Severed Feelings

When I get home from work on Thursday, I’m surprised to see John sitting on the edge of the sofa in a white button up and decent (non-holey) black jeans. For a second, I wonder if I’m dreaming or if this is really happening, and it isn’t until he looks at my still form in the doorway and quirks an eyebrow up at me that I realize that this is real.

I’m not dreaming or fantasizing.

It’s the second Thursday of the month - our official date night. It’s the one time of the month that we set aside for each other when John’s not touring to have actual couple time together. We haven’t actually gone in a few months, so I’m shocked to the point of motionless to see him getting prepared to go for once.

Sensing my hesitation, John rises from the sofa and shoots me an uneasy smile. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want… I made reservations at SALT and everything but I can cancel…”

“No. No, I want to go… I just… I wasn’t expecting this. I almost forgot…” It’s a lie. Thursday date nights have been tradition for John and I since we’d first gotten together. Nothing could make me forget something that was so tied to our relationship. “Let me go freshen up…”

Setting my purse on the nearest surface, I scurry off to our bedroom and pull out a red dress that Joslyn decided to retire and donate to my pretty dismal collection of “sexy” dresses. With a fresh swipe of red lipstick over my mouth, a light powdering and twisting my hair into the quickest and best updo I can manage, I decide that this is as good as it’s getting with such short notice.

When I step back into the living room, John is just finishing up his look with suspenders. I watch in silence as he struggles for a moment before he finally manages to get them exactly how he wants them. When he looks up, he gives me the best embarrassed smile - one that I haven’t seen in a while.

“Ready?” he asks.

I nod, unable to help the smile that spreads across my face. I feel shy, nervous. My stomach is swirling with butterflies and it feels like I’m back on my first date with him.

Our first date had been a glorious, wonderful disaster for so many reasons but I didn’t want it to change. I mean, it was hard to top getting to go on a date with the boy you’d only ever fantasized over.

SALT is busy, but it’s not as crowded as it used to be. Our server recognizes us as she hands us menus. “It’s been a while,” she says, bright smile crossing over her face.

I glance to John and find myself smiling back at her despite his awkward shift in his seat. “Yeah, it has,” I admit politely.

The feeling of John’s hand ghosting over mine sends another wave of butterflies rolling in my stomach. When I glance back to him, he has a small smile on his face as his gaze flickers between me and the server. “Hopefully this will become a regular thing again,” he admits.

John’s trying to kill me with happiness. My heart jump-starts in my chest at the prospect of us bringing some sense of normalcy back to our lives.

When the nice server takes our drink orders I turn to face John as he puzzles over the menu. He doesn’t have to, but he does. Every single time. Even when we both know that he’s going to order the chicken parmesan.

“Were you being serious?” I ask mostly because I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment.

John glances up, his green eyes meeting mine before closing the menu and setting it aside. He looks so good, his hair shorter - how I like it. His eyes were especially green today. “Yeah, I was. I’ve missed this.”

I still don’t want to get overly excited, but I can’t help the feeling that erupts in my chest.

John smiles and takes my hand in his again, pressing my knuckles to his lips. “Have I told you that you look incredibly beautiful today?”

I don’t know what to say. It’s been such a long time since we’ve been like this with each other that it feels like we have to start fresh. I resort to blushing and shying away, mumbling a thank you.

John thinks my reaction is cute because he laughs quietly. “I was thinking…” he starts.

“You were thinking?” I shoot back in a moment of confidence.

John frowns overdramatically but presses on regardless. “Maybe after this we could go for a drive?”

“Really?” It comes out in a blurt and I feel myself trying to retract my shocked expression.

We occasionally took a drive out to the desert and spent the night doing whatever we so pleased - talking, screwing, cuddling, dancing, stargazing. We hadn’t done that since… I couldn’t even remember.

“Yeah. Do you think you can be late to work tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

I hadn’t seen John like this in a long time: hopeful, happy, back to how he was pre-calamity. If we could stay in this mood forever, I would have called work and told them that I was quitting.

“I don’t think anyone will mind…” I say.

A smile breaks out on John’s face. I have to resist the urge to lean across the table and kiss him. He looks so happy and I actually feel something other than a hollowness.

I can’t help but to wonder what’s changed.

“Good, because I already packed everything,” he admits.

I stare at him in amazement. Something has definitely changed and I’m both suspicious and too excited and shocked to care. “You do?”

His smile doesn’t falter. “Surprise Savannah.”

This time I can’t help it. I lean up in my seat and cup his cheeks in my palms. Pressing our noses together, I feel the slight bump in mine against the curve of his. “I don’t know what to make of this,” I admit, “but I like it.” Pressing my lips to his, I’m forced to pull away too quickly for my liking when the server returns to our table with our beverages.

“Do you know what you’d like to order?” she asks.

I stack the menus and hand them to her. “I’ll have the cheese ravioli,” I say before glancing to John.

He looks like the easy going boy from high school leaned back in his chair, arm resting on the one beside him, perfectly and utterly content - as if he didn’t have a storm that been raging under the surface lately.

“I’ll have the chicken parmesan.”

I can’t help but to smile. It finally feels like things are shifting.