False starts
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Circles seem like such perfectly innocent things until you're stuck in one. Paisley knew all too well what it was like to feel like you're just going around and around in the same vicious cycle. Where Ryan was concerned she was illogical and couldn't help but let herself get sucked back into the cycle each time.
They were complete opposites and they drove each other crazy but something always drew them together despite everything. When they were younger and still had all the time in the world for their future to pan out Paisley always secretly thought that they were soul mates and would eventually settle down and have a solid future together.
She had loved the way his smile traveled to his eyes every time and it lit up his whole face, the way that when he looked at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered,he loved her fully and didn't try to hide it or ever act like he didn't care even for one second, and most of all he was always there for her through everything.
Ryan loved that Paisley always tried to smile, even if her world was crumbling around her she would attempt a watery sort of smile at best to try to put off that she was okay, the way that her hair never laid perfectly and was always falling out of place, her capacity to unconditionally love everyone and everything, and most importantly how she made him feel like he was home every time he saw her.
Despite all of that their fights were explosive. For six long years it was an endless cycle of fighting and reconciling.So once again Paisley found herself at the Cherry Blossom Cafe fuming from another stupid fight. She watched people pass her by as she sat drinking her coffee at an outdoor table. Naturally a younger couple who looked very much in love walked past cuddled into each other comfortably. Paisley looked on with a small amount of bitterness that it was unlikely that she would ever have that for long.
In her mind she knew that she was moody and she knew that Ryan was a jerk. She's carefree, naive, emotional, impulsive, and scatter brained. He's serious, collected, logical, and conscientious. She could see that it was a recipe for disaster but she couldn't help but try again and again because she needed it to work.
She could remember the first time they met perfectly. It was senior year of high school and she decided to go to one of the football games spur of the moment. She had also waited until the last second to go, so the stadium was packed. She was trying to find a seat when she literally ran into Ryan who was trying to go to concession. She fell back and he caught her before she went tumbling down the steps. She looked up from behind her long red hair, green eyes met startling blue eyes and all sounds faded as time seemed to stop for a brief moment. He gave her a heart melting grin, time seemed to catch back up and she said a shy "hello" "Hey, that was almost a scary topple. I'm Ryan by the way." "Yeah, Thanks for catching me in time .My name's Paisley." She said with a nervous giggle. "On your way back to your seat?" Ryan asked "No, actually I'm looking for one." she replied. "I'm going to concession but would you like to sit by me?" he nervously rubbed the back of his dark brown hair as she seemed to consider his offer. "Sure, but I have to warn you that I get overly excited while watching games." After the game they had went to go grab coffee just to spend more time together. They quickly became infatuated and fell very quickly for each other but they drove each other crazy from the start.
Paisley looked into her cup as she tried to clear her mind from the over whelming memories but when she looked up Ryan was standing in front of her table.Remorse in his eyes but she knew in her heart that it just wasn't going to work. She didn't say anything but she didn't need to. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry.I didn't mean to snap at you or make you feel like shit. Please come back with me?" She flinched from the sincerity in his voice. This was going to be hard with her knowing that she was the only person that he ever even somewhat showed emotion to. She couldn't look him in the eyes as she replied "I'll come back with you Ryan. But we need to have a serious discussion without raising our voices this time." "Okay, Baby"
She followed him out to their cars and followed him to their home. The home that they had shared together for the last few years. Paisley took a deep breath as she got out of her car and went into the house with Ryan. As soon as the door snicked shut softly Ryan had turned to lean in for a kiss and she had to gather all her will power to softly put a hand on his chest and back away.
"We really need to talk Ryan." Paisley said softly. A confused look crossed his handsome face because she had never turned down any type of affection in their relationship. "What's going on Sweetheart?" The endearment had always made her heart soar but right now it just made it plummet into her stomach making her feel queasy. She looked away from the only man that she ever loved as she braced herself to say what she knew in her heart had been inevitable. "Ryan, You know I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and I know I always will. That's what makes this so unbearable but we're just not good for each other. We fight all the time and this is our third time together. I think it's time we realize that this just isn't meant to work." "God damn it, I'm not losing you again. I was stupid to ever have broken up with you before but I've learned my lesson. We fight but we always make up. We always said we would work things out. That our love would be enough to over come anything." Ryan said with raw emotions cloaking his voice
"I may be immature and naive but I know it's time to grow up a little and to stop pretending that love is always enough. It isn't. I wish that it was, but the truth is that life isn't always a fairytale. My whole life has been hell and I needed for us to work.I needed you to be my perfect ending but you aren't...We make each other miserable. I can't change who I am, Ryan and neither can you. Love won't change that fact." Paisley said while looking away from the only person who was there for her through everything, even her mothers suicide and father cutting her out of his life. "Baby we don't make each other miserable. We fight and we always bounce right back. When we've broken up it never lasts. Don't you realize that there's a reason for that? You're meant for me. Nothing you can say will change that." "All the fighting will tear us apart. It wears a person down and creates resentment we can't just keep doing this for the rest of our lives. I need you in my life but we just can't be in a relationship. It doesn't work for us. I'd rather break up and love you then stay with you and end up hating you. It's going to kill me not to feel you sleeping next to me, Not being able to touch you, feel your warmth and the comfort it brings me. I never wanted it to end up like this. I did think that our love would over come anything that was put before us. I guess some people just have to learn the hard way that love isn't always enough." Paisley said with tears running down her cheeks.
"Paisley, I don't even know what to say to you because I know that no matter what I say it's not going to change your mind because you're so damn stubborn but I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and that I'd give anything just to stay with you. I'm not emotional but you change everything, you've broken past that and I'll never be the same. It's worth saying that I wont look for anyone else because I've found the person I'm meant to be with. You drive me crazy and push all my buttons but that will never change how I feel about you." Ryan said as he choked back his own tears. Paisley nodded her head in acknowledgement of what he said but her mind was set.
"I'm going to stay at a motel for a while. I'll be back for my things later when emotions have settled down." "Can I have just one goodbye kiss?" Ryan asked so hopefully that Paisley couldn't deny him or herself a goodbye kiss. "Yes." She whispered and he leaned down for a kiss that was so bittersweet that it made Paisleys heart clench painfully. She pulled away with more tears streaming down her face. She gave him a watery smile "Goodbye, Ryan" She said softly as she turned to open the door. She heard him say goodbye as she pulled the door shut behind her. In the car on the way to the motel "Please, Please, Please, Let me get what I want" Played on the radio and the irony wasn't lost on her and she almost went back but knew that it wasn't meant to last so she continued on into her now uncertain future.
They were complete opposites and they drove each other crazy but something always drew them together despite everything. When they were younger and still had all the time in the world for their future to pan out Paisley always secretly thought that they were soul mates and would eventually settle down and have a solid future together.
She had loved the way his smile traveled to his eyes every time and it lit up his whole face, the way that when he looked at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered,he loved her fully and didn't try to hide it or ever act like he didn't care even for one second, and most of all he was always there for her through everything.
Ryan loved that Paisley always tried to smile, even if her world was crumbling around her she would attempt a watery sort of smile at best to try to put off that she was okay, the way that her hair never laid perfectly and was always falling out of place, her capacity to unconditionally love everyone and everything, and most importantly how she made him feel like he was home every time he saw her.
Despite all of that their fights were explosive. For six long years it was an endless cycle of fighting and reconciling.So once again Paisley found herself at the Cherry Blossom Cafe fuming from another stupid fight. She watched people pass her by as she sat drinking her coffee at an outdoor table. Naturally a younger couple who looked very much in love walked past cuddled into each other comfortably. Paisley looked on with a small amount of bitterness that it was unlikely that she would ever have that for long.
In her mind she knew that she was moody and she knew that Ryan was a jerk. She's carefree, naive, emotional, impulsive, and scatter brained. He's serious, collected, logical, and conscientious. She could see that it was a recipe for disaster but she couldn't help but try again and again because she needed it to work.
She could remember the first time they met perfectly. It was senior year of high school and she decided to go to one of the football games spur of the moment. She had also waited until the last second to go, so the stadium was packed. She was trying to find a seat when she literally ran into Ryan who was trying to go to concession. She fell back and he caught her before she went tumbling down the steps. She looked up from behind her long red hair, green eyes met startling blue eyes and all sounds faded as time seemed to stop for a brief moment. He gave her a heart melting grin, time seemed to catch back up and she said a shy "hello" "Hey, that was almost a scary topple. I'm Ryan by the way." "Yeah, Thanks for catching me in time .My name's Paisley." She said with a nervous giggle. "On your way back to your seat?" Ryan asked "No, actually I'm looking for one." she replied. "I'm going to concession but would you like to sit by me?" he nervously rubbed the back of his dark brown hair as she seemed to consider his offer. "Sure, but I have to warn you that I get overly excited while watching games." After the game they had went to go grab coffee just to spend more time together. They quickly became infatuated and fell very quickly for each other but they drove each other crazy from the start.
Paisley looked into her cup as she tried to clear her mind from the over whelming memories but when she looked up Ryan was standing in front of her table.Remorse in his eyes but she knew in her heart that it just wasn't going to work. She didn't say anything but she didn't need to. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry.I didn't mean to snap at you or make you feel like shit. Please come back with me?" She flinched from the sincerity in his voice. This was going to be hard with her knowing that she was the only person that he ever even somewhat showed emotion to. She couldn't look him in the eyes as she replied "I'll come back with you Ryan. But we need to have a serious discussion without raising our voices this time." "Okay, Baby"
She followed him out to their cars and followed him to their home. The home that they had shared together for the last few years. Paisley took a deep breath as she got out of her car and went into the house with Ryan. As soon as the door snicked shut softly Ryan had turned to lean in for a kiss and she had to gather all her will power to softly put a hand on his chest and back away.
"We really need to talk Ryan." Paisley said softly. A confused look crossed his handsome face because she had never turned down any type of affection in their relationship. "What's going on Sweetheart?" The endearment had always made her heart soar but right now it just made it plummet into her stomach making her feel queasy. She looked away from the only man that she ever loved as she braced herself to say what she knew in her heart had been inevitable. "Ryan, You know I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and I know I always will. That's what makes this so unbearable but we're just not good for each other. We fight all the time and this is our third time together. I think it's time we realize that this just isn't meant to work." "God damn it, I'm not losing you again. I was stupid to ever have broken up with you before but I've learned my lesson. We fight but we always make up. We always said we would work things out. That our love would be enough to over come anything." Ryan said with raw emotions cloaking his voice
"I may be immature and naive but I know it's time to grow up a little and to stop pretending that love is always enough. It isn't. I wish that it was, but the truth is that life isn't always a fairytale. My whole life has been hell and I needed for us to work.I needed you to be my perfect ending but you aren't...We make each other miserable. I can't change who I am, Ryan and neither can you. Love won't change that fact." Paisley said while looking away from the only person who was there for her through everything, even her mothers suicide and father cutting her out of his life. "Baby we don't make each other miserable. We fight and we always bounce right back. When we've broken up it never lasts. Don't you realize that there's a reason for that? You're meant for me. Nothing you can say will change that." "All the fighting will tear us apart. It wears a person down and creates resentment we can't just keep doing this for the rest of our lives. I need you in my life but we just can't be in a relationship. It doesn't work for us. I'd rather break up and love you then stay with you and end up hating you. It's going to kill me not to feel you sleeping next to me, Not being able to touch you, feel your warmth and the comfort it brings me. I never wanted it to end up like this. I did think that our love would over come anything that was put before us. I guess some people just have to learn the hard way that love isn't always enough." Paisley said with tears running down her cheeks.
"Paisley, I don't even know what to say to you because I know that no matter what I say it's not going to change your mind because you're so damn stubborn but I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and that I'd give anything just to stay with you. I'm not emotional but you change everything, you've broken past that and I'll never be the same. It's worth saying that I wont look for anyone else because I've found the person I'm meant to be with. You drive me crazy and push all my buttons but that will never change how I feel about you." Ryan said as he choked back his own tears. Paisley nodded her head in acknowledgement of what he said but her mind was set.
"I'm going to stay at a motel for a while. I'll be back for my things later when emotions have settled down." "Can I have just one goodbye kiss?" Ryan asked so hopefully that Paisley couldn't deny him or herself a goodbye kiss. "Yes." She whispered and he leaned down for a kiss that was so bittersweet that it made Paisleys heart clench painfully. She pulled away with more tears streaming down her face. She gave him a watery smile "Goodbye, Ryan" She said softly as she turned to open the door. She heard him say goodbye as she pulled the door shut behind her. In the car on the way to the motel "Please, Please, Please, Let me get what I want" Played on the radio and the irony wasn't lost on her and she almost went back but knew that it wasn't meant to last so she continued on into her now uncertain future.