So Much for My Happy Ending

"He hit another nurse, male." Johnny told me softly, I nodded sadly.
"I wish I could do something. To take the pain away. Help ease whatever is going on in his mind." Johnny shook his head quickly.
"I don't think I would want to. He did it to himself. He's my brother, but this is all on him." A grimace spread across our faces.
It grew silent. Us sharing pain and hope that my dad would overcome this, would grow stronger from it. He could do that, he just has to try -- he has to really try. It'll be really difficult, this isn't something he could just drop and expect things to get better right away. It would take time.
Time was a funny, cruel thing. It could play in your favor, and you could prosper; or it could literally be the death of you. If Dad kept going down the path he's taking -- it would be his death.
There is a quote that I read in a book, I don't remember when, or even where, but it read: There comes a time in a man's life when to get to where he has to - if there are no doors or windows - he walks through a wall. I'd like to think my Dad would walk through a wall to get where he needs to be. I'm just not sure if that's foolish hope.
So for now, I'm going to foolishly hope that he'll walk through that wall. If not for himself, then for me and Mom, for our family, and the fans who have been here since the beginning. I believe in him.
"We don't need to dwell on this, " Johnny told me, a shaky smile gracing his features. I nodded my head in agreement.
"Yeah, I agree. But this is me you're talking to. The Queen of dwelling on things that I don't need to." I pointed out to him.
He snorts eloquently and says with a fake accent, "too true, darling."
~
I startled from my sleep when something clatters loudly on the floor. I look around blearily, confused. My heart beat wildly in my chest, the room was mostly dark and made it difficult for me to see what the noise was. I swipe at my eyes, trying to clear the sleep from it.
My body freezes up when I hear a groan over by the couch. I reach blindly for the switch to turn the lamp on. When I finally hit it, the room is bathed in the soft glow from the bulb and the hum of electricity fills the mostly quiet room.
I squint at the huge blob that appeared with the light, "Ivan?" I guffaw when I realized what and who it was. "Did you really fall off the fucking couch?"
"Yes." He says moodily (ha). He peers up at me, eyes glaring at me. "I dare you," he says. I shake my head fondly.
"When did you get here?" I inquire stiffly, it took a helluva lot of restraint to not make fun of him.
Sometimes, people just made things far to easy for me.
He glances briefly at the clock on the wall, "a couple hours ago. Was just gonna wait until you woke up, guess I fell asleep." No shit.
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"No offense, but you looked like you needed the sleep." He frowns at me, "have you not been sleeping well?"
To say that I wasn't sleeping well would be a severe understatement. I haven't slept well since I woke up from my 'coma.' Not having Sadie to sleep with made it impossible. My Love Bug was my bed partner that I've slept with since I can remember.
Plus, there's the whole, broken femoral shaft. It really isn't the most comfortable thing. Like, not at all comfortable. The pain was so severe half of the time, it seemed to make it impossible to think. My head didn't bother me as much as it could, all things considered. There's still some ugly bruises and scraps on my shoulder that bothered me at times. Other than that, my shoulder just ached occasionally.
The nurses, the nice ones, said I was making good on my recovery time. It was speeding along a lot quicker than they'd have thought possible. I didn't really care about all of the small things, I just wanted to get out of here and sleep in my own bed.
Which brings me to the fact that Ivan is waiting on me to answer him.
"No, not really." I say honestly.
"That thing bothering you?" He points to the cast.
I nod exaggeratedly, "Like an absolute bitch."
"Have you asked for more medicine?" He inquires.
"You can only take so much in an hour, Ivan." My eyebrows pinch together and I motion to my drip, "It's some good stuff, Dilaudid, but it's addictive. I've already been accused by one nurse that I'm just trying to get high." I sigh in frustration.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" His face practically screams outrage, I shake my head uneasily. "God, just because your dumbass dad is a druggie, it doesn't mean you are."
My lips tighten in anger, I don't say anything against his comment, but it upsets me that he's said it. I'd point it out to him, but it would make no difference. Ivan is... very opinionated. Plus he has a point, and I get what he was trying to say.
"Mom complained to the head nurse about it, she hasn't been back in, that one nurse." I say, voice tight. He studies my face, trying to detect a lie. "Pinky swear promise." I said.
"Okay." He nods his head.
~
"Jimmy!" I squeal when his head pokes in through the doorway!
He bounds towards me in three long strides. Damn gazelle legs. He wraps me in a hug and practically lifts me up and moves me over so he can sit. Sigh, his hugs! And he smells ah-mazing.
"So squish." I roll my eyes at his comment and squeak in mock offense.
"Did you just call me fat!?" I tease him.
"No bae, I didn't call you fat." He kisses the top of my head.
OMG, did he just call me bae! Like, I must show restraint right now because there isn't anything more that I'd like to do than pterodactyl screech. I can only imagine how red my face is turning. Tomato fucking red probably.
I wouldn't be able to justify that if he questions me. I could probably play at him hugging me too tightly. I doubt he'd fall for it though. I sneak a peek up at him only to find him looking down at me, he winks.
Yep, I'm so fucking red right now. I clear my throat to mask the squeak I just made.
"You're so fucking awkward, it's adorable really." He laughs loudly.
"Pshh, who me? Awkward? No!" I avoided looking at him again.
"Oh my God, you're face!" I couldn't help but giggle at him. His laughs were my favorite, they've always made me want to do something to make him laugh more.
"Just shut up." I'm quick to cover my face in embarrassment.
"No, don't do that! Your blush is making my day!" I giggled once more causing my forehead to crunch up.
~
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked Jimmy quietly. Brian's asleep on the couch and he's grumpy if you wake him up most of the time.
"Yeah. But you kinda just did." I chuckle quietly at him.
"Why are you still with Leana." I tilt my head up so I could see his face. It was stoic for the most part, except his eyes were narrowed. It looked awkward with his glasses on.
"Do we really need to talk about this?" He asks me.
"I think we do." I respond quickly.
Leana is pregnant with another man's baby. If I were him, I would have dropped her like a hot plate the second I found out. That has nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't stand Leana either. It might be a contributing factor for why I don't won't them together, but her cheating crosses into new territory all together.
Some people might say that it takes a coward to stay with a woman that's cheated on him. I don't think that's the case here.
"This isn't," Jimmy cuts himself off, seemingly trying to collect his thoughts. "This isn't something that I want to do, Megs. You have to understand that."
I'm sorry but that makes no sense whatsoever. If he doesn't want to stay with her, then break up with her. Kick her out. Throw her shit out into the yard. Burn it, but don't stay with her!
"I don't think I understand." I told him quickly. He sighs loudly, and Brian shifts on the couch, muttering something about kangaroos.
"The dad, he doesn't want to support Leana." It's said so simply, like that is supposed to make sense to me. "He doesn't want to support her or the baby. And despite all of Leana's faults... the baby doesn't deserve to grow up in horrible conditions all because its mother and father is a dumbass."
It makes sense now, I don't agree with it. But it makes sense. Jimmy wasn't being a coward, he was being the bigger man.
"We aren't still together." He tells me after a moment of silence.
"What?"
"We aren't still together, like, as in a couple. She's just... I'm just taking care of her. Taking care of the baby"
He and Leana aren't together! My insides feel like complete mush and a tiny smile spreads across my face.
He and Leana aren't together.