Don't Speak, Liar

Kyle and I spend the next few hours alternating between talking and kissing. I refuse to let it get anymore physical, and Kyle doesn’t initiate it either. We just enjoy each other’s company.

I can’t help but wonder if I let things happen quickly with Kyle. Should I have let him kiss me like that? Should I have taken his past with other girls a little more seriously? Do I even bring it up? Does he think I’m easy? Mostly unrealistic questions filter through my head, giving me a headache.

Bus call eventually rolls around and everybody’s starting to come back to the bus. “Should I go to my bunk?” I ask Kyle nervously.

“Of course not,” He responds. “We can just put on another movie and nobody will bother us.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “They’re all drunk and Shaun is so nosy. Everybody will know I’m with you tonight and assume the worst.”

Kyle laughs and kisses my forehead. “Let them.”

We put on another movie and spend the rest of the night mostly undisturbed. A few people poke their heads into our bunk to say hello. Shaun is one of those people. When he sees us he raises his eyebrows and gives me a ‘we’re so going to talk about this later’ look. A conversation with Shaun the next day is worth my wonderful night with Kyle, even if Shaun might be a little judgemental. I just met Kyle, and things seem to move a little quickly. But that happens sometimes. You can’t help natural chemistry.

Once everybody is inside, we have to be a little quieter, because crew members start to go to sleep. A lot of people are partying in the front lounge still, but I’d feel awful talking loud while someone is trying to sleep. Instead, Kyle and I focus on the movie in front of us for the first time tonight. We lay hand in hand, enjoying ourselves.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking up to next to Kyle. My laptop is nowhere in sight. I’m assuming he put it away sometime last night, and I’m grateful. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t broke a laptop from falling asleep with it before.

Kyle looks so peaceful. He’s asleep, snoring softly. His blanket barely covers his hips. I can see the material of his shorts poking out. I look up to his exposed chest, admiring his random freckles. Looking at his face, I have to resist the urge to touch it. His skin looks so soft. His dark eyelashes are so long and dark, I could stare at them for hours. I take the time to really take Kyle’s appearance in. He honestly is one of the most gorgeous people I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Part of me wants to stay in bed with him, at least until he wakes up. The other half of me wonders what time it is and wants to go check. I look out the window, and it’s daylight. I don’t know about the timing of anything yet today, so I carefully get out of the bunk to check. I don’t want to be late for anything.

It doesn’t take me long to find my phone. It rests on my bunk, right next to my pillow pet. When I check the time, it’s 9:00 in the morning, so I grab it and crawl back into bed with Kyle, just as carefully as before. He hardly even moves, still sleeping so undisturbed.

I’m so happy and inspired, I open the Notes app on my phone and use that to write a little. Not a complete song, but lyrics here and there. While most of writing does not exactly have to do with Kyle, when I write ‘He’s gonna kiss you, and you’ll feel the world standstill, there’s somebody out there, who will’ I can feel the butterfly mosh pit from my stomach assemble. While Kyle and I are in very early stages, I’m such a hopeless romantic. I always have been. When I write songs, I don’t usually incorporate too much of my life into it. While some songs are extremely personal, most of them started personal and took a spin.

I struggle with lyrics, so I decide to stop. I usually have my guitar with me, so I can write the music and test the song out as I go, but that’s impossible right now. I decide I’ll get back to it later, when I get some alone time. I exit my Notes app and check my email, Twitter, and play some games on my phone.

A little less than an hour later, I can feel Kyle stir next to me. I look over, and his eyes flutter open, exposing his chocolate brown orbs. “Good morning, beautiful,” He says, giving me a goofy grin.

“Good morning, handsome,” I smile. “How’d you sleep?”

“I slept great,” He answers, closing his eyes again. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Almost ten.”

He groans. With his eyes still closed, he reaches his arms out towards me. He grabs my hands and pulls me close to him. “It’s way too early. Go back to sleep with me.” I laugh, telling him that I’m not even tired anymore. “But it’s so early.”

“It’s not that early.” Kyle gives me a look that tells me how incredibly wrong I am. I giggle again, resting my head on his chest. I look up at him, and he gives me a toothy grin.

We lay together, not really saying anything because others are sleeping. Kyle stays awake with me though. I don’t have to look at him to know - our breathing is in sync. After a while, Kyle tells me he’s ready to get out of bed. We get out together and head to the kitchen area. Shaun, our bus driver, and Andy are all eating cereal. When Shaun sees us, he gives me a look of distaste. I shrug, directing my attention to Andy, who upps his eyebrows and gives Kyle and me a goofy smile. “Goodmorning!” Andy says enthusiastically.

“Good morning guys,” I respond. I sit next to them at the table since I’m not really hungry. Kyle grabs his own bowl and sits beside me.

“Why are you up this early?” Kyle asks Andy.

“I had to call Ashley this morning.” He says, grinning. I can’t help but smile too. Andy’s love for his girlfriend is so obvious and heartwarming.

I try to ignore Shaun, since I know how he feels without having to look at him. I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look at him. Kyle, noticing the tension, bumps my shoulder with his arm. “Are you coming to my set today?”

“If I can, I definitely will.” Both Andy and Kyle look pleased with me saying this.

“I definitely need your support side stage. I don’t think I’d be able to perform well without you today, Morg.” Andy jokes.

I continue small talk with the boys, but as more people get up, I realize that I won’t have much time and space to get ready for the day. I excuse myself, tell Shaun I’ll be ready to go for a walk with him momentarily, and go pick out my outfit for the day.

Picking out my outfit is easy. I grab my lime green sports bra, my Jac Vanek muscle tee that says Rad in big bold letters on the front, and regular jean shorts. I change in the bathroom, brush my hair, and do my makeup quickly. When I’m ready, I get back to the front lounge to Shaun and the We Came As Romans boys, who are all awake now.

I ask Shaun if he’s ready to go, and he nods curtly. I follow Shaun to the door of the bus. Once we’re outside and away from everybody’s range of hearing, Shaun asks why I slept with Kyle last night.

I sigh, running my hand through my long hair. “I didn’t have sex with him.”

“It’s still unprofessional. You have your own bunk for a reason.” I shake my head. Shaun just doesn’t get it. Kyle and I have chemistry, and I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want whenever I want to do it. It doesn’t matter how innocent my night with Kyle was, Shaun will never see it that way. He thinks I should have a professional relationship with every guy I meet.

When I don’t respond to Shaun, he continues talking. “There are so many people in this world, and you settle for Kyle.”

“What do you know about Kyle?” I try to sound civil, but Shaun’s clear judgement is making it difficult.

“He’s just... been around. It’s not difficult to hear rumors.” We stop walking. The gravel parking lot Warped is taking place in has a small patch of grass and a couple trees off to the side, and I sit down against the tree. Shaun crosses his arms and leans against it, looking down at me while he does.

“I’ve heard rumors too,” I admit. Shaun gives me a matter of fact look, just like he was right, but I dismiss it. “I’ve also heard contradictory things from one of his best friends. I’m not jumping into a relationship with him, Shaun. But, please, respect any decision I make. I had a great night with him last night. He and I talked all night, and none of the conversation was shallow. He’s a good person, and I’m not going to judge him based off rumors I didn’t even give him a chance to deny.”

“What did you talk about?” Shaun asks. I sigh and tell him that it’s not his business, especially when he’s so against the conversation happening in the first place. Shaun makes a face, but changes the subject. He tells me all about his night last night and the potential new friends he’s mad.

“I’m happy for you,” I grin. I really am. I hope Shaun hangs out with more people, because it’s less of a spotlight on me. He’s bound to be less critical of me if he doesn’t have as much time with me.

I really do love Shaun. He’s like a brother to me. But all siblings don’t see eye to eye, and we are no exception to that. I know he’s just looking out for me, even if his ways of doing it are hurtful sometimes. Shaun will always have my back, and I will always have his.

We walk back to the bus on a happier note, and I can’t help but feel relieved. Now that the hard conversation with Shawn is over, I know I’m going to have a great day. Part of my stomach is in knots, though, because I need to have a conversation with Kyle. I need verification that I’m not an easy pick. I need to hear it exactly from his mouth.