Have Faith In Me

Kellin was convicted of killing numerous people in different ways. Some of them were so unusual and some were just normal. I wondered why they didn’t get him at the first murder but I kept filing though the people, papers, and crimes. Then a face on one of the papers burned my eyes to look at, the name made my jaw drop in astonishment, and anger bubbled up in my veins. I stormed into Kellin’s cell with my heels hitting the concrete hard. “Fuck you Kellin. Seriously, fuck you,” I raged from outside of the bars, with my hands squeezing them, causing a scene. He was lying on his bed calmly and didn’t flinch at my shouting. I shook the bars, “Look at me!” My anger and rage was taking over. He stood up calmly with a blank expression; at this I couldn’t be fine. “I can’t believe you,” I tried calming down by taking deep breaths but I kept thinking about it, I kept thinking about what he had done. I fucking trusted him, I don't even know why. Fuck feelings and fuck emotions, getting attached is too much trouble and danger. He didn’t do anything, no expression showed on his face and he just kind of did nothing; but at this rage boiled up inside me again. “My mother, Kellin, how could you?”

His expression lit up as something came to mind. Still no words though, he was confused. I yelled though the bars again as tears were already rolling down my face at the memories flooding back. “You killed her, Kellin. You killed my mother,” I cried as he got up from the bed but didn’t make his way over to me, he went to the farthest corner and rubbed his hand across the wall, across the stones with their different personalities. Silence fell upon the jail as people were standing at their bars, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on. “Kellin!” My yell filled the whole jail and I could hear it echo back into my ears.

“Vic, do you think it’s real? Do you think it’s true?” He calmly spoke up from the corner of the cell so only I could hear.

“What? Kellin how could- just I-what?” I couldn’t form the words to say to him. Lies, truths and realities mixed in my head. I was told my mother was murdered but I didn’t know by who; apparently that was ‘confidential,' even though I'm her fucking son. I couldn’t believe it was Kellin, I couldn’t believe anything as my heart was racing rapidly and I was nowhere near calming down. My hands gripped onto the bars and I could feel my nails digging into my palm, but I didn’t care. Tears spilled out of my eyes uncontrollably, and I could never forget this. I should have just killed Kellin right then and there but I couldn’t bring myself to commit the crime.

I stepped inside the cell and Kellin didn’t make eye contact with me, I knew he couldn’t look at me considering I knew what he had done now. “Why? Kellin did you intentionally target her or was she random?” I was starting to calm down but I needed answers. After a while of him not replying I calmed down a little and sat down on his bed while he was still facing the wall.

“Vic, do you know if me killing your mom is true? Do you believe everything you see and read? Don't you have faith in me?” He turned around to face me finally and I could tell he was getting angry; I suppose it was his time to unleash on me. But just like him I didn’t bulge from my spot on his bed as he stepped closer to me. “Why would I get so attached to you if I did?” Kellin made a point. I was out of words as his reasoning settled onto my mind. Was he really just making me doubt everything I believed in? Inner conflict filled up my head and of course, he was one of the first ones that had ever done this; from day one he made me question my whole reasoning in life. I placed my elbow onto my knee and supported my head with my hand as I tried to wrap my brain around this situation. “Just go ahead and leave if you think it’s true, Vic,” I didn’t budge from the bed as I stared up into his rage filled eyes.

“But-”

“Just fucking leave!” Kellin shouted throughout the whole cell causing commotion in the other cells.

“Fine,” I muttered under my breath and hesitantly walked away from him and out of the cell. I didn’t know what to think right now. I didn’t know if Kellin was telling the truth or if he was just making it up, just to make me that much closer to him. I knew this was dangerous from the start. Maybe thinking it over wouldn’t have been horrible in this situation. I needed time to think about this, I needed time to figure out what was the truth and what were lies. If I believed Kellin I would go against my work, my beliefs, and my life. If I went against my work it would be threatening to my new relationship with Kellin, it would tear me apart emotionally. I got close to him and he ended up screwing me over.

Fuck, he killed my fucking mom.

I sighed and grabbed Kellin’s file from the desk and once in the car I placed it in the passenger seat, I would look at that later. I should have showed Kellin his file but that might have caused more drama than there was right now. I just wanted everything to be okay for once in my life, but I wasn’t going to get that anytime soon.