You Couldn't Hate Enough To Love

Frank Iero always wanted to feel loved.

Of course not the kind of love that his parents had for him.(because they obviously didn't, Frank understood that the first time that his father had hit him.)

Or the 'love' that his 'fuck buddies' would give him. They would show up one day, get what they both needed, and then leave to return for another day.

But what Frank really wanted, was to feel close to a person, in every single way. That was, someone who could take care of him when he was sick (Not the motherly way, but for a person to stick alone with someone when they were at their worse, and still cared for them, meant a lot, especially when you didn't have too, but because you wanted too.)

He also wanted to cuddle up in front of the tv with someone he could call a lover, where they were watching movies in early November, it was an act of caring, where they enjoyed each others company, where they were physically close without any sexual acts.
Because if you really loved someone, you didn't need all of that to show that you enjoyed spending time with that one person.

November had always been Frank's favorite month, just like autumn was his favorite season. He would always make the same excuse that "fall is my favorite season 'cause that's when I have birthday." But really, Frank couldn't give a bigger shit about his birthday. The excuse only hid the embarrassing truth that Frank loved sitting inside, cuddled up on the couch with a blanket and listen to the rain pouring on the window, while you could just imagine the pain the pore homeless guys outside went through.

And even though it would rain a lot the rest of the year,(It was fucking Jersey, what else could you imagine?) it just wasn't the same thing as when it was raining during fall.

Well, fall was generally such an comforting season for so many reasons. It also existed many reasons for why November was Frank's favorite month too, it obviously was, for if it wasn't, then he could easily mark October or September as his favorite month in the fall season.

But no, 'cause in the end of November, it would, hopefully, start to snow. The first time the snowflake touches the cold ground, will always be the most beautiful and treasured moment. But after time passes by, you'll easily get bored of the black and white days, so when the rain finally decides it will be a good time to wash it away, you'll find it as a blessing, and you'll gladly welcome the colors of spring with open hands.

Frank could easily remember a November night a few years ago. It was the last day in that month and for an unknown reason, he had gone out, not for drinking or anything, but only to get out of the house for a little while. It was late, Frank knew that, and even though he knew that going out after dark in New Jersey wasn't a good idea, he had no regrets, or with other words, he didn't care.

And then it started to snow. It was such an amazing and beautiful moment, he had seen snow thousand of times before, of course. But to experience the arrival of winter just like that, was a special moment.

Frank hadn't had his clock with him at that time, so didn't know what time it was, but he knew that it was over midnight when it had started to snow, the cold autumn rain had transformed into icy snowflakes that signaled that his favorite month just turned into a pointless countdown to christmas.

Even though Frank had gone to a catholic school, it didn't mean that he was religious in any way. In Frank's perspective, christmas was a pointless holiday. Why should you use money to buy stuff to a person, when the same person also had to use his money to buy him pointless shit. Nobody gained anything doing it, so why bother?

Frank had actually asked one of his teachers about it, he had only gotten an meaningless speech about how it showed people that you cared about them as an answer. Stupid teacher didn't realise that you could do a lot of other things to show people that you cared.

This is the love that Frank craved, the caring one. Frank physically and mentally needed someone that he could be close to in that way. That might be one of the reason he wished for love. He needed it, like he needed air to live, that's how much he craved it.

But the closest Frank ever got when it came to love, was his 'fuck buddies', He got the opportunity to be loved in a little while, even though it was no near the closeness love would give him, but that was ok, 'cause his 'fuck buddies' still loved him in the most bizarre way.

Frank wished for a relationship where he could be able to always love that one person even if they had their faults and differences, 'cause it shouldn't matter, so when they fought, they would have make-up sex and then wake up, safe and sound, in each others arms, forgetting about the world for a little while. Like nothing and no one could ever hurt them as long they stayed together.

'Cause together they would be undefeatable, that was what the Disney movie though him anyways: as long as you got love, you'll win, and that if you keep your love strong enough, you would defeat the bad guys.

This is the love that Frank longed for, the kind of love where he would have his own happy ending.

Tat is, together with the person he loved and cared for, just as much as this person cared and loved him.

But how long would take for his prince charming to come and save him, he'll never know.