The Worst of Them

　Mikayla

"I can feel you pulling down on me, like the currents of the river. No I can't tell you where it may lead, I can only hope it carries me far. You told me not to fight, with dreams so big, there's no use. You were almost right. My dreams are always bigger than you."

I sang along with Courage My Love's The River, as it poured through the speakers of my car. Two large photo albums sat, secured in a black tote bag with a white outline of Jack Skellington's face, next to me in the passenger seat as I drove the familiar path to the hospital. My mood was a large improvement in comparison to yesterday. London and Sammi had really helped cheer me up last night, ensuring me that Andy would regain his memories soon and we'd be back to making everyone sick with 'lovey-dovey crap' shortly.

When I had woken up this morning at 6 a.m., far too early for my liking, I decided I wouldn't let shit get to me anymore. If Andy didn't remember me, did I really want him to think of me as some weird chick who's always sad around him and crying?

No was the obvious answer. Even if he doesn't remember me now, he will soon and I don't want to show him that weakness and make him feel even worse than he already will.There's no permanent damage to his brain and like the doctor said- there was no reason why he won't regain his memories shortly. This is only a temporary situation, just like when he shattered his ribs. We'd have to adjust things to fit his newest injury and wait for things to return to normal. And they always returned to normal, no matter how long it took.

The car went quiet, only the hum of the engine keeping it from being completely silent, as the song switched. The opening of All I Need began floating softly though the closed area.

Hold me together when I feel like I may fall apart
Promise that you’ll never lose the pieces of my fragile heart
And if it breaks will you rebuild it better than the start
Just promise me.

Tell me your secrets, why you’re so afraid to be alone
Show me your weaknesses, I promise I won’t let you go
Don’t ever wonder if the words I speak are honest,
So just promise me.

That maybe you’re all I need
It’s never been clearer
Cause baby you’re all I see
When I look in the mirror
And I don’t want to let this feeling go
Drowning in the undertow
Holding on to one belief
That all I need is in front of me.

I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I thought about the lyrics and let the soft sweet music take over. It was impossible to not feel good when listening, it was such a sweet song. Music wasn't just a love of mine, it was a way of life. A song could instantly change my mood; music has the ability to help me work through whatever problem I have.

I shut the engine off once I was parked, unplugging my iPod and placing it and my keys into my purse. After grabbing the tote bag with the albums I got out. On my way to Andy's room I greeted the nurses and doctors I recognized, asked some relatives of other patients how their loved ones were doing, and even stopped at the vending machine for two sodas.

When I walked into Andy's room he wasn't in bed like I expected him
to be, he was at the window a cigarette between his lips and a hand running through his hair. As much as I hated that disgusting habit, Andy always looked hot when he smoked. He looked hot doing most things, actually.

"You know you're not supposed to be smoking in here, right?" I smiled, setting my bags down on the table next to his bed.

Andy turned his gaze towards me, one side of his mouth turned up in a half smile. He blew the smoke out of the opened window before grinding the lit end out on the brick of the outer wall. "I'm thinking it's more of a suggestion than a rule."

I shook my head, the smile still on my face. "Nope, it's a rule. See the sign right there?" I pointed at it just to drive my point in.

Andy shrugged, shutting the window. "Fine, than how about 'Rules were made to be broken'?"

"Much more accurate. Come on Badass, I brought you some breakfast; bacon, egg and cheese. Extra bacon." I grabbed the wrapped biscuit from the bag, handing it to him when he came over.

He immediately unwrapped it and sank his teeth in. "Thanks. The food here is pure shit. Just a warning: Don't ever try the lime jello. It tastes like someone pissed in a cup and then added gelatin."

My face contorted with disgust. "Thanks, now I feel sick to my stomach."

He took another bite, making a sound of satisfaction as he chewed. He didn't speak again until he swallowed the food in his mouth. "Imagine actually tasting it." He accepted the bottle of soda I held out and took a drink.

The conversation continued easily, and it almost felt like things were back to normal. He told me that his doctor had stopped in that morning, saying they were going to keep him another few days. One of his tests came back a bit abnormal and they wanted to keep him a bit longer to observe. After seeing the worry on my face he assured me that they said everything was fine, it was probably just due to the time he was in the coma and after eating and drinking regularly for a little while the tests would probably come back normal.

After that he started telling about the few memories he had regained over night, a few even involving me. None that were major key points in our relationship, but still it was progress.

Most of his memories involved his band-mates; I tried not to feel hurt by that. I tried to understand it was because he spent time with them yesterday after I left and it was only natural that it would result in resurfaced memories. But that didn't keep me from being jealous. But I felt better when he smiled at me and told me that he had wrote new lyrics he couldn't get out of his head. But after I read them I realized they were the lyrics for Resurrect the Sun and I laughed and told him so. I had taken out my phone and played the song for him, which led to him playing the entire album. After we finished listening to 'Wretched and Divine' he talked for several minutes about how amazing the album was.

When it was time for lunch I left long enough to go pick us up some food from Andy's favorite Chinese place. After that I picked up two pumpkin spice coffees from a small cafe that had it year round, something Andy was always grateful for. He was obsessed with pumpkin spice coffees, which always made fall his favorite time to visit Starbucks.

I was sitting at a traffic light when my phone started playing Within Reason's cover of Ayo Technology.


London
Text Message

I swear BVB is going to have to start looking for a new bassist soon if Ash doesn't stop bugging me! He's been sitting here for hours just watching me work, talking, or flirting with my clients. The only bright side is he's gotten my clients to tip me very well today. Lol

I chucked, quickly typing a response.

Just imagine the tips he'd get if he was a stripper and showed your clients that. You'd be able to pay rent with the tips alone!

The light turned green for the turning lane I was stuck in and traffic began moving. My phone went off again, signaling that London had replied, while I made my way back to the parking lot.

I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

It's a good thing, trust me. I've seen him naked.

La!! You're in a committed relationship! Naughty girl.

Hey, I'm in love, not blind. Ashley's got an amazing body, and that body is better suited for the pole than Andy's is. Ashley's got more muscles to appreciate. Plus, have you seen that man dance? Even Andy would have to throw some bills. Haha

Omg, this is why you're best friend. Lmfao.

:D You know it. I'm at the hospital now. I'll talk to you later. Wanna go to that new italian place for dinner tonight?

Sure! I'll have Ashley drop me off at the hospital after work. Have fun!

~_~_~_~_~_~

Andy and I were eating lunch , chopsticks in hand and watching The Avengers. He looked happy, fighting with a piece of orange chicken. He was attempting to pick it up, but wasn't having much luck with it.

When I laughed he turned to me, "Are you laughing at me?"

"Actually, I am. You suck at that."

He mock-glared at me, "I've always sucked at it. I've always just used a fork."

"I taught you how to use them when we started dating. You've been using chopsticks for almost three years." I picked up a snap pea, popping it into my mouth with ease.

"Hi, I'm Andy, I have amnesia. I don't even really remember who you are, so chopstick usage is the least of my problems." He stabbed a single stick into a piece of chicken, shoving it into his mouth with obvious irritation.

I looked down at my own plate of chicken and mixed vegetables. "No need to be an ass about it. You're not the only one this is hard for, Andy."

I heard him sigh and he reached over and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know. And I'm sorry. I'm trying not to be a complete asshole today, but sometimes it's just really frustrating."

I held onto his hand, not wanting to let go of it. "It's okay. I'm sorry for bringing it up. Everything has just been so normal, you know? I can almost forget that any of this happened. That we're just sitting around, having lunch, watching a movie...just being together. I missed it... I know it hasn't been that long, much shorter than you being on tour, but at least then I know you're always just a call or a text away." I paused, pushing around the food on my plate. "Now you're beside me but I can't kiss you. I can't tell you I love you. Because you won't kiss me back, you won't say you love me too. I'm afraid of seeing that look on your face."

"What look?" His deep voice was low, like he was afraid to speak any louder because he might frighten me.

I looked at him, "That look. The pity and distance behind your eyes. You don't love me, but you feel sorry for me."

The look of guilt on his face made my heart ache.

"You're right, I-"

I shook my head. "Don't say it... It'll just hurt worse."

He let go of my hand, and I felt instantly cold. "Alright." He looked down at his plate. "You should just feed me. I'm injured, you should pamper me."

I chuckled, thankful for his topic change. "That's not pampering, that's babying. And you hit your head, not your hand. You're perfectly capable." I reached into the bag and pulled out a plastic fork.

"You had this the entire time?!" He took the fork, a look of shock and amusement on his face, masked by false outrage. "Do you just enjoy making my life difficult, or did you find amusement in my inability to use foreign utensils?"

"To be honest, a little bit of both." I smiled, watching him unwrap the fork.

"You're a cruel person, La." He smiled back, not even realizing how one word sent my heart fluttering.

He called me La, something that only a few people in the world called me. Andy was the one who started calling me that and soon London and Ashley had quickly adopted the habit, which of course caused the rest of the band and their significant others to pick it up even if they didn't use it as often as the first three. Andy may not even realize that he used that affectionate nickname, not seeing the big deal, but to me it was a ray of hope. It was an affirmation that he was regaining memories and that he was remembering me.

Nothing felt as good as hearing him say that one word.

"Okay, I can not eat anymore. How about we look at those photos you brought? See if it sparks anything." Andy placed his plate aside, taking a drink from his coffee.

I got up, grabbing his empty plate and throwing both of ours into the trash can. "There's no naughty photos in there, Andy."

"Damnit! I was hoping." He laughed, grabbing the top album and setting it in his lap.

I sat back down beside him, washing the taste of the chinese out of my mouth with a drink of water. "Nope, those are in the other album."

His head shot up, looking at me with excitement. "Seriously?"

"Not telling. You'll just have to wait til you remember to see if I'm telling the truth."

He was going to be so disappointed when he remembered that this album didn't exist. Ha.

He chuckled, opening the album. "See, I told you: You're a cruel person."

"But you love that about me."

I didn't even realize what I said until Andy looked away from me, pointedly not replying. Damnit...

"So, where was this taken at?" He asked, ignoring the giant pink elephant that now seemed to occupy the room.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

A few hours later we were in the middle of the second album. Andy had asked several questions about the many photos that adorned the pages. A few times he had recalled small details, but the best times were when he recalled whole memories of what was going on in the photo. He saw a picture of him and the guys dressed up and standing in front of a limo and he remembered that it was from when they attended their first kerrang! award show. Another time he recalled what I had been doing in one picture, even though I wasn't in it because I was behind the camera. "I think I remember this one..."

I looked at the picture he was talking about.

"We went to see this horrible movie. And then at dinner the waiter dropped a plate of pasta on your dress. I gave you my jacket to cover it up, I think." He looked confused, not sure of his own memories.

I smiled, "Yeah, you did. That was actually our first date. You told me the next day when you called that you were worried I wouldn't answer because of how horrible the date was."

"I remember... And you told me that it was a date you would never forget." He smiled at me. "You looked so beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off of you that night."

I was blushing by the time he finished his sentence. "You were so funny and sweet. I was half in love with you by the end of the night. Spaghetti sauce, bad acting, and all."

Andy smiled at me, "I've just got that effect on girls. They're half in love with me before I even open my mouth. It was the hair, everyone loved the long hair." He reached up, running his fingers through his much shorter locks, his fingers coming away empty as he pulled his fingers away, still expecting his long hair to still be there.

"You're right, in between the hair and the voice I had no chance."

"Not even a sliver." He leaned in slowly until his lips were only inches away from mine. My heart beat quickly in my chest, reminding me of a girl about to get her first kiss.

"Ayo, I'm tired of using technology, why don't you sit down on top of me. Ayo, I'm tired of using technology, I need you right in front of me."

To my disappointment Andy pulled away, shaking his head at my text tone, his face lit up with laughter.

"It's probably London...We're supposed to go out for dinner. I can ask her for a raincheck." I reached over to the table and grabbed my phone. London was a few minutes away from the hospital.

Andy shut the photo album moving it to the table. "No, it's fine. Go have fun with your friend. It's not like you won't be back."

"I have to work tomorrow, but I'll come by afterwards."

He stood up, grabbing my purse and handing it to me. "Than I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." I wasn't sure what to do now. Should I kiss his cheek, his lips, or just leave? Why did things have to be so complicated? I feel like we've just met or something.

I didn't have time to decide what action I would take before Andy had wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "Bye, Kayla."

I returned the hug, holding him as close as I could. I missed the feel of his arms around me. I always felt warm and protected. Nothing could ever hurt me and everything always got better when this arms were wrapped so tightly around me.

"Bye, Andy..."