Falling for You Was Out of My Control
I Always Push People Away
Evgeni's POV
"How was the road trip?" she sat down at the other side of the picnic table handing over my coffee as always.
"Was good, team want to meet you," I shrugged trying not to make a big deal out of it.
"Really?" she raised an eyebrow at me.
"Yes."
"That would mean you have been talking about me," she caught me out.
"Maybe," I gulped feeling my cheeks begin to go red.
"It's going to start pouring down with rain soon," she looked up at the sky and scrunched up her face as the little droplets hit her face and ran down her cheeks.
"Go back my place, just over there," she looked a little uneasy at my suggestion but I really didn't mean anything else by it but that fact it was going to rain, "if not we get wet, and cold, and sick."
"Ok, ok, lets go."
"You know maybe we not walk dogs when more rain," I looked her up and down as she stood in front of me shivering.
"Maybe," her teeth began to chatter as she looked around my house seeming very uncertain about the where she was.
"Wait here I get you warm clothes," I headed upstairs.
"Bathroom there, change, I make hot chocolate," I handed her a towel and some clothes before she disappeared down the hall.
"Um, I think these clothes are just a little too big," she stood in the middle of my dining room as I dried off the dogs.
"Just little," I laughed looking at her in my over sized clothes.
Her toes were only just poking out of the bottom of my sweatpants and she was completely dwarfed by my jumper. Her hair was tousled and wavy from the water and her smile did wonders for my imagination as I thought about her in ways I would deserve a slap in the face for.
Jessie's POV
He stared at me with a dumb smile on his face as I sipped on my hot chocolate, "you know this is really good," I poked the marshmallow floating on the top.
"Is cold in Russia, hot chocolate expert," he shrugged.
"Well you can make me hot chocolate whenever you want."
"You still cold?" He looked over with a pitiful smile as I continued to shake both from the uneasiness and the fact that I was still cold to the core.
"Yes I am freezing," I rubbed the top of my thighs trying to keep warm.
"Here," he grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and put it around my shoulders.
"Thanks," I felt so warm as he pulled me into his side with his arms wrapped around me.
I sighed relaxing into his grasp. He was so comforting, so warm and he smelt amazing. But I really couldn't shake the guilt that I felt being around Evgeni. I felt like maybe I didn't deserve to be happy that I couldn't help but feel like moving on would make everyone angry, like they were expecting me to wait around for him to get better forever.
"Evgeni..." I lifted my head from his chest but made the fatal mistake of looking into his eyes. I thought I had the confidence to tell him how I felt but it all went out the window as his big dark brown eyes stared into my contrasting light blue ones. He made me nervous like he could see all my flaws or something.
"I, I have, I have to go," I stuttered pulling away.
"Jessie," he grabbed my hand as I stood up, "what wrong?"
"I can't do this," I pried my hand from his.
"Jessie I am sorry. I not rush you, I just, I think you want so I do," he shook his head looking confused by my distress.
"No, I do want to, I mean I think I do," my hands began to shake as I panicked.
"Jessie..."
"I am sorry, I just need some time to think... Come on Sebastian," I grabbed his lead and my stuff and headed out to brave the cold.
What am I doing? I did this every time someone showed an interest in me. I pushed them away because I felt like I was betraying him. I didn’t know if Liam and I could ever be something again, I didn’t know if he would get his memory back but at the same time maybe he wouldn’t and I would be living my life waiting for something that might never happen.
"How was the road trip?" she sat down at the other side of the picnic table handing over my coffee as always.
"Was good, team want to meet you," I shrugged trying not to make a big deal out of it.
"Really?" she raised an eyebrow at me.
"Yes."
"That would mean you have been talking about me," she caught me out.
"Maybe," I gulped feeling my cheeks begin to go red.
"It's going to start pouring down with rain soon," she looked up at the sky and scrunched up her face as the little droplets hit her face and ran down her cheeks.
"Go back my place, just over there," she looked a little uneasy at my suggestion but I really didn't mean anything else by it but that fact it was going to rain, "if not we get wet, and cold, and sick."
"Ok, ok, lets go."
"You know maybe we not walk dogs when more rain," I looked her up and down as she stood in front of me shivering.
"Maybe," her teeth began to chatter as she looked around my house seeming very uncertain about the where she was.
"Wait here I get you warm clothes," I headed upstairs.
"Bathroom there, change, I make hot chocolate," I handed her a towel and some clothes before she disappeared down the hall.
"Um, I think these clothes are just a little too big," she stood in the middle of my dining room as I dried off the dogs.
"Just little," I laughed looking at her in my over sized clothes.
Her toes were only just poking out of the bottom of my sweatpants and she was completely dwarfed by my jumper. Her hair was tousled and wavy from the water and her smile did wonders for my imagination as I thought about her in ways I would deserve a slap in the face for.
Jessie's POV
He stared at me with a dumb smile on his face as I sipped on my hot chocolate, "you know this is really good," I poked the marshmallow floating on the top.
"Is cold in Russia, hot chocolate expert," he shrugged.
"Well you can make me hot chocolate whenever you want."
"You still cold?" He looked over with a pitiful smile as I continued to shake both from the uneasiness and the fact that I was still cold to the core.
"Yes I am freezing," I rubbed the top of my thighs trying to keep warm.
"Here," he grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and put it around my shoulders.
"Thanks," I felt so warm as he pulled me into his side with his arms wrapped around me.
I sighed relaxing into his grasp. He was so comforting, so warm and he smelt amazing. But I really couldn't shake the guilt that I felt being around Evgeni. I felt like maybe I didn't deserve to be happy that I couldn't help but feel like moving on would make everyone angry, like they were expecting me to wait around for him to get better forever.
"Evgeni..." I lifted my head from his chest but made the fatal mistake of looking into his eyes. I thought I had the confidence to tell him how I felt but it all went out the window as his big dark brown eyes stared into my contrasting light blue ones. He made me nervous like he could see all my flaws or something.
"I, I have, I have to go," I stuttered pulling away.
"Jessie," he grabbed my hand as I stood up, "what wrong?"
"I can't do this," I pried my hand from his.
"Jessie I am sorry. I not rush you, I just, I think you want so I do," he shook his head looking confused by my distress.
"No, I do want to, I mean I think I do," my hands began to shake as I panicked.
"Jessie..."
"I am sorry, I just need some time to think... Come on Sebastian," I grabbed his lead and my stuff and headed out to brave the cold.
What am I doing? I did this every time someone showed an interest in me. I pushed them away because I felt like I was betraying him. I didn’t know if Liam and I could ever be something again, I didn’t know if he would get his memory back but at the same time maybe he wouldn’t and I would be living my life waiting for something that might never happen.