Status: rewritten, weekly updates

Disgusting

Four

“Good morning Hunter,” Devon said. He played with the hair around my neck and moved his arm around my waist.

“Hey,” I mumbled.

I think I must have fallen back asleep because I awoke to pounding on my door.

“Hunter!” my aunt shouted. “Get out here.”

I practically rolled out of bed and stumbled across and then out of the room. I almost ran headfirst into Jake.

“Why are you here?”

I shut my bedroom door, trying to inconspicuously hide Devon from sight.

“Did you make friends with my aunt?”

Jake gave me a strange look.

Well that was good at least. I didn’t really have friends over too often, so I felt like my aunt would get suspicious if I did.

“For real though, why are you here?”

“I came to come and get you because I bought you a birthday present and you need to get it, but I didn’t want to carry it and stuff.”

“I told you not to.” I said it mostly because I felt guilty. He’d been thinking about me and I slept with Devon.

“You knew I was going to. It’s stupid to even argue.”

He was right; I just wasn’t sure how much of this my conscience could take.

“You should come over so you can get it.” I was sensing a double entendre there, but Jake didn’t say anything else.

“I can’t right now,” I lied straight through my teeth. “I have to do some chores that I promised my aunt I’d do because if I don’t do them she’ll skin me and turn me into a purse.”

Jake cringed. “Okay. Well you should stop by later. Please?”

“I’ll finish up as quick as I can.”

“Good. I’ll see you later?”

“Definitely. Bye Jake.”

“Bye.”

Even though I’d just sort of rejected him, Jake just smiled and walked away. He really had no idea what I was doing behind his back and that made me feel so guilty. My entire insides were crawling with disgust.

I went back inside my room and sat down on the bed. Devon was awake now.

“Who was that?” he asked.

“A friend,” was all that I said. We weren’t dating either; I didn’t have to elaborate because it really wasn’t his business.

Devon gave me a questioning look and I knew that if I didn’t just tell him he would pester me until he knew.

So I lied to him too. “We used to go to school together.”

I was so full of shit.

“Oh,” was all Devon said. He had no idea that I wasn’t telling him the truth either. My insides did that crawly thing again.

“Hey Hunter?” Devon said after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?”

“I was kind of thinking a little while ago, about the new school year, and moving on with life and stuff…”

“Yeah?”

“Would you ever want to, like, be together?”

I’m pretty sure my eyes widened and I’m surprised that I didn’t go into cardiac arrest.

“Or not….”

“No, Devon, it’s not that. I like you a super lot, but I just don’t do relationships. They’re not my thing.”

Devon looked really hurt. I felt bad.

“I’m not really one for relationships either,” he said, “but the thought of you with anyone else sickens me to the point of nausea.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I hated knowing that I would never like Devon the way that he liked me. I knew that all I would ever feel for him would be lust no matter what. He loved me though. He wanted to be with me and that made me feel guilty because he didn’t even know that I was currently with more than him.

I mean I wasn’t technically with Jake because he’d broken it off, but my heart was still with Jake and definitely not with Devon.

“Devon, I wouldn’t ever want to end things with you, but a relationship is just really not what I need right now.”

“Hunter, I really do love you. Or something like that.”

“It’s not right that you love me because I feel like I’m using you.”

“Doesn’t it make it different if I want you to use me?”

“I have a conscience, despite what most people believe.”

“Not in bed,” Devon said, lowering his voice a bit and touching my back.

He did have a valid point there.

“Hunter, give me at least one more time.”

“My aunt is home.”

“She was home last night.”

“She was sleeping.”

We were kind of loud. If we didn’t wake her up last night, I doubt she’ll even notice.

I wasn’t sure about it, but I definitely wasn’t going to say no to him, especially not after hurting him like I did.

---

Devon sprawled out across my bed in his boxers. I lay next to him and playing with his soft, blonde hair. I kind of had a thing for playing with people’s hair.

Devon’s hair was the prettiest though. It was silky and brushed over my skin like breeze. Devon was just handsome in general. He looked kind of like a model. He was toned, lean, and long, with a strong jaw and cheekbones to die for. We had a similar body-type, but he was just prettier. His skin was softer and had a healthy glow to it.

“Devon?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“What makes you like me?”

“Not this again Hunter. I’ve told you so many times.” He sighed, but didn’t look unhappy. “You’re just lovely in general: sexy, good-looking, funny, cynical on a good day, but that’s you, so it doesn’t matter.”

I think I may have blushed, but I asked for that.

“Why are you so hard on yourself?”

I shrugged.

Devon sighed again. “Hunter, I care about you. People care about you. You’ve got a rough situation on your hands, there’s no doubt about that, but you’re not alone, okay? Your aunt cares about you even if she has a strange way of showing it and I know that kid cares about you because he walked all the way over here at the crack of dawn instead of sleeping in.”

He had a valid point.

“It’s true,” Devon urged.

“My aunt would flay me alive and eat my intestines before she admitted that she really cared about me.”

“Maybe,” Devon said, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care. Everyone has a different way of showing affection.

I lied back down on the bed, facing up to the ceiling. Devon crawled over me so that our bodies were pressed against each other.

“What are you doing?”

Devon didn’t answer he just hummed and kissed down my neck.

I turned my head instinctively to try and give him more space.

“You’re so lovely,” he said between kisses.

“Stop it. Damn it.”

“You don’t really want me to stop.”

He had me there.

“Hunter, if you weren’t gorgeous and wonderful I wouldn’t be doing this I have extremely high standards believe it or not.”

“Stop,” I whined. I tried twisting away from Devon and pushing him off. I felt like such a loser. Even if I wasn’t bad looking, I was so ugly on the inside.

“No,” Devon said.”

He kissed my lips, which was something we really didn’t do often, Kisses meant love and we weren’t in love. Jake and I were in love, maybe, so we could kiss, but the love between Devon and I was different.

I eventually gave in to him and relaxed into the kiss. I remember feeling it all the way to my toes, like my whole body was shorting out or something.

Devon brushed the hair from my face.

“You have the prettiest eyes,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“They’re like sea-foam green when you really just expect brown.”

“Thanks.”

Devon began kissing down my neck again. He stopped. “Would you be pissed if I gave you a hickey?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll make it on your chest.”

I didn’t say anything while Devon abused my skin.

My door swung open. Devon managed to get off of me and onto the other side of the bed in about 0.1 seconds.

We both stared wide-eyed at my aunt who was in the doorway. She stared right back at Devon and I. Her face started to turn red and you could see a vein in her forehead.

“Shit.”

I seriously forgot to lock the door. I mentally kicked myself for that.

“What are you doing Hunter?”

“Sitting in my bed. With Devon.”

Devon was shocked that I brought him into this, I’m sure, but I wasn’t going down alone.

“What were you doing?” my aunt asked, her voice scary quiet.

I didn’t answer her because I was afraid of how she’d respond and what she’d say to Devon.

“What were you doing?”

“Fornicating on my bed.”

Devon looked scared shitless, but I think he tried to stifle a giggle.

“You slut,” my aunt said, aiming her insult at me.

Devon wrinkled his nose and gave me a pathetic look.

“You,” my aunt said, pointing to Devon, “better not come back here. Ever.”

Devon totally kept his cool: me, not so much.

“You can’t control my life. Since when have you done anything that was actually good for me?”

“Where else can you sleep Hunter?”

She had a point. It’s not like I could just get up and leave. She did take me in when no one else would.

I gritted my teeth and didn’t say anything.

My aunt turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Devon reached for my hand and took it in his. “I’m so sorry,” he said.

“Shut up,” I snapped.

Devon looked hurt. I bit my lip. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Devon sat right next to me. He held my hand and I stared at the door.

“It’s my fault,” he said.

“Shut up. You’re wrong. It’s not your fault.”

Devon got out of bed and dressed himself. He thanked me quietly, but didn’t say much else. I’m sure he was still a bit shaken. I didn’t blame him.

I took a shower as soon as he left. I thought about Jake and I felt guilty, guilty and disgusting.
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