For the First Time

It had only been a couple of days since Dean's big emotional moment of vulnerability. The weekend away hunting with the boys was interesting but it was back to real life. Monday I was back at school teaching my class and I hadn't actually been to Bobby's in the past few days. I wanted to see how Dean was doing so I was back at Bobby's today.

"Hey," I said, seeing Sam.

"Hey, what're you doing here?" he asked.

"Just checking up on-," I started.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. How's he been since Sunday?"

"Not too good. The impala took quite a beating so I think that's been bringing him down too. I'm glad you were there for him though. Bobby was right. You can reach out to him in ways that we can't," Sam said.

"Oh um, thanks," I mumbled.

"He hasn't really been saying much still. Just gets up, works on his car, eat dinner, occasionally gets a beer. You know the routine," Sam sighed.

"Yeah, I get you. Where is he anyways?" I asked.

"Car. Big surprise, huh?" Sam replied, sarcastically.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "It was good seeing you, Sam."

"You too," he replied.

I walked into the salvage yard, regretting not changing as my low heels sunk into the dirt walkway. I was in a blue, short sleeved dress that was belted to define my waist with a skinny brown belt and a pair of black heels. This was definitely not salvage yard kind of clothing.

"Hey," Dean said. "Checking up on me?" He was still under the car but came out from under it and looked at me. He whistled.

"You're all dressed up. Where are you going to?" he asked.

"Oh uh, I just came from work," I said back.

"Work?" he asked.

"Right, I haven't told you… I'm an elementary school teacher at Sioux Falls elementary," I said, laughing a little.

"Oh wow. Congratulations. We didn't take you away from your class or anything during the hunt?" Dean asked.

"No, you're fine. It was the weekend and-, yeah. It was fine," I said.

"I haven't seen you around much," Dean said.

"Well I've been working," I replied.

"Riiiight," Dean sighed.

"So how are you-," I started.

"Meredith, I really don't want to talk about it right now, okay?" he asked.

I was a little bit taken aback but his instant reaction to my question. I thought things were better after Sunday. I guess they hadn't gotten any better.

"Look, I understand," I started.

"No! You don't understand. Yeah, you're mom died when you were a kid but you were a kid! My dad is gone. We were… close," Dean said.

I was silent. I got how Dean was feeling but at the same time, I was pissed off at what he had just said. I shook my head, staring at him in disbelief, "You don't know anything."

"Really? Humor me," Dean said, staring me down. Here we were again, on the verge of another fight. I looked away from him and took a moment to collect myself. I reminded myself to calm down because I really couldn't handle another fight with Dean. I looked back at Dean, staring him straight in the eye. I took a deep breath.

"Shapeshifter. It was my second year in college. He was just… caught off guard I guess," I shrugged. "He hunted them tons of times. I was so surprised when I heard. So I took a semester of college and hunted for a while. I came back to school the next semester and I was back to normal but it was never the same. Took some jobs on the side of my school work and haven't really gone back ever since. So yeah, I get what you're going through. It may not be to the extent you are, but I get it, Dean."

"Meredith, I didn't know," Dean stammered, his eyes widening as he reached out to comfort me.

"It's fine," I said, taking a step back from him. I didn't want or need his comfort at the moment. "Dad and I fought all the time and I barely saw him but that didn't mean I didn't love him. It hurts yeah, but over the years… God, some days I don't think about it and other days, it just kind of hits me hard," I shared. I was surprised that I could deliver that calmly.

Dean was silent for a while. The two of us stood there going from looking to each other to reflecting on ourselves.

"My dad's dead and I'm still here. Somehow I just don't see how that's fair," Dean finally said.

"And that's okay to feel that way," I replied.

"I know, it just blows," he said back.

I nodded, "Yeah, it does. You know your dad and I used to talk on the porch at Bobby's all the time. It was funny actually. After uh, well once… we'd talk about the funniest things. He was actually the one to give me the talk." I laughed at the memory of John Winchester talking to me about safe sex.

Dean chuckled, "I'm sorry. That must've been really awkward."

"Oh, it was! But he cared enough, you know? He was a great man. You're lucky to be able to call him 'Dad'," I said.

"Was," Dean corrected.

I could tell that our talk was really affecting him. Instead of saying something, I just wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. He hugged back and we just stood there like that. I pulled away and then looked at him.

"Look, I'm sorry," Dean started.

"For?" I asked.

"For a lot of things," Dean answered.

I wasn't quite sure what to say back. How specific were we getting on this apology... and how far back in time? Dean scratched the back of his head and I could tell things were getting a little awkward between us. I was no longer just his friend and all of the feelings were surfacing. I knew that somehow, one of us would have to break the awkward tension.

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight? We a field trip tomorrow so I don't have any lesson plans to make and we could just… talk," I offered up, innocently. A harmless dinner, right?

"Mer, you don't have to-," Dean started.

"Come on. I just finished painting my apartment, I'll cook you dinner… it'll be fun," I convinced.

"Please?"

"Well since you said please," Dean replied.

I chuckled, "Since I said please…"

"Sure, okay. I'd love to," Dean replied.

"Okay," I said back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" I said, beginning to panic. The lasagna was just sitting in the warm oven. It had already baked and it was just in the oven so that it would keep warm. I opened my fridge and then closed it almost immediately, out of stress.

"Hey!" I heard the chipper and excited voice exclaim on the other line.

"Hi! Oh my God, Molly I'm freaking out. Jesus Christ…" I trailed off.

"Um, what? What's going on, Mer?" she asked back.

"Okay, so you know how I finally moved back to Sioux Falls for the teaching job and to be closer to home? Well guess who's here? Take one guess," I replied.

"Dean?" she asked.

"Bingo," I replied.

"Oh my God. Well have you seen him yet? I get why you're stressing now," She said.

I nodded, "Yeah his father died so Bobby called me in hopes that I'd be able to reach out to him. After going on a hunt, constantly screaming at each other, and then him finally breaking down – not to mention in my arms – we're okay and I'm uh… having him over for dinner," I said, all in one breath. Molly and I could talk quickly.

"Well how'd that one happen?" she asked.

"I asked him over," I said back.

"Do you think you still have feelings for him?" Molly asked.

"I definitely still have feelings for him," I started.

"But what about after graduation… that whole shebang?" she asked.

"I think we might talk about it tonight..." I said, nervously. "Shit, okay so I have beer which is kind of 'hey, let's hang out and be comfortable'. It sounds like a good idea. But then I have wine which is so 'do me' but I don't know… I feel like wine will be a nice touch. Shit, I don't know, that's why I called you!"

"Go with the wine. It's Dean. I doubt he'll think anything of it when it comes to alcoholic beverages," Molly replied.

I sighed, trying to release some stress, "You're right. God, why am I even freaking out about this? It's not like it's a date or anything…"

"Uh because he's your ex boyfriend that you have a huge history with. He was your first love not to mention the guy you lost your virginity to. Dean's a pretty big deal no matter how bad he's going to hurt you," Molly said. She was completely right.

"What would I do without you?" I asked, gratefully.

"Let's hope you never have to find out," Molly chuckled.

"Hey, what're you wearing?" Molly asked.

"The blue dress with the skinny brown/tannish belt. I'm shoeless because I'm in the apartment," I replied.

"Perfect. That's a great dress. Underwear?" Molly asked.

"Yes, of course I'm wearing underwear!" I exclaimed. The two of us burst into a fit of laughter.

"No, I meant did you put something… special on? Just in case…" she asked.

"No, don't even go there. If anything is ever going to happen again I want to take things slowly. Things happen to go best when we do take it slow," I replied. Just then, there was a knock at the door. I practically jumped out of my skin and the sound of it, "Shit, Molly he's here! I've got to go. Thank you so much for letting me call you and completely freak out to you."

"Any time," she replied, chuckling a little.

"Love you," I said.

"Love you too," she said back.

I hung up the phone and took in a deep breath. I exhaled with force and then tried to collect myself, "Get yourself together, Meredith. This is not a date. This is so not a date. You have no reason to freak out about this." I took another deep breath in and mustered the courage up to go answer the door.