Fall Away

When Jack was ten his parents took him to Disneyland. He had not yet passed the “girls are icky” stage, his clothes were two sizes two big, and everything he owned was cartoon related. It was one of those rare vacations when his father could step away from the laptop and his mother wasn’t fussing over every single detail.

When Jack was twelve he went on a school trip to New York City where he had successfully managed to shove a whoopee cushion under Ms. Harold’s butt just as she sat down, causing the whole class to laugh, and for his status as “hilarious” to be cemented as if it were one of those millions of chewed gum pieces stomped onto the city sidewalk.

When Jack was fifteen his older sister took him to Italy because she was going there for a business trip anyway. He enjoyed the sights, the time with his sister who had moved out five years prior, and he enjoyed the food. Perhaps he enjoyed the Italian girls the most, but the classic pizza was a good contender.

Jack hadn’t been many places in his life but he had plenty of memories to reminisce upon, yet sitting in the car with the stupid ghost he’d grown to adore sitting behind the wheel, Jack was having the time of his life. Way better than Italy (even that time when the hot brunette let little virgin Jack lick Italian chocolate off her nipples). It helped that Alex mentioned that this was a date, which, of course, made Jack extremely curious as to what Alex had up his sleeve.

“So, uh, you sure it’s safe for you to drive?” Jack asked, for the seventh time.

Alex rolled his eyes yet again and nodded, “Yeah, as long as nobody notices that the car is being driven by some invisible entity which shouldn’t be an issue since it’s pretty dark out.”

“And you passed your road test?” Jack questioned.

“Obviously Jack, I have a license.” Alex flicked the turn signal on, and stopped at a stop sign before turning to the right. “Seriously bro, don’t like shit yourself.”

Jack pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “I think that you should not be allowed to call me bro after I’ve had my tongue in your mouth.”

Alex awed, making kissy faces at Jack before turning onto a bigger road. “Would you prefer babe?”

The other boy refrained from nodding and simply responded coolly, “I call my brother bro, and I have never made out with him.”

“There is such a thing as too much information, Jack, I couldn’t care less what you do with your brother, as long as you keep going at it with me.”

Jack let out an exasperated noise, turning to the window and noticing that they were pulling into the parking lot of a bookstore.

“You brought me to a bookstore?”

Alex nodded, sliding out of the car and running to Jack’s side to open the door for him.

“On our first date?” Jack asked, surprised, and slightly disappointed. What the hell kind of a first date is that? That’s not even a date; first, second, or third, except maybe a last date. Jack giggled to himself at the dumb joke he had conjured up.

Alex shifted uncomfortably, looking away as Jack got out of the car still giggling. He would never admit it but he spent a lot of time planning this date and he wouldn’t want Jack to think it was lame.

“Alright then, let’s see this Gaskarth.” Jack smirked, grabbing Alex’s hand and pulling the soul towards the entrance of the bookstore.

The bell above the door jingled when they stepped in and a man in his twenties looked up from the cash register. He has a joint in between two fingers and his eyes were bright red and drooping. “We close at nine,” He mumbled, taking another drag and staring off into space. Jack pegged him for the mysterious hipster who probably got high off his entire salary and sat in the bookstore even when it wasn’t his shift because the books made him look intelligent and classy.

Alex laughed nervously, pulling Jack towards the back aisles. It was a beautiful bookstore; small, poorly-lit, but full of books of every type. Every bookshelf was overflowing with books: hardcover and paperback, small font and big font, picture books and religious texts.

“So,” The ghost rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, before gesturing for Jack to sit down on a stool. “We have an hour until this place closes.”

“Why’d you bring me here?” Jack blurted out suddenly, eyes wide and curious, but not mean.

“I, well, you wanted to know me better right? And it sounds dumb but I think you can tell a lot about people from what books they read, so I brought you here. Cause it’s one of my favorite places to go when I need to get away, and this is the best way for you to step into my mind for a bit. I know, I know, it’s gay, but”-

“I don’t see naked men,” Jack mumbled, taking care to stay quiet in case the man at the front decided to sober up although it seemed improbable. “I don’t see naked men, so it’s not gay, okay? I like this idea. Sure it’s not dinner and a movie but it’s nice. Unique.” He looked at the shelves, running his fingers across the spines of a few books. “Like you.”

Alex giggled, skipping over a few shelves down and scanning the variety of books. “So what kind of books do you read Jack?”

Jack scrunched his nose up, reluctant to answer. “Uh, I like some romances. Mostly science fiction though, or history books. I also like greek myths.”

Alex visibly perked up at the response. “Wow, Jack Barakat actually reads. I thought all you did was watch gay porn.”

The other smirked. “You’d know since you were watching me, you creep.”

Alex’s cheeks got a bit darker which Jack had interpreted as blushing. “Whatever, what’s your favorite greek myth?”

“This might sound cliché, but I love the story of Achilles. I mean he literally had it all, he had this amazing strength, but because of his one heel he lost it all. It’s sad, right? It reminds me of real life though, I mean, think about it. We all have all these things, but we also have weaknesses. And it’s so easy to lose all that we have; it’s instantaneous, the process of losing everything."

Alex nodded, watching Jack in awe, admiring the words flowing out of his mouth. “Maybe if you spoke in English class like that you’d be passing.”

“Fuck off,” Jack grumbled, pulling out a random book and flipping through it. “Anyway, what do you read?”

“I like space, stars, the idea of something more. We’re all so small, trying to make lives and do all this shit just because we created a society that requires us to. When’s the last time a star had to go to college?”

“Never- that’s why they all end up in rehab, don’t you read the magazines?” Jack joked.

Alex leaned over and hit Jack across the shoulder with a book lightly. “Not fucking child stars, I meant actual stars. The Universe is so big, and yet here we are governed by dumb shit like pieces of paper that we gave value to. There’s just more to it all, and that amazes me.” He looked at Jack then, seeing the look of amusement on the boy’s face. “Gosh, I’m rambling, um, I also like romance, classics, a little bit of more r-rated stuff here and there.”

“Romance, wow Gaskarth, I’m shocked. As if you’re not enough of a girl already.”

“Suck my dick.” Alex grumbled, shoving a book back onto a shelf and getting exasperated when it didn’t fit into the space.

“I’d love to.”

Alex winked, finally giving up on putting the book back in, and instead grabbing another one. “This is one of my favorites.” He handed it to Jack, who turned it over in his hands and read the cover.

“The Lover’s Dictionary. Wow, a cliché wrapped in a cliché, wrapped in a cliché.”

“Oh fuck off. Here, read my favorite part.” He pointed to a section on a page he had opened:

“lover, n.

Oh, how I hated this word. So pretentious, like it was always being translated from the French. The tint and taint of illicit, illegitimate affections. Dictionary meaning: a person having a love affair. Impermanent. Unfamilial. Inextricably linked to sex.

I have never wanted a lover. In order to have a lover, I must go back to the root of the word. For I have never wanted a lover, but I have always wanted lover, and to be loved.
There is no word for the recipient of the love. There is only a word for the giver. There is the assumption that lovers come in pairs.

When I say, Be my lover, I don't mean, Let's have an affair. I don't mean, Sleep with me. I don't mean, Be my secret.

I want us to go back to that root.
I want you to be the one who loves me.
I want to be the one who loves you.”

Jack looked up, finding Alex’s face extremely close to his from where he had been crouching down. “I like it.”

Alex smiled, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the other’s lips. “I do want to have sex with you, but you know, lover is a good word too.”

“I don’t fuck on the first date.” Jack laughed at Alex’s lopsided grin and the way he crossed his eyes on purpose. “I don’t make love either. You just gotta wait, gay boy.”

“I’m bisexual!” Alex muttered, frowning and pulling away, but Jack grabbed onto his neck and kissed him quickly yet again.

“Me too, isn’t that convenient?”

Alex rolled his eyes, turning away and putting the book onto the floor because he was too lazy to bother shoving it back in amongst the hundred other extra books falling off the shelf.

A certain book laying on the floor a few feet away caught Jack’s eye and he jumped up, grabbing it and returning to the stool. After flicking through a couple of pages, he found a specific quote that made his eyes light up wickedly.

“Hey Alex?”

“Hm?” The soul replied, still sifting through piles of books.

“What’s the dirty talk going to sound like before I fuck you?”

Alex looked up alarmed, eyes wide like saucers. “Who said you’re fucking me?”

“Just answer the question.” Jack rolled his eyes.

Alex sighed as if answering the question was serious physical labor. “I don’t know, amaze me.”

“ ‘I want you sore, baby,” he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward. “Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.’ " Jack stated proudly, reading the entire thing from the book.

“One, that was in third tense you dipshit, and two,” Alex grabbed the book out of Jack’s hands, bursting into laughter when he saw the cover. “You just read me Fifty Shades of Grey? I’m so done with you.”

“It’s a classic!” Jack defended. “It’s up there with The Prince and the Pauper or Romeo and Juliet.”

Alex raised an eyebrow, opening the book to a random page and scanning the contents. “ ‘My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five year old.’ Wow Barakat, it’s really up there with Shakespeare.”

The two of them cracked up and Jack fell off the stool only spurring their laughter on as Alex collapsed on top of him, his hand finding Jack’s in the mess of limbs their two bodies created.

“We’re closing,” The voice came from the front of the room. “Man I thought I was stoned, but at least I don’t laugh at myself.”

They only laughed harder, walking out of the store hand in hand. Jack waved at the man at the front and he grimaced, trying to figure out why a gangly teen was waving at him.

“How was that for a date?” Alex asked as they fell into the car, clutching their stomachs from laughter.

“Best. Dinner and a movie can’t compare.” Jack mumbled, resting his head on the back of his seat and turning to look at Alex who started the ignition, backing out of the parking lot slowly.

Jack reached over placed his hand on Alex’s knee, smiling to himself at how natural it felt around the soul. Like it was supposed to be that way.