You Couldn't Hate Enough To Love

"Alicia. seriously, I get it." Frank spoke out, obviously annoyed, and happy that Alicia was on the other side of his phone, and not in front of him.

Alicia was complaining again. Telling him how much she missed Mikey, and she clearly wanted comfort. Just like all the other times. This time she was complaining about Gerard. She was pissed about the fact that she couldn't get in touch with him, that didn't surprise Frank though, he would also ignore Alicia, if he had a choose that is.

Gerard hadn't shown up at Mikey's funeral. Frank didn't understand why, it might have been because of the guilt, that he didn't want to face the coffin, or, it was because of the guilt from, what Frank assumed, he had said to make Mikey take his own life.

But then again, there was no prove it was Gerard's doing. It might have been something else that had made Mikey end it.

Even though there was nothing that stopped the fact that Frank and Alicia had silently agreed that everything was Gerard's fault.

Probably the thing that bothered Frank mostly about the fact that Gerard hadn't shown up, was that he couldn't 'confront' him about everything that had happened that night. Frank needed to know what Gerard actually had told Mikey, or, if Mikey had said anything to Gerard, so if it wasn't Gerard that had caused him taking his life, Gerard might know exactly why.

But what Frank mostly wanted though, was to bring a fist to Gerard's face. Because that was what the fucker deserved.

With all of the problems and worries Frank had grown at the last couple of months, the thing that bothered him mostly, was Alicia. Frank was getting sick of the mess that was left of her. After Mikey died, she had changed for the worst. Not only was she extremely moody, like she was on her period all the fucking time, Alicia was definitely not Mikey's sweet fiance anymore, and Frank didn't want anything to do with her anymore.

One of the annoying thing was that he was her substitute for Mikey, not in the sexually or in any loving way, but since they were best friends. Frank is Alicia's only connection with Mikey, her friends hadn't liked him so much, and even though Mikey did have some friends on his own, no one was as close to Mikey as Frank had been, they were each others brothers by chose.

Frank hated that Alicia was doing this, he wanted to completely cut his line with Alicia. He mostly wanted to throw away everything that was ever connected with Mikey. But apparently, Alicia didn't agree on that. She battled a strong war with Frank on keeping their 'relationship' that was only tied together by a dead man.

It had only gone three months since Mikey died. Sometimes it felt like forever, other times, it felt like it was only yesterday Frank had walked into the cold apartment that contained Mikey's body.

Frank will never forget that night, it hunted him in his sleep, it hunted him in his thoughts, and it will forever scar his soul.

He never thought he would see a dead person, he would never imagine that he would hold a dead person in his arms, sobbing and begging him to come back.

No one should ever experience that. And it was pretty shocking that it didn't exist a law where it was illegal to die on someone who cared about you, even though so many would say that. It still was fucking unfair.

And Mikey had exactly done that to Frank. He had been selfish. Calling him, and that was only to say goodbye, it was an selfish act, and he definitely didn't think about Frank's reaction.

Frank knew that everything would have been so much better if he got a call from Alicia, telling him that someone, probably a neighbor, or the land lord, had found Mikey dead on the bathroom floor, overdosed.

But that hadn't happened, what happened was that Mikey had called Frank, not thinking about how it'll affect Frank what-so-ever, he probably thought he needed to hear his friend's voice before he died, but Mikey would die anyways, he hadn't needed to hear Frank's voice, since he wouldn't remember it. 'Cause he would be dead.

But the again, he hadn't needed to die at all. And he was dead before Frank even reached the apartment door, and he had been the one who had found him, cold, and not breathing.

Alicia was still ranting about god-knows-what, she had left the Gerard topic long ago. Frank was obviously not paying any attention, he never did, always waiting for her to end the conversation.

"So anyways, if you could, would you be an angel and pick something up from New York when you leave for the weekend? I have this mail thingy.." Frank sighted for the tenth time that day. It wasn't the first time that Alicia had asked him about one of these small favors, but it still pissed him off.

Alicia had obviously not noticed exactly why he always went to the big city whenever he had time. The only different about this time, is that he wont come back to New Jersey. 'Cause that was his final solution. He would cowardly run away.

"Alicia.. I'm sorry but I can't, not this time, or any other time. I won't return to Jersey. So if you want those packages you'd need to talk to the shop so they can ship-" Frank's voice got quickly cut off by Alicia's harsh one.

"You what!?" Her voice was extremely harsh, she had gone from a sweet person, asking for a small favor, to the fucking hulk. She was clearly not happy with the news of Frank's dismissal. Frank was aware that she would bitch about it when she found out. She was always over-reacting, like she was his Mother, or just an overly attached girlfriend. And it was obvious that she was none of those things to Frank.

"Yeah.. well.. y'know, all of the shit that has been going on after Mikey... anyways, I'd just like to start fresh. Y'know, so I bough this apartment, and I'll be moving in this weekend..." Frank continued his hopeless rant until he had to force himself to stop. He was totally aware that he had been ranting, he wasn't sure of what he was going to say, so he basically said the first things that popped up in his head. Making his little speech awkward as hell.

"I probably won't be seeing you again..um...Goodbye, Alicia." And with that, Frank hung up, and turned his phone off as fast as he could. Making a mental note that he was going to throw it away as soon as possible, and then buy a new one the moment he got to New York. He'd memorized the important phone numbers, so he would't throw away his connection to people he care about.

Frank hadn't actually lied, even though it still was wednesday, and he hadn't planed on leaving before Friday evening. But at that moment, where he stood at his old and very empty apartment floor. He changed his mind, he already had the keys for his new apartment, witch already was stacked with his stuff. The weekends he had spent in New York was used so he could get the place somewhat decent. So the only thing he had left to do was too get his ass down there and officially move in.

So before he knew it, he was was in his car, ready to leave Jersey for good, and most off all, the memories of Mikey and everything that was connected with his late friend.