The Cheap Bouquet

Anna had never truly understood what 'being tired' had meant. Not until now.

She wasn't tired physically. She was tired mentally. She was tired of feeling guilty. She was tired of the lies, all of the fake friends and secrets and tears. No more crying over someone who doesn't care. Over someone who doesn't deserve any sympathy or thought.

She couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she tried on the many different outfits as Zak threw more over the top of the dressing room door. He had already gotten what he wanted (well, what Anna had picked out for him, anyways).

The two of them had decided it was time for a change. Anna had grown tired of her appearance, and decided that the two of them would re-rent the hotel room, and go shopping before the concert. Zak, on the other hand, knew that she was trying to have fun. He would spend any amount of money if it would fill the slightest sliver of a void in Anna. Of coarse, he knew that's not what she wanted. She wanted to be loved. She just needed to open her eyes and see that Zak was standing right in front of her.

"Wait, I think I like this," Anna said through the wood door. She glanced at her appearance once more, before walking out to show Zak.

He stared at her for a moment. His eyes traveled over the skinny, black, leather pants and the fitting black tank top under a worn, gray, jean jacket. The leather boots she was wearing had silver studs on the side. her pink hair didn't match anything, and he immediately knew that changing her hair color was going to be another thing to do today, as she played with her curls absently under the white beanie she was wearing. "Fucking hell, you're so attractive," he complimented, pecking her lips sweetly.

She laughed. "Let me change and pay for this. And then, we can head to Hot Topic so I can get patches and such to put on the jacket," she seemed to be talking to herself, making a list in her head, "I also want to get black hair dye, and then we can go back to the hotel and change. We can eat, too, depending on what time it is."

Zak nodded once, and waited as she quickly changed. They spent another hour or so getting patches and hair dye for her. Zak hadn't minded, though. All he wanted was for her to be happy. Not numb, but actually happy. And, for the first time in a long time, she actually was. Anna was happy.



Zak sighed as he played with Anna's now black curls. Her sleeping body was more peaceful than she had looked in the past twelve months. They had to leave in ten minutes, but Zak couldn't wake her up. He knew that this was the first time she wasn't having a nightmare as she slept.

But, as soon as he had realized how peaceful she was, her breathing quickened and she gripped onto Zak's black, V-neck. Her knuckles were turning white, as Zak shook her awake. But, as soon as her eyes opened, she began sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shh, Anna, it's okay. You're right here. I'm here, it's okay," Zak cooed, pulling her against his chest. This was the one thing he couldn't help her forget. She had no control over her dreams, and it scared him to think that she might never get over this part.

She pushed him away, and stood up. "That's the problem! You're right here, acting as if everything will be alright! It won't be! He's gone and never coming back!" She made her way to the bathroom, and locked the door behind her.

Zak had noticed that this was not her normal behavior when she talked about Tony. She was relatively calm. Her anger never flared when she talked about him. But he remembered her getting in a fight with someone when her brother was mentioned. Was that what this was about?

"Anna?" His voice was soft, as he leaned against the door. He knew exactly what she was doing. He didn't like it, but he chose not to think about it. He never asked her about her scars, because he knew why she did it. Even he had done it for a while, so he knew not to push her to stop. "We're leaving in five minutes," he said, slipping his black Vans on, smiling at the white skinny jeans Anna had picked out for him. He grabbed Anna's cell phone, pushed his into his back pocket, and grabbed the keys before walking out to the car.

It was only two minutes later that her hips had stopped bleeding, and Anna left the bathroom. She was completely disgusted with herself, but at the same time she felt a bit happier. Like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She walked outside. She was more than ready to get wasted. She was more than ready to forget what she had just done. As she climbed into the passengers seat, she grabbed her phone and scrolled through Twitter. The entire car ride was complete silence. Neither of them dared to say anything, in fear that it would upset the other.

Once at the venue, the words began to fall through the silent surface.

"How bad is it?" Zak asked, clearly concerned.

"Just a few. They stopped bleeding after a second," Anna replied, shrugging her shoulders.

They walked into the already crowded venue. Most people wouldn't want to be so close to random strangers, but Anna smiled. More people to mosh with; more fun.

"I've gotta' pee," she said, looking around. She spotted a security guard a little ways away, and touched Zak's arm. "I'll be right back," she said as he nodded.

She walked towards the security guard, becoming intimidated by his size. He towered over her, and looked to be around his mid-thirties. he was wearing a black t-shirt, and blue jeans. On his rather large bicep was a band that read 'security' in large yellow letters.

"Uh, is there a bathroom anywhere?"

He nodded, and pointed her towards a long corridor that was lit up by bright fluorescent lights. "The fourth door on the right," he said.

Anna thanked him, as she began walking in the direction he had pointed. She mentally numbered the doors as she walked passed them, and noticed how spaced out they were. Once she had reached the fourth one, she walked inside. She silently examined herself int he mirror, fixing her makeup were her tears had smudged it a bit. She admired her new hair color for a moment, and then fixed the position of her bracelets.

Once she approved of her appearance, she walked back outside. She scrolled through Twitter again as she walked down the corridor. But, about halfway back, a door to her left opened. Her heard jerked up at the sound. The person, also looking at his phone, bumped into her.

Her entire body was frozen, ice in her veins, as she saw Tony look up at her.

"Oh, sorr-!"

They stared at each other for a moment, at a loss for words. Anna was on the verge of tears, and Tony was too frozen to hug her like he had wanted.

"Bella? Oh, sorry. Anna, I mean," He corrected himself, horrible memories of that specific day flooding his mind. He didn't want to remember them so vividly, but he was seeing everything again, play-by-play.

Anna giggled softly. "It's okay. I've gotta' go," she said quickly, pushing past him and walking quickly down the corridor. She had forced herself to look happy, but she was biting her lip as hard as she could to keep from crying.

"Wait!" Tony ran after her, grabbing her wrist just before she could weave back into the crowd of people and slip through his fingers once again. He wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't.

"What do you want?" Anna spoke quickly, avoiding his gaze as much as possible. She knew that she would fall for him again if she looked into his beautiful brown eyes for even the shortest second.

"What? I haven't seen you in forever!" He hugged her waist, and pulled her tight against his chest. It had felt like longer since he had seen her. It had been too long. He needed her more than ever. He missed her, and there wasn't a second that went by when he wasn't thinking about her.

"Look, Tony, I need to go," she shook her head, and stared at her feet. She knew he wasn't going to give up that easily, though.

"At least give me your number, please?" He handed her his cell phone, as she nodded.

She punched in her name and number, flicking her tongue across the ring at the bottom of her lip nervously.

Tony placed his index finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Why'd you get that done?" he asked, unaware of what he was doing to her.

"I-I don't know..." Anna shook her head, and handed him his phone back. Her stomach did it's own form of flips as he hugged her once more.

As Anna walked away from Tony, new pain spread throughout her body. A pain she had never felt before. A pain of want. She wanted Tony back. But she could never have him. It was similar to some people wanting attention, or money, or fame. But this was a bit different, because she had no chance or way to get what she wanted.



"Are you kidding? Get the fuck out of here! You can't even come to realize what you've done to her!" Zak yelled, pushing Tony away from the car.

Anna was patiently waiting for Zak to calm down as she listened to Nine Inch Nails. She was trying to drown out the profanities he was screaming. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and focused on the lyrics.

"You're such an ass! Don't call her! Don't talk to her! Don't even think about her! You're slowly ruining her existence! And, of all people, you should know how much she's capable of! You're fucking her up just by breathing! You bastard! Just fucking stop!"

"Zak, you stop," Anna demanded, grabbing his elbow from behind. She tugged him towards the car, but he didn't move. "Zak, come on. Let's go."

"No, Anna! he needs to realize what he's done! Hey, Tony! Did you know that Anna cut herself today because of you? Did you know she wakes up crying every night because of you?"

"Zak! Shut the hell up!" Anna snapped, stepping in front of him and pushing him towards the car with all of her strength.

Zak finally gave in, and got into the passengers side, unable to drive because of his annoyance and anger.

"I'm sorry about him," Anna gave Tony a small smile, knowing just how much she would regret it later when the high of energy left her.

"No, it's fine. I deserved it." He stared at his feet, and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Anna sighed, and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso tightly, her stomach doing flips at his touch again. She breathed in his familiar scent, becoming emotional again. "Stop. You didn't deserve any of it. You're perfectly fine, and you're forgiven for everything," she said, smiling against his shoulder.

"Is it true? Did you really hurt yourself over me? Do you really cry over me?" Tony asked, his voice just below a whisper.

"No, I didn't hurt myself because of you. It was because of...personal reasons. But I have cried over you," she sighed, "every night," she muttered the last part, but Tony could hear.

"Please, Bella, don't. I'm not worth that. Why do you, though? Why did you leave? Why did you change so much?"

"Because I couldn't stand to remember. It hurt too much. I miss you, and it hurts to know that you don't even think about me."

Tony leaned down, and cupped Anna's cheeks. Tears were falling from her eyes, and it hurt him to know that he was the reason for this. "Bells, do you really think that I didn't think about you? I think about every second of every day. I already told you that I love you, you should have known that it was true," he said, his lips dangerously close to hers.

"But you have no reason to. I was such a horrible friend. I was never there for you, so why were you always there for me? I don't think that was very fair to you. I don't even understand why you say you love me," she whispered.

Tony gave her a small smile, his eyes now glassy as well. "So many questions," he murmured. He noticed her eyes flicker to his lips, and her breathing hitched, before she looked back into his eyes.

She crushed her lips to his, kissing him with as much passion as she possibly could. And, to her great surprise, he did the exact same thing. it was something the both of them had missed. Tony had had one girlfriend after Anna (if a girlfriend is what you could call her), but he had never felt the same. Everything was about Anna.

"Where are you staying?" He asked, after he had caught his breath.

"Anywhere, really. Hotels mostly."

"You should come on tour with us. The guys miss you, too. And I'm positive that the bands will like you," he smiled hopefully, but frowned as she glanced back at Zak.

"I can't. But I'll text you as much as I can. And I'll be back in San Diego soon enough. Just wait a while, okay?"

Tony nodded, and watched Anna walk away from him again. He still had no idea where she was going or is she was going to be safe. But, unlike last time, he knew that he would see her again. This was a major factor in his happiness. And, even though she didn't know it, Tony really loved her.