For My Sake

“If we ration it well, we will have enough food to get us through winter,” Vera told me a couple weeks after taking over the mall. We had already secured the rest of the mall, killing off all walkers and barricading any entrances. The bodies had been thrown outside to throw off any dead walking by the mall. So far, we had been able to relax here and feel somewhat safe. There was always that fear that something was out there and that it could catch us off guard. So all of us always carried a weapon, kids weren't allowed to run off on their own, and we closed the gates to the shops every night.

“We will have to hunt eventually,” I concluded for her. We turned the right needed to enter the food court.

“Your expertise with the crossbow will make you the head hunter,” Vera said. “But I'm sure I can tag along so that you're not alone.”

I smiled. “I think I'll be fine hiding in the trees.”

She stopped long enough to give me one of her looks. “The world is too dangerous for adventures alone. One of us will be going with you... even if it's just to watch your back.”

I nodded. “We'll worry about it when the time comes. For now, let's decide how to ration the food.”

Vera nodded and leaped over the counter of one of the food stops. I joined her. We had been able to move all the food into two restaurants, stacking boxes and cans high up on the steel shelves. It was a little overwhelming when you looked at it. Inside this cardboard and this tin are the essentials to our survival.

“We have all the canned fruits and vegetables over here,” Vera waved her hand to a section of shelves. “We have things like Ravioli and other canned meals here. Water bottles have been moved to the Burger King storage. We've numbered each category with the amount of cans. Fruits and vegetables are 560 cans, Ravioli and others are around 10, and water bottles so far are 60.”

“We will need to stock up on the water, but I think food wise, we're good. We'll just have to be careful about eating. Maybe set up a schedule. Two meals and one snack a day per person?”

“The idea is good. I think everyone can manage that. We have a plan for the water.”

I raised a brow. “Do tell.”

She waved her hand, motioning me to follow her instead of explaining. It took awhile, but eventually Vera reached a plain, white door. She opened it, revealing a spiraling staircase. Without saying a word, she started jogging up the steps two at a time. I guess I should follow her then.

Vera opened another door and a sharp, cool wind blasted me in the face. The roof? I looked out across the parking lot, past that the highway, and past that trees. Walkers staggered across the parking lot, bumping into abandoned cars, their odd, gurgling sounds filling the air. On the roof were several pots and pans from the kitchens of the food court.

“These will be used to catch water,” Vera looked up at the darkening sky. “There is a storm coming. I can smell it.”

I raised a brow at her choice of words, but didn't say anything. “This is actually a really good idea, Vera. I like it.”

She smiled at me. “Penelope volunteered to keep track of it. She has the key; she will lock the doors once we get back to the lobby.”

I nodded. “This is good. For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful.”

Vera's smile turned wary. “I would not let your hopes get too high, my friend. It is when you don't expect bad to happen that it does.”

****************

That night the sound of rain pounding against the roof of the mall echoed through the empty halls. My eyes blinked, wide awake. Dan's soft snores blended into the storm, Penelope's back rose and fell against my chest. I was uncomfortable, but feared waking her if I attempted to get up.

I lied there for another five minutes before I decided to sneak out of bed. Gently and dreadfully slowly, I slid from the mattress and tip toed to the gate. I lifted it just enough so I could slip out, placing it back and making my way to the food court. I sat at one of rounded tables of the cafeteria, setting my gun on top. I took off the silencer and unloaded it. I took it apart and started to clean it the best I could with the handkerchief I kept in my back pocket. The cloth was practically midnight black from the first swipe.

“Surprised to see you out here.”

I jumped at the sound of Vera's voice, the ammunition for my gun clattering to the floor. Ignoring Vera's amused look, I bent to pick it up and slam it back into the gun.

“You too,” I grumbled.

She sat in the chair across from me, elbows planted on the table, arms out. Her skin was almost the same color as my handkerchief, black and flawless. I looked into her face; it was all sharp angles and high cheekbones, but it was beautiful. Her eyes were dark too, but they had a certain light in them that let you know she only had a hard front, inside she was just as soft as the rest of us.

“I couldn't sleep,” she explained.

“Either could I,” I agreed, putting my gun back together. My stomach was tightening in an odd way, something I wasn't familiar with.

Her brows furrowed, fingers playing with each other as she contemplated what to say next. Now with nothing to do, I could only twiddle with my gun as I waited.

“What is going on between you and Penelope?” She finally asked, her eyes narrowing in almost a challenging way.

Her question caught me off guard, but I suppose to her it was a reasonable one. She didn't know our lives before the plague, she didn't know the personal relationships within the group.

“We were... engaged before everything happened. She grew distant for a long time... trying to prepare herself for losing me or something like that. But after we saved her and Dan, she had a change of heart.”

Vera nodded. “She feels that we are safe so why worry?”

“Basically.”

“Do you feel the same?”

I met her eyes, opening my mouth to answer, but paused. Did I? Did I feel safe here? Did I worry? “No,” I whispered with a smack of realization. “We're no safer here than we are out there. We're going to run out of food, supplies. We'll have to move on. We could lose someone. It could be Penelope or god forbid, Rory.”

“Or Vladimir,” Vera added with a tone only a mother could have.

I rubbed my face hard. “I try so hard to keep a level head, to keep positive, but a person can only do that for so long in a world like this before they go mad.”

“I think you have a while to go before that happens,” Vera remarked, attempting at humor.

I smiled halfheartedly. “I hope so.”

A long silence filled the room, comfortable, but dark. “Is Penelope the only one with a key to the roof?” I asked.

“Yes, there was only one. I believe she keeps it around her neck.”

I nodded. “This rain is sure to fill up those pots if it hasn't already. I'm going to wake her up. We want as much of that rain as we can get.”

********************

The roof was dark; I kicked a half full pot over on accident. Maybe the sun that wouldn't shine should take the blame, at least that's what I blamed it on.

“Be Careful,” Penelope whispered harshly over her shoulder. She knelt down and let her back pack fall from her shoulders. Taking the first water bottle out and dipping it into a pot.

I did the same as her, looking out across the parking lot. There were more walkers than usual, groaning and stumbling across the asphalt. In the distance, lightening struck the sky, thunder rumbling a moment later. Several heads of the dead swung in that direction, their feet changing direction. When it happened again, they moved towards it. I almost felt bad for them, wandering around to the sounds that drew them, unaware of how they have changed to nothing, but a primal being. I used to think my worst fear was spiders, but now it was turning into one them. That was everyone's fear.

“Charlie, Earth to Charlie.” Penelope snapped her fingers into my face.

“Sorry,” I murmured, turning back to what I was doing.

My clothes were soaked with the rain, my hair dripped into my eyes. I shivered from the cold droplets covering my body, but I reminded myself that this was good, rain meant water. Water meant survival.

We moved pot to pot, Penelope much faster than myself. I kept looking to my left at the what seemed like an endless stream of walkers staggering into the parking lot. My stomach dropped another foot with every look. Something wasn't right.

“There's so many,” I whispered, just loud enough for Penelope to hear.

She spared a glance to her left, her brows furrowing before she hastily returned to the pot she was working on. “Yeah, so what? We're safe here.”

“It's still nerve racking.”

I shuttered and not necessarily because it was raining on me again.

“It's probably just the storm, alarmed them. They'll be gone by morning, just like the weather,” she paused. “In the meantime, could you do what we came up here to do?”

I met her eyes for the first time since we got up here. “Yeah,” I murmured, unable to help myself from stealing one last glance.

It wasn't even a minute later when a scream reverberated up my spine. It was sharp and very, very close. Penelope's head snapped up, her hand automatically reaching for the sniper rifle strapped to her back. I picked up my crossbow by the door.

“Is that one of our people?” She shouted at me in panic.

“No, that came from outside.”

She lifted the scope to her eye, scanning the area. “I don't see anything, Charlie. What the hell?”

My heart sunk into my stomach. Whoever was out there was probably already dead. But then, another scream ripped through the stormy air. Closer this time and followed by incoherent shouts.

Suddenly, I saw it. A small, black shape running from the far right corner of the parking lot. “Over there!” I yelled, pointing.

Penelope looked through her scope, her face falling. “It's a girl, maybe thirteen.”

“We have to do something.”

“Charlie, it's too risky.”

I looked at her, confused and disgusted. “We can't just leave her there to do die!”

“What are we going to do? Huh? We can't just march out there. We'll all get killed trying to save one girl!”

“I can't believe you, Penelope! That's a person down there.”

“Yeah, well the world has changed.”

I jerked back as if she had physically hit me. Disbelief clouded my every thought, sliced through my veins, and turned my lips into a frown. “I'm getting Vera,” I whispered and turned.

I was reaching towards the knob of the door when an abrupt, sharp sound froze me in my tracks.No. I slowly turned when the sound wasn't made again, lifting my eyes to Penelope's face. Her rifle lowered from her face and she looked at me, ice in her gaze, her expression as smooth as a stone. It was then that I felt like I couldn't recognize the person standing in front of me. She was a stranger.

My gaze slid to the parking lot, the circle of walkers surrounding the girl who lied there, blood pooling at her head.

Penelope walked up to me, but I took a step back, shock covering my face. Her jaw set, firm and stubborn. She believed what she did was right.

“I saved her from a better fate,” she tried to reason with me. When I didn't respond, she brushed past me and back into the mall.

A paradox. The dead were walking, but in reality it was the living you had to worry about. Fight the dead, fear the living. A fucking paradox.