Loved You First

The next morning Mae sat at the kitchen table with Sean while they ate breakfast. She was out with Niall late into the night and she hadn’t talked to Sean since she left to go out last night. She did feel bad that she wasn’t home before he went to bed, but she also was happy that she got to spend a lot of time with Niall. They walked up and down the streets and just talked about everything that had happened over the year. Mae tried to avoid the subject of Sean because she felt guilty for talking about him to Niall and whenever she mentioned Sean she would just compare Niall to him. And every single time she compared them it was how “Niall did this or that better than Sean.”

It was nice to have Niall back in her life for the summer, and hopefully longer than that. She didn’t think it would feel as natural as it did last summer, but even with Sean in the picture it was like she and Niall never left last summer. She could still tell him everything and she could still be her complete self around him. She didn’t have to be ashamed of telling him anything that happened at school, like the one time she went to a party and drank too much that she threw up everywhere. Niall laughed at her and told her that it happens to everyone and even though Mae would never do it again, she was glad that he understood and didn’t judge her for it.

So many things changed over the year they were away from each other, but at the same time so many things were the same. He was still the same sweet, genuine guy that made her laugh and she was the same sweet, genuine girl that cared so much for him. Their connection picked up from last summer and it wasn’t like he was a stranger to her; it was like they never spent time apart. But she did have a new boyfriend in her life and the level of intimacy had to change between the two of them because of that. And seeing Niall again and spending the whole night with him made her think twice about the feelings she had towards Sean. They were still there, but she couldn’t help but think of what she and Niall could be this summer.

“So, how was last night?” Sean asked his girlfriend as he set his glass of orange juice down. His voice was as always, void of jealousy and anger.

“It was really fun,” Mae nodded, before she took a bite of her egg and ham sandwich. After she swallowed she looked at Sean. “Sorry that I came in so late. I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Sean said with a small chuckle, and Mae knew he was being honest. “You came here to spend time with your friends that you haven’t seen all year. I hung out with Liam for a while and we went and saw a movie. I was occupied the whole night so you don’t have to feel like you did something wrong.”

Mae nodded again as she thought about what Sean said. You came here to spend time with your friends that you haven’t seen all year. When she and Niall first broke up she didn’t consider them friends after not speaking for a month. But when she spent time with him yesterday and everything felt like they never left, she couldn’t help but see him more than just a friend. And she would never admit it to herself or to anyone else, but she was fighting to keep it at a friend level for Sean’s sake.

“So, what did you guys do?” Sean wondered as he glanced down at his phone and checked his text message, which Mae assumed was from Liam or one of the other guys. If her relationship with Niall was any different from last summer, to the point where they didn’t speak, Mae would have hated that Sean was talking and hanging out with the other guys because that would have meant that he would spend less time with Mae. But, honestly, Mae liked that he was finding things to do because it gave her a chance to continue catching up and spending time with the man that she couldn’t get her mind off of before she went to bed every night.

“We had dinner and just walked around the area for a little bit and caught up,” Mae replied honestly.

“Oh,” Sean said with a nod. “Well, I’m glad you had fun. Do you want to do something tonight? Like maybe go out and spend some time together?”

Mae looked at her plate as she picked at the crust on her sandwich. She was secretly hoping that Sean was wanting to go out with one of the guys tonight so she had an excuse to hang out with Niall (like they planned) or maybe even Doniya (but mostly Niall). She felt like last night wasn’t enough for her and she wanted to see him more. She went without him for a year and it was such a hard thing for her to go through, but she was also aware that the same thing may happen after this summer. Ever since she got back last night she went back and forth and wondered if it was even worth it. She wondered if blowing Sean off was worth spending time with Niall and maybe getting screwed over at the end of the summer again.

And she thought it was.

“I thought you were going to go out with one of the guys tonight,” Mae muttered as she looked up at Sean. “Niall and I made plans to hang out again tonight.”

Sean looked down at the table and it was obvious to Mae that he was slightly bummed out. “Oh, okay,” he said before looking back up at Mae and shrugging. “That’s alright. I can hang out with Liam again or something.”

“Unless you want me to cancel with him tonight so we can do something,” Mae suggested, but hoping that Sean would say no.

“No, that’s okay,” he said. “I can do something else. We can do something another night.”

“What’s wrong?” Mae wondered, knowing there was something that was bothering him.

“It’s nothing, I guess,” Sean replied as he held his orange juice glass in both of his hands. He sighed to himself and looked at Mae. “I just feel like I maybe shouldn’t have come with you this summer. Your friends pretty much just got here and I haven’t really seen you all that much because you’ve been with them.”

“Sean, I’m sorry,” Mae said as she began to feel bad and a little bit guilty for blowing her boyfriend off for another guy. “I just haven’t seen them for a year… but as the summer progresses I probably won’t be spending as much time with them.”

“And you know I’m not really the jealous type, but you and Niall seem like such great friends,” he commented. “And it’s going to be hard to compete with that all summer.”

Mae sighed to herself as she felt her heart sink due to the fact that she knew she hurt Sean’s feelings. She knew it was wrong to accept so quickly after Niall asked her to do something tonight. She hadn’t seen Sean all night and she wasn’t sure what he was going to be doing, and she disregarded his feelings for that moment. She was the one that invited Sean on the vacation in hopes to help her continue to get over Niall, but her plan had backfired on her and now she was putting her boyfriend in the dark for someone he didn’t even know the whole story about. And that, of all things, made her feel guilty as ever. But even though she felt guilty, she still wanted to spend time with Niall.

“I’m sorry, Sean,” Mae said with a slight frown as she looked down at the table. “Are you sure you don’t want me to cancel?”

“No, it’s okay,” Sean said as he shook his head. He stood up from the table and carried his plate to the sink. “I’m going to shower and get ready for the day and see if Liam wants to do something tonight. What time are you going to be leaving with Niall?”

“Are four, I think,” she responded as she stood up from the kitchen table as well. She scraped her crust in the garbage and set her plate in the sink. Even if she did feel bad for blowing Sean off, she still was excited to see Niall tonight. They planned to go see a movie and get something for dinner and then go down to the beach like they used to. It was something that Mae was looking forward to because she missed that feeling of being with Niall by the water and feeling like they were the only two left in the world.

“Okay,” Sean said before he headed up the stairs leaving Mae down in the kitchen by herself. She sighed quietly as she stared at the stairs and wondered if bringing Sean here had been a mistake.