Returning Love

“Go to bed now sweet girl” I told Ava as I tried to put her to bed for the night, she had had such a busy day that I was sure she would fall asleep quickly, but once again my daughter proved me wrong.

“But mumma,” she whined, “I wanna play with Oli.”

“Oli isn’t here he went home.” I tried lying to her.

“Nah-ha” she pointed behind me at the man standing in the doorway. He had his hands in his pockets as he leant against the wall, a small smirk on his face.

“Sorry, I kinda screwed that up for you.” He chuckled coming over and crouching down to Ava’s level. “Aren’t you tired princess, I'm so tired I can’t even stay up and play, I'm going to go to sleep too.” He tried reasoning with her, he was so sweet to even try, he honestly didn’t need to waste his time on this I imagine he had better things to do.

“But Oli.” She sulked, giving him big puppy dog eyes.

“No buts Ava,” I warned, “It’s bed time, Oli is going to bed and so are you, you can play next time.” I leant down to give her a kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her before going to exit the room. I caught Oliver give her a kiss on the forehead before he followed me out of the room turning off the light and closing the door half way.

He followed me out into the empty lounge room I collapsed onto the couch a little tired from the day.

“Thank you for today,” I told him “You really didn’t have to take both Ava and I out.”

“But I wanted to, I want to spend time with you, and I like playing with Ava, this isn’t a chore for me Indie understand that.” I nodded and he pulled me closer so that I leant on him while we watched whatever happened to be on the television, I wasn’t even sure.

“Did you have fun though?” He questioned “Even with the drama of the fight?”

“Yes” I smiled; rolling over so that instead of having my back pressed up against his chest, we were now chest to chest I wanted to look at him. “I always have fun at Camden Markets it’s like always a new experience and you always see something crazy. It always makes me feel a little bit better about myself like I'm not totally messed up, there are always people there who are more fuck up then me.” I chuckled but the look Oliver was giving me was anything but comical.

“Your not,” He shook his head “Indie…”

“I kind of am Oli.” I wasn’t laughing anymore somehow it had all turned serious

“Explain this to me then.” He prompted, with hand gestures and all. We both sat up facing each other a little like we were the first night he came over.

I shook my head and looked down at my hands I didn’t want to have this conversation, tell him how much I had fucked up my life in five years. While in those same five years he had done nothing but reach new heights. I had sunken while he had risen.

“I just turned twenty two and have a daughter who is about to turn three, who has never met her dad. My family have all but disowned me, I can’t stick to a career for more then a year before I have to change cause I get bored easily and because of that I can barley afford to keep a roof over my daughters head…what else…”

He cut me off before I could continue but pulling me into his lap and forcing me to look at him.
“You are twenty two with a beautiful daughter who you have managed to raise all on your own, your family are a bunch of fucking twats and that was never your fault, you are qualified for more jobs at your age then most people qualify for in their entire lives. And yea okay your struggling but you have done such a good job so far.” He finished.

I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t face that maybe I wasn’t such a screw up, because to me I think I always would be. And I screwed up most by letting go of this man. I rested my forehead to his chest and he played with my hair for a moment or two before he spoke.

“Can I change the subject?” he asked

“Please do.” I couldn’t reply to what he had said, I didn’t know what to say.

“You kissed me today.” He mumbled and I felt a blush instantly fill my features and I covered my face with my hands. “You kissed me, don’t cover your face.” He laughed, “That’s not fair, you can’t just kiss me.” The words sounded like they could be angry but his tone didn’t match. “What if I wanted to kiss you first?” he asked

“Well then you waited too long.” I laughed.

He removed my hands from my face and pulled me closer to him again. Cupping my cheek with one of his large tattooed hands and moving hair out of my eyes with his other, I felt my breath hitch. His straight nose rubbed against my cheek and my eyes closed instantly as I felt his breath warm over my face. His lips felt soft over mine for only an instant before the pressure became rough and needy, it was like I couldn’t get him close enough and he gently bit at my bottom lip making me giggle. After a few breathless moments we both pulled away his hand still cupping my check and I rubbed the pad of my thumb down the middle of both his top and bottom lip.

“Can we make a deal?” I asked and he nodded. “Don’t read too much into this yea?” I asked and h nodded again.

I think we both understood that our lives were both very different and very separate and that for the time being it was better if we didn’t take this too seriously. That we didn’t invest our hearts and souls and minds into this because at the end of the day I don’t think either of us believed that this could work.