Status: on hiatus for now :c i'm really feeling this fic though, so i may start it again!
Get out While You Can or She'll Tear You to Pieces
Chapter Two
Alex paced continuously, back and forth, the entire night. He waited for his phone to ring, for it to light up or vibrate or play music or anything. He was desperate for her call, to hear her beautiful next to his ear, even if it was only for a few seconds. The suspense caused the pain, and the pain was unbearable.
"Give it up, dude, it's 2 A.M., she's not gonna call you," It was Jack, who was still awake and waiting for his best friend to go to sleep. He yawned, stretching his arms toward the roof of the bus and groaned. "She's probably sleeping off the pain of her newly broken nose."
"Not funny," Alex retorted as Jack broke into a deep, hearty laugh. It was never funny when you loved someone with all your heart. Love was never a laughing matter when it caused physical aches and pains.
"Jack.. Have you ever liked a certain someone so much, it makes your chest hurt? Like, when they come into view and all of a sudden it's like you two are the only ones within a twenty mile radius? Your mouth gets really dry, your mind -"
"Goes completely blank, and you make a complete and utter fool of yourself, yeah, I've had that feeling before, I know where you're coming from."
Alex stopped abruptly in the middle of his pacing and cracked a huge smile. So he has felt this way before, and it was almost like he took the words right out of his mouth.
.. It was weird, trying to picture his best friend in the same situation and emotional state that he was currently in. It was just hard to wrap his mind around Jack Barakat, the most immature 24-year-old on the face of this planet, actually falling in love with a girl he liked.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Alex said, still smiling wide. He yawned.
"Look, man, why don't you just go to bed? You already know I'm not giving up on this phone call."
"And you already know I'm not going to sleep until you climb into your bunk yourself and go to bed."
"But Jack -"
"You're not going to win this argument, Strawberry Shortcake. Just face it."
Alex blushed. He hated it when Jack made fun of his pink hair, whether it was by calling him gay or fag, or coming up with nicknames to call him while they were on stage. He's come up with some pretty cruel ones before, and even if it was all fun and games, deep down he felt as if maybe he never should've dyed it like this in the first place.
Alex threw his hands up in the air, as if accepting defeat before slapping them against his jeans.
"Fine, Jack, alright. You win. Look, see? I'm climbing into my bunk and closing the curtain, okay? Now, you need to do the same. You promised."
Even though Alex could no longer see thanks to the closed curtain, Jack broke out into a wide grin, sighing and getting up off the couch he was laying on. He stretched once more, and moaned, "Alright, Lex. I did promise. You win."
Alex smirked and laughed quietly under his breath, shaking his head. Jack was an idiot. What made him think he was going to give up that easily? He fished his phone out of his pocket, pressing the "on" button, and sighed. The screen shone brightly in his eyes.
No missed calls.
Suddenly, the curtain shot open, making Alex jump up unexpectedly. Jack was on the other side, grinning innocently like a child, as if to say, "How dumb do you think I am?"
"Jesus fucking Christ -"
"If you truly, honestly thought I was really that stupid, you were completely wrong. Goodnight, Lex," Jack ruffled Alex's already-messy bedhead, which caused his best friend to giggle. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Alex called as Jack made his way into his own bunk, smiling at him for one last time before shutting his curtain.
Love you too. Did Alex really mean it? Of course he did, he meant it from the bottom of his heart and nothing could ever change that. Jack was his best friend in the entire world. It's alright if you acted gay with your best friend, right?
Best friends. Brothers. Nothing more. Sure, he meant it. He meant it with all of his heart and with every fiber of his body, but this was different.
A different kind of "I love you."
He loved Tay too, but not in the same way he loved Jack. The two were totally different.
Alex heaved another deep sigh, picking up his phone off of his stomach from where it landed when Jack invaded his privacy. He pressed the top button, and the screen lit up. 3:03 A.M.
He put his one cheek on the pillow and rested his phone on the other, smooth and cool against his skin. I can't believe her, he thought. Did she really have the audacity to not call him after all he went through today?
After about fifteen minutes of fighting to stay awake, Alex finally gave in. His eyelids fluttered shut, and before he knew it, he fell into a deep sleep.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
Alex awoke the next day, bright and a little too early for his comfort. Zack, Rian and Jack had all crept into the hallway, slid open Alex's bunk curtain, and sang some crap obnoxiously loud and horribly out of tune, hitting him repeatedly in the process. It was only a matter of time before Alex retaliated, slapping one of the three back in revenge.
This was no time for revenge, though. Alex's eyes shot wide open at the thought of his phone no longer being on his face. Where did it go? Did one of his bandmates take it? Did Tay even bother calling him like he told her to?
His hands instantly began to search under the covers, feeling for something cool and rectangular. He was wide awake now.
It only took him about two minutes to find it. Two minutes. Two minutes he could've wasted on something else, like showering or brushing his teeth or something, but this was by far more important than anything on his already-long to-do list.
He brought it up from under the sheets, illuminating the screen.
No missed calls.
Shattered, he let his phone drop from his hand back onto the bed, the phone bouncing back up slightly. Did she even get the fucking message? Did she lie when she told him she always went back to her dressing room to make sure she remembered everything?
No. Fuck this. Fuck her, that was the last time he ever tried being that nice for a girl who completely won his heart over. He wore his heart on his fucking sleeve for her, and she tore it right off, leaving a huge, gaping hole where his emotions ought to be. He was done. Done being used, done being a second choice.
He got up out if bed, ate, and changed, quickly realizing that no one else was on the bus. They must all be in the dressing room already, he thought as he walled out of the stale-smelling bus and into the crisp, fall breeze. He smiled and closed his eyes, taking everything in.
Fuck Tay. Fuck her entire band. Today was going to be the best show Alex played at in a long, long time.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
Alex passed the venue and headed straight for the dressing rooms. Everyone else was already there, just like he expected them to be; smiling and laughing and having silly singalongs. Soundcheck was soon, and afterwards was an interview, until it was time to go out and play for the fans. Sounded like a perfect day for someone who was trying to keep their mind off of someone else.
"About time you rolled your lazy ass out of bed," Rian said. Zack laughed and motioned for Alex to come take a seat next to him and Jack.
"Oh, and by the way, some last came by and told us that soundcheck was pushed back. We're doing the interview first, if that's okay with you."
"Yeah, it's fine," Alex stated flatly as he plopped his ass right down on a couch. Just so long as the interview didn't get cancelled. That would only just give him more time to think about Tay and all the mist -
A knocking at the door interrupted his though process.
"Who is it?" Jack said in a high-pitched, old lady-sounding voice. The rest of the band laughed.
"The interviewer wants to see..." She paused for a moment. "Alex Gaskarth and.. Jack Barakat in about ten minutes."
Fun, Alex thought. How long ago did the rest of the band get the memo? The least they could've done is yelled into the tour bus so he knew beforehand. He wasn't mentally ready for an interview in ten minutes.
He leaned back, sinking into the couch, letting his eyes roll into the back of his head. He didn't need people bossing him around and telling him what to do today. It just wasn't those kind of days.
Jack stood up, tapping Alex on the shoulder. Alex stared up into his chocolate brown eyes, struggling to keep them open. What he needed right now, was fucking sleep.
"We better get going, it's gonna take us at least five minutes to talk down to where the stage is."
Alex stood up much like a robot, turned, and exited out of the room. "Don't burn down the place while we're gone, alright?" Jack shouted behind his shoulder as Alex dragged him out the door and into the hallway.
The two boys walked down the hall, their eyes scanning every door and corner they passed. They made their way to the stage opening, looking around, not making eye contact or speaking one word to each other. Once again, Jack knew. He knew Alex stayed up all night waiting for the call he was never going to get. He knew he was beyond exhausted and upset, and Jack wasn't going to push him further away from everybody else by bringing it up again.
"There," Alex said, breaking the silence, making eye contact with a pretty girl sitting in what looked like a comfortable chair. Blonde curls fell down to her breasts, and she greeted them with a warm smile, motioning for them to come and join her.
"Hi, guys!" She said happily as Alex and Jack made their way over and tool a seat on either side of her. "Today I'm hanging out with Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat from All Time Low!"
Well, that's a start, Alex thought to himself, looking up at the ceiling panels. At least she didn't screw up our names or name the wrong band.
The interviewer went to town, rattling off a bunch of questions, some personal, some unique, but most of them were ones Alex had already answered dozens of times in about a trillion other interviews. How's the tour going for you guys so far? Any new plans for a new album or another tour? How are you liking this state so far? How was he supposed to fucking know? They were only in one state at a time, which isn't anywhere near the amount of time he would need to truly "admire" a certain state and it's aspects.
Still, he made his way through each question, lying and making sure to smile every now and again, despite the sadness he was truly feeling. "It's been great, everyone we've met on this tour is so awesome and nice, and it's just amazing to get to meet everybody. Thank you so much for supporting us and what we do, we can't tell you how much it truly means to us." Lies. Not everyone was awesome or nice. Tay wasn't either one of those. She was lucky she even qualified for his shit list.
"So, Alex! Question for you; everyone's been wondering, do you have anything going on with Tay Jardine of We Are The In Crowd? You seem to be caught with her an awful lot. "
No. No no no. Fuck off. Exit this fucking universe and don't ever set foot here again. I hate you. What makes you think you have the right to butt into my personal busi-
"It's complicated." Jack. No. Fuck you, too. I hate all of you. Leave and never come back. "You see, Alex last ni -"
"No," Alex interrupted Jack's story, the interviewer looking very into the reaction she was getting. "Actually, surprisingly, we don't. Sorry to disappoint anybody out there who thought that." He was numb. Dead on the inside. Every memory of last night came flooding back into his brain, forcing to suffocate and drown him. It hurt more now than it did the night before. It was all finally starting to set in. How much of a dick he truly was last night, how rude he was for not apologizing. No wonder why she never called him back.
Suddenly, it all became too much.
"Excuse me," Too polite to say anything else, he bolted up from his chair and ran back towards the dressing rooms, leaving Jack all alone with this interviewer.
"Um.. I'm so sorry, you'll have to excuse us," He blurted before getting up and rushing out the door in pursuit of his best friend.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
The rest of the day dragged on by at a terribly slow pace. During soundcheck, Alex was on autopilot, fingers moving quickly on his guitar and memorized lyrics spilling out of his mouth. No meaning. No heart. He honestly hoped the show wasn't as shitty as soundcheck was, that he just had to get everything out now before the show.
Alex walked into a bathroom and leaned against the sink. Hours had gone by, and the show had already started. Out on the stage, he could hear Tay's voice mixing with Jordan's. Between the two of them, though, Tay's voice stood out more, the crowd cheering and screaming, obviously pleased. It made him want to get sick, as if the sound of her voice was almost too much to bear. He clenched his gut. He was able to sing along, he knew every word of every song they were singing tonight, each line bringing him one step closer to the edge. His head was spinning, his eyes screwed shut.
The door creaked open, making Alex gasp and look up into the mirror, and he instantly became more relaxed as he saw Jack's skunk hair appear in the tiny little space.
"Hey Lex, We Are The In Crowd just finished their set! Come on, we're up next, it's time to go!" Jack shouted into the bathroom, trying to raise his voice over the screaming fans.
The door slammed closed, Alex still looking up in the mirror. Accidentally, his eyes traveled to the bathroom walls, over to the stalls, until his eyes landed right on the man in the mirror. He accidentally kept on staring, looking into the glazed eyes of a hopeless boy who just wanted someone to understand where he was coming from.
He pushed off of the bathroom sink and walked out of the bathroom, making sure to slam the door, swallowing the bile rising in his throat.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
The show that night was awful. Between feeling sick and nauseous and not being able to keep his mind off of Tay. Fingers moved, sound came out. Mouth moved, words came out. Together, they created music. But without heart and dedication, it meant nothing. If you didn't put your blood, sweat, and tears into what you create, nobody's going to pay attention to what you're saying, or even really give two fucks. It was all or nothing in the music industry.
Alex made his way off stage, the screams coming from down below the stage barely audible to him. It was like they had just played a sold out show to nobody.
He walled. And walked. And wouldn't stop walking until he made his way into the dressing room, where he could break down and cry and puke and throw things if he wanted to.
But, what met him at the door was a bittersweet, unexpected surprise.
"Hey."
Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. No. Not here, not now. Anything but this. Any other time. Just not now.
"You told me to call?"
No. Fuck, fuck you, fuck off. Go away. Go the fuck away get away from me you stupid fucking cunt-
"Yeah, thank you so much for that," Alex simply stated before pushing her out of the way and walking into his dressing room, leaving the door wide open, almost inviting her in. He wanted her so badly, it hurt. It hurt and he could do absolutely nothing about it.
"Well, obviously I wasn't going to call you, you should've known! By the time I got your note, it was, like, one in the morning."
Yes. He should've known, because he's supposed to read her exact thoughts. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that thought was forwarded on to my brain.
"Besides, I was sleeping almost the entire night, because you gave me this fucking broken nose!" Her voice rose aggressively as her hand shot up to her face, pointer finger pointing at her swollen, crooked, black-and-blue nose. Sure, that was the real reason. Alex might've believed that for a second or two.
"Which is a lot more important than calling you, if you ask me."
"Yeah," He said. His stomach was churning again, any color he still had left in his cheeks dissipating. He felt nauseated. There was absolutely no way he was going to apologize to her after all she put him through. Right now, she was lucky she was even talking to him. He paced around the room, not sure what to do next. No way he was going to stop pacing, or else he might as well put a hole into the wall. No way he was going to stare into Tay's little beady brown eyes. Not yet.
"So, anyways, I was, um, wondering," She stared at the ground, blushing furiously, as if her shoes were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world at the moment. "Do you want to, uh... hang out tomorrow, maybe?"
Alex stopped dead in his tracks. He'd totally forgottten that tomorrow was their day off. No work, no fans, no interviews. Just relaxation time, which he planned to spend most of it on sleeping. But now, he wasn't exactly sure how to respond.
"Uh.."
"Since, you know, we're not doing anything tomorrow, I thought we could do something fun."
"Uh," Alex said again, fishing for words. He couldn't have been more happy. He was happy and angry and upset and anxious and still felt sick to his stomach. He thought of something to say, but failed to speak his thoughts.
Tay moved closer to where Alex was standing, basically standing on top of his shoes now. Slowly, cautiously, she took one of his hands, her smooth, soft fingers lightly tracing over the rose Alex had tattooed on it. She opened the palm of his hand and, despite the sticky and clamminess, placed something in it.
Something crumpled. Like a piece of paper.
She closed his fist before letting go and walking towards the door. The air where Tay was suddenly turned cold as she went to walk out of the room. So, this is how they were going to play now? By passing notes like kids in elementary school?
"See you tomorrow, then, I guess?" Tay called over her shoulder before quietly closing the door.
Alex didn't even have enough time to respond to what she said. He stared at his fist, still closed, clenching onto the little crumpled piece of paper like his life depended on it. He quickly uncrumpled it, eager to see what it said.
His eyes scanned over the words, one time, two times, five times, sixteen times. They lit up suddenly, his lips parting into the biggest smile he could make. His face hurt from smiling, and he laughed as he tossed the note on the side of a table in the dressing room.
Alex took a seat on the couch, lying down and resting his eyes before the rest of the band bursted through the doors, interrupting all the peace and quiet he was once able to enjoy.
Oh, yes, you'll see me tomorrow, don't you worry.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
426-728-0170
you call me first, ya big meanie :(
"Give it up, dude, it's 2 A.M., she's not gonna call you," It was Jack, who was still awake and waiting for his best friend to go to sleep. He yawned, stretching his arms toward the roof of the bus and groaned. "She's probably sleeping off the pain of her newly broken nose."
"Not funny," Alex retorted as Jack broke into a deep, hearty laugh. It was never funny when you loved someone with all your heart. Love was never a laughing matter when it caused physical aches and pains.
"Jack.. Have you ever liked a certain someone so much, it makes your chest hurt? Like, when they come into view and all of a sudden it's like you two are the only ones within a twenty mile radius? Your mouth gets really dry, your mind -"
"Goes completely blank, and you make a complete and utter fool of yourself, yeah, I've had that feeling before, I know where you're coming from."
Alex stopped abruptly in the middle of his pacing and cracked a huge smile. So he has felt this way before, and it was almost like he took the words right out of his mouth.
.. It was weird, trying to picture his best friend in the same situation and emotional state that he was currently in. It was just hard to wrap his mind around Jack Barakat, the most immature 24-year-old on the face of this planet, actually falling in love with a girl he liked.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Alex said, still smiling wide. He yawned.
"Look, man, why don't you just go to bed? You already know I'm not giving up on this phone call."
"And you already know I'm not going to sleep until you climb into your bunk yourself and go to bed."
"But Jack -"
"You're not going to win this argument, Strawberry Shortcake. Just face it."
Alex blushed. He hated it when Jack made fun of his pink hair, whether it was by calling him gay or fag, or coming up with nicknames to call him while they were on stage. He's come up with some pretty cruel ones before, and even if it was all fun and games, deep down he felt as if maybe he never should've dyed it like this in the first place.
Alex threw his hands up in the air, as if accepting defeat before slapping them against his jeans.
"Fine, Jack, alright. You win. Look, see? I'm climbing into my bunk and closing the curtain, okay? Now, you need to do the same. You promised."
Even though Alex could no longer see thanks to the closed curtain, Jack broke out into a wide grin, sighing and getting up off the couch he was laying on. He stretched once more, and moaned, "Alright, Lex. I did promise. You win."
Alex smirked and laughed quietly under his breath, shaking his head. Jack was an idiot. What made him think he was going to give up that easily? He fished his phone out of his pocket, pressing the "on" button, and sighed. The screen shone brightly in his eyes.
No missed calls.
Suddenly, the curtain shot open, making Alex jump up unexpectedly. Jack was on the other side, grinning innocently like a child, as if to say, "How dumb do you think I am?"
"Jesus fucking Christ -"
"If you truly, honestly thought I was really that stupid, you were completely wrong. Goodnight, Lex," Jack ruffled Alex's already-messy bedhead, which caused his best friend to giggle. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Alex called as Jack made his way into his own bunk, smiling at him for one last time before shutting his curtain.
Love you too. Did Alex really mean it? Of course he did, he meant it from the bottom of his heart and nothing could ever change that. Jack was his best friend in the entire world. It's alright if you acted gay with your best friend, right?
Best friends. Brothers. Nothing more. Sure, he meant it. He meant it with all of his heart and with every fiber of his body, but this was different.
A different kind of "I love you."
He loved Tay too, but not in the same way he loved Jack. The two were totally different.
Alex heaved another deep sigh, picking up his phone off of his stomach from where it landed when Jack invaded his privacy. He pressed the top button, and the screen lit up. 3:03 A.M.
He put his one cheek on the pillow and rested his phone on the other, smooth and cool against his skin. I can't believe her, he thought. Did she really have the audacity to not call him after all he went through today?
After about fifteen minutes of fighting to stay awake, Alex finally gave in. His eyelids fluttered shut, and before he knew it, he fell into a deep sleep.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
Alex awoke the next day, bright and a little too early for his comfort. Zack, Rian and Jack had all crept into the hallway, slid open Alex's bunk curtain, and sang some crap obnoxiously loud and horribly out of tune, hitting him repeatedly in the process. It was only a matter of time before Alex retaliated, slapping one of the three back in revenge.
This was no time for revenge, though. Alex's eyes shot wide open at the thought of his phone no longer being on his face. Where did it go? Did one of his bandmates take it? Did Tay even bother calling him like he told her to?
His hands instantly began to search under the covers, feeling for something cool and rectangular. He was wide awake now.
It only took him about two minutes to find it. Two minutes. Two minutes he could've wasted on something else, like showering or brushing his teeth or something, but this was by far more important than anything on his already-long to-do list.
He brought it up from under the sheets, illuminating the screen.
No missed calls.
Shattered, he let his phone drop from his hand back onto the bed, the phone bouncing back up slightly. Did she even get the fucking message? Did she lie when she told him she always went back to her dressing room to make sure she remembered everything?
No. Fuck this. Fuck her, that was the last time he ever tried being that nice for a girl who completely won his heart over. He wore his heart on his fucking sleeve for her, and she tore it right off, leaving a huge, gaping hole where his emotions ought to be. He was done. Done being used, done being a second choice.
He got up out if bed, ate, and changed, quickly realizing that no one else was on the bus. They must all be in the dressing room already, he thought as he walled out of the stale-smelling bus and into the crisp, fall breeze. He smiled and closed his eyes, taking everything in.
Fuck Tay. Fuck her entire band. Today was going to be the best show Alex played at in a long, long time.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
Alex passed the venue and headed straight for the dressing rooms. Everyone else was already there, just like he expected them to be; smiling and laughing and having silly singalongs. Soundcheck was soon, and afterwards was an interview, until it was time to go out and play for the fans. Sounded like a perfect day for someone who was trying to keep their mind off of someone else.
"About time you rolled your lazy ass out of bed," Rian said. Zack laughed and motioned for Alex to come take a seat next to him and Jack.
"Oh, and by the way, some last came by and told us that soundcheck was pushed back. We're doing the interview first, if that's okay with you."
"Yeah, it's fine," Alex stated flatly as he plopped his ass right down on a couch. Just so long as the interview didn't get cancelled. That would only just give him more time to think about Tay and all the mist -
A knocking at the door interrupted his though process.
"Who is it?" Jack said in a high-pitched, old lady-sounding voice. The rest of the band laughed.
"The interviewer wants to see..." She paused for a moment. "Alex Gaskarth and.. Jack Barakat in about ten minutes."
Fun, Alex thought. How long ago did the rest of the band get the memo? The least they could've done is yelled into the tour bus so he knew beforehand. He wasn't mentally ready for an interview in ten minutes.
He leaned back, sinking into the couch, letting his eyes roll into the back of his head. He didn't need people bossing him around and telling him what to do today. It just wasn't those kind of days.
Jack stood up, tapping Alex on the shoulder. Alex stared up into his chocolate brown eyes, struggling to keep them open. What he needed right now, was fucking sleep.
"We better get going, it's gonna take us at least five minutes to talk down to where the stage is."
Alex stood up much like a robot, turned, and exited out of the room. "Don't burn down the place while we're gone, alright?" Jack shouted behind his shoulder as Alex dragged him out the door and into the hallway.
The two boys walked down the hall, their eyes scanning every door and corner they passed. They made their way to the stage opening, looking around, not making eye contact or speaking one word to each other. Once again, Jack knew. He knew Alex stayed up all night waiting for the call he was never going to get. He knew he was beyond exhausted and upset, and Jack wasn't going to push him further away from everybody else by bringing it up again.
"There," Alex said, breaking the silence, making eye contact with a pretty girl sitting in what looked like a comfortable chair. Blonde curls fell down to her breasts, and she greeted them with a warm smile, motioning for them to come and join her.
"Hi, guys!" She said happily as Alex and Jack made their way over and tool a seat on either side of her. "Today I'm hanging out with Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat from All Time Low!"
Well, that's a start, Alex thought to himself, looking up at the ceiling panels. At least she didn't screw up our names or name the wrong band.
The interviewer went to town, rattling off a bunch of questions, some personal, some unique, but most of them were ones Alex had already answered dozens of times in about a trillion other interviews. How's the tour going for you guys so far? Any new plans for a new album or another tour? How are you liking this state so far? How was he supposed to fucking know? They were only in one state at a time, which isn't anywhere near the amount of time he would need to truly "admire" a certain state and it's aspects.
Still, he made his way through each question, lying and making sure to smile every now and again, despite the sadness he was truly feeling. "It's been great, everyone we've met on this tour is so awesome and nice, and it's just amazing to get to meet everybody. Thank you so much for supporting us and what we do, we can't tell you how much it truly means to us." Lies. Not everyone was awesome or nice. Tay wasn't either one of those. She was lucky she even qualified for his shit list.
"So, Alex! Question for you; everyone's been wondering, do you have anything going on with Tay Jardine of We Are The In Crowd? You seem to be caught with her an awful lot. "
No. No no no. Fuck off. Exit this fucking universe and don't ever set foot here again. I hate you. What makes you think you have the right to butt into my personal busi-
"It's complicated." Jack. No. Fuck you, too. I hate all of you. Leave and never come back. "You see, Alex last ni -"
"No," Alex interrupted Jack's story, the interviewer looking very into the reaction she was getting. "Actually, surprisingly, we don't. Sorry to disappoint anybody out there who thought that." He was numb. Dead on the inside. Every memory of last night came flooding back into his brain, forcing to suffocate and drown him. It hurt more now than it did the night before. It was all finally starting to set in. How much of a dick he truly was last night, how rude he was for not apologizing. No wonder why she never called him back.
Suddenly, it all became too much.
"Excuse me," Too polite to say anything else, he bolted up from his chair and ran back towards the dressing rooms, leaving Jack all alone with this interviewer.
"Um.. I'm so sorry, you'll have to excuse us," He blurted before getting up and rushing out the door in pursuit of his best friend.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
The rest of the day dragged on by at a terribly slow pace. During soundcheck, Alex was on autopilot, fingers moving quickly on his guitar and memorized lyrics spilling out of his mouth. No meaning. No heart. He honestly hoped the show wasn't as shitty as soundcheck was, that he just had to get everything out now before the show.
Alex walked into a bathroom and leaned against the sink. Hours had gone by, and the show had already started. Out on the stage, he could hear Tay's voice mixing with Jordan's. Between the two of them, though, Tay's voice stood out more, the crowd cheering and screaming, obviously pleased. It made him want to get sick, as if the sound of her voice was almost too much to bear. He clenched his gut. He was able to sing along, he knew every word of every song they were singing tonight, each line bringing him one step closer to the edge. His head was spinning, his eyes screwed shut.
The door creaked open, making Alex gasp and look up into the mirror, and he instantly became more relaxed as he saw Jack's skunk hair appear in the tiny little space.
"Hey Lex, We Are The In Crowd just finished their set! Come on, we're up next, it's time to go!" Jack shouted into the bathroom, trying to raise his voice over the screaming fans.
The door slammed closed, Alex still looking up in the mirror. Accidentally, his eyes traveled to the bathroom walls, over to the stalls, until his eyes landed right on the man in the mirror. He accidentally kept on staring, looking into the glazed eyes of a hopeless boy who just wanted someone to understand where he was coming from.
He pushed off of the bathroom sink and walked out of the bathroom, making sure to slam the door, swallowing the bile rising in his throat.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
The show that night was awful. Between feeling sick and nauseous and not being able to keep his mind off of Tay. Fingers moved, sound came out. Mouth moved, words came out. Together, they created music. But without heart and dedication, it meant nothing. If you didn't put your blood, sweat, and tears into what you create, nobody's going to pay attention to what you're saying, or even really give two fucks. It was all or nothing in the music industry.
Alex made his way off stage, the screams coming from down below the stage barely audible to him. It was like they had just played a sold out show to nobody.
He walled. And walked. And wouldn't stop walking until he made his way into the dressing room, where he could break down and cry and puke and throw things if he wanted to.
But, what met him at the door was a bittersweet, unexpected surprise.
"Hey."
Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. No. Not here, not now. Anything but this. Any other time. Just not now.
"You told me to call?"
No. Fuck, fuck you, fuck off. Go away. Go the fuck away get away from me you stupid fucking cunt-
"Yeah, thank you so much for that," Alex simply stated before pushing her out of the way and walking into his dressing room, leaving the door wide open, almost inviting her in. He wanted her so badly, it hurt. It hurt and he could do absolutely nothing about it.
"Well, obviously I wasn't going to call you, you should've known! By the time I got your note, it was, like, one in the morning."
Yes. He should've known, because he's supposed to read her exact thoughts. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that thought was forwarded on to my brain.
"Besides, I was sleeping almost the entire night, because you gave me this fucking broken nose!" Her voice rose aggressively as her hand shot up to her face, pointer finger pointing at her swollen, crooked, black-and-blue nose. Sure, that was the real reason. Alex might've believed that for a second or two.
"Which is a lot more important than calling you, if you ask me."
"Yeah," He said. His stomach was churning again, any color he still had left in his cheeks dissipating. He felt nauseated. There was absolutely no way he was going to apologize to her after all she put him through. Right now, she was lucky she was even talking to him. He paced around the room, not sure what to do next. No way he was going to stop pacing, or else he might as well put a hole into the wall. No way he was going to stare into Tay's little beady brown eyes. Not yet.
"So, anyways, I was, um, wondering," She stared at the ground, blushing furiously, as if her shoes were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world at the moment. "Do you want to, uh... hang out tomorrow, maybe?"
Alex stopped dead in his tracks. He'd totally forgottten that tomorrow was their day off. No work, no fans, no interviews. Just relaxation time, which he planned to spend most of it on sleeping. But now, he wasn't exactly sure how to respond.
"Uh.."
"Since, you know, we're not doing anything tomorrow, I thought we could do something fun."
"Uh," Alex said again, fishing for words. He couldn't have been more happy. He was happy and angry and upset and anxious and still felt sick to his stomach. He thought of something to say, but failed to speak his thoughts.
Tay moved closer to where Alex was standing, basically standing on top of his shoes now. Slowly, cautiously, she took one of his hands, her smooth, soft fingers lightly tracing over the rose Alex had tattooed on it. She opened the palm of his hand and, despite the sticky and clamminess, placed something in it.
Something crumpled. Like a piece of paper.
She closed his fist before letting go and walking towards the door. The air where Tay was suddenly turned cold as she went to walk out of the room. So, this is how they were going to play now? By passing notes like kids in elementary school?
"See you tomorrow, then, I guess?" Tay called over her shoulder before quietly closing the door.
Alex didn't even have enough time to respond to what she said. He stared at his fist, still closed, clenching onto the little crumpled piece of paper like his life depended on it. He quickly uncrumpled it, eager to see what it said.
His eyes scanned over the words, one time, two times, five times, sixteen times. They lit up suddenly, his lips parting into the biggest smile he could make. His face hurt from smiling, and he laughed as he tossed the note on the side of a table in the dressing room.
Alex took a seat on the couch, lying down and resting his eyes before the rest of the band bursted through the doors, interrupting all the peace and quiet he was once able to enjoy.
Oh, yes, you'll see me tomorrow, don't you worry.
♥ ♦ ♣ ♠
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you call me first, ya big meanie :(