Falling for You Was Out of My Control

Jessie’s POV
The thought of having a child of our own, not necessarily our own genes, a piece of each of us but just a child made me feel on top of the world.

“You sure you want to do this again?” Evgeni looked between me and the building. He looked as if he wanted me to say no and run away afraid of what could happen but I didn’t. I wanted to do this. I wanted to feel like someone needed me like a child did, I needed to have a purpose.

“Yes,” I linked my hands with his.
“Ok,” he offered a small smile and kissed my forehead before leading me up the pathway.

Ok so maybe I wasn’t sure whether doing this was the smartest thing considering all we had been through but I know that I wanted it more than anything else in the world right now.

A woman greeted the guys again but this time I was happy to stay by Evgeni’s side as we followed her into the playroom.

This time though when I saw all their smiling faces, some with missing teeth others with bumps and bruises I couldn’t help but smile back feeling some kind of hope of the future to come.

I watched as Evgeni played with a little boy building a tower from some Lego. He was happy and I knew the idea of kids was a good one but would we be ready for it or was it all too soon.

“Jessie,” Ksenia grabbed my elbow, “there is someone I want you to meet.”
“Umm ok,” I looked to Evgeni for help but he just shrugged so I followed her without any other questions.

“I know things have been hard on you two lately and I know how badly you want to adopt,” I followed her and another woman whose name I learnt to be Klara into a small nursery.

It was dark and silent and I didn’t think there was anyone in here before she gestured to the cot, “his name is Andrei,” she smiled.

I peered over the side to see a little baby boy lying on his back, his arms over his head and his tiny fist clench shut.
“He is so cute,” I reached in and touched his cheek.

Babies have that effect on people. They make you feel all warm inside and you can’t help but smile. They give you hope in the world and you feel a whole lot of love.

Klara lent in and wrapped a blanket around him before pulling him out. He clearly wasn’t happy with the wakeup call as he began crying while she tucked the blanket around him for warmth.

She said something to Ksenia who then turned to me, “do you want to hold him?”
“Really?” I looked at her with wide eyes.
“Yes hold him.”

I was careful taking the little boy from her. His cries worried me at first but they soon disappeared into little sobs before completely disappearing with a little sigh.

I looked up at them and they smiled back at me. How something so small, a tiny human being could make you feel this way baffled me. He was just so precious.

Klara smiled as she took the little boy away from me and tried to feed him. He wouldn’t have a bar of it and nothing she did would help.

“Could I try?” I looked between them waiting for Ksenia to say something.
“Yeah, she says that no one can get him to have a bottle yet.”
“What do you mean yet?” I frowned.
“He was abandoned two days ago,” she looked at the little guy with sorry eyes.

Who would do that? Who would abandon a tiny helpless little child like that? How could you do that?

I took the little boy back and he rested happily my arms. I untucked his tiny hands from the blanket to let him do what he pleased with them. It was something that bothered my nephew Cameron when he was a baby so I thought maybe it would help.

He wouldn’t open his mouth to the bottle at first but once I touched his cheek he happily accepted it. Klara knelt down next to me and ran her finger over the top of his head, smiling as he suckled away before saying something else in Russia.
“She says thank you,” Ksenia translated for me, “they have been so worried about him.”

“How old is he?” I looked between waiting for Ksenia to translate everything for me.
“He is a week and a half.”

I traced my finger along the inside of his tiny palm and he reacted by grabbing a hold. He seemed so content holding onto me while he finished the bottle.

Ksenia knelt down next to me and ran her finger down his arm.

“I was talking to Klara,” she started and the smile had disappeared from her face, “he is sick, he has a hole in his heart.”
I looked at her wondering why she was telling me all this.
“Now I know how much you and Evgeni have been through, I know that but I know how much you want to have a child and maybe being there for him,” she gestured to the little boy in my arms, “will help.”

I looked down at the little guy and I wanted nothing more than to help him but I am no one, I couldn’t make it happen just like that.

“If he stays here he isn’t going to get the help he needs,” she continued, “now I know it’s a lot to ask but think about how much you want this. I only brought you back here because I believe that you and Evgeni are what he needs.”