It's Harder Breathing Next to You

We skipped school the next morning; I wanted to focus on him and try to find ways to help him. I laid there next to him in my bed holding him and waiting for him to wake up. I watched his chest move up and down as he inhaled and exhaled. He stirred from time to time and I thought he was waking up but he didn’t. Finally after about an hour of lying there he opened his eyes and yawned. He cuddled his head into my side and put his hand on my bare chest. I stared into his brown eyes dazzled by the way they sparkled when he looked at me; I could honestly look at him for hours and enjoy every second of it. I cupped his face and gave him a kiss, as I kissed him I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Tony, can I ask you something?” he said breaking out kiss.

“Of course Mike, What is it?”

“Do you mean it when you say that you love me?” He said drawing circles on my chest, not making eye contact.

“Of course I do, why would you question it?” I asked

“I just want to convince myself to believe that one person in this world can love me because not even I love me. Everyone wants to be loved and I’m no exception.” He looked up sadly.

“I don’t know what to say Mike, you act so confident at school, and you don’t let anyone bother you. I guess I didn’t realize that you hurt so much…” I took his hand, “Mike I really do love you I promise, I would never lie to you. Ever since that first day when I saw you in class, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, you are so beautiful and you have the greatest personality. I honestly still can’t believe you are mine, its all still so surreal. We haven’t known each other for very long, but somehow I feel like this is right, like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

I saw a tear fall from his eyes, “Tony… I, I don’t even know how to respond.”

“you don’t even have to respond baby. Just…” I leaned in and tenderly attached my lips to his.
After a while he pulled away, “Wait, Tony so you don’t think I’m gross, you know because of the…scars?”

I smiled, “I think those scars make you more beautiful than you already are. Not only do they show me that you have been through some rough times, they show me that you were strong enough to endure.”

“But I didn’t endure Tony, I hate myself. I’m just a freak that cuts himself.”

“Michael Fuentes! Don’t you dare tell me that you are not strong and that you have not endured! I know you tried to kill yourself in January, but you are still here Michael! You lived, there has to be a god damn reason you didn’t die that night. Look at me Michael, YOU ARE STRONG YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR; I’m not letting you give up now.” I lowered my voice into a whisper, “if you die, I die” I said softly kissing him on the forehead.

He smiled and hugged me tightly, “I love you Tony.”

“I love you too Mike.”