YDG?!

Alan's P.O.V

"I think- I think I might love you." Austin stuttered out. Wat. I went into shock. This can't be happening it must be a dream. The man I've loved since the day we met was telling me he loved me. I couldn't think straight. All I could think was don't let people close people hurt you that's what they do best. So I uttered the fateful words. "Oh. Um. Wow. Okay. I'm sorry its just a shock. Don't worry we'll always be friends." What the fuck why did I say that Alan what the hell is wrong with you. His eyes literally tore me apart at that point. He looked like he was completely dead. There was no emotion, not even pain, which was terrifying. Tears started to form, threatening to spill out. Then the emotion came into his eyes. Pain, self loathing and just sadness. He sighed. "Yeah okay Alan. Goodnight." He mumbled and got up. I turned away, I couldn't bear to see the one I loved so much so broken. And knowing it was my stupid fault made everything worse. I felt the tears start to spill down my cheeks, regretting every single word I had said. I heard Austin crawl into his bunk, the rustle of sheets then silence. But silence never lasts forever. The calm was broken by quiet, heart wrenching sobs. I buried my face in my hands. Why the fuck was I doing this I loved him and he loved me but no, I was too fucking afraid to show any emotion. Such a coward. I got up, suddenly exhausted. Walking towards my bunk I realised the sobs had faded away. I gently opened the curtain to austins bunk and saw him curled up against the wall. I was unbelievably tempted to jump in and wrap my arms around him but I couldn't. I hated myself and couldn't believe I was turning away. Alan you imbecile its not that hard just get in the bunk and snuggle the fuck out of the man you love. Yet I was still too afraid. I closed the curtain, padded over to my bunk, climbed in and tried to sleep.