Like it Was Before

Before all of this-before the end of the world, come to that-Rick Grimes was
just the best friend of my boyfriend, the one with the pretty wife we'd double date with when they could find a sitter for their handsome son, which was only every so often, sharing minimal conversation and more than one bottle of wine over dinner.
Shane and I had been dating for months by the time the Grimes' felt confident
enough about my permanence in Shane's life to have us over to their home for a quiet dinner instead of meeting at a restaurant and awkwardly discussing the menu as a means of pitiful small talk.
It made me feel special to be so included in the world as the same Rick I'd heard about from day one. Rick had actually been driving the cruiser the fateful night I'd been pulled over, although apparently they figured Shane was more than adequate to 'take me down' if
I became too mouthy, and didn't he just wish?
He did, Shane confirmed laughing and when I accused him of wrongly pulling me over just to hit on me, he smiled but kept quiet. Wise man.

xx

It's just the couples tonight with Carl camping out somewhere in the neighborhood.
The Drakes, they tell me as if I'm privy to just who the Drakes are.
The weather's perfect for such a thing, laying out in a backyard under the stars I note as Shane
pulls up to the Grimes' curb and kills the engine.
The home is up a stone walkway featuring cement stairs which I find daunting in my heels.
Shane helps me navigate upwards as best he can as I clutch both him and a
precariously balanced pie dish.
I'm just proud of myself for being able to exit the vehicle without flashing my panties at
the couple on the porch, Shane bounding ahead of me dragging me along behind him, exchanging pleasantries. It's silly but it feels nerve-wracking, like they have the home field advantage here.
Thankfully, I'm rescued from horning my way into an exclusive conversation by Rick who stands to greet me, doing his Officer Friendly bit as he makes a point to kiss my cheek politely as he relieves me of my Tuppawear, spewing welcoming platitudes all the while.
"Lori, Savannah's brought pie."
"Peach,"
I offer only to catch Lori pulling a horrified face, as if I'd brought road kill to a pot luck, even though I'd thought my desert selection to be innocent enough. We live in Georgia-who doesn't like peaches? Lori, apparently.
"We have just the ice cream to go with this,"
Rick smooths over our awkward moment, bless him.
"A brand new tub of vanilla."
Lori, looking resigned to the entire thing opens up the screen door and waves her arm,
gesturing to the house.
"Come on in."

xx

Shane goes straight to the half-bath to wash up, leaving me to hover awkwardly around the living room by myself. The Grimes having disappeared together into the kitchen, taking desert with them.
I'm perched on the edge of their couch far enough away that I wouldn't be able to hear a quiet conversation-Rick proves this-but Lori is already past such niceties as whispered insults.
"Savannah?" She guffawed as if the ludacrisness of my name is just hitting her,
now that we're in more intimate settings. "Savannah?"
I can't help but cringe as she repeats my name grinding it out of her throat as if it were choking her.
"Who the hell names their kid after a city in a state they actually live in?"
I hear a hushed voice in the pause, hopefully a rebuttal on my behalf, but I can't make out the words. And where the hell was Shane? It didn't take this long to wash your hands.
"Brooklyn, I get. Austin, I get. But Savannah? And this peach pie? Come on,"
"Lor-" Rick interrupts right out loud now, but she is on a full tear.
"What is she, Miss Georgia? The state's goodwill ambassador?"
"I actually work in an office."
I announce loudly, leaving the couch to stand in the doorway between the two rooms.
My hands are shaking and I clasp them together to mask this fact.
"Just boring nine to five stuff. And what is it that you do, Lori?"
I can't help this last bit as it slips out and the look on Lori's face...it was almost worth being humiliated to see her impression of a doe-in-headlights. Rick looks mortified (rightly so) and tries to rectify as quickly as he can, apologizing on his wife's behalf, but I don't care anymore.
All of a sudden it doesn't feel quite as special being here.
Thankfully, Shane blunders into the room startling us all by clapping his hands together and rubbing them in anticipation.
"Awright," he drawls. "Who's ready to eat? I can't wait to dig into that pie, babe."
I fake a smile, grasping onto Shane's arm simultaneously flushing with pleasure at his cheesy innuendo and cringing with dread at the meal stretching out ahead of us.
Shane is clueless about the way his closest friends really think of me and I intend to keep it that way.

xx

So, yes, Lori and Rick were awkward to be around.
I was purposefully trying to shrug it all off as 'Normal shit couples go through-a phase' (Shane's words, not mine. Something I'd overheard the next day while he sat in front of the TV watching a Major League Baseball game and talking on the phone. Meanwhile I was in the laundry room trying to get grass stains out of his best pair of khaki uniform pants and contemplating
whether or not I wanted to know how they got there. Probably not.) I'm trying not to actively listen in when I hear the phone beep, signalling that he's clicked off, and I then Shane's voice go not only up in volume but faux-gruff, like he means business.
Yeah, right.
"Sav? Come on in here, honey."
I hate being called honey-hate being called at all;
would it kill him to get up? but I like Shane enough to drop what I'm doing and go to him, gracelessly dropping into his lap. I'm trying hard to make this work, wanting him more than almost anything.
Shane lets out an 'oof' of protest, but curls an arm around my waist to keep me from getting up in a huff and offers me a beer.
We finish the game and his six pack of Miller together while his clothes go through the spin cycle and he teases me about being able to walk a straight line before I drive myself home, happy at last.