The Past That Blinds (1 of 3)

I bolt upright in bed shouting "No!"
I look around and realise I'm safe. I sigh, breathing heavily and rub my eyes a little to wake up properly. I was dreaming of my parents deaths, again, as I do every night, but now that I'm here the pain and clarity of the memory causes tears to roll down my face. The alcohol used to ease the pain and help bury the memories that I can never forget, and help me sleep until dawn, but now that I'm constantly sober I loose sleep and the memories are almost always there. Keeping moving is the best way to push them from my mind, for a little while at least. I shake my head and whipe my eyes before getting out of bed, I throw the sheets off me and stand up. My parents wouldn't want me to be like this, they would want me to get on with my life and not mourn them every moment of my life, it is easier after all these years, but the pain never goes, it's always there, just sometimes not as noticeable. I walk over to the balcony and I move aside the semitransparent white curtains blowing in the slight breeze and walk over to the rail and I look out at the night sky, the moon shining brightly and stars flickering like diamonds reflecting light. At that thought I remember Erebor. Seams of gold running through the rock like solid rivers, emeralds, rubies and diamonds are but some of the treasures mined and crafted into fine jewellery and decorations by master smiths and artisans. An entire city within a mountain. The living quarters were carved out of the stone itself and a lot of decoration was traded with the townsfolk of Dale, business, trade and lives were grand. Until that fateful day when everything changed...
"Lady Chase, may I have a word?" A voice came from behind. I turn around and notice the Dwarf Prince himself. "My prince," I say curtsying slightly and inclining my head respectfully, "what can I do for you?" I ask. My father and his are great friends so I have known Thorin most of my life, yet we have never really spoken much, I spend a lot of time outside of the city, my mother doesn't approve she thinks I should stay inside the mountain rather than go to Dale. "I was wondering if you had seen my father? The last I heard he was heading to find your father" he says. "I'm sorry, I haven't seen your father, or mine today" I reply. He nods and hesitates slightly before speaking again"...To tell you the truth, I was actually looking for you, I was wondering... If... You... Would accompany me to the city?" He asks, it appears he was a little unsure what to say. I smile a little. "It would be an honour" I say, he smiles at my reply seeming a little relieved at the same time"
There's a knock on my door taking me out of my thoughts. "Chase? Is everything alright? I thought I heard something" Bilbo's concerned voice comes from the other side of the door. "Yeah, I'm alright, thank you, sorry if I woke you" I say softly, not moving from the balcony. He stays for a moment before I hear him start to walk away. I sigh and sit on the balcony looking down at the waterfall underneath.

I shake my head of the memory that tries to surface. I would rather not think of the days when Thorin and I were friends, he may tolerate me, but we are no longer friends, he constantly makes it clear that I'm a thorn in his side. Loss changes different people in different ways I suppose. Me? It made me less naive, stronger, wiser, but mostly it taught me that life isn't easy but you've got to keep going, fighting for all that you love, even when they're gone. Just remember that they would want you to live your life and not dwell on the past. I know, it's easier said than done. I sigh. I think I should try and get some more sleep until dawn, we're moving off before first light. But I know that I won't be able to so I take a walk instead. It is nice at this time in a morning, peaceful, quiet, there's not much better than the sound of a peaceful night. I actually feel at peace at the moment, my memories not bothering me for the time being since I am still waking up. It makes me prefer being tired when I do not have to relive my parents death. It's either that or because I let out a lot of pent up tension earlier when I broke down. I just hope that Thorin didn't notice when I bumped into him, that's the only problem on my mind now that I think about it. I lean on a rail and just admire the view.
I walk back up towards the dwarves and Bilbo's lodgings, hoping to find the Hobbit, and I hear the voices of Gandalf and Elrond talking so I stop walking as I hear them mention our quest.
“The Throne of Erebor is Thorin's birthright, what is it that you fear?” Gandalf asks.
“Have you forgotten? A strain of madness runs deep in that family” he says quietly to Gandalf “His Grandfather lost his mind, his father succumbed to the same sickness. Can you swear Thorin Oakenshield will not also fall?” he pauses for a moment “Gandalf these decisions do not rest with us alone, it is not up to you, or me to redraw the map of Middle Earth” Their voices are getting quieter as they are walking away
“With or without our help these dwarves will march on the mountain, they are determined to reclaim their homeland” I hear Gandalf say before they walk out of hearing range
I sigh and lean on a railing nearby. I had known about his grandfather, but I did not know about his father.
“You are up early” I hear a voice say, getting closer to me.
“Yes, well, I am not used to sleeping within walls. When on your own and sleeping in the wild you have to be a very light sleeper, otherwise you may not wake up at all” I say simply as I realise that it's Thorin. I look to my right side as he stands next to me resting his hands on the rail. If I didn't wake up throughout the night I would most likely be dead by now. A few times I have woken up just in time to prevent myself from being killed by orcs.
I lean off the rail and turn and start to walk away, I am not in the mood for his lectures if that is why he is here and I am not giving him a chance to say that I should stay here, if that is what he has come to say.
“Chase” he says in an undistinguishable tone of voice, I don't stop or turn around and just keep walking
“I do not want to hear it Thorin, and if you're thinking of telling me to stay here then think again, I made a promise to Bilbo and I do not break my promises. No matter the situation” I say remembering a promise that he made me once, one that I dare not let surface.
“Chase” he says a little bit louder than previously. I turn around a little fed up “We're leaving, I suggest you get ready and quickly” he says before walking back to his lodgings with the other dwarves and Bilbo, leaving me a little confused, but only for a moment because I turn around and head back to my room to gather my things that I will need, before heading back to the rest of them.