Status: I'm Back
So Much for My Happy Ending
Don't Let Me Go
Tick Tock; Tick Tock.
I sat on the edge of the couch staring at my phone. I'd been debating on calling my Dad for the past hour and a half. I was terrified of calling him and having him yell at me now that we weren't out in public. That was always a possibility.
Drip Drip Drip.
The rain pattered on the roof of the house, the rain dripping out of the gutters creating a beat that seemed similar to my heart's. It cascaded down the window in small little rivlets. The soft rhythm was enough to make my eyes droop.
Ivan sat beside me, but he'd fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago. He looked peaceful in his sleep. Something he lacked during his waking hours, it was a wonderful transition to see; as weird as that sounds. He'd told me that even in my sleep I'd looked troubled. I couldn't catch a break it seems. Not even in my dreams.
It was a never ending cycle.
Cry; hide; cry; fight; cry; skip school; cry; sleep.
A lot of crying, that's the main things that occured.
I reached out and grabbed my phone off the table and began dialing the number that I knew by heart. It rang three times before he finally answered.
"Hello? Meagan?" His voice sounded frantic almost.
"Hey Dad." I whispered.
"What's wrong?! Are you okay?" I smiled softly at the concern that laced his voice.
"I'm fine, Dad. I'm just sitting on the couch and Ivan is asleep right next to me." I responded. It was quiet on the other end of the line. "Dad?" I spoke unsurley after a minutes silence.
He cleared his throat, "uh, yeah. I'm still here." I nodded, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see me, "I know I told you this earlier today, but you should know that I mean it," he paused, "I'm so sorry, Meagan. I'm so fucking sorry. I... I know that I have no valid excuse for how I treated you. Yeah, I was upset about the baby but that doesn't give me the right to have treated you the way I did. I mean I fucking hit you!" He choked up, I knew he was crying. My own eyes fill with tears, "You are my baby girl and I love you. I'm supposed to protect you. You aren't supposed to need protection from me!"
"I don't! Dad, it was just one time!" I yelled.
"One time too many!" Ivan had startled awake at my yelling and was watching me with sympathy and curiosity.
"Daddy, it's okay. I forgave you the second it happened. You do the best job of protecting me and what I said to you... was uncalled for. You aren't a shitty dad. you are the best and I love you, Daddy." I sobbed and buried my face in my hand.
"I love you too baby girl. Maybe it's for the best if you stay with Ivan though." I could feel a protest building in my throat. "I'm unstable." I raised my eyebrows, momentarily stunned. "I guess you could say things haven't gone very well since you and Val left." I felt a shock of fear go through me.
"Dad! You aren't dangerous if that's what you are implying! I'm coming down there. Mom doesn't have to come back but I will!"
"No, Meagan! Please, Listen to me!"
"I am, now you listen to me! I am coming back. Regardless of what you say!" I was pretty much upset. My Dad doesn't want me to come home.
"It's not that I don't want you here, Meagan. I just don't want you to be in danger." His voice was soft, I can imagine him smiling one of his smiles that he reserves only when I'm upset.
"Dad! I'm not in danger with you!" I was full out sobbing.
It's amazing how I went from not even wanting to see my Dad, now I'm crying because he seems to think he is dangerous and I shouldn't come home. How does that make sense? I guess I technically stopped making sens a while ago. Jimmy is the perfect example of that. Not that I'm saying it's crazy and stupid to love him. Just a bit hopeless.
"Meagan, please." He sounded tired. I can imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Daddy, please." My voice sounded playful but we both knew I was upset. "I'll be home tomorrow."
"No, Meagan, wait!" I hung up on him with a fleeting, "See you."
Ivan stared at me with worry clear in his eyes, "You sure about this?"
"Of course I am. He's my Dad."
He was my Dad and I should be there for him.
I sat on the edge of the couch staring at my phone. I'd been debating on calling my Dad for the past hour and a half. I was terrified of calling him and having him yell at me now that we weren't out in public. That was always a possibility.
Drip Drip Drip.
The rain pattered on the roof of the house, the rain dripping out of the gutters creating a beat that seemed similar to my heart's. It cascaded down the window in small little rivlets. The soft rhythm was enough to make my eyes droop.
Ivan sat beside me, but he'd fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago. He looked peaceful in his sleep. Something he lacked during his waking hours, it was a wonderful transition to see; as weird as that sounds. He'd told me that even in my sleep I'd looked troubled. I couldn't catch a break it seems. Not even in my dreams.
It was a never ending cycle.
Cry; hide; cry; fight; cry; skip school; cry; sleep.
A lot of crying, that's the main things that occured.
I reached out and grabbed my phone off the table and began dialing the number that I knew by heart. It rang three times before he finally answered.
"Hello? Meagan?" His voice sounded frantic almost.
"Hey Dad." I whispered.
"What's wrong?! Are you okay?" I smiled softly at the concern that laced his voice.
"I'm fine, Dad. I'm just sitting on the couch and Ivan is asleep right next to me." I responded. It was quiet on the other end of the line. "Dad?" I spoke unsurley after a minutes silence.
He cleared his throat, "uh, yeah. I'm still here." I nodded, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see me, "I know I told you this earlier today, but you should know that I mean it," he paused, "I'm so sorry, Meagan. I'm so fucking sorry. I... I know that I have no valid excuse for how I treated you. Yeah, I was upset about the baby but that doesn't give me the right to have treated you the way I did. I mean I fucking hit you!" He choked up, I knew he was crying. My own eyes fill with tears, "You are my baby girl and I love you. I'm supposed to protect you. You aren't supposed to need protection from me!"
"I don't! Dad, it was just one time!" I yelled.
"One time too many!" Ivan had startled awake at my yelling and was watching me with sympathy and curiosity.
"Daddy, it's okay. I forgave you the second it happened. You do the best job of protecting me and what I said to you... was uncalled for. You aren't a shitty dad. you are the best and I love you, Daddy." I sobbed and buried my face in my hand.
"I love you too baby girl. Maybe it's for the best if you stay with Ivan though." I could feel a protest building in my throat. "I'm unstable." I raised my eyebrows, momentarily stunned. "I guess you could say things haven't gone very well since you and Val left." I felt a shock of fear go through me.
"Dad! You aren't dangerous if that's what you are implying! I'm coming down there. Mom doesn't have to come back but I will!"
"No, Meagan! Please, Listen to me!"
"I am, now you listen to me! I am coming back. Regardless of what you say!" I was pretty much upset. My Dad doesn't want me to come home.
"It's not that I don't want you here, Meagan. I just don't want you to be in danger." His voice was soft, I can imagine him smiling one of his smiles that he reserves only when I'm upset.
"Dad! I'm not in danger with you!" I was full out sobbing.
It's amazing how I went from not even wanting to see my Dad, now I'm crying because he seems to think he is dangerous and I shouldn't come home. How does that make sense? I guess I technically stopped making sens a while ago. Jimmy is the perfect example of that. Not that I'm saying it's crazy and stupid to love him. Just a bit hopeless.
"Meagan, please." He sounded tired. I can imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Daddy, please." My voice sounded playful but we both knew I was upset. "I'll be home tomorrow."
"No, Meagan, wait!" I hung up on him with a fleeting, "See you."
Ivan stared at me with worry clear in his eyes, "You sure about this?"
"Of course I am. He's my Dad."
He was my Dad and I should be there for him.