Falling for You Was Out of My Control

Jessie's POV
“It still doesn’t seem real,” I turned to Evgeni who was staring at the little boy lying on the hotel bed.
“I know,” his eyes broke away to look at me as I tested the bottle temperature on my wrist.
“Do you want to feed him?” I went to hand the bottle over.
“No you do,” he shook his head and pushed the bottle back for me to do it.
“Ok, but you’re going to have to get used to doing this too,” I sat down on the bed and picked Andrei up to rest him in my lap.

I was paying too much attention to Andrei as I tried to get him to feed to notice how uneasy Evgeni seemed with the tears. He looked worried about the fussing child in my lap but I could see he wasn’t going to try and do something about it.

“You want me go get dinner?” Evgeni made himself busy as he grabbed his coat and beanie from the rack on the door.
“Ok,” I agreed to preoccupied with the baby in lap to think about eating right now.
“What you want?” he grabbed his wallet.
“Anything, I am not that hungry right now.”
“Ok, not be long,” he ducked his head and left.

I really hoped the way Evgeni was acting was just like pregame jitters. He was nervous and I knew that, I understood, I was too. But someone had to take the lead right now and make sure everything was ok. Someone needed to look after Andrei and keep a level head and for now that was my job.

Andrei hadn’t even had half of his bottle before he began fussing. Klara had said not to expect much from him because he never did have much more than that of his bottle when they tried.

I put a cloth over my shoulder and sat back against the headboard so he could rest on my chest while I helped him burp.

I looked at the bottle again and thought there was no way he could be happy with just that.
“Come on let’s try again,” I pulled him away and rested him back in my lap, “you can’t be done yet.”

I put the bottle back in his mouth and he gave a few encouraging gulps which I hoped would mean he would continue drinking but he spat it back out and pulled his head away.
“Come on baby boy please just have a little more,” I brushed his cheek before he burst out in tears.

It didn’t take long for him to work himself into a frenzy, arching his back and trying to wriggle out of my lap.

“Ok I am sorry, come here,” I put the bottle down and set him back on my shoulder.
“Andrei shh,” I rubbed my hand up and down his back but instead of calming down like I had hoped he only began screaming.

“No, no come on,” I stood up and began pacing the room patting his back as he continued to scream, “it’s ok sweetie just calm down.”

He wasn’t happy though. I didn’t know whether he wanted to burp some more or not but if he did I knew the more he cried the more air he would suck in.
“Please baby, be good for mummy,” I stopped realizing what I had said before remembering I was his mother now and I was going to have to get used being called that.

“Jessie everything ok?” Evgeni rushed in the door bags in hand looking paranoid.
“I don’t know he won’t stop crying,” I shifted the little boy in my arms.
“Here,” he fished out Andrei’s teddy but the little guy didn’t care.

“Maybe you should try,” I took him from my shoulder and pushed him in Evgeni’s direction.
“No, not know what to do,” he shook his head.
“Please, your Russian helps,” I looked at him with pleading eyes.
“Ok,” he took the little boy and held him to his chest.

Evgeni’s Russian seemed to help though and I was relieved when Andrei stopped crying.

I sat down feeling all this weight on my shoulders. I felt way in over my head and completely useless because I couldn’t get him to stop crying.

“Not worry,” Evgeni sat down next to me and put his free hand on my back, “is hard, still learning.”
“I know,” I sighed, “I just wish I could comfort him like you can.”
“It take time,” he kissed my forehead.

I could see the confidence in Evgeni’s body language return. I knew it would make him feel a lot better about this but it wasn’t doing much good for mine.

“Here, you need eat something,” Evgeni searched through the bag pulling out a container of perogies.
“He’s need to be changed so he can sleep though.”
“I do it, you need break,” Evgeni walked off into the bathroom with Andrei on his shoulder.

I didn’t really want to eat but I felt the food was staring at me so I just picked until they came back.

“You want hold?” Evgeni sat down on the bed next to me.
“No it’s ok you can hold him,” I settled under the blankets.

I had held him all day while we were out going for walk around the city. Evgeni had been too worried to do it so it was his turn to have some time with our little one.

“Jessie is ok if make mistake,” he looked at me seriously.
“I know, but he needs to spend as much time with you when you are around.”
“Ok, but you hold while I have shower.”

I didn’t want Andrei to associate me with having a bottle which was clearly going to be a problem we were going to have to deal with. So I took the chance to just lay in bed with him.

He was happily lying on his back on top of the covers with his blanket from the orphanage and his little teddy under his arm. I took the change while he was quiet like this to just look at him.
He stared back at me with his big brown eyes as I put my hand on his stomach and played with the buttons on the front of his onesie.

“How is this funny to you?” I laughed as he smiled a big gummy smile at me.
“Are you ticklish?” I poked his belly and he giggled.
“You are,” I dragged my finger down his stomach and he squeaked a happy little noise before latching onto my finger.

He let out a little yawn and I knew he was tired. After all that screaming I wouldn’t blame him.

I pushed the pillows out of the way leaving the bed completely free of anything that would harm our little one before he settled with my hand in his grasp.
“Goodnight baby boy,” I kissed his forehead as his eyes fluttered shut.

Evgeni came out as I was about to fall asleep myself and smiled at me, “see you good mum.”
“Shh, don’t wake him.”

He slipped carefully into bed careful not to wake him and laid staring back at me with Andrei grasping my hand.
“We still have a lot to do, with all the doctors and stuff, but this will be good,” I assured him.
“It will,” he smiled reaching down to put his hand on Andrei’s tiny foot and played with his toes.