Disgusting

When I got to my house, I did the best I could to try and sneak in. Naturally, I banged my foot on the corner of a table and my aunt came out into the hallway.

She looked at me with her arms over her chest.

I stared right back at her.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“Not here.”

She hit me. It didn’t hurt too badly, but I wanted to cry. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip.

I noticed that Kate was standing in the hallway texting. When I walked by her to go to my room because I figured my aunt was done talking to me when she wouldn’t say anything, she pinched me. I swatted her hand away.

Kate whimpered. “Mooooom! He hit me!”

My aunt stormed over to me, practically shaking the foundation of the house. I almost giggled despite myself.

“Don’t you ever hit a girl.” She glared at me for good measure. Then she added, “No wonder you’re stuck with faggots.”

I pulled Jake’s elephant close to my chest and just walked away, holding back tears. I wouldn’t normally cry, but I wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t like it when my aunt insulted the people that I hung out with.

When I got to my room, I sat down on the floor and cried. I let tears stream down my face. My shoulders shook with every silent sob that rattled me. I pulled Jake’s elephant close to me and curled up into fetal position. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself. With each deep breath I trembled less and less.

I ended up lying on my back and staring at the ceiling. I was no longer physically and mentally tired and exhausted. I felt completely buzzed.

I paced my room for a while and then stared at my phone, willing someone to call me. I desperately needed a distraction from my mind.

I wasn’t lucky enough for that though. I sat awake until the early hours of morning, staring at my walls. I wished that I could just disappear. When sunlight started to stream through the cracks of my curtains, I finally closed my eyes. Just as I was about to drift off, my phone rang. It was Devon. He wanted to know if I was up to hanging out that day.

I declined, telling him that I hadn’t gotten enough sleep, which was true. I said that we should hang out another time.

“All right,” Devon said. “See you, babe.”

“Later.”

I wasn’t sure about Devon calling me babe. It seemed unlike him. I guess I didn’t really mind, because I was doing a lot worse things to him behind his back.

I lay in my bed for another hour before I could finally fall into a fitful sleep. I woke up feeling so tired, almost like I hadn’t slept at all. If anything, I felt worse.

My aunt yelled at me through the door to wake up and take the dog for a walk.

I didn’t even bother to pull a shirt on. I walked downstairs in my jeans and grabbed the dog’s leash. I whistled for Slayer to come. HE came bounding down the hallway, all seventy-some pounds of husky.

I leashed him up and scratched behind his ears.

“Hey Slayer,” I said, letting him lick my hand.

I pulled away and led him out the front door. I only ended up walking him to the end of the block because it was cold and I was shirtless.

When I got back to the house, everyone’s cars were gone. They must have all gone out for a while.

I took advantage of this time to eat some food because my stomach was definitely feeling better and I didn’t think I was so sick anymore. I invited Devon over to play video games. He had to bring his Xbox, but at least we’d be alone at my house. He had family in town this weekend, so there was no way we’d be getting any freedom at his house, not to mention all the questions we’d be answering.

By the time he got to my house, I had pulled a shirt on and almost made myself presentable. I hugged him.

“Hey Hunter,” he said, grinning his model smile and kissing my cheek.

“Hey Dev.”

Devon slid his backpack off of his shoulders and held it out to me. It took it from him. It was heavy, but I supposed that an Xbox might be a little big weighty.

I carried it up to my room with Devon following me closely. At the top of the stairs I turned to kiss him.

Devon pulled at my hair and I stepped away from him.

“You need a haircut,” he said.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said, playing with the ends of my hair. It was long, but not unhealthy or disgusting. I didn’t have thin, gross hair that I just parted down the middle and let be. My hair was shaggy, but it had definitely style and a natural wave to it that made it seem thicker and nicer.

“It looks sort of girly on you.”

“Thanks.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t still a size 10 in pants then you wouldn’t look like a girl.”

“I can’t help my bird bones.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“And I am not a size 10.”

Devon rolled his eyes. “Do you even eat?”

“All the time. But that has nothing to do with my bone structure.”

Devon pushed me along and into my room. He took the Xbox from me and began to hook it up to my crappy TV.

I had no idea how to play whatever we were playing. I just let Devon beat me at it every time. I was oaky with that though because he was obviously happy. After about an hour of Devon killing me, I started to get really tired. I hadn’t slept at all the night before and suddenly it was becoming a challenge to even keep my eyes open.

“I’m tired,” I told Devon. I scooted closer to him. We were sitting on my floor.

Devon was really warm. He always was. Body heat practically radiated off of him. I was like the world’s most attractive space heater.

“All right,” Devon said and held out his arms for me. I sort of slumped into him and he held me close, letting me rest against his body.

I tried to stay awake with negative results.

---

It seemed like every muscle in my body was clenched up. My heart pounded in my ears and blood rushed through all my veins, making me hot. I was still a little bit asleep though. “Jake,” slipped through my lips.

My eyes shot open and I stared into the slightly bewildered face of Devon. He had been on top of me, grinding his hips into mine, but as soon as I said the j-word he had stopped.

I stared at him in open-mouthed horror for a moment.

“Who the fuck is Jake?” he asked. “Tell me the truth.”

I took a deep breath to collect myself and then told him everything about Jake and I. By the end I was an emotional train wreck.

Devon was careful not to touch me, almost as if he was afraid that if he did he would burst into flame or get the plague or something.

He stared at me for a moment, taking in the sight of my face.

“How did this whole thing start?” he asked, frowning.

“Just a kiss,” I whispered. I wished I’d never gotten myself into any of that.

Devon shook his head. “I had no idea.”

I said nothing, but pulled my knees up to my chest.

“I think it’s better if we take a break.”

I nodded, but inside I was breaking into a million little pieces. Devon was the only constancy I had in my life at that point.

Devon kissed the top of my head hesitantly, then went to go and collect his things.

As soon as he was gone, I started to break down again. This time it was absolutely hysterical.

I held the stuffed elephant close as I lay on the floor, wallowing in my own misery.

I wondered to myself how it was possible that I could screw everything that was so good up so bad.