Even if the Long Road Takes Us Home
One
Sometimes the hardest choice in life is to let the person you love go. But it is one of the most important decisions in my life. I just didn't know yet. When I told Ryan I couldn't see him anymore, his face was the scariest thing I had ever seen.
"Why?!" I looked down at my Converse. I was sitting across from him on the bleachers, last day of school, last day of senior year. I knew he had planned on us going to college together, but I couldn't. Not with him like this.
"You won't forgive yourself," I whispered. He stiffened. "Don't. Let me finish, it wasn't your fault, but you still blame yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't love me."
"But-"
"Say it. Say you forgive yourself. Look me in the eyes when you do it." I met his gaze steadily. His crystal blue eyes looked weary. "That's ridiculous." He said softly.
"And that's why your losing me," I said, standing up. He grabbed my arm.
"Kayla, please, don't do this."
"Then say it."
"I can't."
"Then I have to. You can't love me. I can't stay with someone who doesn't love me fully."
"Dammit Kayla, I do, I do love you." He was almost crying and so was I.
"No you don't. Not fully. Not with all this guilt." He stayed silent, I nodded. "Exactly, now let me go Ryan."
"Makayla, please, don't leave me." He murmured. I flinched at my full name. "Let. Go," I said slowly. His hand slide away, and I rushed off.
"Why?!" I looked down at my Converse. I was sitting across from him on the bleachers, last day of school, last day of senior year. I knew he had planned on us going to college together, but I couldn't. Not with him like this.
"You won't forgive yourself," I whispered. He stiffened. "Don't. Let me finish, it wasn't your fault, but you still blame yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't love me."
"But-"
"Say it. Say you forgive yourself. Look me in the eyes when you do it." I met his gaze steadily. His crystal blue eyes looked weary. "That's ridiculous." He said softly.
"And that's why your losing me," I said, standing up. He grabbed my arm.
"Kayla, please, don't do this."
"Then say it."
"I can't."
"Then I have to. You can't love me. I can't stay with someone who doesn't love me fully."
"Dammit Kayla, I do, I do love you." He was almost crying and so was I.
"No you don't. Not fully. Not with all this guilt." He stayed silent, I nodded. "Exactly, now let me go Ryan."
"Makayla, please, don't leave me." He murmured. I flinched at my full name. "Let. Go," I said slowly. His hand slide away, and I rushed off.