in them and he still denies everything and says he wants to be with me. Yeah, I'm stupid as fuck. I love him so much, I just want him to tell me the truth. But that will probably never happen.

I woke up this morning with a Facebook message from a girl named Abby Crenshaw. Travis was out of town for tour. Our only mutual friend was Travis Mills. Go figure.

Abby: hello. i know this is kind of uncomfortable for you, but i was just wondering if you and trav were still together?

This bitch was talking like she fucking knows my boyfriend.

Averi: Yes we are.

Abby: Well he's been telling me that he wants to be with me. We had sex last night. Would you like to see our text messages?

Averi: Save it. Don't message me anymore.

I called Travis.

"Hello?"

"Who's Abby?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't fucking lie to me. I'm so sick of this-"

"Babe, I gotta go. Love you, bye."

He fucking drove me crazy. And he always knew how to sweet talk himself out of situation. He knows that I'll never be strong enough to leave him.

This situation has happened more than 10 times now. I don't know how much longer I can take. So I'm gonna do what helps me forget. Drag my friend Kenzie, my old roommate, to a rave in downtown LA.

Yeah... I was a rave star now. My life motto was "PLUR." Travis hated it. But he couldn't do shit about it while he was gone.

My choice of drug was no longer cocaine. It was Molly.