Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

"Wrong. Ugly. Why the hell do I even own this? No. Never. Ugh!" Every piece of clothing I seemed to own was horrible and ugly and looked like it might as well belong to a twelve year old. I was standing in the middle of my cramped room, throwing every article out of my closet in frustration. As if it's not already hard enough being a girl, I have to be a girl with a famous kind of sort of not really boyfriend who asked me to dinner tonight—the first time we'd be in public together. "I should just go naked. That would be a fashion statement."

Thirteen minutes had passed by and now I only had thirty minutes to get completely ready before Niall would be over to pick me up. I almost felt like getting sick, and I almost did before I sat down and remembered to breathe.

Niall was effortlessly gorgeous and that was frustrating. Niall was also ridiculously rich and that was even more frustrating. Niall was also stupidly famous and was relentlessly hunted down by papparrazzi and that crossed the frustration line to the point where it was just stupidly overwhelming.

I buried my head in my hands and rubbed my temples trying to keep the tears from running over my cheeks. I liked Niall and Niall liked me and Niall liked kissing me and I liked kissing Niall, but there was something about him—something that he had little to no control over—that made me feel worthless. How was little Josie who waitresses at a too fancy restaurant supposed to match the elegance of the blue eyed beauty that was Niall Horan?

I bit my lip and sulked over to the refrigerator. I was already feeling guilty before I opened the fridge, but I knew it would help. I unscrewed the top of a wine cooler and sipped and breathed until I felt ready to conquer the war zone that is a woman's closet.

Seventeen minutes later I had found an emerald long sleeve dress with an open back and decided that that would look like I knew something about fashion. I paired it with some nude heels that kind of bunched up my toes and remembered what my mom used to say when I was little: "It hurts to be beautiful."

"Josie?" I heard his voice on the other side of the door and I immediately freaked out from nervousness and infatuation and those two emotions combined can be--I think--lethal.

"Just a minute!" I squeaked out as my sweaty palm grabbed up the empty wine cooler or two and chunked them in the trash. I scrunched my face at the loud noise, knowing he probably heard it, but I shook off as many nerves as I could before I opened the door.

Shallowly, I saw his suit before anything else. It was beautifully tailored—of course it was. It fit him flawlessly. The brown complimented his eyes, not that they ever, ever, ever needed it. I felt a little sick at how, for lack of a better word, great he looked.

He was obviously thinking of different things than I was. "Josie, you look absolutely stunning, da'ling. Can't wait for everyone to see ya." He smiled warmly and tugged me into him. I rested the side of my head on his chest and breathed him in. Mostly because I needed to get my head straight and also because I loved the way he smelled.

Niall held my hand all the way down the stairs. Good thing he did because I needed it.

"There might be some cameras out here. I'm not sure, though." He said to me while his hand rested on the exit of my mediocre apartment complex. I felt a hint of shame creeping up on me. I hid everything I was feeling though and shrugged. If you're wondering all of what I was feeling, it can be summed up with: scared, terrified, loserific, more scared, and a little buzzed.

I watched as Niall's eyes fell slightly away from me and then he opened the door. At first it seemed like a bad lightening storm. But then there were shouts and yells and I had never felt my body get so hot so quickly before. I was so caught up in everything that I almost didn't notice Niall's cold hand gripping my wrist and dragging me to the car. It was only parked ten feet away, but felt like miles in my eyes.

There was a lot of silence on the way to dinner. Until he goes, "is everything alright?"

Why did I always find that to be such a loaded question. "Yes."

No.

"I'm sorry about the cameras."

"It's not your fault." I tried to give him a smile but I could feel myself faltering in front of him.

"There are gonna be more when we get there." He took his eyes away from the window to look at me. "It's annoying, but at least I've got the most beautiful girl by my side to be photographed with." His charm loosened me up. I leaned in to kiss him and let my lips linger on his for a moment longer than necessary.

Humming lazily after our lips broke apart, his eyes sparkled in my direction. I smiled back with a full smile this time.

About ten minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant. "Are you ready?" He looked weary and then I wasn't so sure if I was actually ready.

"Yeah." Probably not.

"Don't let go of my hand." That wasn't a hard command to follow.

As soon as the back door of the car opened, the lightening storm had started once again. This time only being three times as bright. I couldn't even see two inches in front of me. I wanted Niall closer to me. The space between my body and his was too far and only being connected by the hand wasn't good enough for me.

While I was busy thinking too many thoughts, I realized that I probably looked awful in all of these photos they were taking. And that only made me feel worse and think too, too many thoughts.

But then in the middle of the sea of yelling middle aged men, I remembered to breathe. I breathed deeply through my nose and felt calmer. Then I felt Niall's hand grip mine a little tighter and he looked over his shoulder to grin at me. We walked inside after that.

While we waited for our food, Niall casually started a conversation with his perfect voice and flawless accent and I had some more alcohol and this wine was really good tasting.

"Those cameras didn't seem to bother you." He beamed at me over the rim of his wine glass. "I'm proud of you." He kissed my warm cheek and I felt it get even warmer.

I wanted to blurt out that I was terrified and still a little shaken up and that his fame and money and just him were too much for me, but instead all I said was, "Thanks." And then after I decided that was a little lame to say, I added: "I tried. For you." And that was true enough and now it was my turn to kiss his slightly pink cheek.

After our meal, a girl came up to the table. She looked to be about thirteen although she was dressed with about as much class as a 25 year old fashionista. I was kind of taken aback by her.

"Hi," she squeaked out and then rushed into saying that she didn't mean to interrupt but she couldn't help but notice Niall and that she would absolutely die if she could have his autograph.

I tried to smile at her, but the whole time she was talking I felt my lips frown. Niall warmly obliged and signed the napkin she held out to him.

"Would you like a picture, love?" I swear I saw her heart beat faster. She nodded fervently and took out her phone.

"Will you... Please?" She couldn't even make a complete sentence. And I completely sympathized with her because that's how I felt around Niall too. Especially in the moonlight when his eyes were brighter than ever.

"Okay, ready?" I said to the both of them while I looked at the screen making sure everything was good to go. "One, two, three." After snapping the photo, I caught myself still staring through the phone at Niall's permanent smile. I felt happy and sad all at once.

On our way toward the back exit (Niall said there shouldn't be any cameras out there), I wanted to throw every compliment under the sun at him and gush my most twelve year old girl feelings at him, but something kept me quiet and nervous even though his hand resting on my waist made me happy.

"Wanna go back to my place?" He muttered into my hair as we slid unnoticed into the black Range Rover waiting for us at the back of the building.

I nodded into him and sneaked a kiss onto his jawline.

I breathed once more and silently thanked the universe that there were no more cameras for tonight (hopefully) and that I was able to keep my cool even though I'm not cool at all and that even more than those two things, I thanked the universe for allowing Niall Horan to be interested in a girl like me.