Homesick

Tatum Morgan, chest heaving as she fights to catch her breath, drops down on the backyard lawn of Holland Private, wiping blotches of sweat that's covering her forehead and neck. The warm-up mile run has already left her with little to no energy, and super thirsty, too, and she lies there, despite her coach shouting at her to get back up and walk, heart beating quickly under her ribs. The other girls obey and are raising their heads above their heads to give their lungs room to take in oxygen, but Tatum decides that she can't handle being on her feet for another goddamn second; she remains where she is.

"Tatum," the coach hisses, standing over her and frowning. "How many times do I have to tell you to get up and walk the track to cool down? You never listen, do you?" Tatum only opens one eyes and smiles tiredly at the older woman before closing it again, thankful for her blocking the sunlight. "Tatum!"

Some girls whisper catty things about Tatum being a spoiled brat, but not even that gets Tatum to get up. The coach ends up giving up and storming off, across the grass, rambling to herself about "stuck up girls" who "don't ever listen". She shouts at the other girls to keep walking before settling down on a nearby bench, eyes still glancing towards a still Tatum.

Finally, when Tatum is feeling much better, she gets up and wipes grass and weeds off of her gym uniform. Jackie Williams, her gym-friend and gym-friend only, approaches, snickering deviously. "Coach really hates you, huh, Tate? I hear her still talkin' about you over there."

Tatum only shrugs. "She can join the club," she jokes, and Jackie laughs her loud, untamed laugh, all snorts and annoying little snickers.

"So what are we even doing today?" Tatum asks when Jackie finally stops.

"Soccer."

"Ugh, god - I suck at soccer," Tatum groans, smoothing some loose strands back towards her lazy ponytail. She watches absentmindedly as some girls go to retrieve goals and a soccer ball. "Which is kinda funny since my brother, Wyatt, is amazing at it."

"I know," Jackie deadpans. "You talk about him everyday."

Tatum blinks, startled, at Jackie. "Really?"

"Yeah." Jackie nods very slowly, looking at Tatum just as incredulously. "It's always something he does or something he's doing. I know you love 'em, but it's insane, dude."

Even as the game starts and Tatum is running up and down the field after the ball, Jackie's words ring in her ears over and over, driving her insane. She never knew she was doing it until then, and it bothers her a lot that she can't keep his name out of her mouth. Wyatt is a great brother, yeah, but to talk about everyday? She loves him, but not that much, never that much. So why the hell is she always mentioning him? Tatum slows her run and feels a little sick about thinking about it for too long.

The game ends and her teams wins, the girls cheer, and they're all sent to the locker rooms to wash up. Tatum takes a quick shower, keeping her head low, and puts back on her school uniform and lets her hair hang loose to air dry. After saying her quick goodbyes to Jackie, she leaves the locker room, gym, and, soon, the school, after the final bell of the day rings. She finds Natalie outside, but has to soon leave her when she sees Nick waiting for her by the gates.

"Hey," Tatum says once she reaches him, going over that Saturday night.

Nick gives her a smile, his usual one; Tatum wonders if he's trying to forget about the dinner party and move on, even if she can't. "Hey, Tate. Ready?" She nods and he wraps an arm around her waist, but this time she doesn't stiffen or shift away from him; she lets him, and even Nick seems put off by that. Looking down at her, he asks, "what's up?"

"Hm?" She glances at him, fixes the strap of her bag, and then shrugs, raising an eyebrow at him. "Nothing. Why?"

"Just wondering," he says softly. He tightens his arm on her waist to test the waters, but she still doesn't react that much to seem like her normal self. He doesn't know the right words to say the entire walk, so he says nothing, still so confused at her change of heart; they get to her front door quickly, and even then she says a sweet, "goodbye, Nick," and even waves at him as she steps into her house and closes the door behind her.

He leaves so bothered.

Tatum, sighing an exhausted sigh, walks up the stairs with her bag, feeling a little better about herself. She actually tried today, and even though Nick was apparently shocked by it, it didn't feel as bad as she thought it would. Besides, being so turned off by him and acting that way, too, was really wearing at her and driving her more and more insane; she knew a change of heart was necessary. It's going to be better for both of them from now on.

On her way to her room she passes Wyatt's, and the door is open a crack. She absentmindedly looks in on her way past, catches sight of him sitting, crouched over a notebook, on the edge of his bed, and then stops halfway down the hall. She decides she didn't see him well enough ( her excuse for a second glance ), and backs up to peek back in through the narrow opening. His red hair is about at the time when it needs to be trimmed - all loose and hanging in his white face - and his cheeks are and will forever be a tint of red, as are his lips. He's scrunching his face up in his usual concentrated nature, green eyes determinedly staring at his handiwork as his hand moves across the paper, writing furiously. Tatum thinks he looks cute like this, so dedicated to be a high-achiever, as he's been taught to be. She feels herself smiling and can't help it, really, because her brother is such a perfect boy - soon-to-be perfect man.

Whoever he marries is going to be one lucky woman, Tatum thinks. So, so lucky.

She goes to her room a grinning fool.

-

Tatum remembers the first time she saw Wyatt, age 12, on the floor of his bedroom and staring into his full-body mirror. His lips were smeared with his mother's pink lipstick, running past the edges and on his chin, too. On his frail, pre-pubescent body was a matching slip-on dress, hanging loose. His body was stiff and his eyes were dazed, long gone, and that was when Tatum, age 10, wondered if he was insane. She never said anything about it after that, but for a while, everytime she saw him she was reminded of him on that night in his bedroom, dressed like a woman and being a nutcase.

The second time she was him was when he was 14 years old. His hair was a little too overgrown this time, running into his eyes and hanging past his chin, and he was back in a slip-on, but it was baby blue, and the lipstick was red and applied a lot neater than the last. His boy was fuller than when he was 12 and had more of a square look to it, ruining any 100% femininity he once had, but it was still an oddly good look, even if he was crazy little Wyatt. Tatum, once again, said nothing of this, but it was still a mental image she had to deal with imagining much, much after the fact.

He must've gotten better after that, because Tatum never saw him doing it again. It confused and baffled her back then, but as she grew older and occasionally thought back to it, it wasn't as loony as she once perceived it to be. She thinks maybe Wyatt was just a curious little boy, wondering why his mother put so much attention on looking like a woman and dressing his younger sister, Tatum, accordingly. Wyatt was always there to see Mrs. Morgan gushing over the new dress she just had to put on Tatum, and was always forced to tag along when they went shopping for new outfits to wear for upcoming events. He held the different fabrics in his hands when their mother used him as their clothes-carrier, and had to give opinions when she pulled Tatum out of the dressing room and showed him what she was wearing. So, of course, this is when the curiosity began and Wyatt decided to experiment himself.

Tatum didn't know if Wyatt still did this when nobody is around to witness it, though she can still see the infatuation he has with feminine things: dresses and skirts and shoes and makeup and it all. When he compliments her on a new piece she's sporting, Tatum doesn't take it in a whole other direction, because she knows he really is complimenting her on her clothing, not her precisely. It's a little funny, a little weird, but she can't expect Wyatt to be completely perfect; quirks make him more human, make him manageable and not someone to be wildly envious of.

And then Wyatt got a girlfriend, which was a weird time for, Tatum thinks, the entire family. Her name was Stephanie, Stephanie Green, and she had the serious case of the giggles and the cuddles. Whenever Tatum saw her hanging around the house, she was lying all over a nervous Wyatt, draping her arms on him, kissing his red cheeks, or giggling about anything and everything he said or did. By the way Wyatt was acting - all odd and uncomfortable, even 3 months in - Tatum could tell the relationship wasn’t going to be long-lived; and she was correct.

Wyatt came home one day, looking pretty relaxed, and told Tatum immediately: “It’s finally over.” Tatum asked eagerly what happened, and Wyatt basically told her that he explained to Stephanie that she was, quote-unquote, “too much for him”. And so Wyatt laughed and danced around the house, having a great celebration, because no more giggly Stephanie! No more giggly Stephanie!

Wyatt’s second girlfriend was a lot sweeter, a lot prettier. She was a freckle-y, wavy-haired blonde named Olive, with long limbs and a nice smile. Olive and Wyatt were almost always out shopping, since Olive seemed always well-dressed and loved to have something new to her collection at least once a day, and Tatum thought it was good for them, a good bonding time, since Wyatt was secretly obsessed with feminine wear and Olive was a perfect specimen to dress up.

Tatum and Olive got close, too. When she and Wyatt weren't shopping, Olive was sprawled across Tatum’s bed, talking about school and the latest reality shows and sometimes the newest trends Olive saw in magazines. Tatum really liked Olive, actually - she was an outspoken, adorable girl with this laugh that made you have to laugh, too.

And then she one day asked Tatum, secretly, “hey - is your brother gay?”

Tatum, so absolutely shocked by the question, answered, wearily, “what?”

Olive faltered some now, noticing the incredulous look on Tatum’s face and bowed her head, shoving some wavy hair from her face. “I mean —” she looked up at the other girl and gave her own bottom lip a soft, brief bite. “I have to always kiss him; he never kisses me.” She paused, weighing her words. “And - and - he likes to shop almost as much as I do, ya know? Like - he helps me pick out stuff, and no guy I’ve dated has ever really done that for me and enjoyed it, too.” Her face fell. “I think he’s gay.”

Tatum had nothing to say.

“And it’s a pity, too,” Olive continued gravely. “Because he’s cute, yeah? He has a nice face and is super sweet. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore, though.”

And that was how Wyatt and Olive’s relationship ended. Tatum never told Wyatt why, just let him cry some as she held him close to her chest, touching the ends of his hair with her fingertips. She couldn’t possibly tell her brother that Olive dumped him because she questioned his sexuality; Tatum knew he was straight. She knows and have always known. But, there wasn’t so much she could say to Olive ( “Oh, yeah - my brother just used to dress up like a girl when he was younger, but he isn’t gay - I swear!” ) to convince her to stay, especially since she was so adamant on leaving, so she watched her go and never come back.

Pity, too, because even their parents thought she was a perfect girl.

After that, Wyatt was seen talking to a few girls, but he never dated them. Besides, once Tatum started ‘dating’ Nick, all the attention was off of him and his love life in the home and more on his sister’s, which took a lot of extra stress off of his suffering shoulders. That was about the only positive thing Tatum sees about her forced relationship: her brother could relax and worry more about school and charity work and guest appearances to dinner parties rather than finding some girl to convince that he’s not gay long enough to date.

“You’re just too good for the lot of ‘em,” Tatum joked around with Wyatt one day, after a short conversation about his dead love life.

Wyatt gave a wry smile at that and muttered, “yeah - too good for the lot of ‘em.”

That was the day Tatum spent the entire day trying to cheer Wyatt up with old movies in her bedroom.