‹ Prequel: Just Can't Let You Go
The End of the Innocence
Shane
Logan and I stared at each other for a long while before we eventually sat down at the table across from each other.
"Before we can get to us," I started slowly, trying to think of the right way to start off with my mind still being fuzzy from sleep, "I need to begin with the year or so before I moved from Belfast to the states."
Falling silent for a brief moment, I stared at the calloused hands of Logan that I've come to know in the years I've known him. "I was at that age where I was getting curious what it would be like to love someone of the same gender. What it would be like to hold them, kiss them, et cetera. As you know, Wes was a good guy towards me, my family."
"You don't mean...?" Logan started, causing me to look up at him, his brown eyes so familiar to me. I only nodded.
"I dare not mention my curious thoughts to my parents, as you know how they were. Chase was still rather young, and Hayley was just two years younger than me," I went on, not breaking the gaze. "Wes and I started dating, and it was ... interesting, to say the least. He seemed to be rather into me, but I wasn't so sure I was into him. He was great and all, but it's like we were two puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit together."
I sat in silence for a moment, tracing circles mindlessly on the back of his hand with my thumb as I started just passed his left ear at the wall. I fought the urge to stand up and walk away, knowing that I might just leave for good if I did. Taking a deep breath, I continued on.
"Over time, Wesley was coming over to my place more and more, and I noticed Hayley watching him after a while. You know that look one gets when they're developing a crush on someone they couldn't have?" Logan only nodded, and I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, knowing what he was thinking about. "That's the look she had. Eventually, I broke it off with him, telling him it just wasn't there for me. I knew I had a thing for guys, but I also knew I loved the ladies, as well. When I figured out the truth of who I was, that's when I went to that abandoned castle, and written the truth."
"How did you know if your better half was in the states?" Logan asked quitely. My gaze fell on him again, and I just watched him for a paasing moment. "How did you know he -- or she -- wasn't going to be in Ireland?"
"This is going to sound absolutely mad," I started, laughing humorlessly for a moment, "but I had this dream, honest to god, about the backside of a man. Dark hair, tanned skin, broad shoulders. I didn't know what it meant at first, but then I saw him one day, walking away from me through a crowd of people, days beore a party."
Logan didn't say a word, just sat there, head down, and a small smile playing at his lips. "Anyway," I started up, "after breaking it off with Wes, he almost immediately started a fling with my sister, knowing it'd piss me off to no end." I gulped at Logan's intake of breath, knowing he knew where this was leading to. "Three months had passed, and it was late one Wednesday night. Mum and Dad were still up, awaiting for Hayley to arrive home from the movies with Wesley. Instead of Hayley, they got two cops, one male and one female."
Logan gripped both my hands with his, squeezing just a bit too hard, but I didn't say anything, I was starting to go a bit numb as the tears started to fall. "They didn't know I was sitting at the landing of the stairs, listening in as the cops told them that they found Hayley's body in the side of the road, bloody and her clothes askew. Autopsy proved that she had been raped before being stabbed through the heart and neck."
The tears were still falling, my eyes not focusing on anything around me. Just above a whisper, I continued, "I can still hear Mum's screams, and my Dad trying so hard to soothe her, though I know he was just as bad off. I was in shock at the news, unsure of what to make of it. Weeks later, we found out that Wes -- sweet, gentle, goofy Wes -- was the one who did it. He didn't explain why, but I knew. I knew why. It was because I stopped our relationship."
Logan didn't say a word, just stood up, started a pot of water for tea, and came over to me. Forcing me to stand up, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and refused to let go. I crumpled into him, my entire body numb with old pain and new fears.
"Before we can get to us," I started slowly, trying to think of the right way to start off with my mind still being fuzzy from sleep, "I need to begin with the year or so before I moved from Belfast to the states."
Falling silent for a brief moment, I stared at the calloused hands of Logan that I've come to know in the years I've known him. "I was at that age where I was getting curious what it would be like to love someone of the same gender. What it would be like to hold them, kiss them, et cetera. As you know, Wes was a good guy towards me, my family."
"You don't mean...?" Logan started, causing me to look up at him, his brown eyes so familiar to me. I only nodded.
"I dare not mention my curious thoughts to my parents, as you know how they were. Chase was still rather young, and Hayley was just two years younger than me," I went on, not breaking the gaze. "Wes and I started dating, and it was ... interesting, to say the least. He seemed to be rather into me, but I wasn't so sure I was into him. He was great and all, but it's like we were two puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit together."
I sat in silence for a moment, tracing circles mindlessly on the back of his hand with my thumb as I started just passed his left ear at the wall. I fought the urge to stand up and walk away, knowing that I might just leave for good if I did. Taking a deep breath, I continued on.
"Over time, Wesley was coming over to my place more and more, and I noticed Hayley watching him after a while. You know that look one gets when they're developing a crush on someone they couldn't have?" Logan only nodded, and I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, knowing what he was thinking about. "That's the look she had. Eventually, I broke it off with him, telling him it just wasn't there for me. I knew I had a thing for guys, but I also knew I loved the ladies, as well. When I figured out the truth of who I was, that's when I went to that abandoned castle, and written the truth."
"How did you know if your better half was in the states?" Logan asked quitely. My gaze fell on him again, and I just watched him for a paasing moment. "How did you know he -- or she -- wasn't going to be in Ireland?"
"This is going to sound absolutely mad," I started, laughing humorlessly for a moment, "but I had this dream, honest to god, about the backside of a man. Dark hair, tanned skin, broad shoulders. I didn't know what it meant at first, but then I saw him one day, walking away from me through a crowd of people, days beore a party."
Logan didn't say a word, just sat there, head down, and a small smile playing at his lips. "Anyway," I started up, "after breaking it off with Wes, he almost immediately started a fling with my sister, knowing it'd piss me off to no end." I gulped at Logan's intake of breath, knowing he knew where this was leading to. "Three months had passed, and it was late one Wednesday night. Mum and Dad were still up, awaiting for Hayley to arrive home from the movies with Wesley. Instead of Hayley, they got two cops, one male and one female."
Logan gripped both my hands with his, squeezing just a bit too hard, but I didn't say anything, I was starting to go a bit numb as the tears started to fall. "They didn't know I was sitting at the landing of the stairs, listening in as the cops told them that they found Hayley's body in the side of the road, bloody and her clothes askew. Autopsy proved that she had been raped before being stabbed through the heart and neck."
The tears were still falling, my eyes not focusing on anything around me. Just above a whisper, I continued, "I can still hear Mum's screams, and my Dad trying so hard to soothe her, though I know he was just as bad off. I was in shock at the news, unsure of what to make of it. Weeks later, we found out that Wes -- sweet, gentle, goofy Wes -- was the one who did it. He didn't explain why, but I knew. I knew why. It was because I stopped our relationship."
Logan didn't say a word, just stood up, started a pot of water for tea, and came over to me. Forcing me to stand up, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and refused to let go. I crumpled into him, my entire body numb with old pain and new fears.