The Chronos Project

“Keep going, I fucking love it!” Julian spattered, spitting out a bloody tooth.

“You want more dumb ass?”

Julian gave a crooked smile steadying him, and flipped the small gang the bird. The fat one reared up and slugged Julian across the face. Julian spat again, leaving a small puddle of blood on the floor.

“Hey, Kola, man, stop, Manny gets him now.”

The fat one left back to his group of dogs and a buff one stepped forward twisting a blade in his hands.

“And how does the little fag feel about knives?”

“Great.” He said swaying back and forth. “I love a good knife. Think you can hit me right here?” He drew a target over his heart.

Suddenly, the buff one stood still. “Guys, He wants to die, he’s not even messing around.”

“Awe, c’mon don’t chicken out, mama’s boy.”

Then, as Manny, the buff one turned around, Julian knew it was finally over, some light- or rather lack of light in Manny’s eyes as he said, “My mama, she’s dead.”

Then he reared up and gripped tightly the knife. Julian closed his eyes, and leaned his head back. He smiled and then he fell. A sharp pain his abdomen and she spit, but now he didn’t stop spitting. The knife was no longer in him, and the boys were no longer in the alley.

Julian smiled and turned, the moon above him he closed his eyes.

~~~

It was white, but it wasn’t heaven. There were people in scrubs rushing around him, and one woman met his eyes quickly alerting a tall man.

The man silenced everyone.

“Hey, are you okay? Are you with us? Can you hear me?”

“I didn’t die?”

“No, we got to you in time.” He smiled.

“Fuck.” Julian cursed.

The doctor put a funny mask over Julian’s nose which made him tired.

When Julian awoke again someone was there, waiting in a chair beside his hospital bed. Her mascara had run.

“Hey Kami.”

“Julian.” She looked up. She stood, her small hand wrapping around his. “What happened to you?” Her accent was still thick even though she moved from Japan years ago.

“Don’t worry about it Kami, I’m alright. Where’s Clay?”

“Clay? Why do you want Clay? I’m here, Julian.”

“Clay is my friend, and I want to talk to him, go get him for me, and then could you find me one of those little sodas’s please?” He blinked.

“Okay, But then you tell me what happened okay?”

He nodded, she pushed through the curtain and Julian watched his heartbeat on the monitor. He heard the curtain open, and he turned his attention to the average man in front of him.

“What do you want?”

“Come here Clay.”

Clay shook his ashy mop hair and crossed his arms.

“Well I can’t really get over there, and your sister going to be back any second.”

“She’s not my sister Julian.”

“Adopted sister.” Julian said. “Please come here Clay.”

Clay huffed and walked beside Julian, resting his hand on Julian’s.

“You might be able to fool everyone else, but I know you’ve got your little death wish. I won’t soon see you die Julian.”

“What if I say I’m really really sorry?” He smiled up at his baby faced Clay.

“Why are you talking with a lisp?”

“Lost some teeth.” Julian wound his fingers in Clays.

Clay looked around blushing. “Kami will be back any second.”

“Then kiss me you fool.”

Clay shook his head. “No.”

“WHY?” Julian fussed.

“You’re cut out.”

“WHY?”

“Because you’re a bloody asshole, I’m leaving, let Kami kiss you, and I’m going to Tim Horton’s.”

“Coffee doesn’t fix relationship problems!” Julian yelled after his secret boyfriend.

Moments later Kami pushed through the curtain. “Julian, they don’t have little soda, where is Clay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Whatever. What happened Julian?”

“I got jumped Kam, that’s it.”

“The cops are going to need your statement; actually I should go tell the doctor your awake, hold on.” Kami kissed Julian’s sweaty cheek. Once she left the curtain border Julian yanked off the pressure sensors and the IV’s and he slipped on his clothes-which were in a bag on the chair. And he slipped out, cradling his abdomen.

He clenched the teeth he had left as stitches in on his stomach ached from the walking movement. He saw Tim Horton’s across the street. He skidded across the street, checking only briefly for cars. He leaned against the glass window and knocked, eyeing the blonde familiar a few tables in.
A few people looked up, quickly becoming worried, and Clay rolled his eyes darting outside betraying his new coffee to the table.

“Julian!” Clay burst out waiting for the door to shut.

“Hi Clay.”

“Why aren’t you at the hospital, god dammit Julian.”

“Am I not at the hospital, hm?” He smiled moving forward to lean on the boy.

“Why do you want to die Julian?”

“Why do you want to live Clay?” Julian looked up with his green eyes. Clay looked stricken.

“We need to get you back to the hospital.” Clay spoke, taking Julian’s elbow in his own, guiding him safely across the highway and into the hospital parking lot.

All of a sudden Julian released himself to sit on a black bench, he pat the space beside him and Clay sighed blabbering about how they didn’t have time for this.

“Just sit please.” Julian drew back his smile, his face serious.

Clay sat, a few inches over from Julian.

“I’m sorry.” There was no laughter or sarcasm in his deep voice.

Clay looked over his bruised boyfriend. “Do you ever think about me, or even Kami, when you try to get killed?”

“I think about you.” He peered into Clay’s blue eyes.

“And yet you still try to die?” Clays face grew paler.

“I need to die because my life will never make you happy. I know I don’t make you happy.” Julian looked at his hands while he twiddled his thumbs.

“You’re wrong, but speaking hypothetically, why wouldn’t we just break up then?”

“I need you, more than I’ve ever needed someone in my life.” Julian looked up; Clay looked conflicted, rubbing his palms against his jeans.

“So you’re saying you’re a parasite.”

“And you’re my very handsome and consenting host.”

“That’s not how parasitism works, moron.” Clay looked up to the sky, the dull gray that made every in Vancouver.

Julian chuckled. The chuckle that made everything seems okay.

“Are you still going to go out of your way to die?”

Julian remained silent. He quickly leaned and kissed Clay on the lips and then stayed by his ear, whispering, ‘I’m sorry’.

Clay closed his eyes and Julian stood, walking again further away from the hospital. Finally Clay followed catching up and allowing Julian to distribute some of his weight on his shoulders.

“Where are you going?”

Julian opened his mouth, but something in Clay’s eyes made him rethink, he changed direction, “Hospital, right?”

Clay nodded and escorted Julian back to the very dissatisfied doctors and nurses, who insisted he change back into the gown. Once dressed they fastened his wrists to the bed and called in the doctor who went on and on using doctorate words to inform Julian of what happened and how many stitches he had. He finished by telling him that the detective would be in momentarily to take his statement.

Clay was messing around with a book of Sudoku puzzles and Julian was resting, eyes closed, when he heard someone nearing, and she was crying heavily.

He opened his eyes and Kami ran in, dropping her head onto Julian’s shoulder and weeping.

“I didn’t know where you were-Jules!” She whined.

Julian’s eyes were wide, he watched Clay as he laughed quietly.

“Hey, Kami.”

Kami pulled away wiping snot from her upper lip. “What?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore, you know?”

It got quiet. Clay’s pencil stopped writing in the book, Kami stopped muttering. All that was left was the rythmic beat of his heart.

“Why? What did I do?” Kami stood tall.

“”Nothing Kam, just, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m an ass, you know that much right?”

She nodded.

“I love someone else.” He uttered.

“What? Who?”

Clay started breathing heavily, dating Julian was like dating an old bomb, even if you thought it wouldn’t go off, it will, when you least need it to.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Clay let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, Julian.” Kami left without another word.

“So who’s the lucky lady?” Clay teased.

“Some asshole.”

Clay laughed, “Now I’m the asshole. You didn’t have to do that to her, you know.”

“Right, it would have been more stable to marry her, and only be gay a little on the side with you.” They both laughed and Clay got up to stand beside Julian.

“What’s that?” Clay pointed to a series of numbers and colons on Julian’s upper arm.

“That’s when I’m going to die.”

“What?”

“Yeah, June eighteenth twenty sixteen.”

“Julian, c’mon, that’s ridiculous. Did you really get a random tattoo of a date?”

“No, Clay, this is really the day I’m going to die.”

“Then why have you been trying so hard to die recently?”

“I won’t be a victim of fate.” Julian protested.

“Assuming that is your date of death, which it isn’t, that’s in three years, you’ll only be like twenty two.” Clay touched Julian’s smooth arm over the tattoo.

“Lame, right.”

“Julian-,”

The curtain started to slide open, and Clay retreated briskly to his Sudoku book. Two police officers walked in, one brandishing a notebook and pen, and one carrying a manila folder.

The folder one spoke first. “Good afternoon Mister Moore, glad to see you up and at ‘em. We need to get your statement about the events occurring three nights ago. I’m going to need to ask for all guests to leave.”

Clay stood, “No, officer, I’d rather he stayed, unless that’s a problem.”

Clay was a dwarf in comparison to the officer.

“Fine, I’ll need your name as well,” The cop directed at Clay.

“I’m Clayton sir, Clayton Morgan.” Clay sat back down.

“Mr., Morgan, Mr. Moore, I’m Detective Kownaki, this is officer Truitt, he is just here to write down what you say.” The shorter officer nodded taking the cap off of his pen.

“Mr. Moore confirm your identity please, state you first middle and last name.”

“Julian Lazarus Moore.”

“Thank you, and upon finding you the nurses said you complained about being jumped in an alley. Were you indeed jumped, and by how many people?”

“There were five men, only three actually attacked me.” Julian had an itch on his nose, but his wrists were bound to the bed, so he just wrinkled the bridge instead.

“Did you by chance hear any names? Do not fear revenge, its best you tell us.”

“Oh, I’m not afraid of them Detective, one of them was called Manny, he was really built, and then there was a fat one that they called Kola. That’s all I heard.”

“Were there any tattoos or marks we could identify them by?”

“They all had ‘ghoul’ tattooed on their necks, it’s like a gang thing.”

“Okay, and did you encourage them at all?”

“Yes.”

The detective looked off guard. “You encouraged them, Mr. Moore?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I told them to hit me, I told them to kill me.”

“Were you joking Mr. Moore?”

“No.”

“Mr. Moore, are you telling me you instructed a gang of ‘ghouls’ to kill you.”

“Yes, but, I’m not pressing charges or anything, so I don’t get what’s going on.”

“Who stabbed you Mr. Moore?”

“Manny, the buff one.”

“Okay, thank you for your cooperation, that’s all we needed, we’ll be in touch.” The officers trailed out.

“Why did you do that?” Clay asked.

“I’m just being honest.”

“I don’t want you to die Julian.”

“Sure you do.”

“Why would I?” Clay shook his head.

“With me dead, there would be nothing to hold you back; you would be able to live your life. You’re young still Clayton.”

“You are my life Julian. I want you alive.”

And Julian’s façade slowly started breaking, Clay was devoted to him, but he never voiced it. And Julian’s face dropped.

“I love you Julian, even if I don’t say it. And you being reckless breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I don’t have a lot of time Clay.”

“What that stupid tattoo?” Clay laughed.

“Yes, but what I have left, I’ll spend it with you, okay? I’ll be a victim for you, because I love you.”
“I love you too.”