Have Faith In Me

My smile followed me home that day and I couldn’t wipe it off my face no matter what was to happen. I would be returning to the same house, the house where I would pass the time away doing absolutely nothing, and where I would over think my lonely life. I sighed, and pulled my knees closer to my chest on the couch.

With hot chocolate in hand and some random movie I bought from the store, I figured I would need to keep myself occupied tonight. I don’t want to over think anything about Kellin, because where we stood right now was enough for me. I couldn’t even imagine what was running though his mind when I did that; I couldn’t fathom what was running through my own mind at that, it was just impulse, I suppose.

My bed filled up with the warmth of my body heat as I slipped under the covers. At the end of the day Kellin was all I could think about, this wasn’t a bad thing, but definitely not a good thing. I didn’t want to over-analyze the situation but I couldn’t help it, it was in my nature to. I pushed my hands under the pillow and rested my head on top of the pillow, getting comfortable. Then it came to me, what am I really getting myself into? Have I set myself up for disaster right now? It felt good to have something actually going on in my life; although, this could be disastrous. I exhaled deeply and tried to clear my thoughts, before they became too corrupt.

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The next day I pulled into my normal parking space and organized my appearance, being ready for whatever. I knew that one of these days the “head honcho” is going to be coming in soon, and I obviously wanted to keep this job so I needed to look as nice as I possibly could, I mean it was a brutal job but I had to look the part of a business man and I never really got the whole point of it. I wasn’t too worried about today though, because when I arrived Oli stood in the doorway with ripped jeans and a cut off shirt. I rolled my eyes, just because he wasn’t really even following the guidelines, but I didn’t need to care; that was his fault. I strolled into the locker room, ready for the day and ready to see Kellin again, today was one of the good days that I’ve needed for a while. I got my things and went on my way. I decided to take care of the prisoners from the bottom up, saving Kellin for last of course.

I was right, after a few people I was still having a good day, there were no hassles today and I was so thankful for that. I finished up on the last person of the day, the one before Kellin. My legs moved as fast as they could just to reach Kellin’s cell. I was trying to hold in the excitement, but I couldn’t, I was really starting to feel something with him; something that I haven’t felt in so long. My heartbeat rapidly increased as I reached the front of his cell. I turned the lock on the bars and he was laying on his bed, just looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t help but slam my ass right onto the side of the bed. With no reaction from Kellin, my stomach dropped.

“Hey,” I encouraged him to speak.

“What’s up?” He didn’t take his eyes off the ceiling, his face was unreadable, his stare was blank, and his body was lifeless.

“Are you alright?” I said.

He shook his head in reply and I could see tears threatening to spill over, but I didn’t rush to his aid, I didn’t want to seem too…awkward. “I just miss my friends, you know? I miss the life I had before all of this. None of my friends probably even remember me, I always felt like such a nuisance when I was around them; they always had to deal with my problems and it just seemed like they were getting tired of it by the time I got put into jail. I haven’t heard from them since I got in here, so that’s an obvious sign that no one gives a fuck about me anymore. They probably all have jobs and even maybe families,” He explained with tears in his eyes.

What he said made my mind go insane; I haven’t come to the fact that he is just like everyone else. He wanted a decent future for himself and a decent life. He had goals and dreams just like everyone else has. I tried to swallow the dried lump in my throat. I had no idea what to do at this point. I’ve never actually really taken it in that he’s human.

His voice snapped me from my spontaneous thoughts, “Then you came along, you act like you care about me and you’re just different.” I knew he didn’t know how to put this into words, I couldn’t explain to him how I felt about him, but we both knew it was there, we both knew that we had feelings for each other. “Sometimes, I actually think you’re too good to be true,” Kellin chuckled at the thought; “You come in here and act like you don’t care about me. You come in here acting like you have no emotion whatsoever, but I can see it in your eyes; the way you look just before you hold up the rope, the way you hold your head down low after. I know you feel horrible about it and you try your best not to show it, Vic.” He studied my every move ever since he was new here, he had examined my body language and he- he was reading me like a book, he had this all figured out; didn’t he? I tried my best not to show that he was right, but I couldn’t hide it.

“Wow, Kellin,” I said expressionless and toneless.

“Don’t try to act like I’m not right,” He said sarcastically, and he finally sat up from the bed. He pulled my hand up to his lips and planted a gentle kiss on it, “I’ve got you all figured out darling.”