Lessons Learned I
Lee 027
I was lounging around mine and Rachie's dorm when the stupid phone rang. I groaned and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Sup?"
"...mom?"
"Chyyaaa! How ya doin', mah whore in the making?!"
I gave the air a dull look.
"I'm fine, mother. How are you?"
"Fucking amazing. Your father gave me what I needed yesterday," she snickered.
"Ew!" I exclaimed. "Don't tell me this!"
She laughed. "What?! It was fucking amazing!"
"Mother...I really don't wanna be scarred for life when it comes to having sex after hearing about you and dad. Ew."
"My precious, precious daughter is already having sex. Oh how time flies by..."
"Not right now."
"Yes right now."
"I'm not seeing anyone, so I'm not having sex. Jesus."
"Pffffffft!"
"What?!"
"Liar!"
"I'm not lying, mother. I barely know anybody out here."
"Pffffffft. Momma don't believe you, hun."
"Mom, I'm not a sex-crazed nut case like you."
"If you had someone like your dad to give it to you, then you'd change your tune." She paused. "Fuckin' shit I worded that wrong!"
"EW!" I exclaimed loudly. "Mom! I'm trying not to barf up my lunch over here! Stop!"
She laughed.
"Sorry!"
I sighed.
"How's Shaun? And Randy?"
"Perverted as usual. Runs in this fucking dysfunctional family."
"I'm not a pervert!"
"Yeah ya are. It'll come eventually."
"...anyway. What's Shaun up to these days? Him and dad still out on the bikes?"
"Fuck yeah! Fuckin' thing's amazing. Daddyo got a new one, too."
"Damn...how does it ride?"
"Smooth as a baby's ass."
"...nice. What have you been up to since I left home?"
"Having wild, crazy sex with your father."
"Ugh!" I grumbled. "Someday I'm going to have a boyfriend and I'll go into deep detail about our sex life. Payback."
"Knock yourself out! I'll be interrogating you about it."
"Of course you will..." I mumbled.
"Fuck yeah!"
"Hey, ma, I gotta split. I think my room mate might be home..."
"Kay. Tell her I said I feel sorry for her for having to bunk with you. Killed me for eighteen years."
My jaw dropped.
"Seriously?! You guys are the ones that wanted me! Fuck, I could have dealed with not being born. Jeez."
"Aw, don't be all gothic, hun."
I rolled my eyes.
"Talk to you later, mom."
"Kay. Bye, fuck bunny." She hung up. I groaned and hung up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Sup?"
"...mom?"
"Chyyaaa! How ya doin', mah whore in the making?!"
I gave the air a dull look.
"I'm fine, mother. How are you?"
"Fucking amazing. Your father gave me what I needed yesterday," she snickered.
"Ew!" I exclaimed. "Don't tell me this!"
She laughed. "What?! It was fucking amazing!"
"Mother...I really don't wanna be scarred for life when it comes to having sex after hearing about you and dad. Ew."
"My precious, precious daughter is already having sex. Oh how time flies by..."
"Not right now."
"Yes right now."
"I'm not seeing anyone, so I'm not having sex. Jesus."
"Pffffffft!"
"What?!"
"Liar!"
"I'm not lying, mother. I barely know anybody out here."
"Pffffffft. Momma don't believe you, hun."
"Mom, I'm not a sex-crazed nut case like you."
"If you had someone like your dad to give it to you, then you'd change your tune." She paused. "Fuckin' shit I worded that wrong!"
"EW!" I exclaimed loudly. "Mom! I'm trying not to barf up my lunch over here! Stop!"
She laughed.
"Sorry!"
I sighed.
"How's Shaun? And Randy?"
"Perverted as usual. Runs in this fucking dysfunctional family."
"I'm not a pervert!"
"Yeah ya are. It'll come eventually."
"...anyway. What's Shaun up to these days? Him and dad still out on the bikes?"
"Fuck yeah! Fuckin' thing's amazing. Daddyo got a new one, too."
"Damn...how does it ride?"
"Smooth as a baby's ass."
"...nice. What have you been up to since I left home?"
"Having wild, crazy sex with your father."
"Ugh!" I grumbled. "Someday I'm going to have a boyfriend and I'll go into deep detail about our sex life. Payback."
"Knock yourself out! I'll be interrogating you about it."
"Of course you will..." I mumbled.
"Fuck yeah!"
"Hey, ma, I gotta split. I think my room mate might be home..."
"Kay. Tell her I said I feel sorry for her for having to bunk with you. Killed me for eighteen years."
My jaw dropped.
"Seriously?! You guys are the ones that wanted me! Fuck, I could have dealed with not being born. Jeez."
"Aw, don't be all gothic, hun."
I rolled my eyes.
"Talk to you later, mom."
"Kay. Bye, fuck bunny." She hung up. I groaned and hung up the phone.