Our Wasted Youth

I don't really know what clued me into that tonight was not going to be what I expected. Maybe it was Jamie's declaration of love for Alex, maybe it could have been meeting Rian's prom date, or it could be the fact that I'm soaking wet and crying in the corner of the bathroom. I wouldn't be able to tell you for sure, but my money was on the last thing. I was shaking from the cool, wet material of my dress pressing against my body, just wanting to take the stupid thing off at this point. My hair was clinging to my face and my until body felt sticky and disgusting. I wanted to just leave, run out of there and not look back. Of course several factors kept me from doing this. A. I was barefoot, my heels forgotten the minute we walked into the gym. B. I didn't want to face Juliana. And C. I didn't want to face my friends. I had the cold bathroom tile and the graffiti of the stall of I hiding in to keep me occupied until this all blew over. I traced my fingers over the words left behind by students who had come before me, and thought about how I had come to be in this situation.

***

Prom started off normal enough, I suppose, aside from the whole "rolling up in a tour bus" thing. We walked into the gym, which was decorated in an "evening under the stars" theme. By which I mean, the walls had these long blue curtains hanging over them covered in glittery silver stars. The was about as starry as the evening got, at the moment. The set up for pictures was kind of cute though- a little garden scene that had the couples standing in a little gazebo thing. Typical for a prom, but made cute pictures. Multicolored lights swept the room from their position by the disk jockey station, said DJ being my fourth period science teacher, Mr. Evans. Didn't know someone who had a fascination with dissecting small animals could also bust out remixes. Go figure. Unfortunately, he wasn't really busting out anything decent, so we hung out in a corner of the gym talking.

"So Rian, when's mystery girl making an appearance?" Lena asked from her spot under Jack's arm.

"Well, um, you see.." Rian tried to choke out before being interrupted by someone squealing his name. We all turned around, catching a flash of blond and black before Rian was engulfed in a hug.

The figure pulled away and flashed us all a grin. "Hey guys, sorry I'm a bit late. Got held up at the door talking with the principle." It was none other than Mikey Taylor, a sweetheart who sat in front of me and Jamie during English. He would always turn around and talk with us before class started, joining in our band discussion or whatever else we were chatting about. He was a little taller than Rian, and a bit on the skinny side. He flicked his dirty blond hair out of his pale eyes, and nodded towards us. "You girls look ravishing this evening."

"Oh Mikey, you're such a flirt." Jamie said with a laugh before looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"So, Mikey, you're Rian's date?" Jack asked.

"Yup!" Mikey said, the smile never leaving his face. "I told Rian I wasn't going to come tonight because I couldn't find anyone to go with, and God forbid I show up to the biggest dance of the school year alone." He shook his head. "But this big cuddle bug here offered to escort me. Isn't he just grand?" He took Rian's hand and swung it between the two of us. "By the way, no slow dancing for us tonight. Our great and fearless leader, Principal Paszkowski, feels it might upset some of the chaperones." Mikey rolled his eyes.

"It's not like their playing anything good anyway." Lena said, wrinkling her nose.

"Uh uh, no way. I am not spending my prom in the corner. No one puts baby in a corner." Jamie said, grabbing mine and Lena's wrists. "If you boys need us, we'll be on the dance floor pretending the music is awesome." Jamie drug us over the farthest edge of the dance floor, leaving the boys in her wake. She dropped our arms and gave the both of us a look. "I know they're our dates and everything, but I didn't get all dressed up to just hang in the corner."

Personally, I had to agree with her on that one. Lena giggled and closed her eyes, her hips swaying out of time with the music. Jamie was doing her own rendition of pop, lock-it, drop it, adding a couple hip thrusts here and there. I just sort of swayed, shifting weight from one foot to the other. I couldn't help but smile at my friends, I'm sure we were quite a sight. Not following the music at all and just dancing to our own beat.

We continued like that for a while, just having fun moving to the grooves we made up. None of the other kids were really paying us any attention, other than to push past us to get their picture done or whatever. I hummed under my breath, trying to block everyone else out and just enjoy myself. Glancing up at the boys, I caught Zack looking over at us. He smiled and gave a little wave, the rest of the guys not even paying attention. I wasn't even listening when the music shifted, I was too focused on the smile he was giving me. The song slowed and the lights stopped flashing so spastically. The singer softly sang, whispering about the thrill of love and dying young. Lena and Jamie went to grab Jack and Alex, but I just stood there- feeling like a deer in the headlights.

Slow dancing meant being close to your partner and not accidentally stepping on them or making weird faces. Last time I slow danced was eighth grade with this guy named Timmy who breathed on my neck the entire time. He was practically wheezing in my ear, not to mention he tried to slide his hands a little lower than I appreciated. I can handle your funky breathing, but if you get frisky with me when the feeling it not mutual- we're going to be having some problems.

Alas, I was abandoned by my friends on the dance floor in the pursuit of being held close by their dates and swaying to the rhythm of young love (or the rhythm of young horniness, if I'm being honest here.) And I was just standing there, looking like an idiot. Jamie was giving me a look over Alex's shoulder, jerking her head in Zack's direction. I watched them for a second- the way her head rested against his shoulder and how he had his long arms secured around her waist, holding her to him. Ducking my head to avoid her glare, I rejoined the corner. Zack, Mikey, and Rian were deep into a conversation about God knows what, looking up only when I stepped up to them.

"Hey guys, having fun?" I asked, giving them a small smile.

Mikey shot me a look, glancing between Zack and I. What was this? Was everyone secretly plotting to get us together or something? Talk about pressing the issue.

"Hey Ri? Why don't me and you go get a picture done? Something to remember our wonderful evening by?" Mikey said, weaving his arm through Rian's and pulling him away.

And then there was the two of us, standing in our little secluded corner. I played with the edge of my dress, trying to come up with something to say. Zack looked over towards Alex and Jamie, before I felt his gaze rest on the top of my head. He rubbed the back of his neck before sticking his hands in his pockets. "Did you want to dance?"

I looked up at him, taking note of the blush slowly climbing across his features. "Um.." I looked towards all the couples gracefully moving on the dance floor. Well, what the hell. "Sure, I mean, if you want to."

"We can just do it right here, don't even have to move from this spot. It's kind of crowded over there." He said.

I nodded. "Sure, but to tell you the truth, I don’t really know what I'm doing." My face felt warm and I looked back towards the ground.

"You've never done this before?" He asked, his tone slightly teasing.

"Only once, but it wasn't exactly a good memory."

Zack smiled, "Well let me show you how it's done. Here, just give me your hands." He said, holding out his palms towards me. I placed my hands in his own, his fingers brushing against my wrists. He gently pulled me closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "And then I just put my hands here." He place his hands on the upper part of my hips and we just kind of swayed to the music. "I'm not to good at this either, but I've had a little more experience." He explained with a chuckle.

I watched the other couples, noticing how they stood closer together than we did. I was slowly starting to develop a theory, but was afraid to test it in case I was wrong. I looked up into Zack's face and he met my look with a smile. I took a breath and pulled him a little closer to me. His hands moved from my hips to the small of my back, so that we were basically wrapped together like we were on my porch the day before. Score one for Willow's school of theories.

I leaned my head against his shoulder, and he stiffened for just a moment before relaxing. "Comfortable?" He joked.

"Very." I mumbled against his chest, closing my eyes and enjoying the moment.

Of course, the music came to an end, giving way to a super fast club beat once more. The lights speed up, the flashing angrily cutting through our moment and telling us to move on. Zack didn't let me go though, of course at the point I wasn't really sure if I wanted him to. We stood together, caught up in each others company. I was really begin to question myself. I didn't like Zack like that, did I? I mean but this felt so nice- the warmth of his body close to mine, the smell of his cologne, the way his hands rested against my back. My heart thumped in my chest, letting me know it fully supported this, should it continue. And maybe I would have, had it not been for the hand that grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

I was suddenly face to face with Juliana, the scent of her sickeningly sweet perfume making me gag. Blythe stood behind her, arms hidden behind her back and looking uncomfortable. The two were nearly identical floor-length gowns, tightly fitted with a cut-out at the waist. The difference being Blythe's was a deep blue, complimenting her red locks, while Juliana's was a dark red. With her dark brown curls and the slit going up the side of the dress, she could have passed for a Bond girl. Of course I highly doubt any of the Bond girls were half the bitch Juliana was. She stepped back from me and gave me a smirk.

"So Willow, Blythe here tells me you aren't interested in my little proposition." Her tone held an undercurrent of disdain. Even when she was trying to get me to join her side, she still treated me like I was below her.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, trying to look a little intimidating. Which is very hard to do when your opponent has about six inches on you. "Yes, thank you ever so much for the offer, but at this time it's just not in the cards." I heard Zack step up behind me, silently thanking him for having my back at the moment. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I liked him, we clearly had some kind of connection if he was jumping in to get my back for something he knew nothing about.

Juliana didn't even spare him a glance. "Well that's just too bad." She pouted. "Because now I feel like we're going to have a problem. I don't make offers for just anyone, so when I do, the polite thing to do is accept it." Her eyes narrowed.

"And I'm politely turning you down. I have a group, and I don't need your charity." I said, giving her back as much sass as she dished up.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I guess we'll just leave you to enjoy your night then. However, I think there was something Blythe wanted to add?" She turned around and ushered towards Blythe, who came to stand next to her. "Go ahead, tell her what you wanted her to know."

Blythe looked at me, something written in her eyes that I just couldn't make out. She moved her hands from behind her back and I had little time to react, other than to put my hands up to try and shield myself. She dropped the bucket she had been hiding behind her back, it now empty of it's contents. My body went rigid as something cold and sticky overcame me. The disgusting liquid hit me square in the chest, splashing up to splatter my face and arms. My once buttercup yellow dress turned a vomit orange as the red liquid seeped in. I could hear Juliana's laughter.

"Oh my god, look! The freak's been candy coated!" She squealed, nearly doubling over with laughter. People turned around at her outburst, taking in the scene before them. Snickers began to break forth before the entire gym was filled with laughing.

"W-w-what the hell?" I cried, dropping my arms to my sides.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry, w-w-what w-was t-that?" Juliana asked, mocking me, causing the laughter to intensify.

It was the moment I had always dreaded, when I finally got myself into a situation where I was exposed. I was like a turtle ripped from it's shell and thrown to the wolves- no means of protection or cover. My eyes began to sting as the eye makeup job I had been so proud of started to run down my cheeks. My breathing hitched, the room feeling much too small. The entire fucking upperclassmen community had a front row seat to my first breakdown. I didn't see faces anymore, just silhouettes of people. The shadows started to longed becoming less human and more monstrous. All I caught were flashings of teeth and random spots of color, nothing making sense. They were everywhere, completely filling my vision. I begged to find a familiar face, someone who wasn't laughing at me. My search proved fruitless and I did what any sensible human being would to. I ran.

And here we are, breathing in the scent of chemicals off the walls of a toilet stall. I pushed a strand of hair out of my face, trying to remember how to take deep breaths. My chest ached from the lack of oxygen I just couldn't find a way to take in, while my head ached from the sobs that were clawing their way through my throat. They all knew it now- I was just a freak. A fucking freak who just so happened to have found a way to make a small group of friends pity her enough that they let her into her ranks. I was nothing, I couldn't even make friends for myself- I needed to invade someone's group. The guys only liked me because I was lucky enough to find a way to get them somewhat discovered. Jamie and Lena only hung out with me because we were all always with the boys anyway. I would never be like them, no matter how hard I tried. I was an idiot for even thinking I could look half as good as them tonight, to act normal like them.

I was a freak, and nothing was ever going to change that.

The door to the bathroom slammed shut, and I huddled against the wall more. I hoped whoever it was would just walk in, do their business and walk out. Footsteps echoed off the linoleum walls, the only other noise than the occasional sniffle from me. I counted the cracks in the green and white tiles of the floor, waiting for whoever it was to leave. What threw me off is that the footsteps weren't the click-clack of a high heel, which most of the girl's were wearing, rather is was a dull thud with step. I bent over more and craned my neck, trying to see underneath the door of the stall. I realized too late that I had neglected to lock the door in my haste. I don't know what shocked me more, the person who threw the stall door open or what they said to me.

"Look, I know what just happened to you sucked and you don't want to come out, but I need you to stop throwing yourself a pity party and get up. I told the guys I was walking you home, so come on. We're walking out of this shit hole they call a prom together." He extended a hand out to me. I looked up and knew there was no way I was getting out of this, so I took his hand and let him pull me up. He handed me my shoes and waited for me to put them one and then offered his arm but I shook my head.

"I'm fine. I can walk out of here like a big girl." I said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I don't want to get whatever the hell this is on you too." I said, lifting the edges of my dress. I knew I had it all over the place, the sticky bright red liquid. Pieces of my hair clung to the patches of my neck where it had hit, while random splotches decorated my arms and legs. I didn't even want to know how bad my face looked.

"I don't know what to be more insulted about, the fact that the bitch did this to you or that she had to steal her prank idea from a movie rather than trying to come up with one of her own."

My lips turned upward as Zack called Juliana a bitch, but I couldn't help but give him a look of confusion. "She stole this from a movie?"

"You've never seen Carrie?"

I shook my head and Zack groaned. "You are so coming over to watch it sometime. Basically the gist is that the mean popular girls trick the main character, Carrie, into thinking she's prom queen. When she gets up on stage to get her crown, they dump blood on her." He looked me up and down. "Though I must say you are handling this remarkably better than she did."

I laughed. "This is supposed to be fake blood? It's too red! You're supposed to mix a little cocoa powder into it to give it the right color."

"Exactly! So come on, let's get out of here before she tries another lame prank."

I followed him out of the bathroom and into the lobby of the school. Students were milling around talking and such, needing a break from the club like atmosphere of the gym. Some of the girls' hair had already fallen apart, the styles that had no doubt taken hours to perfect now tumbled apart. The guys were all in varying stages of undress- some with everything still on but their jackets and some with their shirts completely unbuttoned, ties and jackets forgotten somewhere. The conversation came to a halt as Zack and I walked by, the silent stares following us. I shifted closer to Zack, reaching to grab onto his arm. He shook me off and instead slid his arm across my shoulders, pulling me close as we walked out the building. The two of us continued down the sidewalk, his arm never moving from my shoulders.

"I take it we're heading back to my house?" I asked him.

"I figured you would want to change out of that mess." He said, staring straight forward.

We walked in silence, not knowing where to begin. This evening had been such a rush, in bad and good ways. The universe gives me one breathtaking moment, one moment of true happiness. And then it smacks me back to Earth in an explosion of red and stickiness. The streetlights bore down on our back, casting our shadows long into the night. The clouds overhead hung heavy in the sky, imposing the threat of drenching us if we didn't hurry.

My house came into view, the porch light offering a beacon to follow out of the darkness. I lead the way up the front stairs, the two of us stopping at my front door. The awkward silence was cued now, interrupted only by the beginning beats of rain on the side walk. Zack stared at the ground and I played with the edge of my sodden dress. What to say, what to say… I had an amazing time tonight, was clearly out of the question. It just didn't feel right. A clap of thunder made the two of us jump, the porch light flickering once before going out. The darkness crept in around the two of us and I scooted a tad closer to Zack. "The storm must have knocked the power out."

"At least the streetlights are still on." They were, but a streetlight only does you good when it's close. You could just see the edge of a pool of light being casted from one down the street. Around us, the night was thick, a swirling, pacing creator waiting to strike. The porch was made up of outlines, the few pieces of furniture around us just random shapes. Fingers brushed against mine, and I took his hand, grateful for it.

"Want to wait it out?" I suggested, nodding towards the swing bench huddled in the corner of the porch.

"You sure?"

"I'm not sending you out into the dark and stormy night, Zack." I said, tugging him over to sit down. "Just give me a second to go change."

I unlocked the door and nabbed the extra flashlight my dad kept hidden on the porch in case of emergency. The door gave way and a deeper kind of darkness oozed onto the porch from inside the house. I clicked the flashlight on, barely scraping the dark with the thin beam of light. I took a deep breath and tried to chase away the creepy little thoughts that had started to invade my head. What if someone's in there? You can't see, anything could be lurking the dark? Bet if something did get you, no one would even notice you were gone….

I turned back to look at Zack, who had already made himself at home on the bench. "If I'm not back in five minutes, feel free to assume the worst and remember to tell my parents I loved them."

He just chuckled.

"Laugh all you want but you'll be sorry when I get eaten by a demon or something." I called over my shoulder as I made my way down the hallway. I left the door slightly ajar , just in case I needed to make a quick escape. The stairs creaked under my weight, and I used to the wall to feel my way to my room. The pictures lining the wall, once happy family portraits and those school pictures I wish would burn, looked almost sinister cast in the small bit of light. I quickened my pace a bit, trying to get in and out of the house as fast as possible.

The rain was pelting the house with a dull roar that resounded through the empty hallway. Luckily, my room was close to the stairs. I cut to the right and swung my door open, shining the light on my dresser in the corner. I reached into the bottom drawer and drew out a pair of black shorts and an old tie-dyed tank top. Sitting the clothes and flashlight on top of the dresser, I reached back to unzip my dress. I lifted it over my head and draped it on the edge of the bed, replacing the destroyed yellow fabric with the soft, clean clothing I had put out.

I was pulling my hair into a bun when a noise from downstairs made me freeze. It sounded almost like someone banging into a wall. I grabbed the light and edged my way out of the room. There was probably a rational explanation, but my mind immediately jumped to the "there's a serial killer coming to get you," theory. I kept close to the wall, keeping the light trained on my feet. No weapon, no means of getting away- oh yeah, I am totally surviving this horror movie scene. I carefully took the stairs, trying to avoid the one's I knew would creak. I flick off the light and let my eyes adjust to the darkness, sticking to the shadows as I try to make my way to the front door. I could have sworn I heard something behind me and I spun around just in time to knock into someone else.

"We really have to stop meeting like this."

I click the flashlight back on and shine it on a grinning Zack. "I'm beginning to think you're made of stone. Though, I'm glad its you and not something else."

"Was the great Willow Cooper scared of the dark?"

"No, the great Willow Cooper is afraid of creepy boys sneaking around her house in the dark." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"It's been like ten minutes, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I blinked, a little taken back. "Oh, yeah I was fine. I just couldn't see all that well. Come on, let's go back outside. In here is giving me the creeps."

We sat on the bench, my legs curled underneath me and his gently rocking the bench. Silence fell upon us, interrupted only by the whispering of the rain. The once mighty storm had fallen to a meek little rain, the kind that made the world smell new and the grass shimmer. I leaned my head against the back of the bench, breathing in the cool air with a smile.

"You like the rain I take it?" He asked, glancing towards the sky.

I shrugged. "Something about it has a way of making me feel lighter, you know what I mean? Like all my troubles are just washing away. If only."

"You know, aside from the Juliana thing, tonight was pretty spectacular." He murmured.

I sit up and look at him, "Left field much?"

"I just felt like it had to be said."

"How so?" I asked, curious as to what prom he had been at.

"I look at it this way- I was there with my friends, we arrived in a tour bus, and I got to dance with a beautiful girl. All in all, it was a great night."

I didn't even try and hide the blush as it rose to my cheeks. There really wasn't any point at hiding embarrassment any more. "I'm not beautiful, Zack. I'm just me."

He shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with being you, Willow. It's really the best thing you can be. I wouldn't like you as much if you were like Blythe and Juliana. You take life and make it your own and I find that beautiful."

I scoot closer to him and lean my head against his shoulder. "Well then, I think you're pretty spectacular. Witty, sweet, and not to mention one hell of a bass player."

He suddenly turned to face me, his fingers anxiously tapping on his thigh. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I think you're an awesome guy." I said, resting my hand on top of his own to settle the insistent tapping.

He reached his other hand up and rested it on my shoulder, "Willow, there's something I've been wanting to do for a while. And tonight, when we were dancing, I really wanted to do it...but we got interrupted." He paused, looking away uncertainly.

His hand coasted up my shoulder, coming to cup my cheek. He leaned in close and I followed his movements, not really sure what I was doing. And then our lips were touching. It was warm and soft and nothing like what I imagined. I always imagined a first kiss was a passionate, wild, I mean that what teen romance novels brace you for. However, this was gentle, innocent, sweet. It lasted a few seconds, long enough for the warmth to find the rest of my limbs. He pulled away and our noses slightly bumped.

His grin could have lit up the entire neighborhood.