Disgusting

I don’t think it was the fact that I was sleeping on the floor that bothered me. It wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was wooden, but I had spread a few blankets out underneath so I wasn’t actually lying on the floor. What actually bothered me was that I wasn’t sleeping on the bed with Jake.

I sat up and automatically groaned when my joints stretched out and popped into position. My neck was stiff, so maybe sleeping on the floor was worse than I thought.

“Good morning,” I heard Jake mumble into his pillow from the bed above me.

I just nodded to acknowledge his presence.

We had a fight the night before and I was still sort of pissed at him even though he was the one that should be mad. I knew that I was in the wrong, but sometimes that didn’t even matter to me. I was stubborn like that.

I just sat there for a while. Jake didn’t say anything. I thought maybe he’d fallen back asleep, except when I went get up and piss he grabbed my shirt.

“You’re not leaving are you?”

I had nowhere to go.

“I’m going to piss.”

“Happy birthday.”

I forgot. I mean, don’t think I forgot, but I didn’t consciously think about it until now.

I sat back down on my pile of sheets. Jake stared at me.

I hated my birthday. It was just another day that would be forgotten. My brother would call from D.C. but my aunt wouldn’t even get me a card. My cousin Seth might give me a ring, but my cousin Kate would probably just ignore me. I didn’t even know where my parents might be.

“You can legally drive now.”

I snorted. I didn’t even have a permit.

I could tell Jake was also slightly amused because the corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk.

We sat a while in silence. I didn’t really have to pee anymore. “How long are you staying?” Jake asked.

“I don’t know. I should probably go home and make sure no one decided to throw me a party or something.”

Jake frowned. “You can stay here.”

“I probably should go home though.”

“Well at least stay a little while.”

“Sure.”

I kind of wanted to leave though. Jake wasn’t giving me what I wanted and I just wanted a shower and to sleep in a real bed.

Jake looked at the floor. “We could get breakfast, wait until my mom leaves, and then take a shower.”

And now he was speaking my language: food and sexy times.

Jake and I were that type of friends. We were best friends until the world ends, with some scandalous themes, and homosexual romance.

I don’t really know when it started, but it didn’t really matter to me. I liked it. I enjoyed being in love with Jake without having to commit to him.

I don’t even think Jake was sure of what he wanted. I think he just got lonely. The poor kid wasn’t very popular and definitely did not have an excess of friends.

Jake sat up on the bed. I sat next to him, swooping in for a kiss on the mouth because that sort of thing is cute and I’ve found it gets you whatever you want, except for actual sex, but I drew that line. Jake was way too young for that. I wasn’t that cold-hearted.

Jake wrinkled his nose when I pulled away. “You should brush your teeth.”

“I was going to say the same thing to you,” I retorted automatically. It was sort of a defense mechanism to insult people when they teased me.

Jake left the room and went across the hall to the bathroom. I followed him, pushing the door open even though Jake was in there.

“Jesus, I can’t even brush my teeth away from you.”

“Jesus,” I mocked him in a whiny voice with a little wrist snap and an eye-roll.

Jake looked at me. His face was dead serious. “Are you still mad about last night?”

“Yeah.” I looked at him straight in the eyes because I’ve found that that sort of thing is really intimidating when you’re about to get into a fight with someone, which was inevitably what was going to happen between Jake and I.

Jake looked down. “I’m sorry.”

I was going to do the asshole thing here; “You’re going to make that up to me right?”

Jake’s eyes searched my expression and he bit his lip. “I guess.”

“Yes or no?”

Jake nodded.

I took his chin in my fingers and made him face me. “Good.” I kissed him on the lips and left him standing in the bathroom.

Only when I was back in his room did I realize that I’d neglected to piss and brush my own teeth. I sighed and went back into the bathroom, totally reversing the effects of my dramatic entrance and exit previously.

I refused to look at Jake, but I felt his smirk. I wasn’t actually that angry, but I try so hard to be melodramatic and it’s so unfortunate when it’s ruined. I like the attention from people that I like.

I brushed my teeth. Jake stood there and watched me. When I was done I stared at him. “I have to piss. Get out.”

“Fine.”

Jake left, shutting the door behind him. I did my thing and went to his room even though I sort of suspected that he would have gone downstairs to get breakfast. He was lying on his bed though.

I locked his door and snuggled myself up to his back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. And I was. I was sorry for being an asshole and a drama queen. We lay there for a while, just in comfortable silence. Jake didn’t have to say anything; I already knew he forgave me right away.

Jake turned to face me. We just kind of sat there and stared at each other. It was super cheesy and gross, but I didn’t mind. Jake had really pretty brown eyes.

“I wish I would’ve gotten you something for today.”

“You really don’t have to. You put up with me. That in itself is enough, I think.”

“You are a drama queen.”

“I pretty much am.”

“I just want things like this to be special for you again. It’s not fair that you don’t get special things like everyone else does.”

“Life isn’t fair Jake. The sooner you learn that the better. I’ve gotten over the fact that it just isn’t.”

Although I knew it was true that life wasn’t fair, it just really seemed like life just had it out for me. My parents both left, I had to live with my aunt who was probably the Wicked Witch of the West, and I was about as smart as a box of crayons. I wasn’t even really that good looking, so I didn’t have that redeeming quality even.

“But you just deserve a break.”

“I know.”

“I love you Hunter.”

I so wasn’t ready for that. It blew me away, to be honest.

“You don’t mean that Jake….”

“I do. Please just listen to me.”

I knew he was serious and that made my stomach knot up. I loved him too, but my love for him wasn’t exclusive like his was for me.

He looked so sad. I couldn’t take it.

I kissed him quickly, testing the waters. Jake didn’t seem to mind at all. “Hunter,” he said.

“Mmm?”

“Do you love me?”

“I do.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Because sometimes I feel that all we have is physical.”

“I love you Jake.”

I did love him.

We made out for a while, but Jake was losing interest quickly. I could tell. He ended up just lying next to me. His breathing slowed down until he was completely sound asleep.

I couldn’t fall asleep as easily. I couldn’t get my mind to quiet now that it was going. I wondered why my dad left when I was born. I wondered why my mom had to die. I didn’t really remember much of my mom, I’d been living with my aunt since I was three, but I always imagined her as a beautiful woman who loved me because I was her youngest son. I chewed on my lip.

I felt secure here with Jake though. I felt like he wanted me. I felt like someone wanted me, and that made me feel good. I tried to think about that instead of how shitty I felt about my parents leaving and I was able to fall asleep.