Center of Attention

You know those moments when you can literally feel a smile sliding off your face?

Those moments when you go from ecstatic to upset in a millisecond.

Those moments when your heart drops into your stomach, there’s a lump in your throat, and you just want to cry and throw up and crawl in a hole and drop to the ground in the fetal position and pretend it never happened.

Those moments when you see something you wish you hadn’t.

Those moments that you know you’ll stay up late at night revisiting.

Those moments that seem to drag on for an eternity while all you can do is watch.

Jack just experienced one of those moments.

He’d been in such a good mood just seconds earlier. Alex, his boyfriend of just a couple months shy of six years, had texted him and said they should meet up at their favorite coffee shop for lunch. He was stressed as fuck studying for his classes—it was his last semester of college and he was so glad—and had eagerly agreed.

He was a little early, but he assumed could take a couple minutes to relax before Alex arrived. Alex had been lecturing him for weeks about how he was on edge. So yeah, maybe taking a few minutes to chill would be a good thing.

Only, Alex was already there.

And he wasn’t alone.

Jack recognized the perfectly-styled blonde hair immediately. It took him a little while longer to figure out who was seated across from him. She was familiar, but a face he hadn’t seen in years. Not since high school.

It was Taylor. As in Alex’s ex-girlfriend Taylor. Well, fuck.

Okay, Jack, no need to panic, he thought. They just bumped into each other, that’s all. Complete and total coincidence. Nothing more. Jack took a step forward. He could just accidentally interrupt the two friends reconnecting, in a completely non-pathetic way.

But then they stood up and Alex gave Taylor a huge hug. “Thank you so much. You’re the best!”

And then he kissed her on the cheek.

That was the moment. That was when Jack’s smile slid off, when his heart skipped a beat—and not for the good reason—when he had to swallow back tears. Taylor left, flashing Jack a bright smile, and then Alex turned around. “Jack!” he yelped. “You’re here.”

He couldn’t speak; he was scared his voice would crack. So he didn’t say anything. No need to. It wasn’t even a question.

Alex was blushing. “So…know what you want?” he asked, gesturing towards the chalkboard menu.

“Um, actually,” Jack said, blinking a lot in an effort not to cry in front of him. And he was right. His voice cracked. “I think I’m just gonna head home. I just…I just remembered that there’s a chapter I haven’t studied yet and…yeah. Bye.” Then he turned on his heel and half-sprinted back out.

It was a little less than a mile from the coffee shop to their apartment. Walking briskly, he had every intention of going straight home. But when he got to their building, he made a split second decision and walked up the stairs to apartment 7C, where his friends Zack and Rian lived.

——

“…and th-then he turned to me like n-nothing had happened. L-like it was n-no big deal or something,” he finished, crying at their kitchen table.

Rian frowned sympathetically and set a bottle of god-knows-what and three shot glasses in front of him. Zack rolled his eyes at Rian and said, “Well…maybe he doesn’t know you saw?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

Rian’s glare made it that much more obvious. “What Zack’s trying and failing to say is maybe you misinterpreted something. We’ve known Alex a long time—and you’ve known him even longer—and we know Alex wouldn’t cheat, right?”

Jack shook his head. “He cheated once before…on Taylor.” He hung his head because he knew, he just knew he was turning red.

“Oh really?” Zack asked, quizzically raising an eyebrow. “Why don’t you tell us that story?”

Rian aimed a kick at him, but Jack nodded semi-surely. So Rian just poured them each a shot. They drank and, after coughing, Jack said, “Well, Alex and I started dating in June right after tenth grade. He was sixteen already, but he thought it’d be an ‘awesome birthday present’ if he officially asked me out on my sixteenth birthday. We’d gone on a few dates before that, and messed around… You guys know Alex is bi, right?” he clarified.

Zack looked like he was about to say something sarcastic, so Rian nonchalantly clamped a hand over his mouth and poured more shots.

“He dated Taylor on and off in ninth and tenth grade, and I never really approved, but what was I supposed to say? Oh, hey, I know we’re best friends but I’m kind of in love with you and I’m jealous of your girlfriend? Yeah, that wouldn’t have worked.”

Zack looked puzzled. “So…who’d he cheat on her with?”

Rian sighed and gave Zack that look that only a best friend can give. The I hate you oh my god you are literally the most fucking stupid person on the entire planet why do I put up with your shit why are we even friends what is wrong with you but I still love you because nobody else will anyway you fucking idiot look. And, for good measure, he passed around more shots.

Jack simply gave Rian the look that he swore he spent half his life giving Rian. The is Zack fucking stoned all the time or is he just naturally like this look. “We were at this party. March 31st—and yes, the date’s important—we weren’t drinking or playing spin the bottle or anything. No, he just randomly grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side and said ‘I wanna try something.’ And then he kissed me. I kissed him back but then reminded him that he had a girlfriend. He said it didn’t matter, he’d rather kiss me. So we ended up making out in someone’s parents’ bed for like two hours.”

“Lovely,” Rian commented.

“Shut up, bro. I’ve caught you and Cass all over the place,” Zack reminded him.

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you’re not getting laid,” Rian shot back immediately.

Jack ignored the two of them because, honestly, he was used to them being like this. They actually were paying attention to what he said, and he knew that. They just happened to have little side conversations. A lot. “So the next day, he told Taylor…and he broke up with her. But because of what day it was, she didn’t believe him.”

Rian snickered knowingly but Zack, Zack looked perplexed. “What day was it?”

“The day after March 31st,” Rian explained. No sign of understanding. “April 1st. April Fool’s Day, Zack.” And he was giving him that other look, the I swear to god I’m going to kill you or just drown myself in this fucking bottle right now because you’re the most impossible person how did you make it through college holy fuck look.

Zack got it. “Oh! Wow, that sucks.”

“Yeah. It did. But anyways, he did finally manage to break up with her the next day. She didn’t take it very well at first. We didn’t start dating immediately, so I guess she wasn’t suspicious. I mean, I think she knew, but she didn’t say anything. She kinda mellowed out. But yeah…that’s the story of the one time Alex cheated. That I know of.”

“But,” Rian said slowly, voice slurring just the slightest bit as he poured…well, they’d lost count on what number they were on with their shots. “He was sixteen and stupid…that was years ago. And look where cheating got him, it landed him the greatest guy I know.”

“Hey!” Zack protested, laughing. “Wait, yeah, that’s true.”

“And,” he continued, like Zack hadn’t interrupted him. “We only know Alex because of you, but I’d say he’s a pretty decent guy and he’d never cheat on you.”

“Y’know,” Zack added brightly. “If he is cheating, you can just move in with us!”

That’s when Rian gave him the third look. The why do you even open your goddamn mouth please never speak again or I will rip your throat out look.

Jack snatched the bottle and took a large swig, chasing tears away.

——

“Rian, please tell me there’s a good explanation for the two wasted guys on your kitchen floor,” Cassadee said sweetly. “And an even better explanation for why you didn’t show up for our date.”

Moments earlier, Rian was passed out on the couch and now groggily looked up at his girlfriend. “Shit. Didn’t you get my text?”

She checked her phone, even though she knew she hadn’t gotten a text from him. Well, unless a few drunk texts from about an hour ago counted. “If I leave out your drunken and grammatically incorrect texts detailing how much you love me and a rant about Zack’s dick, then…no.”

“Nothing like, ‘sorry babe, have to reschedule our date, Jack’s depressed and we’re getting trashed, but feel free to join if you want’?”

Smirking, she shook her head. “Nope.” She popped the p.

“I was sure I sent…” He pulled out his phone. Again, he said, “Shit!” There was the text, right there. Hey babe, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel on our date for tonight, but can we reschedule for tomorrow? Jack’s really depressed, so we’re getting trashed. If you want, you’re free to join us. And he had, in fact, sent it.

Just not to Cassadee.

No, he’d sent it to Alex.

“Well, I did send it,” he mumbled. He showed her the phone as proof and put his head in his hands. “I still had his number saved from when Jack’s phone died and he borrowed mine. I don’t think he’d recognize my number, though.”

She couldn’t help but be amused. She kneeled down by the couch in front of her boyfriend and gently tugged his hands away from his face, giving him the you’re so adorable when you’re embarrassed like this and all the time really just maybe try not to let this happen again even though it’s kind of hilarious and I love you to death look.

He responded with the you’re the best and I love you more look.

Zack crawled out of the kitchen first, effectively ruining the moment. Rian took his gaze off Cassadee to give Zack the bro, I saw your dick last night please don’t let that happen again I’m sorry but I don’t want to see it and if you do let it happen you are never drinking again look.

Jack stumbled from the kitchen, running a hand through his already messy hair and listening to the first of thirty-nine voicemails. “Jack, I got a text from a random number about canceling a date and getting drunk with you. Care to explain?” Voicemail two: “And also, why are you depressed? What’s wrong?” They went on like that, getting angry and worried and sad until finally he reached number thirty-nine. “Okay, I don’t know why you’re ignoring my calls, but if you get home and I’m not there, I’m out looking for you.”

He put his phone in his pocket. “Thanks, guys,” he said to Rian and Zack. “I think I’m gonna head home…” It was a little after three in the morning. The last voicemail was from midnight. Alex was probably home and he could talk to him about it.

All three smiled and gave him the good luck I’m sure it’ll all work out we love you no matter what look.

He made his way down the stairs until he reached their apartment. He didn’t have to fish his key out of his pocket because Alex had left the door unlocked. But he wasn’t home. The light on the house phone—yes, they had one. Alex liked the nostalgia of it—was flashing, indicating a message on the answering machine. That rarely happened. Curious, Jack pressed the button and listened.

The perky voice belonged to none other than Taylor. “Hey Alex! Have you told him yet? Oh my god, I wish I could be there to see his face when you do. Anyway, call me back and tell me how it went!”

As the message ended, the door opened. “Jack! You’re home!” Alex sounded so relieved that it almost made Jack forget what he’d just heard.

Almost. He couldn’t help but give Alex the I trusted you what the hell is this why would you do this I thought you loved me look before he turned away, choking back a sob.

“Jack, what’s wrong?” He tried to wrap his arms around him but Jack shrugged him off. “You’re scaring me. What happened?”

“What happened?” Jack croaked, disbelieving. “What happened is that you and Taylor…I…why do I even have to tell you this…you went out to our coffee shop with your ex!”

And then Alex made a teeny little mistake. He laughed.

Jack didn’t glance at him as he moved further away from him. “I think I’m gonna go back to Zack and Rian’s.” He wanted his voice to be filled with venom, but it just sounded so broken, so sad.

When Jack showed back up at their door, Zack let him in at once. “Rian and Cass went out,” he said, rolling his eyes. “What happened?”

So Jack joined him on the kitchen floor for the second time in under twenty-four hours and, over a strawberry-banana-papaya-mango-why-the-fuck-is-there-avocado-in-this-kiwi smoothie (because Zack claimed he was swearing off alcohol for the rest of his life) he informed Zack of the voicemail. “And when I brought up him and Taylor, he just laughed.”

“Do you know why I don’t date guys?” Zack asked, sounding incredibly enlightened considering the question.

“Uh…because you’re not gay?”

“Besides that. It’s ‘cause guys are dicks. Even if he wasn’t cheating—and I doubt he was. Look at him, look at you. Like he could realistically score someone better than you—he’d more than likely laugh if you sounded jealous. ‘Cause that’s what guys do, Jack. Guys. Are. Pricks.”

After giving him the wow I didn’t know you had it in you to say something intelligent that’s impressive are you feeling okay look, Jack said, “Zack, you’re seriously the best. You know that, right?”

“That’s what I’ve been told.”

——

Jack woke up on the kitchen floor. Again. God, this new trend needed to stop before it turned into a habit. He knew he hadn’t been asleep very long, so why was he up?

He soon found out when he heard Zack shouting, “He’s been a fucking wreck for hours and you didn’t even try to make it better!”

“Oh, so instead of being responsible and, I dunno, calling me, you let him pass out on your kitchen floor? TWICE!” Alex retorted.

Wait, Alex was here?

Jack silently crawled to where he could see what was happening. Zack was giving Alex the if you weren’t dating one of my best friends I would be murdering you right now or I might do it anyway if you so much as look at me wrong look. He couldn’t see Alex’s face from where he was.

“Don’t act like you’re innocent, Alex,” Zack spat, sounding disgusted. “If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t have done this.”

“He left before I could explain!” Alex yelled defensively.

“Because you fucking laughed at him. Think for a second about how that made him feel.” His voice grew softer. “Think about it. Jack doesn’t have great self-esteem. He’s stressed. And you, the only person that can really make him feel better, you ask him to get coffee at your special coffee shop. By the way, little cliché. But that’s beside the point. So he gets there, and sure, he’s a little early, but that’s no excuse. He sees you, the guy he trusts and loves more than anything in the world, and you’re sitting there across from your ex-girlfriend. And that’s bad enough. The hug and the kiss you gave her just made it ten times worse, because he’s the one you’re supposed to hug and kiss.”

“I—” Alex started.

“No. I’m not done yet. When he gets home, there’s a voicemail from Taylor, and she’s all happy and shit and asking if you’ve ‘told him’ yet. And he doesn’t know what you’re gonna tell him, but can you blame him for jumping to conclusions and getting upset? Oh, and then, when he brings it up, you laugh at him. What the fuck, Alex?”

Alex didn’t say anything for a long time. When he did speak, his voice was smaller, sadder, not angry anymore. “I’m not cheating on him, just so you know.”

“Then what is it you’re doing?” Zack questioned skeptically.

“It’s stupid. It doesn’t even make sense when I say it out loud,” he said.

“Look who you’re talking to. Try me.” And that was all he needed to say, because Zack was constantly saying weird things. Jack was just impressed that he’d been making sense this long. It had to be a record, the few minutes he’d overheard of their argument.

Alex took a deep breath. “Okay, well, Taylor recently got engaged. She’s been with this guy for about four years now. When I saw it on Facebook, I messaged her and asked her to meet me. I…I wanted pointers, I guess. I wanted to know how he did it. I needed a girl’s perspective, pretty much. Good ideas, bad ideas, what’s too cheesy and what’s just cheesy enough. You know, stuff a guy should know before he…Look, I didn’t go about it in the right way, but I was trying to keep it a secret from Jack because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. I just wanted her advice on how to propose. That’s all.”

Zack was quiet, contemplating what he’d just heard. “You’re not lying. Don’t answer. It’s not a question.”

Jack stood slowly and stretched, coming out of his hiding place. Alex saw him out of the corner of his eye and spun around. “J-Jack…how much did you hear?”

“Enough,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry I flipped out.”

Alex reached for him, grabbing his shoulders and pulling Jack against him. “I’m sorry I gave you a reason to flip out.” He kissed his forehead. “You’re too cute for me to cheat on.” He kissed his nose. “And there’s also the whole I’m completely and totally in love with you thing that prevents me from even wanting to cheat.” He kissed one cheek. “And hey, you know this now, but sometime in the near future, I’m proposing.” He kissed the other cheek. “No sense cheating when—assuming you say yes—I’m gonna marry you, Jacko.” He kissed his lips.

While they kissed, Zack left for the kitchen, shooting them the god would you guys get a room and maybe not fuck on my couch please ‘cause no matter how glad I am that things are okay between you there’s a line, there’s a LINE look.