Lessons Learned I
Lee 005
It was Saturday night. Rachel and I walked through the door of the dorm house where the big party was being held.
The place was packed. There was loud music blaring through big speakers, random people were standing around making out and groping each other, there was booze and...well, people.
We walked past a really ugly chick that was making out with a guy that was kinda cute.
...damn! I can't even get a boyfriend!
I looked at Rachel and raised my eyebrows.
"Was this what that high school party was like?"
Her eyes widened.
"Yep. Pretty much. These idiots apparently can't grow up."
I rolled my eyes at a couple dudes making out.
"High school never ends... I'm assuming drinking a thing of punch is out of the question," I mumbled.
She let out a huffy breath before speaking.
"Some crutface might have spiked it."
"Pfft," I mumbled.
Some dude wearing a brownish beanie ran over. He had shaggy brown hair, brown eyes and was pretty skinny. He wasn't very tall, a good 5'8".
"Rock on, braw! Hit me on da flip side!" He held his hand up. I gave him a high five.
I laughed and gave him a high five.
"Hell yeah, man!" I said.
"Fuckin' righteous, braw!" He clapped Rachel on the back. She stumbled forward.
I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder.
"You alright, Rach?"
"Yeah..." she rubbed her back. "Jesus! Why'd you slap me?"
"Cause you're fuhggin righteous, braw!" He slapped her again. She, once again, stumbled forward.
I stared at the dude.
"What's your name?"
"Jason! Jason Bistardiooo! Can I hear ya shout it loud?!" He cuffed his ear with his hand.
"Jason Bistardio!" several people shouted.
"Heyyy, Bastardio! Tits party, man!" exclaimed some jock dude.
"Titties, titties, titties! Itty bitty titties! Titties itty bitty! Titties be itsy, bitsy, and teenie, like your weenie! Fuckin' righteous!" He threw his arms up the air and did the "rock on" sign.
The jock dude stuck his tongue out and returned the rock on sign. I looked over at Rachel, wondering whether to laugh or give the dude a weird look. Rachel's eyes were wide. Jason stared at us with cartoon eyes.
"Um..." I mumbled. "I'm Lee, and this is my friend Rachel."
"Fuhggin' righteous names! Sup, Rayleen?!" He slapped her across the arm.
"OW! STOP IT!"
He backed off.
"Sorry, Rayleen!"
"It's NOT Rayleen. It's Rachel!"
"FUGGIN' RIGHTEOUS!"
I looked over at Rachel and raised my eyebrows.
"And I thought Brett had a loud mouth..." I mumbled quietly.
She laughed. Jason suddenly did the splits. Rachel stared at him with wide eyes. I gave him a funny look.
"Wow, you're flexible," I said, pointing out the obvious.
"Thanks, yo! Help me up! I say, help me! Help meh!" He said like James Brown.
"Depends. Will you stop slapping Rachel if I help?" I bargained.
"Yeah! I'm gonna need friggin' ointment for my damn shoulder and back..."
"Fuckin' pig headed yeah!"
I rolled my eyes and helped the moron up.
"Now if ya hit her again I'll hit you on the head so hard you'll be in a permanet split position," I warned.
"Oh! Ya makin' me hawnayer than dem ol' hawny goat pills I take! Fuckin'...righteously...RIGHTEOUS!"
I stared at him for a good minute before cracking up in a fit of laughter.
"Horny...goat pills?!" I choked between laughs.
"Fuck yeah, bitches and hoes! Yoooo!" He looked up at the ceiling and dropped his jaw in awe. I laughed even harder.
"No offense Jason, but do you have A.D.D. or something?" I asked.
"A.D.D.? What's that stand for? Ass of Delightful Delicacies?"
I laughed again.
"Attention Deficit Disorder."
"Oh! Deficit of the disorderlied attention? Fuck ya!"
I looked at Rachel. Some other dude with shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes and a slim build wandered over. He put his arm around Jason's shoulders.
"Hey, sexys!" he exclaimed, throwing his cup in the air.
"Fuhggin' A! Look who it is! It's the Drewster!" He clapped the other guy on the back really hard.
"Fuck yeah, my little dildo doinkers! Andy-drew in this hizzouse! What up, my little porn stars?" he stared at me and Rachel with a glazed look on his face.
He's smashed.
"Uh..." I mumbled.
"...dildo doinker? What is this, Pee Wee's fuckin' Playhouse?" I heard Rachel mumble quietly.
Holy...shit. She just said "fuck"! I'm rubbing off on her. I'm so proud...
"Right on, man!" the blonde dude exclaimed. "I'm Andrew. What's your name, sexy momma?" he wiggled his eyebrows at Rachel.
"Sarah," she calmly replied.
"And I'm Juniper," I said.
"Ohh, you ladies interested in being in a home made porno starring you two and my sexy self?" he put his arm around Rachel.
I reached over and slapped him away from her.
Rachel smacked Andrew's face. Jason's eyes were wide.
"...well, we'd love to stick around, but we gotta split," I said, grabbing Rachel's wrist.
"Aw, come on, ladies, the party's only starting!" Andrew exclaimed.
"We're amish and it's past our bedtime. See ya," I dragged Rachel out of there.
After we got outside I let go of her wrist and stared at her.
"...I am so sorry for even mentioning coming here."
She looked at me and laughed her ass off.
"...what?" I mumbled.
"That was amazing."
"The potheads?"
"Yes!"
I started laughing my ass off as well.
The place was packed. There was loud music blaring through big speakers, random people were standing around making out and groping each other, there was booze and...well, people.
We walked past a really ugly chick that was making out with a guy that was kinda cute.
...damn! I can't even get a boyfriend!
I looked at Rachel and raised my eyebrows.
"Was this what that high school party was like?"
Her eyes widened.
"Yep. Pretty much. These idiots apparently can't grow up."
I rolled my eyes at a couple dudes making out.
"High school never ends... I'm assuming drinking a thing of punch is out of the question," I mumbled.
She let out a huffy breath before speaking.
"Some crutface might have spiked it."
"Pfft," I mumbled.
Some dude wearing a brownish beanie ran over. He had shaggy brown hair, brown eyes and was pretty skinny. He wasn't very tall, a good 5'8".
"Rock on, braw! Hit me on da flip side!" He held his hand up. I gave him a high five.
I laughed and gave him a high five.
"Hell yeah, man!" I said.
"Fuckin' righteous, braw!" He clapped Rachel on the back. She stumbled forward.
I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder.
"You alright, Rach?"
"Yeah..." she rubbed her back. "Jesus! Why'd you slap me?"
"Cause you're fuhggin righteous, braw!" He slapped her again. She, once again, stumbled forward.
I stared at the dude.
"What's your name?"
"Jason! Jason Bistardiooo! Can I hear ya shout it loud?!" He cuffed his ear with his hand.
"Jason Bistardio!" several people shouted.
"Heyyy, Bastardio! Tits party, man!" exclaimed some jock dude.
"Titties, titties, titties! Itty bitty titties! Titties itty bitty! Titties be itsy, bitsy, and teenie, like your weenie! Fuckin' righteous!" He threw his arms up the air and did the "rock on" sign.
The jock dude stuck his tongue out and returned the rock on sign. I looked over at Rachel, wondering whether to laugh or give the dude a weird look. Rachel's eyes were wide. Jason stared at us with cartoon eyes.
"Um..." I mumbled. "I'm Lee, and this is my friend Rachel."
"Fuhggin' righteous names! Sup, Rayleen?!" He slapped her across the arm.
"OW! STOP IT!"
He backed off.
"Sorry, Rayleen!"
"It's NOT Rayleen. It's Rachel!"
"FUGGIN' RIGHTEOUS!"
I looked over at Rachel and raised my eyebrows.
"And I thought Brett had a loud mouth..." I mumbled quietly.
She laughed. Jason suddenly did the splits. Rachel stared at him with wide eyes. I gave him a funny look.
"Wow, you're flexible," I said, pointing out the obvious.
"Thanks, yo! Help me up! I say, help me! Help meh!" He said like James Brown.
"Depends. Will you stop slapping Rachel if I help?" I bargained.
"Yeah! I'm gonna need friggin' ointment for my damn shoulder and back..."
"Fuckin' pig headed yeah!"
I rolled my eyes and helped the moron up.
"Now if ya hit her again I'll hit you on the head so hard you'll be in a permanet split position," I warned.
"Oh! Ya makin' me hawnayer than dem ol' hawny goat pills I take! Fuckin'...righteously...RIGHTEOUS!"
I stared at him for a good minute before cracking up in a fit of laughter.
"Horny...goat pills?!" I choked between laughs.
"Fuck yeah, bitches and hoes! Yoooo!" He looked up at the ceiling and dropped his jaw in awe. I laughed even harder.
"No offense Jason, but do you have A.D.D. or something?" I asked.
"A.D.D.? What's that stand for? Ass of Delightful Delicacies?"
I laughed again.
"Attention Deficit Disorder."
"Oh! Deficit of the disorderlied attention? Fuck ya!"
I looked at Rachel. Some other dude with shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes and a slim build wandered over. He put his arm around Jason's shoulders.
"Hey, sexys!" he exclaimed, throwing his cup in the air.
"Fuhggin' A! Look who it is! It's the Drewster!" He clapped the other guy on the back really hard.
"Fuck yeah, my little dildo doinkers! Andy-drew in this hizzouse! What up, my little porn stars?" he stared at me and Rachel with a glazed look on his face.
He's smashed.
"Uh..." I mumbled.
"...dildo doinker? What is this, Pee Wee's fuckin' Playhouse?" I heard Rachel mumble quietly.
Holy...shit. She just said "fuck"! I'm rubbing off on her. I'm so proud...
"Right on, man!" the blonde dude exclaimed. "I'm Andrew. What's your name, sexy momma?" he wiggled his eyebrows at Rachel.
"Sarah," she calmly replied.
"And I'm Juniper," I said.
"Ohh, you ladies interested in being in a home made porno starring you two and my sexy self?" he put his arm around Rachel.
I reached over and slapped him away from her.
Rachel smacked Andrew's face. Jason's eyes were wide.
"...well, we'd love to stick around, but we gotta split," I said, grabbing Rachel's wrist.
"Aw, come on, ladies, the party's only starting!" Andrew exclaimed.
"We're amish and it's past our bedtime. See ya," I dragged Rachel out of there.
After we got outside I let go of her wrist and stared at her.
"...I am so sorry for even mentioning coming here."
She looked at me and laughed her ass off.
"...what?" I mumbled.
"That was amazing."
"The potheads?"
"Yes!"
I started laughing my ass off as well.