The Negative Struggles of a Teenage Mind

My pain is a lasting one. One I don't think will go away in time. My heart is aching, as it has been for a long time. Who knows what will happen.

I write to stay busy. To feel the familiar ache in my wrist as it drifts to my fingers the longer I push on. I write to get out of my own head, to release the pressure of my negative thoughts so maybe I can write a happy ending for someones life I can actually control. I share my writings so people can feel how I feel, exactly as I feel it. Maybe then they'll understand my twisted thoughts.

My throat hurts with the ache of tears I won't let myself cry. My mind hurts with the build up of stress, hate, and OCD. A lovely potion for disaster if you ask me.

I'm not tempted to kill myself. I just see no point in the present. I force myself to look into the murky future, but I can't see. The one thing I'm hopeful for is my future. It has to be better, right?

I watch through a tunnel as everyone around me walks on. Seemingly without a care. I'm left the only one haunted by my nightmares, I force a smile through false bravado. I wonder, often, if anyone ever catches when my smile falters for a moment as I drift from this world into the grasp of the demons in my own.

It's a daily struggle. I fight with myself constantly. Looking around suddenly, like a trapped animal to see if anyone notices. I beat myself up over the feelings of hatred for myself, and those around me. I see little worth in the things I glance at as I pass. It all seems pointless; living. Everyone dies in the end; all we're doing is waiting to die. I struggle to stay calm, to look calm as I waste away my life.

I'm floating through the days, fighting the inevitable sink into the abyss of the dark and grasping depression bound not to let me go. Why fight for the one thing in my life bound to flit away in such a short time? After all, happiness is neverlasting.