Infractus Pectus Pectoris

I entered my apartment, and leaned against the door
when I'd closed it.
I took a deep breath and then threw my bag on the
couch while also kicking off my shoes.

I looked at the alarm clock and saw it was 5 in the
morning. I shook my head and rolled my eyes before
getting in my PJ's and getting some sleep before I had to
go to work again.

Laying in bed, I tossed and turned. I couldn't quite catch
the much needed sleep I'd wanted so I decided to try and
catch up on my reading.

Which also didn't work.

I sighed in frustration before standing up and walking
over to the kitchen to get myself something to drink.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, I thought back to
the night I'd just come home from.

He'd wake up in his bed alone again when I promised him
I'd stay for once.
But I couldn't face him in the morning, knowing we'd
become a real couple when I didn't want that.

He was amazing and he was everything I needed and
wanted but then again..
That's what I thought of the others as well and they all
broke my heart one way or the other.

I couldn't help but think that this time it was different.
I couldn't point out what was so different about him but
it just felt better than ever before.

But I kept running away from the intimacy of cuddling
in bed and staying over. I didn't want my heart broken
again.

About 30 minutes later, my phone went off.
I frowned and walked over to my bag, forgetting
I even had a phone for a few minutes, apparently.

When I found it, his name flashed on the screen.
I bit my lip and wanted to let it ring but figured
I really couldn't.

I pressed the green button and held the phone to my ear.
"Hey."

"You home?"
he asked, a little groggy.

I smiled and replied with a 'yes'.

"I thought you said you'd stay this time..?"
he asked, a little sad.

"Well.."
I started but he cut me off.

"Don't make an excuse this time. Just tell me why."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes.
"I don't have a reason."

"Liar."
he responded, with a sigh.

"What do you want me to say, Tom?"
I asked, a little frustrated at the whole situation.

"I don't want you to say anything, I only wanted
you to stay. You promised."
he said.

"Well, alot of promises are broken. Besides,
shouldn't you be sleeping?"
I replied.

"I woke up because it was cold on the left side of
my bed."
he said, with a yawn.

I looked at my bare feet and made a face.
"I'm sorry."

"Can I come over?"
he asked, while I heard some noise.

"Tom, you should rest."
I tried.

"Nah, I'm rested just fine. I want to see you."
he replied, with another yawn.
"Please, Hailie."

After a few seconds I decided I wouldn't be sleeping
anyway.
"Okay, fine. See you in a bit."

"Bye."
he replied before hanging up.

I decided to make some coffee, knowing Tom would probably
need it to wake up properly.

I was in the process of cleaning up some stuff when there
was a knock on my door.
Throwing my bag back on the couch, I walked over
to the door and opened it.

"Hi."
Tom said with a slight smile.

"You don't look rested fine."
I said, with a frown.

"I'll live."
he replied, with a stifled yawn.

"You're a moron for not turning around on your oher side
for some more sleep. You were so tired when we finally got
to sleeping."
I said, allowing Tom to walk in before shutting the door.

"Are you making coffee?"
he asked, with a smile.

"Yes, I am. Esepecially for you."
I replied with a smile of my own.

"Thank you."
Tom said softly before gently placing his lips on mine.

It ignited a fire in my body I couldn't ignore.
Tom always had this effect on me and still I couldn't
bring myself to be more than just friends with
benefits.

"You're welcome."
I whispered, losing my voice in the process.

He looked into my eyes and frowned.
"I don't understand."

I looked back at him, confused.

"Don't understand what?"
I asked.

"When you're with me and I kiss you, there is a
change in your eyes. It's not lust, it's something more.
And I used to think you'd accept that one day but..
I don't see it happening anymore. I just wait for you to
run away again because I know that's what you do."
he said, while rubbing his eyes.

"Then why did you come here?"
I asked, a little sad.
I knew this would happen, of course.
But I'd hoped it would take a while longer.

"Because I want to be with you more than anything."
he replied.

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it.
"Why can't we stay like this?"
I eventually asked.

"Because I can't do this anymore. I need to know if there's
ever going to be an 'us'."
Tom said, while grabbing my hands in his.

"Oh, Tom.."
I released my hands from his grip.
"You have no idea what you're saying. I'll break your
heart and you'll break mine. Don't you see? That's what always
happens. It's inevitable."

He looked at me, confusion written in his features.
"Where are you getting that idea from?"

"From life, Tom."
I replied, while turning around and preparing
Tom's coffee.

When I turned around again, he was sitting on the kitchen
table, his hands in his lap.
I gave him his coffee without making any form
of contact.

He drank it in silence so I didn't say anything either.
I didn't feel like it was my turn to speak, anyway.
Having an idea of what he would say, I braced myself
for it.

"Would you mind if I took a shower?"
he asked.

I had to register what he said before I could form
a normal reply.
"No, that's fine. You know where everything is."

"Thanks."
he said, before walking off to the bathroom.

I really thought he would walk out with a 'thanks
for the sex, goodbye.'

I switched the television on while I waited for Tom.
Not really watching anything, I settled on some crappy
music show.

I was biting my nails and I hadn't even noticed Tom walk in
until he gently grabbed my hand and pulled it away
from my mouth.

"Don't."
he said with a smile.

I smiled back, nervously.
"You're not leaving?"

"Why would I leave?"
he asked, with a frown.

"Because this is it, isn't it? I told you when I met you,
I'd never fall in love. So I won't."
I said, stubbornly.

His eyes softened a bit.
"I won't leave. I know this is your fear speaking and I won't
let it take you over."

"I'm not afraid."
I said, with a little anger.

How did he see right through me?

"Yes, you are."
he replied, while moving a strand of hair away from
my face.

I slapped his hand away and stood up.
"I am not afraid. I'm sick of being heartbroken.
There's a difference."

"Who says I'm going to break your heart?"
he replied, also standing up.

"I am! I know you will, it's all everyone ever does."
I fired back at him.

"You haven't even given me a real chance."
he said, with sad eyes.

"You knew this from the start. What do you want me to
say?"
I asked, tired.

"I don't want you to say anything to me, I want you
to admit your feelings to yourself! I love you and I know
you love me as well but you're too scared to say it."
Tom ranted.

"You what?!"
I asked, with wide eyes.

He stared at me for a while before his shoulders slumped
a bit in defeat.
"I love you."

I sat down and stared at the tv, completely blank
of thoughs or emotions.

"But.."
I muttered under my breath.

"You love me too, you know."
he said, silently.

I looked up at him and was at a loss for words.
Did I?

"I can see it when we kiss. I can see it when we're
intimate. It's in your eyes, your whole body. The only
thing not giving into it is your mind. And it's time your
head caught up with the rest because I can't do this
anymore if you don't admit it yourself. It's not enough knowing,
I want to hear you say it."
he said, while sitting down and looking at my
hands, nervously tugging at my shirt.

"Can I show you?"
he asked, while he gently grasped my hand in his.

"Show me what?"
I asked, scared shitless.

He inched closer and kissed me, gentle but
firm. All the tension left my body and there was nothing but
Tom and me. We were one and the fire was there again.

When he broke away, I let a breath escape I didn't know
I was holding in.

"That."
he said, looking into my eyes.
"It's in your eyes."

I looked down at my lap.
Was it true?
Had I started loving Tom after all this time?

"You've been hurt before. I know that. But I promise
you I'm not like the others and I will do anything to
prevent that from happening. All you have to do is admit
your feelings."
he said after a few minutes.

"I'm scared."
I replied, with tears in my eyes.
"What if this is a mistake?"

"It isn't. The way you felt just now, when I kissed you?
How can that be a mistake?"
he reasoned with me.

He had a good point.
It had never been like this with anyone.
Tom made me feel like I was the only one that mattered
to him and that we could do anything, as long as we were together.

"Promise me you'll always be honest with me?
And if you fall for someone else, don't cheat,
just say it? And.."
I started but Tom placed his hand over my mouth.

"I won't cheat and I'll always be honest with you.
I've always been me, Hailie. That won't change, ever."
he replied, honesty evident in his eyes.

I bit my lip before kissing Tom.
"Okay."

He smiled, only an inch away from me because
I had my arms wrapped around his neck.
"Okay?"

I nodded.
"But you're my last try. If it doesn't work out,
I'll blame you for the rest of our lives."

"It'll work."
he replied, sincerely.

"I mean it, though. You're the last one I'll ever
give my whole heart."
I said, shyly.

"I promise I won't break it."
he answered my hidden question.

I smiled at him before kissing him again.
"Oh, Tom?"

"Hm?"
he asked, with his forhead against mine and his
eyes closed.

I inched closer and whispered
"I love you, too."
in his ear.

"Yes. Finally!"
he yelled, with one fist in the air.

I snorted and shook my head.
"You're a douche."

"You just said you loved me. I don't
mind being a douche. How about a bed, though?
I'm tired."
he said, with a yawn.

"Well, I thought we could do some other fun things before
sleeping. We don't really need a bed for that, either."
I said, with an exaggerated wink.

"You're so dirty."
Tom replied with a big smile before attacking me
with kisses.

After all this time, I was still hesitant about showing Tom how
I really felt. It was all because of the past, it had ruined my faith in
relationships. But I was lucky enough to find Tom, who restored my
broken heart and faith, all in one go.