Our Wasted Youth

"You've got to just slow down and breathe. It's just us. What are you nervous about?" Zack asked. His warm palm rested against the back of my hand, his fingers trying to relax the death grip I had on the emergency brake.

"I really just don't want to crash into anything." I glanced at him. "Especially not with the two of you in the car."

"Uh, Wills? We're sitting in the middle of an empty lot. Parked. I don't we're going to ram into a tractor trailer anytime soon." Jamie's voice quipped from the back seat. She lounged across it, typing away at her phone. She had released her hair from it's usual bun, the fading red color casting her face in a pale pink light. Her legs were thrown up on the seat, her skirt pooling around her thighs, a dark green puddle.

"You never know." I muttered under my breath. "I heard it's trailer season, they could dart onto the road at any given time."

Zack chuckled, shaking his head. "Cut her some slack, Jamie. She probably doesn't want to mess up the only mode of transportation that can hold all of us."

"If you can call this hunk of junk a mode of transportation." Jamie muttered.

Zack turned around with a scowl. "Excuse you? This is the official van of the one day world famous, pop punk band, All Time Low. Show it some respect."

Jamie stuck her tongue out at her cousin. "World famous? Yeah sure, keep living that pipe dream, buddy. Next you're going to tell me you guys plan opening for Green Day."

Zack grunted and turned back around to face the front. I laughed a little before turning the key in the ignition. Time for round two, I thought to myself as I eased out of the parking spot. The tires slowly rumbled on the black asphalt, filling the silence that had overtaken the interior of the van. I pulled out unto the road, using my blinker and everything. I love how they give teenagers so much shit about driving, but eight times out of ten, we follow the rules more than the adults. It's just the select few who make a mistake to give everyone else a bad rep.

Now all we had to do was hope no one pulled us over. I was doing the speed limit though, so it shouldn't be too hard to get to where we were going. It wasn't that I was driving illegally, per say, it was just that I only had my permit and the person in the passenger seat was supposed to be twenty-one. Zack was eighteen, so close enough right? Yeah, try telling that to a cop. He was only trying to be nice, letting me practice in the ATL van. Driving with my mom made me a nervous wreck, but driving with Zack and Jamie was a little bit better. I just needed some practice without having to worry about any mother induced panic attacks.

"Who wants lunch? There's a McDonald's down the road."

That perked Jamie right up. She sat up straight and grinned at me through the rear view mirror. "I would sell my first born for a box of mcnuggets."

"Tell you what, I'll treat," Zack said.

"Well that's mighty kind of you." I pulled into the parking lot of the McDonalds and unhooked my seat belt. "What brought on this act of kindness?"

"What? I can't buy my two favorite ladies lunch?" Zack asked, opening his door and stepping out.

Jamie raised an eyebrow and smirked at me through the rear view mirror. "Since when am I one of his favorite ladies?"

"Hey, it's free food. Just shut up and accept it." I climbed out and slammed the door behind me. Jamie climbed out to join me and we walked under the ever familiar golden arches together.

****

"I've tasted heaven, and it comes in a small golden box." Jamie mumbled around a mouth full of food.

Zack laughed and I snorted while narrowly avoiding choking on my sweet tea.

"And yet, I'm the writer." I said, sitting my cup down.

"Hey, if I could just write poems about chicken nuggets, we be bank." Jamie said, closing her container and sliding it away from herself.

"I'm sure you could knock something out that would blow us all away if you only applied yourself."

Jamie's eyes narrowed. "Hey, I already get that from my parents, don't need it from you too." She took a swig of her drink, her eyes never leaving mine though. "Speaking of applying yourself, how's the book business?"

I grinned, reaching into my bag and pulling out my notebook. "Fantastic, meet notebook 4.0." I handed it over to her so she could take a look at some of the things I had written inside.

"What do you mean, 4.0?"

My grinned turned a bit devilish as I glanced between my two best friends. "I mean that he's one of four, as in I believe I have enough material written for a full length novel." I paused for a minute, taking in their expressions before moving onto the next bit. "And possibly a sequel." I said nonchalantly.

"Shut. Up." Jamie said, handing the book back to me.

"Nope, you all better get my autograph while you still can. You're sitting with a one day New York Times bestselling author." I sat up a little straighter and put my notebook away.

“Soon you won’t even need to be our manager, you’ll be living out your own dreams.” Zack smiled, but there was something off about it.

I was going to say something, but decided to let it drop. I might have just been imagining things. “Tell you what, I’ll be All Time Low’s manager for as long as they need me.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.” Zack shoved out of the booth and hurried back towards the bathroom.

“What was that about?” I asked, turning back to face Jamie.

“I have no idea, it might just be Zack being in one of his moods. He does this sometimes. Stay with him longer and you’ll start to notice.”

“It’s not like we’re actually dating, Jamie. He just took me to prom and kissed me once. It was probably a heat of the moment kind of thing.”

“I think you doubt yourself too much, Wils. Zack just likes to take things slow. People aren’t his strong suit. But he seems to really think you’re something.”

“Really?”

Her eyes widened as she looked at me, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "He wasn't exactly all that talkative until you came around."

I took another sip from my drink, lightly shaking my head. "I don't believe you."

"Believe it, sister. He's come out of the gloomy little shell of his since you started showing up. Let me tell you something, in all my years of knowing my cousin, I've never once seen him make the first move with a girl. He's a cute guy, right? He's had plenty of female attention, but his little attitude problem usually scares them off."

She got quiet for a second, glancing back towards the doorway were Zack had just disappeared through.

"Well, I shouldn't call an attitude problem. He's just insanely quiet. Not much to say, either that or he's afraid to say something. I mean you know Jack, Alex, and Rian, all really funny guys who are super outgoing. Sometimes, I feel like Zack gets a little left out. Don't get me wrong, I love those other boys something fierce, and I know they would do anything for Zack, but he's not on their level personality wise."

"Zack's got his own level, one I'll probably never be able to reach." I muttered, picking at the edge of my t-shirt.

Jamie narrowed her eyes, staring me down for a second. "Why do you say that?"

I shrugged, figuring it was stupid to keep stuff from her. "I mean, it's like you said, he's cute. He's also funny in his own kind of way, smart, and has a potential career as a rock star. But he's also quiet, whereas I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. It's going to get on his nerves after a while that we're so different. We are on totally opposite levels, Jamie. He's not going to want me around for long. Prom night was a fluke. He's going to find someone better, I know it."

"If you know it, why do you keep making moves for it?"

"What?"

"If you know that he's going to find someone better, why do you let him touch you like that? Why do you let him take your hand? Why do you try and make him smile? Why are you always sitting next to him and doing that stupid little shoulder nudge thing with him? Willow, if you truly believed this boy had no feelings for you, why do you try at all?"

I met her eyes, taking a breath before answering. "Because I don't have to try with him, it just happens."

She leaned back in her seat, a satisfied grin pulling across her features. "And there, my dear Miss Cooper, you have it."

"It can't be that simple."

"Willow, when you stop placing yourself in these imaginary zones and start just going for it, you can do anything. Zack is not above your level, there is no levels. Just go forth and be happy, dork. Write your book, tour manage, and most importantly, hunt that booty."

We laughed so hard the next few minutes that I honestly believe the McDonald's people thought we were nuts.

"You are such a mess, Jamie."

"Yes, but at least I'm a mess with you," she winked.

Zack finally returned to the table, shooting us both a small smile before settling back next to me.

"Sorry, ladies. I needed to make a call."

There was something still off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Zack wasn't actually smiling when he said it, it was one of those cheap imitations he liked to throw out when he just wasn't feeling the real thing. I dropped my hand into my lap, reaching under the table to take hold of Zack's. I gave it a gently squeeze before deciding to just ask what was up.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Why don't you tell us a little more about what you've got going on with the book?"

I shot Jamie a look, and she just shrugged.

"Alright," I began, "so it's just getting good...."