A Million Nights

"Annie? Oh my God!" - Matt moved me away from him to see if the girl who was in front of him was really me.

"What happened to you? Tay? My God, what are you doing here?" - Johnny said giving a hug to Tay.

"A long story! Where is Brian?"

"He's in the room. He was sleeping. Possibly he's still sleeping. But ... I can't believe in this. You are so different!" - Matt told me and I was happy to see him so excited and completely at ease with me. At that moment I knew that he was putting his ideas in their place and maybe things with Veronica were going in the right way. Johnny wouldn't let go Tay and he was very surprised with our radical new look.

"What did you do to your hair? You are beautiful! This crest... wow, I'm speechless. And these piercings! Jesus…"

"Annie and I were abducted by aliens and here we are!"

"Ahah, true. Well they were friendly. Well, take us to the room. I'm really missing my chipmunk."

"Chipmunk?" - All asked me, looking at me with a confused look.

"Where is the room?" - I said, praising me but with a roguish smile on my lips.

The boys drove us to the room and then they turned to leave because they were about asking about something to eat at the hotel. Tay just came to say hello to the rest of the group and then she was going with Matt and Johnny. When we come into the room, Zacky was on the couch with Rita to see any romantic comedy and Veronica was lying on another couch with the laptop of Matt seeing some videos of the boys.
When the girls looked at us, they were left without reaction. I can’t say the same of Zacky. He got up from the couch and approached us.

"No way! Look at you!"

"Zacky, speaks low. I don’t want to wake up Brian!" - I said, giving a small punch in the arm.

"My God! What happened to you? You both are beautiful!" - Rita said hugging us.

"Tay is so similar to Johnny Christ!" - Zacky was very enthusiastic with our visual changes. He kept touching in my hair, fascinated by the fact that both of us had red hair.

"Shut up, asshole! So Veronica... how's it going with the Shadows?" - Tay moves away from us and sits next Veronica, with Pinkly in her arms, looking at her with a wicked look.

"We're friends!" - Veronica replied, without looking away from the laptop.

"Friends? I can't believe that... Friends? You have almost ate each other at the airport! Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, she's not... they didn't slept in same bed!" - Zacky said sitting on the couch and calling Rita to him with his hand.

"I'm freaking out with you... if I were you, I had already raped the man!"

"If you were me... but my name isn't Tay so I won’t do this!"

"Hey, girls! Stop! Zacky, where is Brian's bedroom?"

"That door!" - Zacky said pointing to a door on my left. However Tay came out with Johnny and Matt and I went into Brian's room, slowly so as not to make noise.
I closed the door very carefully in the way I didn't wake him. I approached the bed and there he was, lying face down, with his mouth open and with a picture of me in his hand. I smiled to see him so quiet and peaceful. I sat beside him, very calmly and started giving little kisses on his cheek. He began smiled and took his hand up to my face caressing it, never opening his eyes.

"Am I dreaming or are you really here?"

"I'm here right next to you, kissing your beautiful face." - Brian turned to me even without opening his eyes.

"Kiss me. I want to make sure that this is not a dream." - I continued to give him soft kisses on the cheeks to achieve his irresistible lips.
Brian smiled again when I stopped the kiss and that was when he opened his eyes. When he saw me he dropped a little. It's normal because I was completely different. I just had changed the color of my hair and it was a bit wavy but in fact I was completely different. He didn't react for a while. He just looked at me. I smiled at him and that's when he showed me, once again, his wonderful smile that I love so much. He stood up, getting seated too, and came up to me, putting his hands on my face and giving me a gentle kiss on my lips. He wanted to intensify the kiss but my tongue was not in good condition for great adventures.

"Sorry Bri, but I can't kiss you that way!"

"Why?" - I lay my tongue out and he was astonished to see that I had made a piercing. - "I changed my girlfriend without having anything to do with it!"

"Tay and I were abducted by aliens!"

"I have to know these aliens to celebrate with them. You look beautiful and I'm so glad you're here with me! "- Brian hugged me holding me in his strong and tattooed arms. - "So... what happened?"

"A long story, Bri. But I had to be here with you. I couldn't leave you here alone... I mean, You're not alone... but it won't be easy and I was your girlfriend and one of your best friend... I had to be here."

"Thank you, babygirl! You can't imagine how important this is to me. I'm really happy, Annie. I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling now. My God, you look so different! But tell me everything!"
I started telling the whole story about my big madness! He raved with each episode of my adventure and raved even more with the subject of my tattoo!

"Let me see it, Annie!"

"Bri, I did the tattoo this morning. We can't see it yet."

"I won't wait a week without seeing it. Can I put the salve?" - Brian looked at me with his puppy eyes, putting his hand on my leg.

"Yes, you can!" - I surrendered and he gave me a big kiss of thanks.

"You must be tired and tomorrow I have to... or rather, today I have to wake up early to get things ready for the first concert..." - I saw sadness in his eyes to say that. It will be very difficult for all of them to return to the stage without Jimmy. Mike was giving a big help... but nothing was the same without Jimmy.

"Ok ... I'll get Pinkly and I'll come back quickly. She is missing you too." - I pulled away from Brian but he grabbed me on the arm pulling me to him and gave me a big kiss.

"Come quickly, babygirl!"

I got up and went to fetch Pinkly quickly. When I returned to the room, Tay and the boys had already returned. Rita and Zacky had fallen asleep on the couch and Veronica and Matt were going to the bedroom leaving only Tay and Johnny in the room.

"Give me Pinkly!" - I told Tay, smiling.

"Wow, I'm so hurry! You just came here now and Gates is already in action?"

"Shut up, Tay." - I said, smiling and taking on Pinkly with me. - "See you tomorrow, guys!"

"See you tomorrow, Annie… Haner!" - Johnny and Tay said while laughing and making fun of me.

"Fuck you!" - I said coming into the bedroom. - "They are always making fun of us, Bri!" - I said, pouting and leaving Pinkly go to Brian's lap.

"What was it this time?"

"They started saying they were already in action and called me Annie Haner!"

"They didn't be fooled into anything!" - I looked immediately to Brian's face with astonishment. He had already killed all miss of Pinkly and laid her on a couch near the bed. He approached me and kissed me a little harder, running a little to my ear. - "Annie Haner, we should gotta sleep, right?"
I got no reaction upon hearing his words. A big part of me was happy to hear those words but a small part was very afraid. We were dating just a little over a month and I was aware it was too soon to marry. He gave me a small kiss on the lips and took me to the bed.

"I'm so nervous, Annie. I'm not prepared to return to the stage... I can't do it. It makes no sense ... nothing of this makes sense."

"Bri, I understand it's not easy for you... Jimmy can't be here physically but ... it is within each of you. He'll be there for you. He will be there and it will be one of the best shows ever, Bri. Trust you. Trust in Jimmy. He'll be very proud. I'm sure of that!"

"You're right, but..."

"Brian ... I also lost a good friend recently. And I know what is going back to a place and remind me this place belongs to him... remind me about every moment I spent with him, all words, all smiles, all the tears. I know how you feel angry at this time... I know how much you want him to be here. But... we all have to die sometime but there are few people who become immortal. Jimmy is one of those people. And it behooves you to give his life to eternity. Keep his legacy alive. Keep recording. Keep doing tours."

"I love you, babygirl. Every time I'm more sure about that. Thank you. Thank you for everything. It’ll be difficult but... Avenged Sevenfold will rock that stage!"

"I have no doubt of that. I love you, Brian. I mean, I love you Synyster Gates. You are the best of the best!" - Brian smiled at me and when I got up, he gave me a slap on the ass.
I started to undress me staying just with lingerie. I took the cream that Tay had given to me to put in the tattoo and I approached Brian with a cheeky smile giving it to Brian.

"Here I go to see the tattoo of my little girl!" - He began removing the bandages and when he saw the tattoo broke into a big smile to his face. - "No way!"

"I love the song 'Since the Day', you know that. and I confess the tattoo hides a little secret!"

"A secret? 'Since the Day' in the middle of two diamonds. Well, we are the diamonds: two precious together! And 'Seize the Day' at the bottom of your belly is halfway to seize the day in another way..." - he said while he put the cream on the tattoo, very lightly. Feel his touch in my belly and see his fingers making small circles on it was driving me crazy.

"My boyfriend is very smart!" - I said, fiddling with his hair.

"Boyfriend? I'm not your boyfriend!" - Brian looked at me with an upset look causing me to be confused. - "I haven't done an official marriage proposal but I'm your fiancé! But... I hit on the secret?"

"You hit, my dear boyfriend!" - Brian started kissing my belly while his hands slipped from it till my legs until he got me to take my panties. The rest you can imagine.
The alarm rang at 6 am. The boys had a lot to do. Brian and I woke up and then we were bathing and at 6:45 we were all gathered in the kitchen to take breakfast. The girls and me had decided to go help them and go watch the last rehearsal before the concert but, however, Rita began to feel unwell. Suddenly, she was very pale and was, once again, running to the bathroom. I was very worried because it was not the first time she threw up. I thought she might be pregnant but she said that was impossible because he had the menstruation (last month!). Veronica was with her during the morning and Tay and I went with the boys to where the concert was going to be, helping them with the instruments and the rest of the stuff. Zacky was clearly concerned about the situation of Rita. I sat beside him in the band's van to talk to him a little about it.

"Have you talked with Rita about her health?"

"I've tried... she just says she's not sick and it is nervous... But she's not well, Annie."

"I even thought... I thought it was something she had eaten but..."

"No, Annie... she's not well on almost a month..."

"I asked her if there was the possibility of her being..."

"Hey Zacky! Do you have a lighter that you can lend me?" - Brian interrupted our conversation, starting a fight with me in the middle of everyone!
Spent a half hour trip, we arrived at the scene. We all left the van and Tay and I were completely shocked looking at all that technical handling of lights, sound, cables everywhere, people shouting to each other and we just return to the real world when Johnny and Brian grabbed our hands and took us to the backstage.

"Are you okay?" - Johnny asked sitting on one of the couches in the room.

"Yes, we are. Now give us something to do!" - I said picking up some brochures that were on a table.

"Calm down, babygirl. We will now test the instruments while the staff is preparing things on stage. "

"Annie and I will help the staff while you deal with this." - Tay said, grabbed my hand taking me to the door.

"You're home!" - Johnny said, shrugging his shoulders. We left the backstage and went up to the stage and we were amazed with the whole mess. A man approached us and asked us if we wanted to help. In saying that, we said yes and one of them gave us a kind of cloth, huge and very heavy.

"This is to hang in there. Be careful!" - We are looking at that cloth and then looked at each other not knowing quite what to do.

"What is this?" - Tay asked me, stirring in that sort of curtain that we had on our arms.

"Well... I think it's..."

"I know what this is, Annie! But... how do we get it there? This is so heavy!"
Yeah, I had no idea how we were going to put the album cover on the stage... But we tried. We got on ladders and place them against the wall of the stage. Then we looked at what we had to do like we were looking at a God. We had no idea what we had to do... but we tried! We begin by unfolding the 'curtain'. That, seemed that it wasn't, it was very heavy. I grabbed one edge of the curtain and Tay took the other, we climbed a ladder and started to stick the curtain so to stay right.
After 15 minutes, we got an amazing album 'Nightmare' in giant point. We went down the ladders to see the final o our work. It was awesome! However, Matt approached of us.

"Good job, girls!"

"Thank you, Matt! It wasn't hard... We just need to work with the brain. The rest is conversation!"

"Yes... work with the brain, Tay! I'm full of pain in my arms!"

"Weak!" - Matt and Tay began to mock me laugh up until the rest of the group approached us.

"Who is weak? Wow, it's so fucking awesome!" - Brian said, hugging me and giving a punch on Matt's arm.

"Please, let me answer to my dear brother in-law: first, your Annie is weak. She's already in pain here and there. Secondly, we, your wife and I who put it there!"

"My wife... my beautiful wife!" - Brian started kissing me what we did all the group began to protest and make fun of us.
We left the stage to let the technicians work and we returned to the backstage. Once there Rita was already better. However, they were dealing a few more issues with the technical guys and then we went to lunch. The hours went by and it was already 7 pm. They rehearsed a bit more but things were not going very well. They were very nervous. Something was missing. It was missing the essence of the band. it was missing the unity. It was missing the joy. Jimmy was missing. They got it wrong several times in the notes and the hardest songs were "So Far Away" and "Fiction".

"Guys, I know it's hard. I know it's hard to look at that drum and not being there our good friend Jimmy. But look there. Look at the drum! Who's there? Not Jimmy, it's true. But there is one of his biggest idols. And he is here to get you conserve the legacy of The REV! Mike Portnoy is here to help you, guys! Mike is here. Jimmy is here! He's in each of us. He's at the heart of each of us and in the heart of each one of your fans. Come on, guys! We will do this for Jimmy! Come on, people! Let's do this!" - Jason Berry said, a roadie for the band.

The guys showed up a little more optimistic and we hugged each other to a new starting rehearsals. We went to dinner and I noticed Brian was even more nervous. He sweated as much as if he had run a marathon. I touched his hand and he was cold.

"I'm so nervous, Annie. I don't know if I can do this... I can't eat anything else!"

"Let's get out of here, let's go outside Bri." - Brian and I went out of the backstage. We reached the street and I hugged Brian with all my love and affection for him. - "I'm sure he is very proud of you, Bri"

"I know, babygirl. But... I miss to hug him at the moment, I miss to look at him and smile knowing that with him I would never fail... "

"Bri, stop thinking a bit... look inside you... look into your heart..."

"He's here and he always will be..."

"Exactly! You go up that stage, Brian. You go up that stage and make some rock because you're good in all you do and Jimmy will be there and you will feel his presence."

"It was him, Annie."

"Was he?" - I asked completely confused. He smiled at me giving me a small kiss on my lips.

"Yes, it was him that put you in my path. Because he knew I couldn't do this if I was alone..."

"But you weren't alone, Bri."

"I know... but you're different from all the rest, Annie."

"Promise me you'll get it!"

"I promise, babygirl. I promise to you and to Jimmy!"

"Hey Syn, it's time, bro!" - Zacky appeared, peering through the door.

"It's time, Gates! You're beautiful, you're one of the best and you have the best friends ever! I'll be there in the first row"

"I love you, Annie!" - Brian and I went back in and was already a mess in the dressing room. Me and the girls went out and went to the front of the stage. They wanted us to be in the VIP zone but it was the first time we're in a concert of Avenged Sevenfold, and as fans, we wanted to watch the concert as fans.

People start to arrive and the enclosure and when we realized we were surrounded by kids very excited and completely delirious.
It was almost 9:30 pm when we started to hear the beginning of the song Nightmare! I felt chills all over my body to hear that set of instruments that transmitted perfection in the form of music. It was the first time I saw, live, Brian in the role of Synyster Gates and I confess that I liked, or rather I loved it! Me and the girls, as the rest of the public, we were all going crazy with what we were watching. The band greeted the audience and it was followed by the songs "Welcome to the family", "Danger Line", "Buried Alived", "Natural Born Killer" and "God Hates Us ". However, they decided to take a break and I figured that the second part would be very intense and difficult for all of us. I took my phone from my pocket and decided to send a message to Brian.

*** Brian’s POV ***

* Brian’s phone ringing *

"Gates, you received a message!"
Zacky gave me my phone and it was a message from Annie:
'Bri, you will get it. I know it will be very difficult. But we, your fans, we are here with you. Let's make Jimmy feel our love for him. But for that you have to be strong. Jimmy will be with you. I'll be with you... I love you!"
Tears began to appear in my eyes. I was about to give up but those words gave me the strength I needed to continue.
We gather to talk about the second part of the concert.

"Well, guys. This is being very difficult for all of us out there ... but our fans are waiting to see our best. First of all I want to thank Mike for all the help we are giving. Thanks, man! "- Matt said.

"I do it with pleasure. I was one of The Rev's idols but he was also one of mine. And do it in his honor. "

"This is very important for all of us, man. Thank you. Well ... let's start with "So Far Away", then "Victim", "Tonight the world dies", "Fiction" and we'll finish with "Save me". - We agree with Matt and we hugged one last time before going on stage.

"We are with you, brother! Wherever you are, we are with you and this is for you."
We returned to the stage and the crowd was crazy. I love to feel the warmth of our fans, especially now. Annie and the girls were ahead. It was so good to feel her presence. I knew she was sad but she also showed me her beautiful smile that heals all my pain. I saw in her eyes her support. I looked at the boys and it was time to start. It was my turn to talk about Jimmy.

"Guys, thank you very much for being here. Your support is very important to us. Jimmy was... Jimmy was more than a friend to us. He was a brother. Jimmy is irreplaceable. He was my best friend. He was one of the most talented guys I've met in life. We've known him since childhood but I can say that I remember every single moment we spent together. Of all the laughter, all the tears, all the music we created together. He is not here with us physically. But he's here... he's here in our hearts. I started writing the song 'So Far Away' after the death of my grandfather. Jimmy helped me write some parts of the letter and the instrumental. I stood open-mouthed staring at him. He was indeed a great musician. But over time I left that song. After Jimmy's death, I just decided to work out in that song. And I want you to sing with us."

We started playing music and looked at the boys. I saw the desperation in their eyes. It was the first time we were without Jimmy in concert. It was the first time we played that song live. it was being quite painful. Matt came to the front and Zacky, Johnny and I put ourselves behind him as if our approach became the pain lower. I looked at Annie and I think that was the worst I've done. She was trying to be strong but I saw her eyes filled with tears. The same with Rita, Tay and Veronica. It seemed that time had stopped at that moment. I remembered all my life with Jimmy in seconds and thought about how good would be if he was with us and how good would be if he known Annie. I only had time to turn my back to the audience. Tears started running down my face. I looked at the drum and didn't see Jimmy... Jimmy was not there. Jimmy is not here... I just wanted to get out of that stage. However, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Matt.

"You can do it, man!"

I turned back to the audience and I prepared myself for my solo. In the plasmas beside the stage passed several photos of Jimmy. I never wanted to leave the stage as much as now. I looked at Annie and once again she gave me the strength I needed. Then I looked at the sky and saw that huge black cloth, a bright star. It was him. It was Jimmy.
We finish the song and none of us could avoid the tears come out of our eyes. We all cried, including the entire public. We did a minute's silence in tribute to Jimmy. After that, Matt thought about changing plans. He approached the staff and a piano came into the stage. The only light on was the one which lit up the piano. I understood the next song was 'Fiction'.
The music began to play. Zacky, Johnny and I, put the guitars on the ground and we sat near the drum. Jimmy's voice appears. I cringed when I heard it. All those words... it looked like he knew what would happen. He wrote all those sentences three days before his death. I can be cruel saying that but... when the song ended, I sighed with relief.
This was followed by the last three, ending with 'Save Me'.
It was the worst show ever.