Carry On

I made Dad promise to not bring Matt over, because I couldn't handle both of them yelling at me. I've had too much of that lately. That didn't stop him from flipping his lid when we stepped inside.

"What the fuck is your problem!?" He screamed.

Everything.

He was huffing and puffing, out of breath from all of the screaming he had done. I was denied my car, because he found out about me skipping practice. I didn't see the big deal because I knew my music anyways. He also was upset that I didn't tell him I was going to the beach trip, because all of the other parents knew apparently.

I stared out past him. I had zoned out after a while. My mind drifted and all I was thinking about was how sweet it would be to just fall asleep and never wake up. My eyes wandered to the floor, where I pictured myself in a pool of my own blood. Imagine Dad walking in to that one.

You wish.

"Why aren't you looking at me?" Dad asked and I looked up at him. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. Did he want me to tell him how I pictured myself dead on his expensive carpet? Blood is a hell of a stain to remove. "This whole... act is getting old, Liza. The whole rebellious, 'I don't give a shit' facade is dumb. Why can't you just be a normal teenager?"

I was never normal.

We were silent for a moment and I suddenly felt heavy. I just wanted sleep. I hadn't slept more than an hour in the past two days. Homework had kept me up all night, and by the time I finished I needed to get ready for school.

"I'm going out," He stated suddenly, pacing across the room to put his shoes on and grab his keys. He grabbed his coat from the closet, "Don't wait up. Go to bed early. I'm dropping you off at school tomorrow."

If I'm still alive.

-

I felt like a zombie when four o-clock rolled around. Despite my countless efforts to close my eyes and sleep, I couldn't. I sat up, thinking about everything that had happened in the past week. I thought about all of the homework I had yet to complete, the college applications I had yet to fill out. Dad still wasn't home, so I decided that I would just take a day off from school. I knew deep down I couldn't afford to be behind a day, but I so desperately just wanted to sleep. Dad said he'd be back to take me to school, but he hasn't shown. I suppose I could call the guys to ask for his whereabouts, but I just decided not to.

I picked up the phone and sighed. New York was three hours ahead, and I'm sure Mom would be too oblivious to wonder why I wasn't at school, "Hello?" She answered.

"Hey, Mom," I said softly and there was a thick pause.

"Hey, Sweetie. How are you?" She asked.

Horrible.
"I'm fine," I answered.

"How is everything?"

Wrong. Everything is wrong.
"Everything is fine, Mom."

"That's wonderful. Senior year must be so exciting! Did you get the new clothes I sent you?" She asked and I looked to my closet. She had sent me a box of clothes from one of her designer friends some time ago. I kept the clothes, even though I knew I wouldn't wear them. Mom didn't see me, so how would she know how I dressed?

"Yeah, they're awesome. Thank you," I said.

"I knew you would like them. They won't be debuted until Fashion Week. But you get a little sneak peak since you are my daughter," She giggled, "Your birthday is coming up."

I'm surprised you remembered.
"Yeah, just a couple of weeks I guess."

"What do you want for your birthday?" She asked, her voice excited. I knew she wanted me to ask about the new Céline purses, or maybe her own fashion line but I wouldn't. I didn't care.

"Well, it would be nice to see you," I mentioned and there was a thick pause, almost as if she were debating it. Which she was. For every birthday and Christmas present since I was eleven I asked to see her, and only got my gift once. Even then, she really only came to California because she needed to settle things with my father in court and finalize their divorce.

"I'm awfully busy, Sweetie. You know your birthday is just around the corner of Fashion Week and I can't find the time to fly all the way to California," She explained.

I know.
"Oh, yeah, I understand... Um, what if I went to New York?" I asked cautiously and I could have sworn I heard her gasp.

"You want to come to New York? Without your father?" She asked, almost in shock.

"Well, yeah. Maybe I could go to Fashion Week with you? I'll be eighteen and I think that's old enough to take a plane ride alone," I said.

"Alone?" She sighed, "Well, I'll talk to Val. Maybe she can come with you. It will be so exciting to have you here for Fashion Week!" She exclaimed.

"If Aunt Val goes, Matt has to stay... right?" I asked and she chuckled.

"Yes, he has to stay. Anyways, I have to go, Sweetie. I have a photoshoot in an hour. Love you!" She exclaimed before hanging up. I sighed, tossing my phone to the side. It was only four fifteen, but I figured if Dad wasn't home by now, he wouldn't be home in time to take me to school.

After two more hours of eluded sleep, I had enough. I wanted to scream. I picked up my phone once more and scrolled down through the contacts. Again, Dad wasn't home. It was nearing seven, the time I should be leaving for school. I scrolled past his number and straight to my friend Michael's.

"Hello?" He answered as if he were in a hurry.

"Have you left for school yet?" I asked, hopeful that he would say no.

"I'm trying to right now. I'm running late," He stated.

"Mind being late this one time for me?" I questioned and I heard the rustling stop and he sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't fucking sleep. Can you bring me something?" I asked, "I'll pay you double," I offered.

"No, Liza. You know you never have to pay me double," He sighed and paused for a moment, and I let him think, "I need to get Cory his stash before eight because he's leaving for the CIF game," He explained of our other pot-smoking friend, Cory. He was in football and a hell of an athlete, but still enjoyed toking it every once in a while, "I can swing by really quick and give you yours first."

"Really!? Thank you, thank you, thank you," I breathed.

"Don't worry about it. I'll be there in ten. I have to make this really quick."

"Okay. Thank you so much, Michael. Love you," I smiled and he chuckled.

"Love you too, Liz," He stated before hanging up.

Now, I just waited for sleep.