Nothing Like Us

“Have you had anything to eat all day?” Oakleigh asked, a concerned look written on her face when Fenwick’s stomach growled loudly.

“I made breakfast this morning,” Fenwick shrugged, watching as Eli and Kipton circled the skating rink while trying to avoid the people that skated much slower than they did. When Eli started skating backwards faster than some people were skating forward, Fenwick smiled and shook her head. “They’re going to be as good as their fathers one day. I really need to talk to Jay and see if we can find a youth league for Eli somewhere so he can start early.”

“You’re dancing around the subject,” Oakleigh scolded, giving Fenwick a look of disapproval. “Did you at least eat breakfast?”

“I had a poptart. Eli wanted pancakes when he woke up and I completely forgot about Jay when I was making the mix. By the time I made everything there was only enough to feed the boys. I don’t usually eat breakfast but Eli insisted so I ate a poptart to make him happy.”

“Eli’s a smart boy, Fen. He knows when something’s wrong.”

“He shouldn’t have to worry about me. I should be the one worrying about him.”

“Someone has to look after you when I’m not there to do it. Anyways, you said you made breakfast for Jake? I thought he doesn’t eat breakfast,” Oakleigh stated, shaking her head at the mention of her best friend’s boyfriend. “How did last night go? I was worried about you when you didn’t call or text me back. He didn’t give you too much shit over dinner, did he?”

“He did,” Fenwick shrugged, avoiding Oakleigh’s gaze by fixing her eyes on Eli. “He had a fit when I was making dinner last night but he left before any type of fight could break out. He didn’t come back like he usually does but he texted me this morning and apologized. It’s all in the past now.”

“If he didn’t come back last night then who did you… James stayed the night didn’t he?!” Oakleigh asked, putting two and two together.

It’s almost time for you to go to bed, munchkin,” Fenwick said, glancing over at the clock on the stove as she put the dishes from dinner in the dishwasher. “How about you get ready for bed so that we’ll be done at the same time and I can tuck you in?”

“Is okay, mommy,” Eli said, walking over to hug Fenwick’s leg. “If you’re not feeling okay, I can has daddy do it.”

“Are you sure, sweetie? Daddy should probably get going soon before it’s past his bedtime too. Mommy can finish the dishes later.”

“No, I want daddy. Is daddy’s job because he go ‘way soon.”

“Mommy needs a job too,” Fenwick laughed, bending down to press a kiss to Eli’s cheek.

“Mommy needs to be happy and feels better. That’s her job,” Eli instructed, pointing to the half empty bottle of wine sitting on the counter. “If you run out of grape juicy I still has mine and you cans has my ice cream too.”

“Thanks buddy, but mommy doesn’t like Chunky Monkey.”

“I know, but if you wants it you can has it because it makes you feels better,” Eli said. “Or daddy can go buys you some.”

“I’ll let him know if I want some, okay?” Fenwick asked, picking Eli up and giving him a big hug. “Go get ready for bed and in the morning mommy will make you a nommy breakfast. Sound good?”

“Daddy too?”

“Daddy can come over if he wants but he usually has breakfast with Uncle Pauly,” Fenwick said, looking over at James. “He needs to make sure he lets mommy know if he comes over so she can make enough food for everyone.”

“What ‘bout Jake? I no want him to has any.”

“He won’t, baby. He never eats breakfast.”

“I no want him to come back,” Eli pouted, giving Fenwick a kiss on her cheek. “He makes mommy sad and mommy shouldn’t be sad.”

“Mommy’s sad because he went away.”

“Then I guess he cans come back if he has to. Daddy gets sad too sometimes, after he picks me up or after he comes back from seeing Amber. When daddy’s sad he looks at pictures instead of drinking grape juice.”

“I think it’s time for bed, buddy,” James interrupted, setting his beer down on the counter and walking over to take Eli from Fenwick’s arms.

“Good night, angel,” Fenwick said her cheek brushing James’ when she leaned over to kiss Eli’s cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

“Night, mommy!” Eli replied. “If Jake doesn’t come back tonight you can has daddy!”

“We’ll see, okay? You need to get off to bed; handsome boys need all the sleep they can get.”

“Does that mean you’ll go to sleep soon?” Eli asked, studying his mother’s face with satisfied when she cracked a small smile. “Mommy’s handsome and needs sleep too!”

“Your mother’s not handsome, buddy,” James laughed. “She’s beautiful.”

“Like you?”

“No, he’s ugly,” Fenwick joked, holding her hands up in the air when Eli and James glared at her. “Okay, fine. Your daddy’s handsome too but all your looks come from mommy.”

“Then I should be beautiful?”

“No, buddy. Boys are handsome and girls are beautiful.”

“I no get it,” Eli said, confused. “Why?”

“That’s just how it works.”

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Fenwick laughed. “You’ll understand one day. Just remember when you see Auntie Oak tomorrow to call her beautiful and not handsome.”

“We get to see Kipton tomorrow?” Eli asked, his face lighting up.

“And go ice skating,” Fenwick nodded. “But only if you go to sleep.”

“’Kay mommy! I love you.”

“Not more than I love you, sweetie.”

“No way, mommy!”

“Yes way, Eli,” Fenwick smiled. “I’m older than you and my heart’s bigger than yours so I love you more.”

“You win,” Eli pouted, crossing his arms. “For now.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mommy?” Eli asked, when he was halfway out of the room with James.

“Yes, munchkin?”

“Can I has pancakes tomorrow?”

“Of course. I’ll make you anything you want.”

“Thanks mommy! You’re the bestest!”

An hour later James walked out of Eli’s room to find Fenwick sitting on the couch with an empty bottle of wine, staring at the framed picture of the three of them that was sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

“Hey,” he said gently, walking over and sitting down next to her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Fenwick asked, slurring her words as she blinked blankly in front of her.

“I don’t know,” James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Your eyes used to be so bright when I first met you and now they’re just… nothing. You try to hide all that pain but you’re not doing a very good job of it. I can see it and Eli sees it too. It kills me to see you like this.”

“He should be back by now,” Fenwick said, shifting her attention from the picture to the front door hopefully. “He’s always back by now. What if something happened to him or-?”

“You shouldn’t let him get to you. He’s not worth all of this.”

“James, please. I lov-“

“No you don’t. You can do so much better than him, Fen. He doesn’t treat you right.”

“He treats me just fine, besides why do you care? You have Amber and you don’t see me making comments about her. I don’t make suggestions about your love life therefore you have no say in mine.”

“I do when it involves our son,” James pressed. “Eli really doesn’t like the guy and I’m starting to see why. When our son is involved, I have a say.”

“Eli’s also a three year old boy who still thinks his mommy and daddy are going to get back together so of course he’s not going to like anyone I see. Jake’s good to me, James. You just don’t see it.”

“Apparently neither does Eli. He says Jake walks out all the time and you cry a lot. I don’t know what goes on with you and him, Fenwick, but in the short time I was here I witnessed enough. I heard enough from Eli to know that you deserve better than that.”

“You think I do?” Fenwick snapped, her bleary eyes meeting James’. “You think after all I did to you I deserve better than this? Jake’s good to me, James. And I don’t even deserve him.”

“You’re punishing yourself by being with him. You deserve better than that,” James quipped. “And for the record, I don’t ever think you deserve anything bad after what you did to me. We see things very differently, Fenny – you like to hold grudges against the people that hurt you the most and while you might never be able to forgive yourself for what you did, I do. I have forgiven you because I know how far you’ve come since then. You’re such a better person and you’ve come so far from who you were when you left me. Don’t punish yourself for all of this.”

“You’d be so proud of me, Jay,” Fenwick sniffed, cuddling herself into the arm that James draped around her shoulders, doing her best not to wince when his finger touched a bruise. “If I met you now, I might be more of that girl you wanted back then. I’m trying, really hard now.”

“And you’re doing a great job. You’re a good mother and an amazing friend that anyone would be lucky to have. I’m always proud of you, Fenwick. Life’s a learning experience and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. No matter what though, you’re never alone on your journey,” James told her, his heart dropping when he saw the tears pooled in her eyes. As they fell, he pulled her closer and wiped them off her cheek. “No more crying today. You’re supposed to get better for Eli.”

“You’re too good to me, Jay,” Fenwick whispered, her face close enough to James’ that he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

“Does Jacob hurt you?” James tried, his thumb tracing the bruise on Fenwick’s forehead. When she leaned her face slower, he leaned backwards trying the question again. “Did you get that bruise from him?”

“Why does it matter, Jay?” Fenwick questioned, closing the distance between them and pressing her lips to his. She smiled when James kissed her back, leaning her backwards on the couch and moving to kiss the skin on her neck. A moan escaped her lips and when Fenwick’s hand found its way under James’ shirt he froze and pulled back, moving to the other side of the couch. “Jay, please? I need you.”

“I – we can’t, Fen,” James told her firmly, pulling her into his arms when she bit her bottom lip and tears pooled in her eyes again. “You’re drunk and you have a boyfriend. You’d regret it in the morning, Fenwick.”

“You- you don’t want me anymore?”

“Not when you’re drunk. You don’t even know what you’re doing, Fen. I’m saving you a fight in the morning.”

“Can I ask you to do something for me?”

“Sure.”

“Promise you’ll do it?”

“Depends. If it’s reasonable, yes.”

“Can- can you stay with me tonight? I get nightmares,” Fenwick asked. “I don’t think Jake’s coming back tonight.”

“I can stay on the floor,” James answered, looking at the expression on Fenwick’s face as she wrapped her arms around her legs.

“The bed, Jay. Not the floor.”

“That’s… not a good idea.”

“I die in my dreams. Sometimes I just die but sometimes I’m murdered and sometimes it’s Eli too. Then Oakleigh. Then it’s… then I wake up,” she finished, shaking her head.

“Oh, Fen,” James whispered, brushing the tear that rolled down her cheek.

“It’s bedtime, Jay. I’m sleepy.”

“O-okay.”

“Promise you’ll stay the whole time? I won’t get mad at you in the morning.”

“If you remember.”

“I always remember….” She started, trailing off fighting herself. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”

“Come on, it’ll be okay, I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you,” James said, helping Fenwick up and following her to the bedroom. Once he was sure she was asleep, he brushed back the hair that had fallen on Fenwick’s face and kissed her forehead softly. “I’m so sorry, Fenny,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I should have gone after you that night.”

“Oh. My. God,” Oakleigh gasped, her hands covering her mouth as she looked at her friend in wide-eyed shock. “You slept with him.”

“What? No, I didn’t!” Fenwick argued, crossing her arms. “I was upset over Jacob leaving last night and not coming back but I did not fuck James because of it. I might’ve had a little too much to drink, though, and we all know what happens when I do. You know how I get nightmares? Apparently, when I was drunk I asked James to stay the night and he did. Nothing happened and nothing’s going to happen. I’m perfectly happy with Jacob despite what you and James might think.”

“If you say so,” Oakleigh shrugged, watching as Kipton and Eli made their way off the ice. “You guys all tired out?”

“No,” Kipton stated, exchanging a mischievous look with Eli. “I want hot chocy, mommy.”

“Okay, Kip. How about you put your skate guards on, then I’ll go get you some.”

“Not you, Mommy!” Eli said, shaking his head when Oakleigh moved to get up. “Mommy get Kipton hot chocy and something for nommy. She no eat all day.”

“Eli, I-“ Fenwick started, only to get cut off by her son.

“GO!” Eli demanded, pointing towards the concession bar and glaring at his mother until she got up. “I has to talk to Auntie Oak.”

“About what?”

“Important stuffs,” Eli said, making sure his mother was completely out of earshot before he turned to Oakleigh. “I need help”
****
“Nealer, that’s my seat!” Dustin Jeffery complained when James pushed him out of the way to settle in the seat next to Eric Tangradi. “Tango and I always sit together on plane rides.”

“I need to talk to him,” James shrugged, reclining the seat and making himself more comfortable when Dustin glared at him. “I promise, it’s just for the plane ride. I don’t plan on rooming with him.”

“Eric and I were going to play cards; you took away my only entertainment!”

James signed and rubbed his face before bending over and pulling the PSP out of his backpack and throwing it at Dustin. “You sound just like my kid and he’s three going on four. If that doesn’t entertain you though, you could always go play cards with Geno, Oripk, and the other guys.”

“I hope you don’t want this back,” Dustin joked, crossing his arms and glaring at James.

“You talk about being like Eli like it’s a bad thing,” Eric laughed, reclining his seat back after Dustin grudgingly took the seat across the aisle from them. “Eli’s better behaved that Kipton is. I’d take Eli over Kip any day.”

“Does Oakleigh know that?” James asked, raising his eyebrows as he jokingly pulled out his phone.

“NO!” Eric cried, his eyes wide in horror. “And she never will. It’s not that I don’t love Kipton because I do, he’s my son and I love him it’s just… he’s a little spoiled.”

“By who, I wonder,” James commented sarcastically. “Sometimes you gotta learn to say no. You can’t always give them everything they want or they’ll come to expect it.”

“Oakleigh always says no and I just… When Kipton asks for something and he starts pouting and his bottom lip quivers I can’t say no.”

“It’s a ploy to get you to cave to them, Eli does it too. You don’t want to be the bad guy.”

“I don’t!” Eric defended. “I see how angry he gets with Oakleigh and I don’t ever want to see him get like that with me. Don’t you spoil Eli?”

“No, Fenwick does,” James said. “I’ll spoil him once in a while but he doesn’t always get everything he asks for. Trust me, mommy’s his favorite.”

“That doesn’t bother you at all?”

“No. It’s easier to start teaching them now when they’re young. If you wait too long, it’s going to be harder to fix.”

“You didn’t just sit with me to talk parenting strategy, did you, Nealer? There’s something else that you want to know, so what’s up?”

“How much do you know about Jacob?” James asked, noting how Eric’s face darkened at the mention of Jacob’s name.

“Jacob, like Fenwick’s Jacob? Not too much, why?”

“Just curious. Eli really seems to hate him and I want to know why. It takes a lot for Eli to not like someone, he usually gets along with everyone.”

“Have you ever considered that Eli only sees you as his dad and thinks that Jake is trying to take over your position? He’s still too young to understand why you and Fenwick aren’t together or why you’re seeing other people and it’ll take him a while before he fully understands that.”

“Eli’s a smart kid, I think he knows,” James defended. “I think there’s something else going on between Fenwick and Jacob and Eli knows it.”

“What makes you think that?” Eric asked. “I’ve met the guy a couple of times and he seems alright. I mean, I think he could treat his girlfriend way better but he’s an okay guy. He makes an effort to be in Eli’s life and he… he makes Fenwick happy. I can’t really tell you if I like him or if I don’t since Fenwick doesn’t like to bring him to dinners when Oakleigh invites her over but I can tell you that I don’t get good vibes off of him. Maybe it’s just because of how he is when I see him, I don’t know. I’m not one that’s quick to jump the gun and judge people if I don’t know them.”

“What about Oakleigh? How does she feel about him?”

“Oakleigh doesn’t like him. At all.”

“And that’s because…?”

“I don’t know,” Eric shrugged. “She doesn’t like the way he treats her, I guess. She doesn’t really like to talk about Fenwick and Jacob much unless it’s to vent about how much she doesn’t like him. From what I hear on Oakleigh’s end of late night phone conversations, Jacob and Fenwick fight all the time. He walks out on her a lot when they fight and that leaves her in a complete mess and you know how Oakleigh is when one of her friends gets like that. She thinks that he plays with her emotions and is the cause of her little… problem.”

“Problem?”

“Fenwick has really bad nightmares sometimes,” Eric supplied. “She’ll call at three in the morning in a complete mess… and you know, her way of solving problems now-a-days is a nice bottle of wine so Oakleigh’s worried about that too.”

“I’m not happy about it either,” James said. “Even Eli talks about how she ‘drinks juice’ to make everything better. Last night when she was upset, he pointed towards the bottle of wine and told her she needed to be happy. I don’t know how much drinking she does around Eli but I don’t like it.”

“No one does,” Eric smiled sadly.

“Do you think Jacob’s abusive?”

“He doesn’t look like the type, but people might surprise you, why?”

“You really haven’t seen them?” James questioned. “Her bruises?”

“Like I said, she doesn’t come around much anymore,” Eric shrugged. “She did have a bruise on her upper arm one time, though, and after I pressed her on what happened she gave me some story about how she was fooling around and she fell. After that she didn’t like coming over when I was home. She’d come over for dinner once in a while but she was very guarded when she talked to me, like she was afraid to let something slip.”

“Did you buy her story?”

“Of course not. I know Fenwick’s not the most coordinated person ever but her story didn’t add up – she fell because she was ‘fooling around’ and that’s that. No explanation of fooling around, no nothing and after that she hates being around me. There’s something suspicious there but if it’s Jacob, I don’t know.”

“What does Oakleigh think?”

Eric sighed and shook his head before answering. “Jesus, Nealer. I’m not up for this, if I’d known you were going to interrogate me, I’d kick you out. As much as I’d love to help you, I don’t know as much as you think I know. Oakleigh only tells me bits and pieces of things. She doesn’t like to talk about Jacob.”

“But has she told you what her take on the whole thing is?”

“Yes,” Eric sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. “She has her theories.”

“And?”

“She thinks he does it.”