Carry On

I woke up in my room, even though I had no memory of making the trip upstairs. The last thing I remembered was eating dinner and taking my pill before watching television. There was really nothing else to be done since I didn't have homework anymore. I sighed, leaning back in my pillow before a rock hit my window, "What the fuck?" I muttered, rolling out of bed at the sound of another tap. I walked over, tossing the window open and looking out off my balcony, "What do you want, Michael?" I asked. He was in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. The chill was coming in slowly, and he had a beanie covering part of his head. Little pieces of dark hair peeking out from underneath.

"I want to talk to you," He stated.

"Yeah, well it's fucking eight in the morning," I growled.

"Liz, it's almost noon," He fired back, crossing his arms over his chest smugly.

"Why aren't you in school, then?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Doesn't matter. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because I'm not in the fucking mood."

"Is this because of Amanda and Alicia?" He asked and I growled, "I'm not like them. You know that deep down. Just come down and talk to me."

"Have you ever heard of a front door?" I asked and he scratched the back of his head.

"Your Dad's car is in the driveway."

"And?" I shrugged.

"And? Well your Dad scares the shit out of me for starters." I rolled my eyes and I saw him sigh, "Why are you pushing me away when you need me right now?"

"Who the fuck said I needed you?" I asked and he shrugged.

"We all need a friend once in a while. Especially when we're going through a hard time." I was silent, staring down at him. His shoulders remained strong, his face not faltering once, "I heard what happened yesterday. Johnson's a bitch. You didn't deserve that."

"Yeah, what's it to you?" I asked and before he could answer we heard a door open.

"Hey, who the fuck are you? Why the fuck are you on my property?" I heard Dad ask as he walked out into the driveway. He was already dressed, a menacing look in his eye as he eyed Michael.

"It's Michael, Dad. You met his father at a show sophomore year," I told him as I leaned over the balcony to get a view of both of them, but Dad remained tense.

"Uh, sorry. I just wanted to talk to Liza," Michael said, "To see if she was okay," He added quickly before Dad could question him.

"Ever heard of a front door?" Dad asked and Michael smiled.

"I was afraid to knock, to be honest. I knew Liza's window was over here," He explained.

Dad huffed and looked up at me, "Are you gonna talk with him or do you want me to beat the shit out of him?" Dad asked and I sighed.

"You don't need to beat anyone, Dad. Jesus," I huffed and Dad nodded, eyeing Michael one more time before retrieving back inside. I turned back to Michael, "I'll be down in a minute," I said before shutting my window.

I walked to my closet, throwing on a pair of jeans and a pull-over sweatshirt. I didn't care that the infamous Deathbat logo adorned the front. I just wanted to be warm. I pulled a beanie on and a scarf before slipping on my boots. By the time I opened my door, Dad was already there.

"Who is he?" He asked.

"Michael. You remember him, Dad. His dad is the guy who produces all those pop albums," I said and Dad nodded, "And he's being a friend since all my other ones left," I said and he raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know Amanda and Alicia weren't your friends. When did that happen?" He asked, appalled.

I sighed, "When I got back to school they wouldn't talk to me," I answered softly.

"That's not your fault, Liz. They're just immature," He stated.

"Yeah, well so is every one else," I replied and began to walk away. He watched me descend down the stairs before stopping me by calling my name.

"I'm going to the studio today. Just make sure he has you home by dinner, okay?" He asked and I nodded, "We're going to book your trip tonight," He added, a little more sadly than I intended.

"Okay," I agreed before heading out the door.

Dad tried to remain unseen as he peeked out of the front window. He watched as I got into Michael's new Mercedes and we drove off.

"Your Dad is fucking terrifying," He stated and I scoffed.

"He's nothing to be afraid of."

"Says you," He laughed, "Everyone at the school is terrified of your Dad. Especially after he got Johnson fired," He said and I quickly turned to him, eyebrow raised.

"What?" I questioned and he nodded, looking at me like I was stupid.

"You didn't know?" He asked and I shook my head, "They had an emergency staff meeting last night after a lawyer showed up sixth period. She got booted last night. We have a sub for the rest of the year and the entire school is getting an inspection soon. Your Dad's lawyer really scared the shit out of the staff," He said and my eyes were wide.

"I didn't think he was serious," I said softly. I knew Dad was pissed, but I honestly didn't think he would go through with the whole lawyer thing. He was on the phone in his office yesterday after lunch, but I had just assumed that he was talking to the guys about the album.

He shrugged, "Johnson's a bitch. Always has been. The majority of the senior class is actually praising you. It took her two periods to calm down after you left."

"Oh," I ran a hand through my hair, "Well, I'm not going back so I guess it doesn't matter."

"Where are you going?"

"Online, probably. Dad's sick of schools anyways. He's always hated teachers. Probably because they all hated him in high school." He nodded and we were silent for a while, "Is everyone really afraid of him?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "His name is Synyster," He emphasized, "Look at him, Liza. He's over six feet tall and he's covered in tattoos, plays for a rock band, and could probably break anyone in half over his knees. Not to mention the really big guy who's always around. I forgot his name..." He shrugged.

"Matt," I reminded him, "Yeah I guess I can see how they could be intimidating. But they're a bunch of pansies. Don't let the looks fool you."

"I highly doubt your Dad is a pansy," He laughed, "Maybe just to you, but that's because your his daughter. I definitely wouldn't want to get on his bad side."

"Speaking of which, I need to be home by six for dinner," I told him, "If I'm a minute late he probably will break you."

"Any special plans?" He asked.

"We're booking my trip to New York to visit my Mom," I answered just as we pulled up to the beach. It wasn't Huntington, though. This was Newport, which I was always more fond of anyways. It was a cloudy Thursday, and not a soul was on the beach except for the scattered lifeguards. He parked and we got out, taking strides towards the cool sand. We walked closer to shore, and I hugged my jacket to my body.

He sighed and looked at me as I continued to look out to the shore, "Do you really think that's a good idea?" He asked. I turned and looked to him, "I mean... Are you going to like what you find over there?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You're searching for a better relationship with your Mom, Liz. I can see that. But that doesn't mean you're going to get it. I'm not saying she's a bad mother...," He paused, "What I'm trying to say is that what you expect and what you'll get are two different things."

I sighed and looked back to the ocean, "I just..." I shook my head, "I haven't seen her in seven years. I've only heard her voice. I haven't hugged her," I could feel my voice crack, "In seven years... I love my Dad, Michael. But there will always be something missing. And flying out for a few days is the closest thing I'll get to filling that space."

He nodded, "I know it's hard, but I have no room to talk. I wouldn't know what you're going through," He said softly as another tear rolled down my cheek. He sighed and wrapped an arm around me, pulling in before engulfing me in a hug. I buried my face in the warmth of his jacket, hoping and wishing to just disappear.

One day I would.

-

Brian sat in a daze, not listening to a single word his friend was saying to him. All he could think about was his daughter, and the fact that she was going to be leaving him in just a few days, "Are you even listening to me, Gates?" Matt asked exasperatedly.

Brian looked to him, a sad look in his eyes, "No."

Matt sighed and sat down next to him, "What's going on?"

Brians hook his head, "I don't want her to go," He said softly.

"She's going to come back," Matt said.

"I know that," Brian replied, "But I also know that she's going to come back unhappy."

Matt watched his friend. His eyes were dull and his hands were shaking. He could see how tense he was just sitting there. He couldn't keep still. Either his fingers were twitching or his foot was tapping, "What else is going on, Bri?" Matt asked, his voice soft and cautious. Brian shook his head rapidly, "You know bottling it up isn't going to make it any better..."

"What does she want from her!?" Brian exclaimed suddenly, causing Matt to jump up in shock, "What could she possibly want from Michelle, huh!? Why does she feel the need to go all the way to fucking New York for her!? For for the first time in her eighteen years we've finally reached a point where things are good. Our relationship is fine. What else could she possibly need!?" Brian yelled and Matt cringed, "Why am I never good enough!?" Brian threw his head in his hands, fighting to hold back his tears. Matt watched as his friend cracked, approaching him cautiously.

"Brian," He said softly, "Just because you feel everything is finally working out, doesn't mean she's finally happy."

Brian hung his head low, "Why can't she just be happy here?"

Matt sighed and sat down next to his friend, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You guys could have the most perfect relationship. Everything could be fucking rainbows and butterflies, but that doesn't mean she'll feel okay. She misses her Mom, Brian. I know it's hard to understand, but there's something there that you can't fill. It has nothing to do with you."

"But why can't she see that she's going to get hurt?" Brian asked, his voice weak, "She's going to see her mother push her away again. And when she comes back she's going to be broken again. I can't lose her again." Brian shook his head, "I can't do it."

"You have to let her go. If it doesn't happen now, it'll happen later. It's better this happens before she gets older."

Brian sighed, putting his head in his hands, "I just can't see her hurt again."

"You're gonna have to. Because it's going to happen. You just need to know that the storm is coming."

"That doesn't mean I'm ready for it."